Natwerk Designs

Can u proof read this essay and comment and change my errors/ use beter word if needed?-Part 2?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AtRLD9ZzUWdEnV7khUBZm9Psy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20081015021303AARNXUR - tat link to the first part of my essay ( introduction and 1 body paragraph ... if u want to read it of course) Unfortunately, during the past few years -- especially these two years--i, myself, had many difficulties that influenced me to become a compulsive exerciser which "cause long-lasting health problems..."(58). During high school at Milpitas, in San Jose, CA, i join a Track and Field team. In order to be on the team and represent our school, we must reach a requirement that the coach previously had set up in the past. Each day our coach made us ran from 3:00 pm, when school's out, until 6:00pm at night. I can recall the first day of running; it was the worst incensed running in the history of my life. This was where my compulsive exercising started. Although, i won a medal at CCS(Central Coast Section-- also known asa competition of the best of the best athlete in one area), it was not enough for my coach, coach Pham. He said, " i've expected more from you." i knew that its was another way to say congratulations because he has extremely high standards; therefore, he would forced us to train in the morning, even though we trained in the afternoon. Soon after a month of running, i started to feel tired and overwhelming lack of energy. Because iron helps the body to be less tired, i thought my body was missing; nonetheless, it was not that. I did what most teenager dos, ignored the facts and obeyed the coach. He said " It's noting!" - he was angry because i asked him about about my condition a couple times. Ironically, i believed coach Pham and kept running. Soon afterwards, when i got home on a Monday night, my mom realized that i was paler than usual. As soon as she said that, i ran into the bathroom and noticed that i was paler, and skinnier than before; therefore i yanked out a scale and weighed myself. "100lbs!" i exclamed. The doctor diagnose me with an eating disorder. He explained that i was not consuming enough Calcium; thus, compulsive running had impaired my abilities to losed track of my outstanding health and; concequently, caused me to be in the hospital for weeks. Binge eating, anorexia, bulimia, and compulsive exercising are various factors that contributed to eating disorders. the obsession of achieving perfection promotes the body to do outrageous scenarios that can cause a permanent damage to the human body. The crucial attention on promoting the perfect Body Images has impaired our visions of perfections. The perceptions of television and exercises has significantly become the main problems of eating disorder. Now, people do not have to achieve the new ideal image, if this knowledge of binge eat, anorexia, bulimia and compulsive exercise gets out.

Public Comments

1. Unfortunately, during the past few years -- especially these last two years--I, myself, had many difficulties that compelled me to become a compulsive exerciser which "cause long-lasting health problems..."(58). During high school at Milpitas, in San Jose, CA, I joined a Track and Field team. In order to be on the team and represent our school, we had to reach a requirement that the coach previously had set up in the past. Each day our coach made us run from 3:00 pm, when school's out, until 6:00pm at night. I can recall the first day of running; it was the worst (incensed)? running in the history of my life. This was where my compulsive exercising started. Although, I won a medal at CCS (Central Coast Section-- also known as a competition of the best of the best athletes in one area), it was not enough for my coach, he said " I expected more from you." I knew that its was another way to say congratulations because he had extremely high standards, therefore he would force us to train in the morning, even though we trained in the afternoon. Soon after a month of running, I started to feel tired and an overwhelming lack of energy. Because iron helps the body to be less tired, I thought my body was missing it,but , it was not that. I did what most teenagers do: - ignored the facts and obeyed the coach. He said " It's nothing!" - he was angry because I asked him about about my condition a couple times. Ironically, I believed coach Pham and kept running. Soon afterwards, when I got home on a Monday night, my mom realized that I was paler than usual. As soon as she said that, I ran into the bathroom and noticed that I was paler, and skinnier than before; therefore I yanked out a scale and weighed myself. "100lbs!" I exclaimed. The doctor diagnosed me with an eating disorder. He explained that I was not consuming enough Calcium, thus, compulsive running had impaired my abilities to keep track of my health and, consequently, caused me to be in the hospital for weeks. Binge eating, anorexia, bulimia, and compulsive exercising are various factors that contribute to eating disorders. The obsession of achieving perfection compels people to do outrageous things that can cause permanent damage to the human body. The crucial attention on promoting the perfect Body Images has impaired our visions of perfection. The perceptions of television and exercises have significantly become the main problems of eating disorder. Now, people do not have to achieve the new ideal image, if this knowledge of binge eat, anorexia, bulimia and compulsive exercise gets out.