Natwerk Designs

Read my Story!!!! Chapter 2?

This is Chapter 2 Chapter 2 Did it all last nite so not v good... P.S im eleven As soon as he touched the ground, Jamie started running. He had no time to think, only one dominating thought sat in his mind. Run! The slam of the fire door had only caused momentary confusion, and the angry cop was soon hot on Jamie’s heels. He rounded the front of the building and sprinted past the entrance. Jamie vaulted over a steel barrier, taking out an old codger with a walking frame in the process. The copper tailed, gradually gaining ground. Jamie soon reached the end of the carpark, and so diverted his course across the street towards a rusted bike rack, designed for use by the patrons of the small McDonalds outlet directly opposite. Jamie was relieved to find a muddy red GT chained to the rail. He fished a small penknife out from his side pocket, slowly sawing his way through the plastic chain, the officer now on the other side of the street. Frustrated, Jamie lashed out with his foot, snapping the weakened chain. A few people inside the shop craned their necks, or pushed their faces up to the glass, to get a better look at what was causing the commotion. Behind Jamie the chasing cop was trying unsuccessfully to halt the traffic with his baton, and almost got flattened, when a dark Nissan sped past at over fifty miles an hour. Jamie wasted no time, jumping on the bike, mounting the curb in one clean movement, and pedaling off around the street corner. As Jamie cycled, jumbled thoughts raced through his weary head. He was in deep trouble, by far the worst of his life. He wanted to stop, but his aching body struggled on. Jamie headed west, towards Chelsea. Over the last few years, Jamie had become accustomed to the bustling London streets, and so weaved confidently through the city. Meanwhile, the chasing officer had slowed to a stop, abandoning his hopeless chase. His hand strayed towards his belt, clutching his radio transmitter from its holster. He raised it to his mouth, trembling slightly as he radioed his current position and situation to all available units in the area. Jamie’s heart raced as he slid through a puddle and around another corner, the bikes loud freewheel startling a group of clubbers out of the gutter. The rain began to pelt down and bullet-like drops speared his sweaty flesh from above. Still Jamie cycled on, crossing a road and rolling over an overflowed drain before riding up the curb. He sped through another puddle, splashing water up the sides of his pants. Further ahead Jamie spotted one of the many London tube stations, the domed structure glowing with fluorescent lights and the hum of electricity. Jamie quickly glanced down at his digital watch, the bright screen displaying 11:23pm. He ditched the bike, jogged up the pavement and down the metal stairway, then strolled up to a ticket machine and purchased a Zone 2 ticket with some change from the cinema. Jamie stood at the end of the empty platform, the artificial air chilling his clammy skin to the bone. It seemed that no one had followed him down, but Jamie’s nerves still stood on edge. Even if the copper hadn’t continued the chase, he had probably called for a more mobile unit, who would be on his back in seconds. Jamie was relieved to hear the drone of an approaching train, the carriage pulling closer every second. He boarded the train as soon as the doors parted, sliding into an empty seat at the front of the carriage. Jamie dropped the heavy backpack on the seat next to him as a prerecorded voice told him to, “Mind the gap”. As the train finally pulled away from the station a burly forty year old, with thinning hair, slammed his fist into the glass door, demanding the train to stop. “This is Michael Oliver, Chief Constable. I demand you to stop this train!” the cop panted, to no avail. As the train gained speed Jamie couldn’t resist flicking off the red faced copper, but the train had already rounded the bend and he only got a short glimpse at the man’s startled face. k. Wats ur email gandibelle? If u dont have one answer again and tell me so thx. Ill post chapter 1 now...

Public Comments

1. its described so perfectly!! but tell me chapter one i get bugged when i start in the middle of a story by the way im 10 [nearly 11 , on the 7th of december]
2. Hey, I'm an author so I hope my advice can help you better your story. I don't know what the purpose for your writing was. Maybe it's because I haven't yet read chapter one but I felt as if it was just sort of there. It was, in other words, hard to get into and didn't grab my attention until the middle. I also found it hard to understand what he did that made the copper after him, again, maybe because I only read chapter two. You did have good description but work on using "Jamie" less. Every time you menton him it seems like it begins with Jamie did this or Jamie did that. Liven your piece up a little. Keep your word choice consistant. You started out at about a seventh grader level but then you picked it up and used words for about a ninth grader. Consistancy is always a key to having a good book. I would look into a website called webook.com They offer advice and you can upload each individual chapter of your book to allow other authors to give you good feedback. I use it and it's helping me get published. I really hope all this helps you bud. Truely, Zachary A. Williams P.S. Shineonhaley@aol.com Send me more. ;)