Entertainment Lighting Design Knowledge Base
Should I do be a Lighting Technician or Audio Technician? I live in Orlando and go to Valencia Community College for Entertainment Design and Technology specializing in Live Show Production. I want to get into corporate events(conventions) and concerts? Which career path should I follow?
How realistic is it to major in theater design? If I majored in theater design, art, entertainment engineering or a similar major how realistic would it be that I could actually get a job in the entertainment industry? I'd love to work on broadway sets, film sets in Hollywood, fashion shows, music videos, pretty much that type of thing. I want to do set design. How hard is it to break into the industry? I live in Las Vegas so I could start out by interning on some of the shows that we have here, do you think that's a good way to build some experience? Do you think I'm in over my head, or is it a viable career move to try to work in set design? With an art degree, I could also branch out and do other things right? Maybe I could work on lighting and sound. Or get a graphic design job, or go into camera work. I feel like I could have a lot of options. Is that true or is it totally far fetched?
Best of thin and light entertainment/gaming laptop. FOR LAPTOP EXPERTS? Im looking for laptop for my univerity studies (graphic design) and i need a laptop that can handle a significant strain on graphic demanding programs. My specs are from dual-core to i7 CPUs, 4gb - 6 gb ram, 500gb harddrive or more, and a dedicated and powerful (not decent) graphic card. Preferablly better than an ATI Radeon HD5650 This is the laptop im hoping to buy, anything better at a similar price is good for me. http://shop.lenovo.com/SEUILibrary/controller/e/webca/LenovoPortal/en_CA/catalog.workflow:category.details?current-catalog-id=12F0696583E04D86B9B79B0FEC01C087¤t-category-id=2DB8EEEA593F4DFBA5967766A18798A5
What topic on interior accessories interests you the most? I am schedule to do a community talk regarding interior design the end of Sept. I have decided to talk about the accessories of the home, but have discovered it is a broad topic and I only have 45 min - hour. Some of the outlines I have so far are: Table top accessories: Centerpieces, accent tables, mantles, coffee tables, etc. Drapery, Pillows, Bedding Lighting Kitchens - Cabinet tops, backsplashes Rugs/ Flooring Art/Sculpture Bookcases Entertainment Areas Bathroom Accessories Feel free to throw out your favorites or add what is missing.
12 Volt vs. 120 Volt Lighting / Controls? So I am currently working on an insane lighting project for my entertainment center / "dragon" computer, and have come across a problem. So my setup is as follows. I am designing a switchboard that will house toggle switches for various LED lights and accents. Their will be a master switch that powers the other switches, which will in turn power each set of lights. The lights I have are 12 volt (DC) And it seems that the switches are DC as well. So my question is, how do I run this system in a house (120V)?
YA fantasy readers - what do you think of this cover design? Someone who's designed a lot more book covers than me thought the current cover for my book on Authonomy was a bit... uninspired. So I thought I'd knock up something that better reflects what the book is about, and I'd be grateful for any opinions on it. The current attempt is at: http://www.pembers.net/wd/test-composite-2.jpg A couple of specific questions - Does it say loud and clear "this is a young adult fantasy novel"? And does it say loud and clear "you must read this"? Don't hold back - I'm quite prepared to hear "no to both". I'm aware there's a lot wrong with it on a technical level, but I thought I'd try to figure out whether I'm heading in vaguely the right direction before I spend weeks tweaking the textures and lighting and the way the character's hair falls... (Suggested categories: Sports -> Fantasy Sports, Entertainment & Music -> Magazines. Sigh...) You can stop kicking me now... I get the message :-) Some of you have found the original already, but if you want to see it, here's a larger version: http://www.pembers.net/wd/authonomy-cover-large.png If it looks like a screenshot from a computer game, that's not good... I'm out of touch with what game graphics look like nowadays - I don't play anything much more complicated than Tetris :-) I realise that I should probably pay someone who knows what they're doing to do this job for me, but that would require me to be earning money from the book, which I'm not at the moment. I'm confident that the story is good, but I haven't had any success so far in persuading professionals to agree with me. Therefore, I'm considering putting it out as an ebook, so that it has some chance of earning more than the nothing it's earning at the moment. You can fight among yourselves over who gets the ten points...
Which of these courses do you think would be easier? theater or art appreciation? I took a theater class in high school and hated it because it wasn't actually about acting, it was about sound and set design and things like that. is theater in college actually about acting, or is it gonna be more boring stuff? Which class do you think would be more fun, and which do you think would be easier? I copy/pasted the colleges descriptions here. HUMA 100 THEATER APPRECIATION TransferIN 3 Credits Prerequisites:Demonstrated competency through appropriate assessment or earning a grade of “C”or better in ENGL 025 and ENGL 032.Developing understanding, appreciation and critical perceptions of the theatrical event.The course will approach theatre as an art form, an entertainment medium and as a vehicle for self-expression. Emphasis will be placed on the history of theatre, acting, directing, playwriting, theatre technology, costume design, scenic design, and lighting design.Active participation in the playwriting, acting, directing and designing processes will be provided.The course will also require attendance at theatrical events to offer firsthand experience in theatre arts. ARTH 110 ART APPRECIATION 3 TransferIN 3 Credits Prerequisites:Demonstrated competency through appropriate assessment or earning a grade of “C”or better in ENGL 025 and ENGL 032. An introductory course in art which explores the creative processes of humankind, its usage of specific traditional and contemporary media for communication and the study of periods and styles in art as they relate to the human condition.The course will explore the nature of art, the evaluation of art, and the processes and materials of art.The students will examine the formal elements of design and look at a wide variety of both two and three-dimensional artworks and will learn about the processes and tools involved in their creation. -thanks
A LEVEL Product design questionnaire? This is a questionnaire is for my A-level Product Design course. I’m looking into the problems and common issues that affect different ages though the summer season. The survey is completely anonymous and will only be used as research for my project. When answering the questions could you please consider that it will need to lead me to a problem that I can solve with a physical product at the end of it. The questionnaire should take no longer then fifteen minutes to complete. Thank you for taking time out to complete this survey. 1. Could you please specify your age 2. Male/ Female 3.What is your current occupational background? Please pick the corresponding options: Full time work Part time work Unemployed Retired Primary education (years 6 and below) Secondary education (years 7-11) College/Sixth-form University 4.What do you look forward to the most in the summer season? [E.g. being able to go snowboarding] 5.What are the biggest problems you undergo over the summer season/holidays? [E.g. finding activates to occupy my child during the summer holidays] 6.Could you list the five main activities you do over the summer season (June-August), in preference to how often you do them. The first being this is what you spend most of your summer doing. [E.g: 1. going to the cinema, 2. swimming, 3. Work ….] i. ii. iii. iv. v. 7.In relation to the five activities listed above what problems or areas of improvement have you identified for each one. [E.g: 1. hard to carry all my snacks at the cinema] i. ii. iii. iv. v. 8. Do you think the current range of seasonal products on sale in England are unsuitable for the unpredictably of English weather? Please state your view. 9. Would products that cater to this weather unpredictability interest you more? [e.g. water proof/light weight, easy to pack away and store or disposable] please pick the appropriate answer. Yes, make life easier for me. No, I buy products for the one situation. I don’t really care, not interested. 10. What would be your ideal summer entertainment product? Please describe if doesn’t exist or state its name and use if it does exists. 11. Could you list a summer product that you think needs developing and write what needs to be changed? [E.g Drinks cups- need to keep the drink cool too.] 12. The product design course I am doing specifies that I need a problem to research and solve with a product at the end of it, if you were presented with this brief what you would look into? Thank you for completing this survey :)
What color would go great in my living room? we have very dark green/black leather couches and wood entertainment center with matching coffee table. We have a black book shelf and that's it. No curtains yet with light beige carpet. What color should we paint? this is a town house so I don't want to put in any cool designs until we buy a house.
Is it possible for a machine to repair itself? Suppose this machine exists: A droid-like machine designed to roam around. It does nothing of any use to anyone, other than entertainment... If one could be entertained by a machine that roams around aimlessly... Anyway, this machine has a light bulb on its highest point, this light blinks... A steady blink-blink-blink... This bulb goes out after a time, and the machine replaces the bulb on its own... Is this impossible?
Serious interior design/ decorating help needed! I need accessories!!!!? 10pts!!!!!!? I painted 2 walls of my living room Dusted Purple from the Laura Ashley Home Collection by Valspar. (http://www.materials-world.com/paint-colors/valspar_lows_laura_ashley/laura_ashley/laura_ashley_07.htm) The other two walls are painted with the Granite Collection- Smoky Quartz by Valspar (I can't find it anywhere online. Its similar to Belle Grove Buff but with granite chips in it. http://www.valspar.com/explore-colors/choose-a-color.html) My carpet is light tan (almost white) I just bought this entertainment stand in oak: http://www.seventhavenue.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=36352&keyword=fireplace+tv&fpi=36352&catCd=null I need major help with picking furniture colors, accessories, wall art, and window treatments! Links are helpful too. Please HELP!!!! I'll give 10 points to the most helpful answer! Thanks so much!
need interior design help? Im trying to select what furniture i want in my living room and dining room since the rooms are open and flow into each other. I've already found a table i love has an "espresso finish" and since i need a lot of extra storage i found a unit i love to go against the wall in the dining room and its white. the carpet is beige and walls white. and i plan to keep things kind of neutral so i can put more colors around the room and i love tuscan/italian influence as well as cottage/country/and beach touches. the living room seating i like is also beige. but now im finding a coffee table from the entertainment units (in the dining room) collection and i like it. but im not sure if that's too much white since i like a lot or darker woods and i really like the dining room table. would dark area carpets help tie it all together, or maybe a dark tv table on the wall in the living room would play off the reverse combo in the dining room since the table in there is dark and the unit light.
How will the American empire end? America was designed to be a republic, not a ruler of other nations. An example to them, a "city on a hill." It has drifted into an empire, presuming to impose its will by power on others such as Iraq. How will it all end? I fear that America will fall due to internal decadence. As Rome did. A symptom of decay is the flight into irrational mysticism, such as fundamentalist religious delusions. Domestic problems are neglected while resources are diverted to external adventures. The American people are pacified and distracted by bread and circuses, in the form of cheap or free food and free entertainment (think Food Stamps and television). If Britney Spears shaves her head, this is treated as of it is significant, and Anna Nicole Smith is treated as if she mattered, America has lost its way and is in decay. And when it falls it will take Western Civilization with it. What can we do? I will not go queitly into that dark night, but rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Considering a Porsche...? I have a 2006 BMW X5 4.4i and as much as I adore it, it's a little too big and I think I'm going to trade it in for a Cayenne S. I test drove a regular Cayenne a few months ago and it was really phenomenal and I'm told the S is even better, but I really love BMW's and the way they drive, so should I just get the newer X5 since it's slightly smaller and more aerodynamic, go for the X3 since it's way smaller or just get the Cayenne S? Here's what options I have on the X5 and am planning to get on the Cayenne S if it helps: On the X5 I have: Black metallic paint Beige leather interior Navigation and satellite radio Cold weather package Back seat entertainment system Xenons Adaptive lighting What I'm planning to get on the Cayenne S: White exterior Black Alcantara leather ($2500) Front sport seats with memory Sport design package Cold weather design package Navigation and satellite radio So what do you think? If I got the newer X5 or X3 I would get the same options as I had in the old BMW. I'm really interested to hear your opinions!
Can you tell me what career I should pick? Okay I'm going to tell you ALL the things I'm considering doing and why, and I need you to tell me what you think sounds the best. First off, I'm 20 years old, a sophomore in college, still undeclared, and I need to pick a career path quickly. In no particular order - 1. Psychology - I'm super interested in learning everything about psychology. I would pursue grad school for my PhD if I did this. (I have the means, grades, and support to do graduate school after my first four years, so it IS a realistic option). I am not very attracted to working in research. Academia just doesn't seem that exciting to me and from what I hear it is very political. I would open a private practice and possibly do SOME work in research publishing articles and possibly books. I'm really interested in personality and social psychology. Not so much into working with mental illnesses, addiction, abuse victims, etc. However criminology would REALLY spark my interest. So maybe I'd pursue forensic psychology, who knows. 2. Graphic Design - I've been doing graphic design since the 8th grade. I'm really good, but I haven't had any formal training. I think that developing a strong fine arts background and spending 4-5 truly honing my skills and developing a portfolio would make my work amazing. I've done web design, marketing design, and magazine publishing internships and I have a lot of experience and knowledge in this subject. I love it but part of me feels like I'd be selling myself short by only getting a fine arts degree. I'm really academic and I want to go as far as I can in other fields too, so thats where my dilemma lies. My dream would be to open my own design studio and just spend all my time working on projects for clients. Its really exciting work for me and I love being in a creative environment. 3. Theater Set Design - I was a stage hand and lighting volunteer for three of my high school's musical productions and I fell in love with the high stress environment of working in theater. I absolutely LOVED it. I would want to major in either theater tech or entertainment engineering and work on set designs for broadway productions or even films. It'd be super exciting work. After I graduate, I'd want to go to NYU and get a masters in set design or whatever concentration I choose. I would love to work in New York and maybe even open my own business that designs sets for different theater companies. I feel like this is a bit unrealistic though. 4. Biology - Okay I didn't mention I'm a science buff. I love biology classes more than any other classes I take. I always save my biology homework for last because its the only one I enjoy doing. I'm weird. But its making me think I might want to pursue it. I don't want to be a doctor. I'd want to be a field researcher. Like a marine biologist or a zoologist. I'd want to work outdoors and observe things. Part of me knows that macrobiology is not whats big right now and that the most lucrative jobs are in biochemistry. I'd love to do drug research and possibly work for the CDC or other companies/organizations. I'd love to study strains of viruses and bacteria. The only downside is that I don't want to spend my life working in a cold, harsh lab. I love creativity and high energy and I feel like a biologist sits in a chair all day observing things. I feel like I'd get really bored - but who knows, I might not since I love the subject so much. 5. Education - This is one I NEVER even considered until right now. I don't like the low wages of being a teacher, but part of me thinks it'd be really fun to run a classroom. I'd love designing the curriculum and lesson plans, decorating everything, making up games to play, designing study guides that look really cool, and just doing everything my way. I think it'd be super fun to teach kids and even high school students. I'd do it WAY better than my teachers did. So those are what I'm thinking of right now. I have a few more...but I just put the first that came to mind. So any advice?!
i need help deciding on a laptop! i'm a student, final year in high school, but planning to use this laptop in post-secondary. i'd mainly use this for school (word, powerpoint etc) design (planning to go into this in uni) business (i do a lot of buying and selling online) and just general web surfing and entertainment :) i want something light and portable-ish, but sturdy. long battery life something good-looking would be a plus :) right now i'm thinking dell xps m1330 hp pavilion tx2500z or a sony vaio or macbook i'm still looking, but any suggestions would be nice!
