Natwerk Designs

College Essay: Can you Correct?

Can you edit this ?? :) Sound filled the auditorium, and I immediately became immersed in the music. The glittering candles burning vibrantly in the night, the brightly colored saris, and of course the various types of traditional dancing, altogether this describes my culture. This was the night of one of the largest Hindu festivals of the year, Diwali (the festival of lights). At once I was reminded of my visit to India and of all of my experiences there. This colorful atmosphere is what has influenced me the most in life, when it comes to making decisions, also it constantly encourages me to be creative, and it has always showed me the importance of tolerance of others. To enrich the UWM community I will bring with me my appreciation for my traditions and its values. Ever since I was little my parents have explained to me how important our culture is regardless of where we live. Although we moved to America when I was two my parents encourage me to take part in various Indian traditions, such as the Diwali festival. These principles have helped shape me as a well rounded person and have always pushed me in the right direction. At UWM I would continue to make good decisions and strive to set good examples for others. For example, the principal of our high school asked me to be a guest speaker at the elementary schools D.A.R.E. graduation, because of my positive involvement in the Peers with Impact program. Colorful is the one word that describes my culture above all. All aspects of Indian tradition are colorful and in my opinion the vibrant colors used in clothing and art spread joy. For instance, during the time of Diwali my brother and I use our creativity to make Rangoli, a design made from an assortment of colors of beans and colored powder. We always have a great time doing this and try a different design each year, sometimes we even use tea light candles. The most important thing my heritage has taught me is to be tolerant of others and other cultures. In return, because of this I have learned a great deal about other cultures and their values. For instance, I have gone to my friends church and taken part in their Sunday activities. As I visited UWM in the summer I observed the diverse population and am ready to learn more about different cultures. If accepted in UWM I will take all of my values and share them with the students there “Culture is the widening of the mind and of the spirit.”(Nehru, Jawaharlal). I am a very well-rounded person and will continue to be a good role model making the right decisions in college. Also I will bring my creativity and take part in many clubs that interest me. I am prepared to share my culture and eager to learn from other people’s culture. With these characteristics I will be a good student at UWM.

Public Comments

1. It's a great essay--it really shows who you are and about your culture. Just a few things: "...traditional dancing, altogether this describes my culture." This isn't a complete sentence. It should be something like "...traditional dancing, combine to describe my culture." or something like that. "To enrich the UWM community I will bring with me my appreciation for my traditions and its values." This is fantastic. Perfect for a college essay. "Colorful is the one word that describes my culture above all." This should start a new paragraph. "The most important thing my heritage has taught me is to be tolerant of others and other cultures." Perhaps another new paragraph. This is a quintessential example of a college essay. Great job. :)