Natwerk Designs

important - what do you think? (10 points to best)?

Story im not planning on adding on to but I want to know what you think anyways lol. constructive criticism please?? ( btw thank you to all who does this for me tho i prolly annoy the heck out of you by posting sections of stories online like everyday!!! ) All was dark and quiet around the homes on Margent, Boulevard. The only source of light was the street lights that stood beside the small black road, illuminating the cars parked alongside it. Everyone was fast asleep except for one fifteen year old girl named Anastasia Obrien. She sat up in her bed, startled by a sudden small sound, the sound of a door creaking open. She reached over and turned on her desk lamp, quickly looking around her bedroom for the source of noise. Her bedroom door was still tightly closed, and her window shut, curtains drawn. As she was about to get back into her bed, Anastasia noticed something laying on the surface of her desk that she couldn’t recall placing there. Walking over to it, she picked up the object and examined it closely. It appeared to be some sort of large, golden key, and it had a small design on the end of it that resembled a star. She ran her finger over the key, feeling the smooth texture on her skin. “What could this be?” she thought to herself, wondering if this was just some sort of odd dream. Setting the key back safely on her desk, she climbed back into her warm, cozy bed, deciding that she would further examine the key in the morning, when she would be more awake. Morning came and Anastasia arose from her bed, and got changed for school. Grabbing the key, she dropped it into her jeans pocket and went downstairs for breakfast. “Good-morning Anastasia,” welcomed Mrs. Obrien, setting a plate of eggs and toast on the table for her daughter. “Did you get a good night sleep last night? Your father told me that he had noticed your light was on around three in the morning.” Anastasia considered for a moment, telling her mother of the key she had discovered, but then chose otherwise. “Oh, I just had a bad dream that is all.” She replied, feeling slightly bad for telling her mother a lie. “Oh, okay. Well you had better hurry up before you are late for school!” exclaimed Mrs. Obrien. Anastasia finished her eggs and grabbed her jacket, for it was autumn in New York and the air was slightly chilly. The whole way to her school, Anastasia couldn’t help but to constantly stick her hand into her pocket to check that the key was still there. She had decided not to tell her mom about it because she feared that her parents would take away the key and turn it in to a lost and found. But she wanted to keep the key and show her best friend Jack for he always knew what to do. “Hello Jack,” Anastasia greeted a boy with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. “Hey, what’s that you have in your hand?” Jack asked, regarding the key which she was holding in her right hand. “Actually, I’m not exactly sure. I woke up and found it on my desk last night. It’s some sort of fancy key I guess.” She held out her hand so Jack could take a closer look at it. “That’s peculiar; you mean it just appeared on your desk? Did your mom or dad put it there by any chance?” “I wouldn’t think so, they didn’t mention anything about it and I don’t recall ever seeing it before.

Public Comments

1. you probably need more details in the beginning, make it scary or suspensful or however you want it. Then, distinguish your characters. give it personality and stuff. i like your story so far. its pretty good =)
2. I thought that it was creative! =)
3. I love it. It is a very good story! I wish I wrote it can you add more to it? it was the best paraghraph i ever read! I cant wait till you finished the next paraghraph!! XD [=
4. i think thats slightly great! yo use slightly slightly much though!
5. Read the whole story and liked it. I too am a writer myself and to see your work helped me out. there are few mistakes you can take in first ~ You introduced the character in a way that was not interesting. Try showing some emotion. ~ After someone new talks that is a paragraph I really like all the details you used in your story. Keepon posting them up. Love to read them. Really good.
6. What do you mean you're not going to finish it!!!! ? I want to know where that key came from ! who it belongs tooo!! And who put it there ! for what? !!!!!! Now get BACK TO WORK!!!!!!!