ALL COMPUTERRR GEEKSS.!....Isss thiss commputerrr gooddd.:)? Enjoy high-definition playback with a 12.1" diagonal HP BrightView LED display. Exquisitely thin and fully loaded with AMD Athlon Neo Processor for Ultrathin Notebooks, 4GB system memory, 500GB Hard Drive, and 512 dedicated graphics memory provides the performance and connectivity you expect in a laptop. Chat online with the HP Webcam and integrated microphone. HP Pavilion dv2-1039wm Entertainment Notebook is exquisitely thin but fully loaded with performance and connectivity features. This lustrous-looking, espresso black laptop is ready to help you do everything in style with the thin and elegant design less than 1" thick and less than 4lbs. 12.1" Diagonal WXGA High-Definition HP LED BrightView Widscreen Display (1280 x 800) AMD Athlon Neo Processor for Ultrathin Notebooks MV-40 4GB DDR2 System Memory 500GB 5400rpm SATA hard drive External LightScribe SuperMulti 8X DVD burner lets you create DVDs and CDs with custom labels etched on the LightScribe enabled discs HP Webcam with integrated microphone make face-to-face chat from anywhere easy ATI Mobility Radeon HD Premium Graphics 3410 with M82-SE LP with up to 2302MB total graphics memory with 512 MB dedicated Integrated 10/100Base-T Ethernet LAN (RJ-45 Connector) + Wireless WiFi LAN 802.11a/b/g/n 5-in-1 Digital Media Reader for Secure Digital cards, MultiMedia cards, Memory Stick, Memory Stick Pro, or xD Picture cards Extra protection from data loss with HP ProtectSmart Hard Drive Protection External LightScribe SuperMulti 8X DVD burner lets you create DVDs and CDs with custom labels etched on the LightScribe enabled discs Microsoft Windows Vista Home Premium 64-bit edition with Service Pack Makes your computing experience more efficient, more secure and more fun. To learn more about the different versions of Microsoft Vista, click here. .... itss the HP 12.1" Thin & Light Pavilion dv2-1039wm Entertainment Laptop PC with AMD Athlon Neo Processor MV-40 Loook Itt Up..! i really need hellp on making the right choice in a computerr.:)
who knows a little about robotics? Hey... strange question. I'm looking for some awesome people who are into robotics or engineering who can give me some ideas or instructions for designing something. Here is some background: At home I have turned one of my rooms into a space room (I call it the Gamma Quadrant). It is 360 degrees of stars each hand painted (twice) with all the constellations (of the winter sky). The stars all glow in the dark. I've equipped the room with lots of Black Lights and a good entertainment system. Haha i even made a soundtrack with good space music. Its basically my hangout/getaway room. So here's my question: how can I add the occasional wandering satellite into my sky. I suppose I need a small little motor or something that just carries a single glow in the dark dot. That runs along a.... rail? or something? SO I need to find some creative nerds (like me) who can help me design this. I need to find the right kind of motor to use, learn how to make it work, and how to get it to run along a wire or rail or something. I'm sure there is a way to do it with a remote control car kit.... but is there a more creative (and cheaper) way?
which netbook should i get ????10 easy pointsss.? this is the first one. this one is 249.99 HP 110-1037NR mini note featuring an 1.60GHz Intel Atom Processor N270 HP: FRYS.com #: 5975214 Surf the Web, syncs files, photos, and videos with your primary PC, and more with our highly portable Mini 110-1037NR. This compact machine features a nearly full size keyboard for comfortable typing, along with an antiglare widescreen, webcam, and plenty of processing power. And be high style with the Swirl Pink Chic design and HP imprint finish. heres the pic : http://i581.photobucket.com/albums/ss252/ayemaemae16/5975214_box.gif or this one : Acer® AOD250-1042 Netbook featuring an Intel® Atom™ Processor N270 Acer: FRYS.com #: 6047458 Back thinner and lighter than before, the Acer® Aspire One 10.1" redefines mobile connectivity with fun, powerful features, 10.1" LED-backlit display and comfortable typing keyboard for an optimal on-the-go Internet experience. Browse the Internet, check email, share photos, webcam, keep up with your social networks, listen to music and enjoy a variety of entertainment in a small compact design that you can take anywhere. heres the pic : http://i581.photobucket.com/albums/ss252/ayemaemae16/6047458_box.gif this one is 299.99 ^^ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- aand if you could also tell me why. it would just make my decision easier thankss !
What's a good laptop to get? (my preferences listed inside)? So I currently own a 2 year old Toshiba Satellite A215 running 32-bit Vista with 2GB RAM and 1.80 GHz AMD Turion 64 processor and it's already failing on me. My computer lags too much and actual parts on my laptop are even breaking off. It's hard finding a laptop that can fit my needs, and I'm not sure if the types of laptops I'm looking for will be OK. If you can recommend me a good laptop, laptop site, or laptop discussion/community which I can get an even better opinion, on please point it out for me! Thanks! What I need the laptop for: - As a college student... I have to write essays, school stuff, etc. - Graphics + Colors = Super important for me! I do a lot of Photoshop, possibly film editing. - Entertainment - Youtube, watching movies, etc - Light gaming What I'm looking for in a laptop: - Price: $700 is my max. $800 is do-able but pushing it for me. - OS: Windows 7, 32-bit - preferrably. NO Apple - Specs: 3 to 4GB RAM, since it's the standard nowadays. Perhaps at least 320 GB of disk space. Would really like Core 2 Duo processor - Brand: No Toshiba anymore definitely, and not really into HP. I was recommended Lenovo and Acer BUT I'm looking more into Asus and Sony; if there's one better out there then I can be convinced to get it - Design/Colors: A little important, but I won't go out of my way for it. As long as it looks nice! Also should be pretty solid and durable, I want it to last longer unlke my current. - Battery life: At least 2-4 hours is good enough - Screen size: At least 13", 15.4" max. Not TOO glossy that I can see reflections either. LED is good - Keyboard: Chiclet keyboard OR back-lit keyboard is a big plus for me but isn't always necessary - Portability: Maybe a light and thin or ultraportable, since I carry my laptop around a lot. - Optical Drive: Not sure if I care about having one anymore, I barely use one and I can always buy an extension if I feel like I need it
Please help me pick a laptop? I would be using this laptop for both entertainment , everyday tasks and some light gaming... Here are the choices.. Choice #1: ASUS UL50 (519.99 http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16834220758&cm_re=ASUS_UL50-_-34-220-758-_-Product I like this 1 coz of the switchable graphics but the bad thing is its a slow crippled core 2 duo processor. Although im still interested on this 1 due to its graphics memory and design..(watched youtube vids). Choice #2: MSI S6000 (599.99 http://www.officedepot.com/a/products/541572/MSI-S6000-017US-Laptop-Computer-With/?cm_cat=2000000353 This the 1 that im pretty sure of buying due to its price on sale , core i5 turbo boost stuff...although i dont really like intel hd graphics but im sure it can run a few games on low....not 2 mention it has a fast and latest intel cpu. Just for an extra question should I get an extended warranty when buying a laptop? Please need an urgent answer coz we might buy the MSI tommorow tnx.. The games that I play are usually some RTS , FPS and other online games... Games like Left 4 Dead 2 , S4 League , Warcraft 3 , Command and Conquer series , Rumble Fighter and other games. But I play them on my desktop which has an old pentium D 820 , 9800 gt 512mb , 2gb ddr2. Also i can play rumble fighter and warcraft 3 here on the laptop that im on now...my laptop right now is an old hp dv1000 512mb ram , intel pentium M (1.5ghz) and intel extreme graphics 2... And another question If i were to buy the refurb. asus laptop from newegg should i get an extended warranty...Please more answers ppl as my time of choice is running out...
Anyone believe this little chunk of prophecy is pointing to America as Babylon...? Revelation 18:23 which says, "and no light of a lamp will ever shine in you again, and no voice of a bridegroom and of a bride will ever be heard in you again; because your traveling merchants were the top-ranking men of the earth, for by your spiritistic practice all the nations were misled." it seems so obvious.... you could fill in what you think each sub-heading may represent. e.g. SCIENCE: could show Gm crop, the investments massive, america are in and we the rest of the world are being froced to poison our lands on an equally disastrous level, they wont leave anyland unpoisoned. What of these fields in the list.... can anyone complete these: FINANCE : FASHION : FOOD : MEDICINE : ENTERTAINMENT : SPORT : CULTURE : ART : LITERATURE : DESIGN : EDUCATION : MUSIC : COMPUTERS : TECHNOLOGY : RELIGION : *SORRY~THIS~IS~FOR~CHRISTIANS~ONLY*
UCLA? Is this the right college? I want to work at Blizzard Entertainment on graphic designing or something cool like that. Is UCLA a good computer college? Can I match these requirements and pluses? Requirements 3+ years experience in game development modeling and texturing characters using 3ds Max and Photoshop (or equivalent 3D and 2D programs). An exceptional understanding of human and creature anatomy and a keen eye towards form, shape, structure, and silhouette in regards to modeling. Superior eye for light, shade, color and detail in creating texture maps. Self-motivation, good communication skills, and a great team-player attitude. Skill in one or more of the related creation tasks - illustration, modeling, texturing, animation, concept drawing. Pluses Have shipped AAA PC or console titles as a 3D character artist Strong foundation in the traditional arts, including but not limited to figure drawing and illustration A passion for developing online games Also what art/computer classes should I take while I'm still in highschool (and during the summer) to help me advance?
14 year old girls bedroom? Okay. I have done my room at my mom's house, but I need to do my room at dad's. I am getting my step-mom's bedrooom suite and am keeping my entertainment system. The rest is out the door. The room is currently blue with white clouds, royal blue carpet and brown curtains that don't reach the windows bottom. There isn't blinds, but there is shades that pull up. I don't have any bedding and no design ideas. The furniture is a light brown wood tone and is good condition. straight lines. please don't say websites. i want inspiration ideas not links. thanks so much. i need paint color fabrics, theme, decor and everything else. LOVEDS
re-designing living room, & knocking out a half wall (w/electrical)? So I want to re-design my small living room and I have an idea in my head of what I would like to do. However, we have a half wall that sticks out the length of a sofa by the front door and it contains 2 separate light switches (1 for the light & porchlight, and the other switch turns off the electrical outlet on the adjacent wall which is pointless to me). How hard would it be to take out this half wall and re-wire the light/porchlight switches? Obviously I wouldn't be doing this myself, but I thought I'd ask opinions before I start calling for estimates. Maybe even a roundabout guess of cost would be nice if you know. Thanks! ALSO: Moving TV/entertainment center to other side of room, would all I have to do is call my cable company and have them come out and re-wire my cable cord? Is that service free?
green and lighter green? http://www.valspar.com/painter.html?colors=6007-7C,6007-8B&byColors=true the colors on the side it says design one and design 2 the colors look a lot better in the can, trust me im just not sure which colors i want to go go where im doing the lighter one"fresh pair" on only 1 wall and "temptation on 3 other walls. the wall in the front has a window in the middle, and the other 2 walls are gonna have abed and my entertainment stand and berous thing and the other wall is crammed with a closet talll dresser and another door? helpp
Completely remodeling my bedroom? White walls with orange and pink. Bright colors. Light wood bed, white end table and entertainment center. 2 mushroom chairs orange and pink. homemade curtains and blankets. Going to make pillow cases too. http://www.womenbygrace.com/home006.html making blanket like this and orange and pink pillow cases to match. don't know what pattern yet probably reversible with stripes or dots or solid. window treatments will be pink and orange and be to floor, panels. closet beads in orange. gerber daisies in a vase with pink round pebbles. does this sound good? here is wall design http://i190.photobucket.com/albums/z82/saphire993/wallplan.jpg I have loud personality room has to be dog friendly. please leave negative and positive comments after you answer check back every so often for updates are painting next week after christmas. should i make the lines on wall squiggley or straight? I'm DEFINITELY doing a wall pattern.I still have my nursery walls with pooh bear on them. I can do whatever I want with it. Oh! Would poster of Boys Like Girls, My Chemical Romance, The Vandals, and It's Happy Bunny! through off the design/ theme? Also, what theme is this? Contemperary? Modern? I don't think it's traditional... I can't change my bed. I plan on getting a new bed, but one step at a time for now. I'm kinda low on funds. Fabric is expensive. The only local place is Jo-Ann's for fabric, walmart stopped selling it. Soo... I will tone down on patterns... I have beige carpet but have a carpet runner in bright pink with orange trim (color idea hehe)
Sholud i get this handheld bundle OR this one? a $199 Ice Silver PSP in a new Daxter Entertainment Pack that includes Daxter, Family Guy, The Freakin' Sweet Collection on UMD, and a 1GB Memory Stick Pro Duo http://www.gamespot.com/features/6173974/index.html?tag=topslot;title;3 OR a Nintendo DS Lite with http://www.gamestop.com/product.asp?product%5Fid=802254 and http://www.gamestop.com/product.asp?product%5Fid=802637 ---------- The new “enhanced-design” PSP is a smaller and slimmer version of the original, with a third less weight and about four-fifths the thickness. Sony plans to phase out the current PSP design and replace it with the new model by September The new weight is immediately noticeable as soon as you hold the PSP in your hand. It's so light that you might think that it's missing a battery or doesn't have a UMD inside. Sony was able to slim down the battery size while maintaining the system's 5-hour battery life by decreasing the power draw of the unit ------------- whoever convinces me gets 11 points
Re-doing room, black and white themed? Im redoing my room in black and whites. I got a comforter for Christmas. Now I only have the issues of decorating with furniture and wall hangings. I found a black dresser at Ikea for 299$ but mom said its a bit much for a dresser. I found another I like but its white. My walls are already white and my parents say accenting one wall to black will make the room look smaller. So I want to know besides painting, what can I do to the dresser to make it not look wierd against the already white wall. I also have a huge entertainment thing thats already in there, its made of a light wood and I feel it wont work with the black and white theme. Also the doors. We have wooden doors. All dark wood. So what can I do with these things to help work with the design?
