Natwerk Designs

Does this TOOOO have Two many Oh's?

Complicated Stuff Explained Original poem by Frederic (Parens by Happy Hiram) When I consider how the world unfolds (Like a cardboard version made of purile words) And that half of its time is spent in dark (Desperately seeking a creative curve.) How do we understand from black life's spark? (When the telling of it ain't elucidatin'.) As time in motion brings new life untold (For thematic pace, we are still waitin'.) Dare I dwell on nature's designs, or prayer? (Dare you dwell on anything less boring?) Should I serve petrified words from Gods? (with a Greek chorus of my audience snoring?) As time circles the frightened world we trod; (cliches, bad scansion, archaism - how odd;) or wars virus, humanities slayer (A meaningless line, read like pompous sod.) Will time bury our bones as those before? (Or will we just bury ourselves like self-basting hams?) When man was born in caves with painted hands (and some there still write "running deer" anagrams) Where life was as young as white ocean sands (Before poets had the capacity to bore.) And passing seasons was a hungered* store (Were for was, *but God knows what that adjective's for.)   Had darkness not been half our life time spent; (trying to decipher what Plutarch here meant;) Would we have changed our selfish minds content? (Am I satisfied or filled? Which content was his intent?) The original poem: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Aj.gE.V99zxMKfL52Ol3Jx.n5HNG;_ylv=3?qid=20111013122340AAwMc8w I don't waste my time on hacks (except maybe Neon-Sahib) but Frederic only wants roses so he blocks me out. It makes me mad that one of the best on here is so spineless. It makes me sad too. (My own poem I mean.)

Public Comments

1. Happy...this is just sad...and unnecessarily mean. How's come? Fredric's a purty nice guy!?! Just wonderin'?!?
2. I'm not impressed.
3. HH, I love Fredric to bits hes a great poet , thank god for the power of speech and does it really matter what form of words are uttered he communicates with us in his own way.. we all do this in the first five years of are life ... bringing are thoughts into existence .. Even people who have physical injury .. like head injury or Strokes tumours have the right to write .. don't make peoples poetry your victim ... I love your poetry and your posts Thank you x