I want your opinion, if you please? I love bright colors. I am redoing my room really soon. I was thinking pink and orange. I have those colors of mushroom chairs. I have my furniture, which I can't afford to replace at the moment. My bed is light wood. It'l light brown with dark grain. It's semi rounded and only the headboard. I need a bed skirt. I need curtains and a duvet. My sheets are penguins and dots. I like green, light blue, yellow, pink and orange. I'm going to make my own blanket and curtains. I want to know your opinion, not oh I saw this and it's cute. Please your opinion. If possible, go to paint and paint a design of it. Please pick wall colors and design. Behr.com and Sherwin-Williams.com have online color guides. My entertainment center and end table are white and clean cut. What style is this? Modern? Beige carpet. How much does it cost to rent a RugDoctor from Food Lion? Thanks a lot. Oh, What accent decor? I love gerber daisies and sunflowers. Candles are a girls best friend in my case. Love, Sophia<3 Okay. I can make my own decisions. I already have a plan, just want other's insight. Even I know that I don't know everything. I like to hear what other's think and take it into consideration. So your anal... I don't want to know of your hard ons, I'm 14. I'm not your shizzle nizzle or what ever... I couldn't even understand that???
Decorating- Look at these pics- trying to coordinate furniture. Help!? I have a new entertainment center being delivered for our living room- it is distressed black, so you can see a lighter wood color peeking through on the edges of the furniture. I really need a coffee table to coordinate, but I want the kind that lifts up like a desk- they are awesome!! Unfortunately, they don't have many to pick from in distressed black. Our couches are microsuede sage w/ the darker brown legs. Walls beige. Would it look uncoordinated to have a walnut brown table? I know designs aren't matchy-matchy anymore, but I don't want it to look tacky. Here's a pic of the entertainment center: www.aspenfurnituregallery.com/images/I47expandablewall.jpg This is not the table (style or anything), but will give you example of color: www.koudenhorn.nl/eng/coffee_tables/coffee_table.html I'm sure anything "looks fine" but if I'm spending the money, I wanna get it right and want it to look good. Any other color ideas? Just black? Your design help is MUCH appreciated! Thanks Oops. here are the links www. aspenfurnituregallery.com/ images/I47ExpandableWall.jpg www. koudenhorn.nl/eng/coffee_tables /coffee_table.html
What present should I get for my friend? Me and 5 friends are all pitching in 20 dollars or less. My friend just got a new room so something that goes with this comforter would be good. I already looked at the stuff on the site that goes with it, but they are too expensive. She also like music and movies a lot, and goes on the computer all the time. Because she is only getting one gift, we want it to be good. What should I get her? I was thinking maybe a comfy chair that matches the bed, so if you can find one post the link. Here is her new stuff http://store.delias.com/browse.do?catego… Ps. she is painting the walls light blue Oh and I have to get it by Friday so I can either go to Wal-Mart, Kohls, marshalls, modells, block buster, pet store, or bed bath and beyond (few minutes away) or Accessories Aldo Shoes AT&T Bakers Claire's Boutique Coach FOSSIL Guess H&M In The Spotlight Justice Lane Bryant Le Gourmet Chef Lids Men's Wearhouse and Tux Nine West PacSun Pet Pourri PetsMart Shi Solstice Sunglass Hut Swarovski Crystal Tilly's Wet Seal Accessories / Accessorios Men's Wearhouse and Tux Wet Seal Arts & Crafts Michaels Cards / Books / Gifts / Stationery Borders Borders Express Book Store Brookstone Carlton Cards Clarks Hallmark CVS Family Christian Bookstore Rite Aid Swarovski Crystal Children's Fashions abercrombie Babies 'R Us Babyz & Kidz Dynamics Crazy 8 Disney Store, The GapKids Gymboree In The Spotlight Justice The Children's Place Tilly's Children's Fashions / Modas para Ninos Babyz & Kidz Dynamics Justice Department Stores JCPenney Lord & Taylor Macy*s Sears Target Drug Store Rite Aid Entertainment Best Buy Borders EB Games fye - For Your Entertainment Saturday Matinee Ticketmaster Entertainment-Theatres AMC Theatres Food - Specialty Charley's Grilled Subs Friendly Restaurant Le Gourmet Chef Maggie Moo's Ice Cream My Kitchen Qdoba Mexican Grill Sole' Mex Health and Beauty Acme Bath & Body Works CVS Dazzles GNC Libero Hair Design Massage Envy Perfumania Pro Haircutters Rite Aid Sally Beauty Supply Snip-its T.U. Nails The Body Shop Trade Secret Ulta Salon & Cosmetics Victoria's Secret Victoria's Secret Beauty Home Furnishings Brookstone Michaels Pier 1 Imports Rockaway Art & Framing Rockaway Furniture Select Comfort Jewelry Alberto's Jewelry Corbo's FOSSIL Helzberg Diamonds Kay Jewelers Piercing Pagoda Precision Time Silver & Gold Connection Swarovski Crystal Timeless White Diamond Jewelers Zales Jewelers Luggage Coach Men's & Women's Fashions Abercrombie & Fitch Aeropostale American Eagle Outfitters Eddie Bauer Express FOSSIL Gap Guess Harleyville USA Hollister Co. J. Crew Journeys PacSun Tilly's Zumiez Men's Fashions Abercrombie & Fitch Aeropostale American Eagle Outfitters Charley's Grilled Subs Eddie Bauer Esquire Big & Tall FOSSIL Gap Guess Harleyville USA Hollister Co. J. Crew Journeys Men's Wearhouse and Tux PacSun Tilly's Men's Speciality Fashions Men's Wearhouse and Tux Music / Electronics / Video Apple Computer AT&T Best Buy Brookstone EB Games fye - For Your Entertainment GameStop Radio Shack Saturday Matinee Sprint Optical / Eyewear Cohen's Fashion Optical LensCrafters Pearle Vision Express Solstice Sterling Optical Photography Best Buy CVS Flash! Digital Portraits Sears Portrait Studio The Picture People Restaurants (order at the counter) Cajun Cafe Charley's Grilled Subs East Cafe Friendly Restaurant Master Wok McDonald's Muldoon's Steakhouse & Pub My Kitchen Panera Bread Popeye's Chicken Qdoba Mexican Grill Sakkio Japan SaladWorks Sole' Mex Subway Villa Pizza Wendy's Restaurants (order via wait staff) Friendly Restaurant Great American Grill at the Hilton Garden Inn Muldoon's Steakhouse & Pub Sizzler Services AT&T Bank Of America Cohen's Fashion Optical Dazzles Exotic Nails Glamour Shots Jenny Craig Kitchen Magic Law Offices LensCrafters Liberty Travel Massage Envy Office Depot Opinions Pearle Vision Express PNC Bank Precision Time Pro Haircutters Rockaway Dental Sears Portrait Studio Simon Guest Services Sterling Optical The Picture People Trade Secret Verizon FiOS Verizon Wireless Weichert Shoes Aldo Shoes Bakers Bostonian Shoe Easy Spirit Esquire Big & Tall In The Spotlight Journeys Lady Foot Locker Nine West PacSun Payless ShoeSource Stride Rite The Children's Place The Walking Company Tilly's Specialty Food Auntie Anne's Pretzels Charley's Grilled Subs Cinnabon Gertrude Hawk Chocolates GNC Godiva Chocolatier Maggie Moo's Ice Cream Panera Bread Starbucks Coffee
What should I get for my friend's birthday? Me and 5 friends are all pitching in 20 dollars or less. My friend just got a new room so something that goes with this comforter would be good. I already looked at the stuff on the site that goes with it, but they are too expensive. She also like music and movies a lot, and goes on the computer all the time. Because she is only getting one gift, we want it to be good. What should I get her? I was thinking maybe a comfy chair that matches the bed, so if you can find one post the link. Here is her new stuff http://store.delias.com/browse.do?catego… Ps. she is painting the walls light blue Oh and I have to get it by Friday so I can either go to Wal-Mart, Kohls, marshalls, modells, block buster, pet store, or bed bath and beyond (few minutes away) or Accessories Aldo Shoes AT&T Bakers Claire's Boutique Coach FOSSIL Guess H&M In The Spotlight Justice Lane Bryant Le Gourmet Chef Lids Men's Wearhouse and Tux Nine West PacSun Pet Pourri PetsMart Shi Solstice Sunglass Hut Swarovski Crystal Tilly's Wet Seal Accessories / Accessorios Men's Wearhouse and Tux Wet Seal Arts & Crafts Michaels Cards / Books / Gifts / Stationery Borders Borders Express Book Store Brookstone Carlton Cards Clarks Hallmark CVS Family Christian Bookstore Rite Aid Swarovski Crystal Children's Fashions abercrombie Babies 'R Us Babyz & Kidz Dynamics Crazy 8 Disney Store, The GapKids Gymboree In The Spotlight Justice The Children's Place Tilly's Children's Fashions / Modas para Ninos Babyz & Kidz Dynamics Justice Department Stores JCPenney Lord & Taylor Macy*s Sears Target Drug Store Rite Aid Entertainment Best Buy Borders EB Games fye - For Your Entertainment Saturday Matinee Ticketmaster Entertainment-Theatres AMC Theatres Food - Specialty Charley's Grilled Subs Friendly Restaurant Le Gourmet Chef Maggie Moo's Ice Cream My Kitchen Qdoba Mexican Grill Sole' Mex Health and Beauty Acme Bath & Body Works CVS Dazzles GNC Libero Hair Design Massage Envy Perfumania Pro Haircutters Rite Aid Sally Beauty Supply Snip-its T.U. Nails The Body Shop Trade Secret Ulta Salon & Cosmetics Victoria's Secret Victoria's Secret Beauty Home Furnishings Brookstone Michaels Pier 1 Imports Rockaway Art & Framing Rockaway Furniture Select Comfort Jewelry Alberto's Jewelry Corbo's FOSSIL Helzberg Diamonds Kay Jewelers Piercing Pagoda Precision Time Silver & Gold Connection Swarovski Crystal Timeless White Diamond Jewelers Zales Jewelers Luggage Coach Men's & Women's Fashions Abercrombie & Fitch Aeropostale American Eagle Outfitters Eddie Bauer Express FOSSIL Gap Guess Harleyville USA Hollister Co. J. Crew Journeys PacSun Tilly's Zumiez Men's Fashions Abercrombie & Fitch Aeropostale American Eagle Outfitters Charley's Grilled Subs Eddie Bauer Esquire Big & Tall FOSSIL Gap Guess Harleyville USA Hollister Co. J. Crew Journeys Men's Wearhouse and Tux PacSun Tilly's Men's Speciality Fashions Men's Wearhouse and Tux Music / Electronics / Video Apple Computer AT&T Best Buy Brookstone EB Games fye - For Your Entertainment GameStop Radio Shack Saturday Matinee Sprint Optical / Eyewear Cohen's Fashion Optical LensCrafters Pearle Vision Express Solstice Sterling Optical Photography Best Buy CVS Flash! Digital Portraits Sears Portrait Studio The Picture People Restaurants (order at the counter) Cajun Cafe Charley's Grilled Subs East Cafe Friendly Restaurant Master Wok McDonald's Muldoon's Steakhouse & Pub My Kitchen Panera Bread Popeye's Chicken Qdoba Mexican Grill Sakkio Japan SaladWorks Sole' Mex Subway Villa Pizza Wendy's Restaurants (order via wait staff) Friendly Restaurant Great American Grill at the Hilton Garden Inn Muldoon's Steakhouse & Pub Sizzler Services AT&T Bank Of America Cohen's Fashion Optical Dazzles Exotic Nails Glamour Shots Jenny Craig Kitchen Magic Law Offices LensCrafters Liberty Travel Massage Envy Office Depot Opinions Pearle Vision Express PNC Bank Precision Time Pro Haircutters Rockaway Dental Sears Portrait Studio Simon Guest Services Sterling Optical The Picture People Trade Secret Verizon FiOS Verizon Wireless Weichert Shoes Aldo Shoes Bakers Bostonian Shoe Easy Spirit Esquire Big & Tall In The Spotlight Journeys Lady Foot Locker Nine West PacSun Payless ShoeSource Stride Rite The Children's Place The Walking Company Tilly's Specialty Food Auntie Anne's Pretzels Charley's Grilled Subs Cinnabon Gertrude Hawk Chocolates GNC Godiva Chocolatier Maggie Moo's Ice Cream Panera Bread Starbucks Coffee
Hp refurbished laptop. Dv7-1240? Item Specifics Title:Hewlett Packard Pavilion Dv7-1240 Type:Laptop/Notebook This AUCTION is for a rarely "USED" in "Excellent Working Condition" Hewlett Packard DV7-1240-us Entertainment PC Laptop Download TV shows, Movies, and watch on your HD TV with cable from the HDMI port with HD quality. Built in Webcam & Microphone THIS AWESOME ENTERTAINMENT LAPTOP IS IN PERFECT PHYSICAL AND OPERATING CONDITION. NO SCRATCHES, DENTS, ETC. EVERYTHING IS JUST AS IT CAME OUT OF THE BOX. Adult Owned and very Well Taken Care of. This Baby is Superfast for any Applications you may have ready to throw at it. I will be Including "Windows 7" Upgrade CD direct from HP. HP Pavilion dv7-1240-us 2.2GHz AMD Turion X2 Dual Core Notebook w/ Webcam & HDMI - Bronze - Expanding on the sophisticated elegance of the current line, the new HP Pavilion dv7-1448DX is defined by fluid, modern lines and metalized finishes with surprising innovations inside and out. High-gloss HP Imprint finish in bronze and chrome now encases all surfaces visible during normal use for greater durability. The powerful dual core AMD Turion X2 RM-75 2.2GHz processor, 4GB DDR2 RAM, 320GB HDD, DVD/CD+-RW, 17" High Definition WXGA+ Display, and Vista Home Premium 64-bit make this an ideal choice. The grid-like pattern provides subtle contrast to the liquid appearance of the metallic finish, giving her a stunning and attractive appearance. The streamlined look is enhanced with a color-matched keyboard and touchpad. And touch media controls light up and become visible only when the system is powered on further enhancing the clean appearance. HP’s mobile products have won coveted International Red Dot, iF and CES Innovation design awards and been recognized by other leading design institutions. Providing more choices than ever, QuickPlay enables access to DVDs, videos, photos, music, karaoke, games, and Internet TV at the touch of a button. Built-in demos show you how to add music to your slide shows or videos with drag-and-drop functionality – and much more. An HDMI port enables you to watch films on an HD TV. Extras include dual headphone jacks and an HP Mobile Remote Control. It’s time to play! HP Pavilion dv7-1240-us 2.2GHz AMD Turion X2 Dual Core Notebook w/ Webcam & HDMI - Bronze - NV213UA#<제˽>ABA Specifications Microprocessor 2.20 GHz AMD Turion X2 RM-75 Dual-Core Mobile Processor Microprocessor Cache 1MB L2 Cache Memory 4096MB Memory Max 8192MB Video Graphics ATI Radeon HD 3200 Graphics RS780M Video Memory Up to 1918MB Hard Drive 320GB (5400RPM) Multimedia Drive LightScribe SuperMulti 8X DVD±R/RW with Double Layer Support Display 17.0” Diagonal WXGA+ High-Definition HP BrightView Widescreen Display (1440 x 900) Fax/Modem High speed 56k modem Network Card Integrated 10/100 Ethernet LAN Wireless Connectivity 802.11b/g WLAN Sound Altec Lansing with SRS Premium Sound Keyboard 101-key compatible Pointing Device Touch Pad with On/Off button and dedicated vertical scroll Up/Down pad PC Card Slots 1 ExpressCard/54 Slot (also supports ExpressCard/34) External Ports 5-in-1 integrated Digital Media Reader for Secure Digital cards, MultiMedia cards, Memory Stick, Memory Stick Pro, or xD Picture cards 4 Universal Serial Bus (USB) 2.0, 4th port shared with eSATA 2 Headphone out 1 microphone-in HDMI 1 VGA (15-pin) eSATA + USB 2.0 1 RJ-11 (modem) 1 RJ -45 (LAN) 1 notebook expansion port 3 1 Consumer IR (Remote Receiver) Other Devices HP Webcam with integrated digital microphone Dimensions 15.59 (W) x 11.22" (D) x 1.31 (min H)/1.66(max H) Weight 7.75 lbs Security Kensington MicroSaver lock slot Power-on password Accepts 3rd party security lock devices Power 65W AC Adapter 8-Cell Lithium-Ion battery Sorry, I never asked a question! Is this laptop anygood? Most of them have bad reviews bcuz the operating system corrupted which was windows vista 64bit, but this one comes with windows 7. This is an entertainment laptop, but I am NOT A GAMER AT ALL! this unit will be used for school work, Photoshop, power point presentation, and web surfing. Users also had problems with the fan and the computer overheating... Sorry for this post being sooooo long, but is this a good buy? Btw, it is factory refurbished, not by HP , but by a local tech team, and is $445 flat, no shipping charge or tax. What do u think? It has a 30 day warranty. Do you think it is a good buy? or can you recommend what would be a good computer for Photoshop, college work, power points, and websurfing?
How do I transform my room? My room is sports decorated. Everything is sports. I love technology. I have video game systems, a bunch of dvds on shelving, ihome, alot of technology. my hobby is video editing, computer graphic design, electronic music. i have my own small bussiness with that stuff as well. to give you a basic idea of the setup of my room i'll explain what it looks like. so you walk in and on your left there is my bed, which will soon be a loft bed, on the right of that is my bookshelf, in front of that against the wall on the other side of my room is my entertainment center with the game systems and games in it. next to that is my dresser, then my desk. then my closet on the next wall. got alot of sports stuff. have 4 shelf cubes about my bed on the wall. i have alot of pez dispensers up there. i want to transform my room into a technology room. black lights and everything. make it realy techy and cool. i want too somehow do something neat with the television and entertainment center. what should i do?
Which notebook should i get?!?!?!?!?!? Hey, okay so I'm in need for a new laptop because my current Dell laptop has a broken trackpad. I have narrowed it down to 3 notebooks. The first one is a Dell Inspiron 1525(link below). HP Dv5z(link below), and a HP Dv2000us?(i think thats the name of it!) Anyways, they all have the pretty much the same specs, with the exception of the HP Pavillions which include a webcam and Lightscribe(both of which i will not use).Also the HP's have NVidia graphics, but i won't be playing much games at all. The Dell has a very nice design and it is lightweight and slim, much so are the HP's. The Dell I can get for a lower price, but will it be worth it? I will be taking this notebook to school for doing slideshow presentations and schoolwork and "homework" lol. It will also be part of my entertainment center meaning that i will hook it up to my plasma-screen tv sometimes and use it on that. Also, the Dell features a HDMI port on the side, whereas the HP's don't. And the Dell has 4 USB ports and has a 8-in-1 card reader. They all have 15.4 inch glossy screens, except the HP Dv2000 that has a 14.1 inch glossy screen. I basically want a notebook that has 2 gigs of RAM, 160 GB Hard Drive, Vista Premium, cd/dvd burner, dual-core processor, and it has to be light(6 lbs or lighter) and it has to have a slim profile. Thanks in advance and please no harassing answers! http://www.bestbuy.com/site/olspage.jsp?... http://www.shopping.hp.com/series/catego... P.S. I already have a external USB mouse that is currently working, but I'd rather use a touchpad at school and while traveling. http://www.bestbuy.com/site/olspage.jsp?skuId=8878002&type=product&id=1210379087572 http://www.shopping.hp.com/webapp/shopping/computer_can_series.do?storeName=computer_store&category=notebooks&a1=From+price&v1=%24500-%24800&series_name=dv5z_series
Do you need Car portable DVD player? http://www.plsbuy.com/Portable-DVD-Player.html 7 inches TFT LCD wide VIEW screen Car portable DVD player This portable DVD player includes a rechargeable battery pack enabling 2 hours continuous play time.You can also plug it directly to your cigarette lighter for in car use. It's Sleek, Simple to use and Powerful. This portable entertainment system allows you to view your favourite DVDs or CDs on the go. Compatible DIVX player, capable of playing most DVDs and CDs, including MP3, MP4, VCD, DIVX and JPEG files, DVD player enables you to view pictures and movies and listen to CDs, all with the one unit. LCD display with superior video quality, built-in surround sound effect stereo speakers, with Dolby Digital decoding and anti shock suspension for those restless kids. Exclusive design, super slim unit, plug in CAR Support SD/MMC/MS card, with USB port & divx function 7 inches high resolution TFT LCD wide VIEW screen(16:9) Chip: SANYO ORIGINALLY Compatible DVD,VCD,
Buying a scooter -2 options electric or gas? Hey I need help with a upcoming purchase I'm planning to make. I need a stand-up scooter to get to college/ back/ more every day next year. The state I live in does not permit a motorized bike/ moped ( or anything that is motorized with a seat) to be driven without a driver's or a motorcycle license- and I have neither. I graduated early and because I'm going to college I have no money.. but because I don't need to pay for insurance on a car or motorcycle ( and I'm a young male so I'm glad ) I have managed to get a $1200 budget which is pretty fair I'd say. ---------------------------------------------- So I looked around online and found 2 respectable scooters - One is electric - On is petrol powered and I would like to know which of these I should choose or if there is another option that would work better for me? - The petrol version is a GoPed brand scooter - the GSr46R - Pretty fast 35 mph+ stock.. but because this is my little scooter, and like anyone with a car, I'm looking to tune it up.. and I have an arrangement that is just under 1200 dollars that will get this thing going upwards to 50+, of course I don't need that speed, but I figured if I'm spending this kinda money on a scooter, its gotta be nice, I also plan to use this as entertainment as well The electric can be seen here - http://superscootersales.com/?wpsc-product=super-turbo-1000-lithium - It took me quite a while to find a Lithium powered scooter for this price, and with this power... I refuse to get a Sealed Lead Acid battery because while I surely can do without the weight, and charging time.. the life span is what concerns me. This scooter company claims this thing will last upwards of 1000-1500 cycles which is pleasing... but with a top speed of (possibly) 32 mph its a little upsetting because again I don't need the speed for the general transportation, I would certainly use it if I could. Pros & Cons of the Gas Scooter- Pros first- Name Brand, Well known, & Trusted Company (and site) Speed - Tuned, I can ride this thing going (up to) 55 which may be illegal but I don't mind ;) Life Span - Some Years, I will take care of it Perfectly Priced & Customized Cons Noise - This is the reason these things are illegal in other states and I don't want that to happen here, because of me. Its louder with the expansion chamber I would apply but I've put many silencers and smoother mechanisms into the design I wish to buy (hopefully will help) Gas/Oil - Surely Gas isn't a problem, I believe it gets about 60+ mpg and runs 21 miles per 1.5l tank.. which is good.. but its partially oil.. I'm not sure how much is used per tank, I haven't crunched the numbers but it may concern me if I need to buy specific oil every now and then just to use this thing- depends on how often Electric--------- Pros 1000 watt Battery - Best you can get in a stock scooter Lithium - Lasts Longer, Lighter, More powerful, Faster Charge 32 mph top speed - Great for electric .. Might be worth it Rechargeable.. simplicity is nice :P Silent - Perfect Cons Brand - Good Product Reviews & Customer Service - Not as known as GoPed Stock- No customization/ personality :( Speed - Good & Bad - can't decide - I just don't want to be disappointed . and I know I wont with the gas version I know that's alot to read .. And if you did, you rock you'll definitely have a better answer ;D than others who didn't read this.
Is Full-Sail University worth looking into? I graduated with a degree in psychology and creative writing, but I can't find jobs in those fields and am no longer interested in them. Although I am broke by its literal meaning of 0 dollars, I know I need to go back to school for something I would enjoy and find work in. With that said, I know I love music and all things audio related, and I even changed my major to recording arts for about a month but nobody I knew supported me on the decision. Now I stand jobless, unhappy, and full of regret that I stuck with psychology. However, I did attend DeVry University for a short while prior to my psychology pursuit and absolutely hated it. I was in for game design straight out of high school, and the nerd atmosphere irked me, plus I became skeptical of DeVry's reputation and worth. So, I dropped out. I have always had my eye on Full-Sail, but once again, my family and friends did not support the idea, claiming that it'd be a DeVry repeat. At the time, I listened because I knew my social life was more important to me and I would not find it anywhere but at a typical 4-year university. Full-Sail, of course, flaunts their reputation through former students earning Emmys and other major entertainment/production awards. However, I am still not really sure if it is all they show it to be, and I have learned that institutions that advertise frequently on TV are usually not very strong or worth the time and investment. So, I am hoping several of you can shed some light on the quality of Full-Sail for me, either from your own experience with it or people you know. I know now, even though my social life isn't where I want it to be, that I would focus fully on school. I had my bachelor's level of fun, but now I need money and a plan for my future that I wouldn't hate waking up to everyday. If you can suggest a better university known for its audio engineering programs or show production, I'd be glad to hear them.
I need to know what color area rug to buy to go with my white walls and slate blue couch and chair... help!? The area rug needs to keep the room light and not suck the space out of the room by making it feel closed in or smaller than it is. The walls of the living room are white (I'm renting so they have to stay white), my couch and chair are slate blue, what area rug would look good (the carpet is brown and gross so the area rug is going to cover it up) also, what color should the tv/ entertainment center be? I was thinking of doing a washed out white or blue--would this look good? Are there any free online tools that let you design your virtual room?
Chapter 1 and 2, Any good? I know they are short but Im gna have ALOT of chapters. Are these any good? Chapter 1 My mother came in to my room violently slamming my door shut behind her. “Karmen Drake what is the matter with you! You little brat!” she screamed. “What did I do mom? Huh? What?” I replied knowing what I was getting myself into. “You have no potential Karmen! Face it!” she barked at me. I think she was drunk because she wouldn’t tell me what I screwed up on… She whipped her hand across my face as hard as she possibly could. “You deserved that you good for nothing freak of nature!” my mom said shaking her hand as if her smacking my face hurt her hand as well. “ Mom!” I cried. I pulled my hand to my cheek which was burning with pain. My mom started to laugh for no reason what so ever. “ Kyle is downstairs so stay up here or I’ll break your nose, got it?” “Whatever”, I grunted. The burning on my cheek lessoned but was still very noticeable. I sat on my bed teary eyed. The light squeezed itself through my blinds and I enjoyed the warmth. I grabbed a locket given to me by my father. He passed away 6 years ago and I only have one picture of him which is in this locket. I felt it’s surface with my thumb, the design had an unusual texture to it and I loved it. The bumpy, wrinkled feeling reminded me of my fathers uniqueness. His smile was always uneven but still brighter than any celebrities. His hair was fun and curly and bounced with him when we jumped on our old trampoline. Then my dad got brain cancer and went bald. I still loved him though. He goofed around and said his head was smoother than a babies bottom. My dad’s luck ran out November 4th, and it devastated me. Now I am stuck with my alcoholic, abusive mother. She stabbed my hand and then told the doctor I fell on a rake. Because of her is why I’m in my room. Her boyfriend is down there, and he doesn’t know I exist. She doesn’t want him to know, she says I’m a disappointment, a failure, a mistake. Maybe that’s why she’s so abusive, maybe she is trying to get rid of me… Chapter 2 I wished I could get away, you know, find someone that doesn’t have anger issues. My cheek felt much better but was still red. I took a deep breath and shook the thought away about mom wanting to kill me. I walked over to the vent which was right over the kitchen, since I have no television I need some entertainment. When she is with Kyle, she is so fake. I laid down and rested my ear against the cold metal vent. “I’m sorry Kyle, we have rats upstairs, just checking the traps” my mom said in an innocent tone. “ You want me to help you get rid of em’?” he offered. “ Oh no dear, I wouldn’t want to be a burden. I can deal with them varmints myself.” she said quickly. “ Ok hun, since we are alone you want to…” he said slowly. I pulled my ear away, I didn’t want to hear anything else. I looked around my room, it is messy since my mother had a fit. She got mad at me because when she made me cook supper, I forgot to put ice in her lemonade and a single piece of basil next to her sandwich. She came up here and threw my clothes all over and knocked my lamp over. Then she pushed me into my mirror. I had glass in my back and she just laughed. I don’t know why she does this to me. She says I need to be institutionalized for being screwed up but at least I don’t push kids into mirrors, and slap them, and threaten them, push them, and stab them in the hands. She’s crazy. The thought that she was trying to kill me snuck back into my thoughts. I cringed at the idea and laid down to rest. I woke up to a hard pounding on my door. “Karmen! Seth called! Karmen! You, you ignorant beast! Call your poor friend, I’m surprised you got friends Karmen!” she hollered through the door. “Ok mom! Why not?” I said not thinking. She barged in my room and punched me in the stomach. “What was that for? I’m going to call the police mom!” I cried as the air rushed out of me. “You call them and they will find you dead in the oven!” she screamed. She pushed the picture of Grandma Ida off the desk and it shattered. My eyes stared at my mom in horror, “Was she gonna kill me?”, I wondered. “ You remember that devil”, she called leaving my room. She never said anything like that to me, my heart raced, and I was terrified, terrified for my life.
What dose this context mean? There's an article in my English textbook regarding a circus i don't understand anything from it it's complicated i'd appreciate if you explain it to me in a way that i understand the dictionary hasn't been helpful. here is the context "At the heart of the circus is the desire to combine acrobatics with refinded acting. perfectly designed, everything - wailing music, dramatic lighting, elaborate costumers, strange images and mystical themes-meshes into a spellbinding whole, Cirque du soleil's productions are entertainments without comparison with have a charm all their own" what do "at the heart, dramatic lighting,elaborate costumers, meshe .whole and... "here mean?
Is the bell deal with a $399 dell inspiron mni 9 a good deal? i was gonna buy a laptop myself but then my parents got this email and asked me if i wanted this laptop instead is it a good deal? but i think ill change it to vista if i can. this is what the info needed says: Introducing Your New Friend -connect with advanced wireless options -light and compact for an on-the-go lifestyle -dynamic &customizable user interface -4 hours battery life System Details: Processor: Intel Atom N270 (1.6GHz) Screen: 8.9" WSVGA TrueLife LCD Operating System: Windows XP Home Edition Memory: 1GB Hard Drive: 8GB Solid State Hard Drive Camera: Intergrated 1.3MP Camera Battery: 4 Cell Stay Informed: The Inspiron Mini 9 is equipped with simple user-friendly appllications that allo you to easily keep up with what's going on in the world around you. Moblie Entertainment: The Inspiron Mini 9 is designed to keep you connected to your favourite entertainment. When you are on the go, you can still have acess to email, shopping, and the web.
Would 4gb of ram speed up my computer alot? heres my system specs: HP DV7 entertainment p.c. 2.2 GHz dual core AMD turion processor 4 GB of ram (upgrade to 8 gb) 320 gb 7200-rpm hard drive with protect smart (protects hard-drive in falls etc.) ATI 4500M HD graphics card (I've run Sims 3/ fallout 3 without a problem) 17.0" HD high gloss screen touch media buttons (play, pause, volume, wireless etc.) wireless remote for media (slides into laptop) Hp in screen web cam dual array microphone standard HP battery approx. bat time : 2-4 hours depending on use I've had it run for 3.5 hours playing games comes with hp standard adapter full keyboard with number pad Operating system : Windows 7 Ultimate 64 bit chrome trim and touch pad Connections: 4 usb (1 sata usb but can work as a normal usb as well) standard monitor out HDMI out card reader DVD/CD/multi writer with Light scribe technology (laser engrave light scribe cd's with designs) Ethernet and dial-up in
How much does a small television cost? HELP!? I am a young middle schooler, trying to add some flair and entertainment to my room. I have light green walls (except the walk in closet door which is white), elegant white furniture which includes my QUEEN bed, my white small desk with my laptop and study materials, and big white book case, which I plan to put my televison in. I have nice pink accents, such as pink bedding (with white polka dots) and more extra designs. I have excellent, expensive, and new hard wood flooring. It is a positive area, which I like. My dad says he will get me a television, no problem. But I want to earn the television myself. But the problem is I have no idea, whatsoever what kind and how much will this televison cost? I am looking for a range of 50$ to 150$... Either black or white. Flat screened and quite small actually - like a desktop computer moniter. If you have any personal experiences, ratings, ideas , and ANSWERS- PLEASE comment:) Have a great day!
Which is better the Kindle or the Sony e-reader? I want buy e-reader but not sure which one to buy Sony E- Reader £159.99 Sliver •Lighter than a typical paperback at just 220g, designed to fit in your bag or pocket. •Easy to read 5in E Ink Vizplex paper-like screen has no backlight or flicker so you can read for hours. •Intuitive and easy to use controls let you scroll smoothly down the page, read page-by-page or fast forward through an eBook title. •Easily and speedily transfer from your PC to your Reader Pocket Edition via USB 2.0 cable. •Intuitive eBook Library software for PC and Mac makes it easy to download eBooks. •Built-in 512MB memory easily stores around 350 eBook titles, so you can carry all your favourite thrillers, biographies or romantic novels on-the-go. •Long battery life with 6,800 continuous page turns from a single charge - enough to last up to 2 weeks. •Read eBooks in a choice of file formats: Reader Pocket Edition supports EPUB (industry standard), PDF, Text, RTF, Word and BBeB. •Add bookmarks for a real reading experience, automatically find the page you were last reading, and call up stored eBooks quickly by Author, Title or Date. •5in screen. •Battery life with up to 6800 page turns on one charge. •2 hours charge time with the optional UK/continental AC Adaptor,full charge in only 4 hours from a laptop or PC via the supplied high speed USB cable. •Choose from 3 adjustable font sizes to improve readability. •8 levels of grey scale give ultra fine text detail. •Includes USB cable and quick start guide. http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/5010150/c_1/1%7Ccategory_root%7CHome+entertainment+and+sat+nav%7C14419512/c_2/2%7C14419512%7CEbook+readers%7C14419705.htm Kindle Display Size 6" diagonal Display Type E Ink Pearl Size 190 mm x 123 mm x 8.5 mm Weight 241 grams Storage 3,500 books Battery Life (Wireless Off) 2 months Battery Life (Wireless On) 3 weeks Kindle is easy to read even in bright sunlight Download books, magazines, newspapers, blogs, and personal documents to a high contrast, E Ink screen that looks like real paper for the clearest text and sharpest images. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Kindle-Wireless-Reader-3G-Wifi-Graphite/dp/B002LVUWFE http://direct.tesco.com/content/specials/kindle.aspx
WHAT DO U THINK OF THIS HORROR STORY IDEA? First of all, thanks to all who answer honestly... I need opinions/suggestions on this science fiction/horror idea I have in mind, that I sort of based of a number of different things. In the future, due to deplenishment of resources and overpopulation on Earth, a number of people are being sent to a nearby planet known as Artemis, which has been found as a world that can sustain human life. The people are transported using an airship-designed spacecraft that can fly at high speeds. The story deals with one particular airship, designed for the very rich, known as the Prestige. The ship is designed just like the titanic, with high class entertainment, and other luxuries. The main character is Arnold, a young ship caretaker who tends to the rich and to the ship as well, as well as other minor characters like his friend James, who has his wife waiting for him on Artemis. Arnold briefly has a crush on one of the high-class passengers, but once her parents refuse to let him meet her, he tries to forget about her. On their seventh day of the voyage, the ship unreasonably loses all sense of communication with nearby ships, Earth, and Artemis. People on the ship begin to show growing concern, but the crew captain continues to comfort them, stating that everything will be back up. But things get worse as over the next couple days, the ship stops moving, and temperatures begin to drop to extreme levels, causing the death of several passengers. Frightened with this, James, Arnold, and a number of other crew members are instructed to put on there gas masks and go to the ships hull to locate problems with the temp. gauge, and upon reaching there, the ship's emergency lights also go out. Nearby, the crew members see a another airship, and report to the captain to get its attention, but something happens that causes the crew members to go unconscious. When they wake up, see that the ship has gone of course. Finding out that the ship has been breached, and anchored by a massive spacecraft of unknown origin, the crew members put on their gravity suits, exit the hull to enter the main section of the ship to see that all the passengers have gone missing. They soon find out that their ship has been raided by alien creatures, and that they have been under the hull for four days. It ultimately results in a survival game for all of them, as they desperately try to escape the ship while the aliens continue to come after them.
wrtyujtgrefdjksdfbhdkjsagbvkjsdfgvsdfjagvkleasf? Module 2: Careers in Photography Fashion Photographers: People pay for fashion photographers so they can see the latest designs/trends for fashion. A lot of shows such as America’s Next Top Model use photographers, and if they didn’t have fashion photographers they wouldn’t have a show. It’s critical for them. Magazines use fashion photographers. Just take a look at an everyday fashion magazine; there are tons of fashion pictures in them, all taken by a fashion photographer. If there weren’t fashion photographers, we’d be losing lots of entertainment. It’s special because you’re able to see all angles of fashion through a few different pictures. I don’t think just anybody could do this job. You would have to know about angles and which direction is the best way to take a picture. Scientific Photographers: Scientific photography is how we learn today. If you go on the internet to look something educational up, and there’s photos in it, most were taken for science. In textbooks there’s tons of science. Where would we be without it? The photos show us new discoveries that may change parts of our life. What would we know about space without photos? Nothing. Without searching space before we flew into it, we would be taking huge risks. The photos are special because they teach us what we didn’t know about before. You would need somebody who knows what they’re looking for and how to capture a picture perfectly to take this job. Motion Picture Photographers: We’d lose one of our major sources of entertainment if we gave this up. These photographers capture each moment of the movie to show to us. If these photographers weren’t trained, they could miss the scene completely, or have a really bad angle. In each movie there’s about two or three cameras all over the room so it can capture the right angle. You’d need a skilled camera guy for this. He has to know how to follow the scene exactly. Newspaper and Television Photographers: The news provides us with information that is valuable to us. The cameras capture the moments that can change a life. We’d know nothing without those images or without the cameras the tape the news. The images that they provide for the news shows us what really went on, and sometimes how to prevent that. The camera that tapes the news is the thing we rely on the most to figure out things. Without the camera, we’d hear nothing about what happened that day. I think anybody could do this job. It’s not that hard. All you need to know if keep a camera placed on the news broadcasters. Wedding and portrait photographers: This is an important job because it captures sentiment moments for people. If you miss the shot, you’ve just lost a job basically. Portraits can be for anything: Family portraits, school portraits, ect. You need to have good aim and precise time for this job. I think you need skill for this job. It’s not just a job for anybody. A converging lens is sometimes used as a magnifying glass. This is probably what a zoom is properly called. A diverging lens will produce a virtual image. An example of this is a Smart Board. Transmitted light is light that has passes through a transparent or translucent material. The amount of light that has passed through the material depends on the density level. A pinhole camera is a simple camera that has no lens and a very small aperture. Basically, it’s a small light-proof box with a small hole on one side. Focal length is the distance from the optical center of the lens to the focal point. Aperture is the hole/opening in the camera where light travels through. The f-numbers expresses the diameter of the entrance pupil. Stopping down is reducing the the size of the iris of a lens. Reflected light is when light, from a light source, reflects off an object before the photo is taken. Refracted light is when the waves change, causeing us to see something else.A telephoto lens is a specific construction of a long focal length. When the shutter is closed, the aperture is being controlled with it. The time of the aperture can vary anywhere from, 1/8000 of a second to 30 seconds.
Decorating help with dark blue walls? I am in total need of decorating help. I have my formal living room that I want to do a dark blue wall color and then a white sofa and then lighten the dark blue wall with cream curtains and silver and white accents with hints of gold around. I have a blank living room so I can go with anything, the only problem I am concerned about is that my home is very open concept and when you first walk in the living room is on the right side and you can view the formal dining room and the family room. How can I make my living room it's own room but make the rooms flow together (family room and dining room) without so much of the blah neutrals like tan and white like my rooms are now :). My carpet is a light tan color and I also have tile through the main walk way from the front door to the family room. The floor is like a marble swirl of browns, and cream. Please any help or ideas or do you think a bold blue color on the wall will be too much. You can view a picture of the idea I have. I like how they have designed this particular. Also, if it help my living room has lots of windows and natural light so during the day i can open the blinds. If you think this dark rich blue wall color is doable what colors would you suggest for my family room? so that everything will flow nicely. i want something nice and inviting for the family room as its the main entertainment and hang out are for family and friends. Thanks for your help and suggestions. http://www.bassettfurniture.com/tools/rooms-we-love.asp The link i added did not work so once you click on it go to "living spaces" and click on that, scroll down and its the room with the dark blue walls and blue and white furniture.
What do you think of this? Freeform.? The stadium roared with the energized drones of the civilians, and the smoke pouring out from under my opponent’s heavily-armored cage blurred my vision of his face. Before he was a passionate force of the earth’s obsession to disaster and death, and now his bulky, powerful muscles were sheathed by the white mist and his low growls blanketed by the huge wall of buzzing all around us. They cheered the monster on, believing he was some sort of imposter-combatant toward me and this was a practice run of lethality, but would it only be until I was slaughtered that they realized their mistake? The lie was a city-wide presumption, but no results were really what they seemed. They should always know that. Outside of this bitter society, none of the army men would survive – not even the exclusively strong ones – and mere townspeople were practically already graveyard material. But I was designed for that kind of gravy. I guess you could call me the designated warrior to Pangaea, at least to the extents of this place. Here I was though, nature’s ultimate hero birthed within the walls of such a pathetic town, and now a disease-breathing Capital Dog was the only barricade between my environmental palace and I. No one would anticipate my forgotten memories of Re Vera until they noticed my name among the urban stories and daily news tales, but that was only possible if I lived through this wolf’s ripping claws, toxic spit, and fire-bitten tail. His hereditary features were better left unscathed and untamed by the humans, but my father insisted on utilizing the animal’s “fine” confliction between life and death for purposes of everyday entertainment. That was one of the two reasons why my oily blood was about to be splattered like thick paint all across the paved hills of the stadium. The other was crafty and true to my history, but still no need for hustling in a thirteen-foot tall, ravenous, rabid, probably angry wolf with a tail etched with venom-infused spikes to prove my prophecy. Guilty with assumptions of my own failure, I stepped forward on the dusty cement ground. “Eat her alive!” One bronze man yelped from the third seating row up in the crowds, his gangly arms swimming around hastily in the air above his giant head. He yearned for violence now, but I wondered what he would result to when this thing actually yanked my body down its swollen throat. Would he reach some sort of epiphany and walk out with dazed movements and wandering eyes, or would he rather run like no other pace of the wind through his yellow hair was acceptable? The afternoon light draped over the loud field, and suddenly all the hidden shadows accessible to me grew darker from the pale sun’s radiance. I could stash myself into the crammed locker rooms deep inside the bowels of the inner arena, but what courageous destiny-bringer would do that? What artist of time would swallow her guts like that and allow the theatre life to get the best of her? All spines were hunched in at this point, as if my actions were distant, my mind a psychological chalk board open for business. It raced at the speed of light and with the stubborn agility of the hungry wolf just yards before me, huffing out broken swirls of fog from his flaring nostrils. Just then I felt the agonizing, humiliating anxiety rush through my innards, spurting around my heart and oozing through its barren chambers. Of course, I had to be bothered at the worst moment of all my battles, and the most important, influential one too. If I slipped in one direction of weaker air, my fight was over, and the finale would succumb to this mangy mutt panting his brains out in his rusty little box. Father would have my ashes tossed away in a useless chasm far inside the bowels of the castle, where only he could touch my remnants and continue to loathe them like he did now. I had to now and forever promise myself that eternity’s grasp for the dead would never contain me, bruise me, or punish me. Never. Or else feel the heated wrath of my deceased legacy; a tight knick in the nose for shoving me the wrong way. Blow me away, I thought hopefully and crouched, preparing my anatomy for the stretch I would initiate any second now, slice me up and throw the bits away. Recycle, if you want to. But don’t hold back, don’t get scared, and don’t look at the faces betting on your soul to lose. They can get a life of their own to fall back with their gambling on. The otherworldly wolf brushed his forepaw over the screeching cement ground, his throaty, intimidating growl churning into a hiss. His furry lips slithered open, revealing newfound thirsts for my defeat with his rotten, black fangs. I was dead. I was a victim of myself and of this strange oddity birthed from the condemning, bottomless fountains of hatred, illness, and danger.
Physical Education Help? 1. The intensity range recommended for beginners to cardiorespiratory conditioning is A) 100 to 110 beats per second. B) 115 to 120 beats per second. C) 120 to 145 beats per second. D) 140 to 170 beats per second. 2. A beginner to cardiorespiratory conditioning should engage in aerobic activity A) 1-2 days per week. B) 2-3 days per week. C) 3-5 days per week. D) 5-7 days per week. 3. To maintain moderate fitness, you should do all of the following EXCEPT A) be aerobically active every day. B) accumulate 225 minutes of aerobic activity every week. C) participate in cardiorespiratory exercises that are neither too light nor too heavy. D) be aerobically active no more than 2 times per week. 4. The level of intensity in aerobic conditioning can be expressed as a measure of A) resting pulse rate. B) target heart rate. C) maximum heart rate. D) VO2max. 5. A person who is deconditioned might BEST be described as A) someone who has been kicked off the football team for failing to observe training guidelines. B) someone who has been away from training for a period after achieving at least moderate levels of fitness. C) someone who has gained so much weight from years of living a sedentary lifestyle that they are at serious risk. D) someone who is practicing a new sport. 6. Factors to consider when buying fitness equipment include all of the following EXCEPT A) intended use. B) duration of each exercise session. C) space. D) warranty. 7. It is important to maintain home exercise equipment to ensure safety and effectiveness. All of the following are maintenance tips EXCEPT A) inspecting all equipment regularly. B) cleaning equipment before and after each use. C) inspecting equipment once a year D) reading the operating manual or instructions before using equipment. 8. The most popular type of home fitness equipment is A) a treadmill. B) a stair-stepper. C) an elliptical motion trainer. D) a stationary bicycle. 9. Which type of cross-country ski machine offers a more vigorous workout and best simulates real cross-country skiing? A) Dependent B) Independent C) Stationary D) Recumbent 10. Since the main muscle of your cardiovascular system is the _____, this is the muscle that should be overloaded during an aerobic workout. A) lungs B) heart C) diaphragm D) chest 11. Like any other fitness goal, cardiorespiratory FITT must be designed to achieve the principle of A) overload. B) resistance. C) progression. D) dynamic relaxation. 12. A(n) _____mimics the natural motions of running but without placing stress on the joints. A) treadmill B) in-line running machine C) elliptical motion trainer D) stationary bicycle 13. If you are deconditioned, you could begin doing _____ workouts at low intensity to accumulate your 20 to 30-minute exercise session. A) high impact B) low impact C) resistance D) interval 14. The six factors to consider when buying home fitness equipment are intended use, cost, space, accessibility, _____, and service. A) entertainment value B) safety C) time D) level of difficulty 15. The progression principle does not apply to cardiorespiratory activity. A) True B) False 16. Stair-steppers can cost anywhere from $100 to $3000. A) True B) False 17. The main muscles of your cardiovascular system are the lungs. A) True B) False 18. Before purchasing home fitness equipment, it is a good idea to compare the cost of the equipment with the cost of joining a gym or fitness center. A) True B) False 19. Some stair-steppers simulate the action of walking up a flight of stairs, while on others, you walk on escalator-like stairs in a continuous manner. A) True B) False 20. Most teens are advised to work at between 60 and 90 percent of their target heart rate range, but teens that have been sedentary may need to start out at 40 to 50 percent of their target heart rate range. A) True B) False 21. Individuals with low-to-moderate levels of cardiorespiratory fitness should work at sessions that last 40 to 60 minutes. A) True B) False
Which external hard drive do you think is best? I will be using this external hard drive to back up home videos and thousands of family photos. I have listed three. I have windows 7 computer and plan on using this for a long time to store my photos and short video clips. Also, if you could tell me how many photos and videos you think it would store. Do you think brand matters? Thanks! 1. Toshiba- The LifeStudio Desk external drive automatically finds and organizes photos, movies and music files into a stunning 3D wall, so you can easily view all your content from your computer and popular sites like Facebook™. With plenty of capacity for automatic local backup and included online backup capabilities, its easy to protect your entire digital library. And you can access your files from any computer or smartphone using an Internet browser, or share with others by sending a web link. iPad® and iPhone® apps are also available for an additional cost. More than an ordinary hard drive–this is the hard drive re-invented. Model: HIR0S02662 •1TB capacity •3.5" external hard disk drive •USB 2.0 / 1.1 interface •Sleek vertical design Includes: •AC power adapter •USB cable •Hitachi Backup™ software •LifeStudio™ software System Requirements: •Windows® ◦Available USB 2.0 / 1.1 port ◦OS: Windows 7 / Vista / XP •Mac® ◦Available USB 2.0 / 1.1 port ◦OS: Built for Mac OS X 10.5 or newer Color: Black Power: 120-240V (auto adjusts), AC, 50/60Hz Size: 7 1/8"H x 4 3/4"W x 3 1/4"L 2. Hitatchi - Solid and ready whenever you are with the dependable speed of USB 2.0. When you need pure storage muscle, choose a drive that makes backing up your life a little easier. Because nothing should ever get in the way of your memories, movies, music and entertainment. Backed by Hitachi’s reputation for quality, reliability and a world-renowned R&D heritage for advanced hard disk drives used to store, preserve and manage the world’s most valued data. Model: HIR0S02484 •1TB capacity •3.5" external hard disk drive •USB 2.0 interface •Smooth, textured body for sure grip Includes: •Hitachi Local Backup™ software •3-yr. Hitachi factory warranty System Requirements: •Windows® ◦Available USB 2.0 / 1.1 port ◦OS: Windows 7 / Vista / XP •Mac® ◦Available USB 2.0 / 1.1 port ◦OS: Built for Mac OS X 10.3 or newer Color: Black Power: 120-240V (auto adjusts), AC, 50/60Hz Size: 1 7/8"H x 7 1/4"W x 5 1/4"L Model: HD-381BK-U3 external enclosure with aluminum hairline finished & SuperSpeed USB 3.0 Connection. It has latest USB 3.0 technology which is 10 times faster than USB 2.0. Quickly store and backup your data. Aluminum casing has well protected the hard drive and good heat dissipation. This is a perfect 3.5" enclosure for you. Features: - SuperSpeed USB 3.0 Interface - 10 times faster than USB 2.0 - Backwards compatible with USB 2.0/ 1.1 - Supports most 3.5" SATA I/II hard drive - Power and HDD Activity LED lights - With one-touch backup function - Hot swap, Plug and Play - Aluminum casing for heat dissipation - Supports SATA I/II, SATA 6Gb/s drives - Compliant with USB3.0 Specification Revision 1.0 - Compliant with USB Specification Revision 2.0 - Support USB Super-Speed, High-Speed and Full-Speed Operation - Bus bandwidth of USB up to 5Gbps - Secured PCB Mount of USB 3.0 interface for Durability - Compliance with Serial ATA Specification Revision 2.6 Specifications: Interface USB 3.0 Transfer Rate USB 3.0 up to 5Gb/s / USB 2.0 up to 480Mbps HDD 3.5" SATA I/II Hard Disk Drives up to 2TB Power Adapter AC input 100-240V; DC Output 12V Material Aluminum Size: 7.50"W x 1.20"L x 4.30"H Weight: 0.75 lbs. 3. Cheapest of the 3 - Coolmax brand - Model: HD-381BK-U3 external enclosure with aluminum hairline finished & SuperSpeed USB 3.0 Connection. It has latest USB 3.0 technology which is 10 times faster than USB 2.0. Quickly store and backup your data. Aluminum casing has well protected the hard drive and good heat dissipation. This is a perfect 3.5" enclosure for you. Features: - SuperSpeed USB 3.0 Interface - 10 times faster than USB 2.0 - Backwards compatible with USB 2.0/ 1.1 - Supports most 3.5" SATA I/II hard drive - Power and HDD Activity LED lights - With one-touch backup function - Hot swap, Plug and Play - Aluminum casing for heat dissipation - Supports SATA I/II, SATA 6Gb/s drives - Compliant with USB3.0 Specification Revision 1.0 - Compliant with USB Specification Revision 2.0 - Support USB Super-Speed, High-Speed and Full-Speed Operation - Bus bandwidth of USB up to 5Gbps - Secured PCB Mount of USB 3.0 interface for Durability - Compliance with Serial
Physical Education Questions - Help!? 1. The intensity range recommended for beginners to cardiorespiratory conditioning is A) 100 to 110 beats per second. B) 115 to 120 beats per second. C) 120 to 145 beats per second. D) 140 to 170 beats per second. 2. A beginner to cardiorespiratory conditioning should engage in aerobic activity A) 1-2 days per week. B) 2-3 days per week. C) 3-5 days per week. D) 5-7 days per week. 3. To maintain moderate fitness, you should do all of the following EXCEPT A) be aerobically active every day. B) accumulate 225 minutes of aerobic activity every week. C) participate in cardiorespiratory exercises that are neither too light nor too heavy. D) be aerobically active no more than 2 times per week. 4. The level of intensity in aerobic conditioning can be expressed as a measure of A) resting pulse rate. B) target heart rate. C) maximum heart rate. D) VO2max. 5. A person who is deconditioned might BEST be described as A) someone who has been kicked off the football team for failing to observe training guidelines. B) someone who has been away from training for a period after achieving at least moderate levels of fitness. C) someone who has gained so much weight from years of living a sedentary lifestyle that they are at serious risk. D) someone who is practicing a new sport. 6. Factors to consider when buying fitness equipment include all of the following EXCEPT A) intended use. B) duration of each exercise session. C) space. D) warranty. 7. It is important to maintain home exercise equipment to ensure safety and effectiveness. All of the following are maintenance tips EXCEPT A) inspecting all equipment regularly. B) cleaning equipment before and after each use. C) inspecting equipment once a year D) reading the operating manual or instructions before using equipment. 8. The most popular type of home fitness equipment is A) a treadmill. B) a stair-stepper. C) an elliptical motion trainer. D) a stationary bicycle. 9. Which type of cross-country ski machine offers a more vigorous workout and best simulates real cross-country skiing? A) Dependent B) Independent C) Stationary D) Recumbent 10. Since the main muscle of your cardiovascular system is the _____, this is the muscle that should be overloaded during an aerobic workout. A) lungs B) heart C) diaphragm D) chest 11. Like any other fitness goal, cardiorespiratory FITT must be designed to achieve the principle of A) overload. B) resistance. C) progression. D) dynamic relaxation. 12. A(n) _____mimics the natural motions of running but without placing stress on the joints. A) treadmill B) in-line running machine C) elliptical motion trainer D) stationary bicycle 13. If you are deconditioned, you could begin doing _____ workouts at low intensity to accumulate your 20 to 30-minute exercise session. A) high impact B) low impact C) resistance D) interval 14. The six factors to consider when buying home fitness equipment are intended use, cost, space, accessibility, _____, and service. A) entertainment value B) safety C) time D) level of difficulty 15. The progression principle does not apply to cardiorespiratory activity. A) True B) False 16. Stair-steppers can cost anywhere from $100 to $3000. A) True B) False 17. The main muscles of your cardiovascular system are the lungs. A) True B) False 18. Before purchasing home fitness equipment, it is a good idea to compare the cost of the equipment with the cost of joining a gym or fitness center. A) True B) False 19. Some stair-steppers simulate the action of walking up a flight of stairs, while on others, you walk on escalator-like stairs in a continuous manner. A) True B) False 20. Most teens are advised to work at between 60 and 90 percent of their target heart rate range, but teens that have been sedentary may need to start out at 40 to 50 percent of their target heart rate range. A) True B) False 21. Individuals with low-to-moderate levels of cardiorespiratory fitness should work at sessions that last 40 to 60 minutes. A) True B) False 22. Match each item of exercise equipment with its matching description. A. the level of intensity in aerobic conditioning can be expressed as a measure of this B. two main types are upright and recumbent C. allows you to train the upper and lower body simultaneously; D. excellent option that the whole family can use year round treadmill stationary bicycle maximum heart rate elliptical motion trainer
Should I sell my xBox 360 for a $350 used 40 gigabite PlayStation 3 (PS3)? I bought an xBox 360 in March of 2007. In May of 2007 I got the "Red Ring of Death" (3 flashing red lights). After a month and a half, I got my xBox back. In May of 2008, I had to send my 360 to be worked on again due to problems that had supposedly been "fixed" the last time (keep in mind I never leave my 360 running for long periods of time and NEVER while unattended). The FedEx guy told me that he sees roughly 10-20 xBox 360's per week and that I should just give in and get a PS3. At first, I was in no way willing to betray my current entertainment provider (I had a PS1 and a PS2 which were both sold for an original xBox which was sold to buy the 360). However, when I went to my local game store and found a used 40 gig PS3 for only $350 my opinion started to change. I'm now seriously considering the PS3 but I want to make the most informed decision I can. I've already lost over 2 months of gameplay to poor designs by Microsoft. PLEASE HELP ME DECIDE WHAT TO DO!
proofread my essay! Its a school gap essay for the University at Buffalo? I'm trying to transfer to a university and I've met all the requirements so far. I just need to make a school gap essay. Can anyone please help me and proofread my essay? School gap essay: In my high school years, I was in Special Education classes. I was born with a mental disorder known as Dyslexia or Learning Disability. When I was in special education, I felt very depressed and had no self-confidence. My life was full of sadness and clouded with darkness. Since high school, my activities are computer graphics, home schooling, and science. These activities gave me comfort and shed some light through the dark void in my life. During my four years of high school, I gained a lot of interest in computer graphics. One of the guidance counselors decided to help me enroll in a Graphic Arts class. In graphic arts, I would practice designing 3D objects using a program called 3D Studio Max. The 3D program, 3D Studio Max, was my first computer graphics program that I enjoyed using all the time. After 3D Studio Max, I learned how to use other programs like Adobe Illustrator, Adobe Photoshop, Maya 3D, Flash Studio MX, Blender 3D, and Quark Express. While I was learning all these programs through a tutorial provided by the graphic arts instructor, I was trying to start my own digital media company called Castle Entertainment. When I graduated from high school, I did not earn a high school diploma. Because I was in Special Education, I had to home school myself to get a GED certificate. Studying at home for a future was the most difficult goal to complete. There were times when I cried because I cannot understand a problem or instructions. I kept pushing and told myself to “Never give up!” Finally, after three years of hard studying, I finally managed to pass the GED exam and earn my certificate. I was very proud of myself on doing something so difficult. For the first time in my life, I can finally see a bright future for myself. Later on, I was planning to enroll in Valencia Community College and try to find a job. Few weeks later, a retail store called Circuit City, hired me for a position in sales. While I was working for Circuit City, I gained a lot of interest in science. My interest in science began when I saw pictures of the universe through the internet. My interest in science grew larger when mathematics seemed like a puzzle in my own eyes. I then realized that mathematics is full of possibilities and endless discoveries. In my first semester of college, I decided to major in physics. Physics is a very interesting subject that can relate to mathematics and the universe. Because of physics, I believe that it can make anything possible. In the end, my struggle and failures have turned into something better. I finally have the courage and confidence to pursue my career in physics. I would never think that I would try to become a physicist because I am dyslexic. I now know that being a physicist is a very challenging road. However, I believe that I can overcome any obstacle and be victorious in the end. As Albert Einstein said, "Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater." – Albert Einstein
Is this computer ripped off? PRODUCT FEATURES :$1055AUD OPERATING SYSTEM Windows 7 Premium Edition Windows 7 is designed to be more reliable, more responsive and to make the things you do every day easier. Windows 7 Home Premium makes it easy to create a home network and share all of your favorite photos, videos and music. And you can watch shows for free when and where you want with Internet TV on Windows Media Center. Get the best entertainment experience with Windows 7 Home Premium. PROCESSOR 2.40 GHz AMD Turion II Ultra Dual-Core Mobile Processor M600 Dual core systems can process twice the amount of information, meaning that your system will run faster and crunch twice the amount of data at the same time This processor has two processing engines that work in tandem, providing twice more power than traditional 2.4 GHz single-core models 2 CORES X 2.4 GHZ = 4.8 GHZ DISPLAY 17.3” WXGA High-Definition Widescreen Display - You'll enjoy razor-sharp graphics and widescreen movies with the 17-inch WXGA high-definition screen.It has a widescreen resolution of 1600 x 900 pixels--perfect for watching DVD movies the way they were meant to be seen. VIDEO CARD ATI Mobility Radeon HD 4650 with up to 2815MB total available graphics memory and 1024MB dedicated video memory; HDMI output ; MEMORY 4GB memory for multitasking power- enough for the most demanding users, gamers and multimedia professionals ( expandable to 8GB) HARD DRIVE 640 GB ( 7200 rpm) dual hard drives (2 x 320GB) make it easy to backup and upgrade. CD/DVD Drive Lightscribe Blu-Ray ROM Drive with Super Multi DVD writer, which lets you read Blu-ray discs, read HD DVD discs, and read/write/copy traditional DVDs and CDs Watch Blu-ray Disc movies in crystal clear resolution with the Blu-ray drive NETWORKING Built-in High speed wireless "N" Card lets you connect in almost any airport lounge, café or public hotspot. Internal 56K Modem and Integrated Network Card Integrated High Speed Wireless (802.11a/g/n) Share more, access more, and do more over your home or small office network Built-in Web cam and microphone let you easily communicate with friends and family Connectivity & Expansion All types of internet ready- Wireless, Cable/LAN and Dialup. It includes a next-generation ExpressCard 54/34 card slot which lets you take advantage of thinner, faster, and lighter expansion cards for even more advanced wireless, networking, storage, and security features. You get a good offering of connectivity options: connect to TVs, cameras, peripherals and more 5-in-1 integrated Digital Media Reader for Secure Digital cards, MultiMedia cards, Memory Stick, Memory Stick Pro, or xD Picture cards 4 Universal Serial Bus (USB) 2.0 2 Headphone out - 1 w/SPDIF Digital Audio & 1 stereo 1 microphone-in 1 VGA (15-pin) 1 RJ-11 (modem) 1 RJ -45 (LAN) 1 notebook expansion port 3 1 IEEE 1394 Firewire (4-pin) 1 Consumer IR 1 HDMI
am i good at writing? hello i am new to writing storys but i only want to do it if im good here part of my first one its not long but i think its good what do you guys think, im not going to make this one much longer but if you guys like it im going to write a novel alot longer one around 250 pages Larger than Earth, the ship called the Metal-City the ship, is the first city-ship, a city that is a giant spacecraft. All of it's eighty thousand citizens are on board. The ship is made from a metal called Urantitverium, the hardest substance ever created, an alloy of uranium, titanium, silver and plutonium. Urantitverium is colored purple so the ship does not need painted, Urantitverium is also one of the lightest metals. The Metal-City, can go to speeds of seven hundred space miles an hour, one space mile is around twenty-four light-years. The fastest ship ever created except for the war ship called The Barbarian. The ship is greatly larger than earth but only carries eighty thousand people as it is heading from Jupiter, to the planet Deminis a planet which is filled with many people and is running out of space. The mission for Metal-City is to take many people and fill its living quarters with Deminian. After the ships living quarters is filled it will search for a new planet with a livable atmosphere and transport vital resources for the Deminians to build colonies on the new planet. The ship for it's size is extreamly easy to maneuver in space, the only flaw is that if an asteroid belt is near the ship has to go around it, it is so large it can not go straight through. The ships technology is far advanced to other ships, it has the technology to transport people to other regions of the ship, it even has the technology to create holograms of people, that have never lived, the holograms are just like real people but do all the difficult work, the holograms teach in the schools, they clean the ship, they repair the robots, they do all the work nobody wants to do. In the ship people work in many doing hundreds of different jobs, such as designing new technology's in the lab, navigating the ship and one of the most important jobs is keeping the hologramatic server working, The hologramatic server is a computer that makes sure the holograms are working and that they don't commit mutiny. Some people work alongside the holograms, there are currently twelve thousand different holograms all with their own personality and each with their own unique strengths and weaknesses. The Metal-City started being built in the year 2067 and was finished in the year 2390. It took many years and many millions of Seed, Seed is the universal currency released in 2045. The ship has many defenses such as force field, a field that protects the ship from almost anything. The ship has lasers that can melt chemicals that have melting points so high that they have never before been seen in liquid state. The ship also has a system for stealing information from other ships which is vital in defense against more advanced ships. If the ship is in a lot of trouble smaller ships called eagles can be released, the eagles have strong lasers and can move at speeds that make the Metal-City look small. The Eagles are not just used for fighting they are also used for scouting in areas that are uncharted or where star-pirates may be hiding. There are twenty Eagles, each of them run by a hologram so no human life may be lost if a crash happens. The Eagles have rarely been used for fighting, mostly for when a rogue asteroid is heading for the ship and the ship would not be able to move fast enough. The ship has many entertainments features on ship such as cinema, bars and many other recreational elements. The ship has many doctors and nurses all very well educated. The doctors and nurses are not just people but also holograms who have an extra brain chip in their hologramatic file. The ship is slowly making its journey to Deminis, it is now heading through a dark sunless area of space, this area is known for star-pirates. “Navigation Commander Tyra, why have you taken us into this part of space, we are no where near Deminis?” Shouted Captain Davis, Captain Davis is the Captain of Metal-City and has the highest authority on board the ship. “Because Capitan Davis, we are not heading to Deminis anymore i am taking control of the ship!” said Navigation Commander Tyra. After that was said Tyra took out a knife and stabbed the Captain in the neck, he was dead. Tyra then said to everyone over the loudspeaker. “I have found the Captain dead, as the second person with the second highest authority on the ship i will be taking place as Captain, and i have some new people coming on board the ship, they are in this sector you will treat them like you treat everyone else here!” Commanded Tyra A group of friends are in the prison area of the ship, they are not prisoners, they are hiding as they do not work on the ship. The group of friends is one hologram wh can you explian infodump a bit more and do you think i should take some writing classes
Which notebook should i get?!?!?!?!?!? Hey, okay so I'm in need for a new laptop because my current Dell laptop has a broken trackpad. I have narrowed it down to 3 notebooks. The first one is a Dell Inspiron 1525(link below). HP Dv5z(link below), and a HP Dv2000us?(i think thats the name of it!) Anyways, they all have the pretty much the same specs, with the exception of the HP Pavillions which include a webcam and Lightscribe(both of which i will not use).Also the HP's have NVidia graphics, but i won't be playing much games at all. The Dell has a very nice design and it is lightweight and slim, much so are the HP's. The Dell I can get for a lower price, but will it be worth it? I will be taking this notebook to school for doing slideshow presentations and schoolwork and "homework" lol. It will also be part of my entertainment center meaning that i will hook it up to my plasma-screen tv sometimes and use it on that. Also, the Dell features a HDMI port on the side, whereas the HP's don't. And the Dell has 4 USB ports and has a 8-in-1 card reader. They all have 15.4 inch glossy screens, except the HP Dv2000 that has a 14.1 inch glossy screen. I basically want a notebook that has 2 gigs of RAM, 160 GB Hard Drive, Vista Premium, cd/dvd burner, dual-core processor, and it has to be light(6 lbs or lighter) and it has to have a slim profile. Thanks in advance and please no harassing answers! http://www.bestbuy.com/site/olspage.jsp?skuId=8878002&productCategoryId=abcat0502001&type=product&id=1210379087572 http://www.shopping.hp.com/series/category/notebooks/dv5z_series/3/computer_store?jumpid=in_r329_personalization/browse2/PDP_SDP I do have a external USB mouse and it works fine, but i don't wan't to have to lugg that around my school along with my other things i am forced to carry. I do have a external USB mouse and it works fine, but i don't wan't to have to lugg that around my school along with my other things i am forced to carry. I do have a external USB mouse and it works fine, but i don't wan't to have to lugg that around my school along with my other things i am forced to carry. I do have a external USB mouse and it works fine, but i don't wan't to have to lugg that around my school along with my other things i am forced to carry.
Bptp Amstoria:Bptp Amstoria GurgaonAmstoria Gurgaon:Bptp Sector 102 Gurgaon? BPTP Limited present AMSTORIA, Sector-102, Gurgaon. A place like no other. 200 acres of openness dotted with luxurious Farm villas and Country floors. A water body in the middle. Wide, well-planned streets lined with canopied trees. Spectacular views that refresh the senses. This is what living should be. This is what dream homes are made of. This is Amstoria. Key Features or USP:- 1. Fully built up, Integrated Township. 2. Strategically located on 150m proposed Dwarka expressway which is within 10 minutes of range from the (IGI) Airport and in close proximity to the upcoming Diplomatic enclave. 3. Township beautified with ornate water bodies. 4. 200 acres with lots of open green spaces. 5. Life style living, Farm Villas and Country Floors 6. Secured, Only gated community. 7. 24 hour power back up. 8. Design Marvel with greenery and natural light abundance. 9. Cluster living BPTP Amstoria Floor Plans:- BPTP Amstoria 250 sq.yds Floor BPTP Amstoria 250 sq.yds Villa BPTP Amstoria 300 sq.yds Floor BPTP Amstoria 500 sq.yds Floor Horizontal BPTP Amstoria 500 sq.yds Floor Vertical BPTP Amstoria 500 sq.yds Villa BPTP Amstoria 1000 sq.yds Villa BPTP Amstoria Projects Feature:- 1. Location – Strategically located on the 150 wide (Dwarka expressway) Northern Periphery road which is within minutes of distance from the (IGI) Airport and in close proximity to the upcoming Diplomatic enclave. (Explanation – This is being touted as the new growth corridor in Gurgaon and thus the NCR. It will be the most coveted address in the future. The area has high water table conducive to long term future developments.) 2. Over two hundred acres of fully built up township, fully gated community with 100% power back up, this will alter the landscape of Gurgaon forever. The first luxury township in NCR boasts of hundred fifty thousand sq.ft clubhouse designed by architect of international repute. 3. Water body - The incredible feature unique to Amstoria is a huge water body in the township that elevates the concept of luxury living to a different level. This has opened up new vistas of entertainment and adventure sports also creating natural beauty and serenity alongside. 4. Design – Cluster - Moving ahead of the times in building innovative designs and architecture, Amstoria offers an elegant mix of nature and luxury to each and every dwelling in the township. The township is divided into multiple clusters. Each cluster to have 60 boundary-less dwellings all facing a central park admeasuring 1 acre. Each cluster to function as separate enclave thus allowing maximum security and freedom to all residents. The distance between two units across the green area to be 100 mtrs and unit to have two dedicated car park. Every unit will be overseeing three lawns, in the rear, front and centre, thus allowing maximum natural light and ventilation. All the units to share basement which gives extra space that can be used as office, store, library or a gym. First and second floor residents to share terrace area between them. 5. Specifications - VRV, modular kitchen, Italian flooring, ten feet high ceilings, spacious restrooms of minimum 7 by 6 feet, lifts in low rise, 100% power backup, round the clock water supply. Customer Services: +91-956 019 6011/12/13/14 E-mail: amstoria@sanaassociates.com Website: http://bptpamstoria.sanaassociates.com
Am i looking at a good laptop? These are the specs: Processor AMD Turion™ X2 Dual-Core Mobile Processor RM-75 Processor Speed 2.2 GHz Memory 4096MB DDR2 System Memory (2 Dimm) Hard Drive 500GB (5400RPM) Hard Drive (SATA) Optical Drive LightScribe SuperMulti 8X DVD±R/RW with Double Layer Support Digital Media Reader 5-in-1 integrated Digital Media Reader for Secure Digitalcards, MultiMedia cards, Memory Stick, Memory Stick Pro, or xD Picture cards Input/Output 3 Universal Serial Bus (USB) 2.0 1 Headphone out w/SPDIFDigital Audio 1 microphone-in 1 VGA (15-pin) 1 RJ-11 (modem) 1 RJ -45 (LAN) 1 notebook expansion port 3 1 Consumer IR Graphics/Video ATI Radeon™ HD 3200 Graphics with 64MB Display Cache Memory AMD M780G with 64MB GDDR2 (sideport memory) with up to 1982MB total graphics memory Sound/Audio N/A Fax/Modem Wireless LAN 802.11a/b/g/n WLAN Integrated 10/100/1000 Gigabit Ethernet LAN (RJ-45connector) Keyboard/Mouse NA Display 12.1" Diagonal WXGA High-Definition HP LED Widescreen Integrated Touch-screen, Convertible Display (1280 x 800) Panel rotates 180 degrees and folds flat Rechargeable Digitizer for handwriting capture included Webcam HP Webcam with integrated microphone Operating System Genuine Windows® 7 Home Premium 64-bit Software Symantec® Norton Internet Security™ 2009 (including 60 days complimentary live update) HP Help & Support HP PC Recovery HP Advisor Microsoft® Works Microsoft® Office 2007 Home and Student Edition: 60 Day Trial Version HP MediaSmart Cyberlink DVD Suite Adobe® Acrobat Reader HP Games Powered by Wild Tangentnical Support Dimensions 12.05"(W) x 8.82"(D) x 1.23" (min H) / 1.52" (max H) Weight 4.65 lbs Battery Type/Life 6-Cell Lithium-Ion battery Warranty 1 year warranty plus 1 year HP warranty for a total of 2 years Stellar Design From the Inside Out HP starts with a vision of the product that will exceed your expectations with its design elegance and innovation. The vision drives every decision in order to offer you the most thoughtfully integrated product experience possible. • Red Dot International Product Design awards for the HP Pavilion dv6000 series overall and a Special Edition version • iF Material award for HP Imprint finish, the industry’s first adaptation of In-Mold Decoration to a notebook form factor • PC Magazine Editors’ Choice award for the HP Pavilion dv2800t Artist Edition, the industry’s first crowd-sourced design selected from over 20,000 entries to a competition run with MTV • Mobile PC World’s Editor’s Choice award and listing in Metropolitan Home Design 100 for the HP Mini 1000 Vivienne Tam Edition, the first mobile PC design created in collaboration with a fashion designer Entertainment 2.0 Touch and Go HP TouchSmart software integrates touch-enabled apps with leading Internet services to deliver a seamless, intuitive entertainment experience. Enhanced by SRS Premium Sound and amplified by Altec Lansing speakers with the option to connect to your HD TV via the HDMI port (cable sold separately). • Internet TV: Watch premium, independent or classic programs, including MTV. • Music: Play music from CDs; stream music and make playlists; explore with Pandora Internet Radio; add to your collection from HP’s new Rhapsody Music store (U.S. only). • Video: Create videos with new 3D movie themes; make mashups to upload to YouTube. • Webcam: Download new effects and avatars from the Internet, chat. • Photography: Edit photos Snapfish; share and make them into fun gifts. • DVDs: Watch DVD movies any time you want. • Games: Play fun, new “touchable” games including HP’s “Photo Hunt.” • Calendar: Keep your own schedule on a personal calendar • Notes: Write “sticky notes” and virtually post them to your notebook screen • Weather: Access local or global weather. • Clock: Check the time on your desktop. • Internet Browser: Easily access the web. Mobility you can Touch For those whose active lives demand a device for note capture, entertainment, communication and robust computing that's easy to carry everywhere, the HP TouchSmart tx2 Notebook PC delivers. The tx2 combines powerful computing with Tablet PC capabilities and entertainment features in an attractive design light enough to go anywhere. With multi-touch support within HP MediaSmart, it is the first notebook PC for consumers that enables the use of two fingers to navigate HP's entertainment applications. • Your PC, simply more personal. Windows 7 is the easiest, fastest, most secure and energy-efficient version of Windows yet. Better ways to find and manage files, like Jump Lists and improved taskbar previews, help you speed through everyday tasks. And great features like HomeGroup makes sharing files on home networks easy, while Snap lets you quickly resize and compare windows on your desktop. Faster and more reliable performance means your PC just works the way you want it to. • ATI Radeon This is the offical link for the notbook:http://www.theshoppingchannel.com/product/electronics/computers/hp+touchsmart+tx2-1360ca+notebook+warranty+369317.do?&N=131339&Ns=P_DATE_CREATED basically need it for school work, downloading music, messenger..and surfing the net. not to big with pc games or anything like that...
Who Is to Blame - You or Your Genes? SCIENTISTS are hard at work to try to find genetic causes for alcoholism, homosexuality, promiscuity, violence, other aberrant behavior, and even for death itself. Would it not be a relief to find that we are not responsible for our actions but are merely victims of biology? It is human nature to blame someone or something else for our errors. If the genes are to blame, scientists hold out the possibility of changing them, eliminating undesirable traits through genetic engineering. The recent success in mapping the entire human genome has given such aspirations new impetus. This scenario, however, is based on the premise that our genetic endowment is, indeed, the villain responsible for all our sins and errors. Have the scientific detectives found enough evidence to make a case against our genes? Obviously, the answer will profoundly affect how we see ourselves and our future. Before examining the evidence, though, a look at mankind's origin will prove enlightening. How It All Started-- Were Adam and Eve predisposed to sin by some defect in their genes? Most people are familiar with, or at least have heard of, the account about the fall of the first human pair, Adam and Eve, in the garden of Eden. Were they made with some intrinsic defect in the genes right from the start, a sort of design flaw that predisposed them to sin and disobedience? Their Creator, Jehovah God, whose works are all perfect, proclaimed that his crowning earthly creation was "very good." (Genesis 1:31; Deuteronomy 32:4) As further evidence of his satisfaction with his work, he gave the first couple his blessing and instructed them to be fruitful, to fill the earth with human creatures, and to take charge of his earthly creation—hardly the actions of someone uncertain of his handiwork.—Genesis 1:28. Regarding the creation of the first human pair, the Bible tells us: "God proceeded to create the man in his image, in God's image he created him; male and female he created them." (Genesis 1:27) This does not mean that humans were made to resemble God in physical appearance, for "God is a Spirit." (John 4:24) Rather, it means that human creatures were endowed with godly qualities and a sense of morality, a conscience. (Romans 2:14, 15) They were also free moral agents, capable of weighing a matter and deciding on the action to take. However, our first parents were not left without guidelines. Rather, they were warned of the consequences of wrongdoing. (Genesis 2:17) So the evidence indicates that when Adam was faced with a moral decision, he chose to do what to him seemed expedient or advantageous at the time. He followed his wife in her wrongdoing instead of considering his relationship with his Creator or the long-term effects of his action. He also tried later to shift the blame to Jehovah, saying that the wife He had provided misled him.—Genesis 3:6, 12; 1 Timothy 2:14. God's response to the sin of Adam and Eve is revealing. He did not try to correct some 'design flaw' in their genes. Rather, he carried out what he told them would be the consequences of their actions, which led to their eventual death. (Genesis 3:17-19) This early history sheds much light on the nature of human behavior.* Should each person accept responsibility for his decisions? The Evidence Against Biology-- For a long time, scientists have been tackling the monumental task of finding genetic causes and cures for human pathology and behavior. After ten years of work by six teams of researchers, the gene linked to Huntington's disease was isolated, although the researchers have no idea how the gene causes the disease. However, reporting on this research, Scientific American quoted Harvard biologist Evan Balaban, who said that it would be "almost infinitely harder to discover genes for behavioral disorders." In fact, research attempting to link specific genes to human behavior has been unsuccessful. For instance, in Psychology Today, a report on efforts to find genetic causes for depression states: "Epidemiologic data on the major mental illnesses make it clear that they can't be reduced to purely genetic causes." The report gives an example: "Americans born before 1905 had a 1 percent rate of depression by age 75. Among Americans born a half century later, 6 percent become depressed by age 24!" It thus concludes that only external or social factors can bring about such dramatic changes in such a short time. What do these and numerous other studies tell us? While genes may play a role in shaping our personalities, there clearly are other influences. A major factor is our environment, which has undergone radical changes in modern times. Concerning what today's youth are exposed to in popular entertainment, the book Boys Will Be Boys observes that it is unlikely that children will develop sound moral principles when they "grow up watching tens of thousands of hours of TV shows and films in which people are assaulted, shot, stabbed, disem What do these and numerous other studies tell us? While genes may play a role in shaping our personalities, there clearly are other influences. A major factor is our environment, which has undergone radical changes in modern times. Concerning what today's youth are exposed to in popular entertainment, the book Boys Will Be Boys observes that it is unlikely that children will develop sound moral principles when they "grow up watching tens of thousands of hours of TV shows and films in which people are assaulted, shot, stabbed, disemboweled, chopped up, skinned, or dismembered, when children grow up listening to music which glorifies rape, suicide, drugs, alcohol, and bigotry." Clearly, Satan, "the ruler of this world," has shaped an environment that caters to man's baser desires. And who can deny the powerful influence that such an environment exerts on all of us?—John 12:31; Ephesians 6:12; Revelation 12:9, 12. The Root of Mankind's Trouble-- Efforts to find genetic causes for human behavior have been unsuccessful As we have already seen, mankind's problems started when the first human pair sinned. The result? While generations of Adam's offspring are not responsible for Adam's sin, they nonetheless are all born with sin, imperfection, and death as their inherited lot in life. The Bible explains: "That is why, just as through one man sin entered into the world and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men because they had all sinned."—Romans 5:12. Man's imperfection puts him at a decided disadvantage. But that does not absolve him of all moral responsibility. The Bible shows that those who put faith in Jehovah's provision for life and conform their lives to God's standards will have his approval. Out of his loving-kindness, Jehovah made a merciful provision to redeem mankind, to buy back, as it were, what Adam had lost. That provision is the ransom sacrifice of his perfect Son, Jesus Christ, who said: "God loved the world so much that he gave his only-begotten Son, in order that everyone exercising faith in him might not be destroyed but have everlasting life."—John 3:16; 1 Corinthians 15:21, 22. The apostle Paul expressed his deep appreciation for this provision. He exclaimed: "Miserable man that I am! Who will rescue me from the body undergoing this death? Thanks to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans 7:24, 25) Paul knew that if he succumbed to sin out of weakness, he could ask God's forgiveness on the basis of the ransom sacrifice of Jesus Christ.# As in the first century, today many who formerly led very bad lives or whose situation seemed hopeless have come to an accurate knowledge of Bible truth, made the necessary changes, and come in line for God's blessing. The changes they had to make were not easy, and many still have to contend with harmful tendencies. But with God's help, they are able to maintain integrity and find joy in serving him. (Philippians 4:13) Consider just one example of someone who made drastic changes in order to please God. An Encouraging Experience-- "When I was a young boy in boarding school, I got involved in homosexual practices, although I never thought of myself as being a homosexual. My parents were divorced, and I craved the parental affection that I never received. After finishing school, I did compulsory military service. There was a group of homosexuals in the barracks next to mine. I became envious of their life-style, so I started associating with them. After associating with them for a year, I began to think of myself as a homosexual. 'This is the way I am,' I reasoned, 'and I can do nothing about it.' "I started learning the lingo and going to gay clubs, where drugs and alcohol were freely available. Although outwardly it all seemed very exciting and appealing, it was actually sickening. Deep down I sensed that this kind of relationship was unnatural and had no future. "In a small town, I came across a Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses while the meeting was on. I went in and listened to the talk, which dealt with future Paradise conditions. Afterward I met some of the Witnesses and was invited to an assembly. I went, and that was a revelation to me—seeing happy families worshiping together. I started to study the Bible with the Witnesses. "Although it was a struggle for me, I started to apply what I was learning from the Bible. I was able to break free from all my unclean practices. After studying for 14 months, I dedicated my life to Jehovah and was baptized. For the first time in my life, I had real friends. I have been able to help others learn the truth from the Bible, and I now serve as a ministerial servant in the Christian congregation. Jehovah has truly blessed me." We Are Responsible-- Applying what the Bible says can help sincere ones to change Trying to pin the entire blame for our misconduct on our genes simply does not work. Rather than helping us to solve or overcome our problems, notes Psychology Today, doing so "may be teaching us a helplessness that is at the root of many of our problems. Instead of reducing the incidence of these problems, this seems to have fueled their growth." It is true that we must contend with major adverse forces, including our own sinful tendencies and Satan's efforts to distract us from obeying God. (1 Peter 5:8) It is also true that our genes may influence us in one way or another. But we are surely not helpless. True Christians have powerful allies—Jehovah, Jesus Christ, God's holy spirit, his Word the Bible, and the Christian congregation.—1 Timothy 6:11, 12; 1 John 2:1. Before the nation of Israel entered the Promised Land, Moses reminded the people of their responsibility before God, saying: "I have put life and death before you, the blessing and the malediction; and you must choose life in order that you may keep alive, you and your offspring, by loving Jehovah your God, by listening to his voice and by sticking to him." (Deuteronomy 30:19, 20) Likewise today, each responsible individual is obliged to make a personal decision about serving God and meeting his requirements. The choice is yours.—Galatians 6:7, 8. * See Awake! of September 22, 1996, pages 3-8. # See the book Knowledge That Leads to Everlasting Life, pages 62-9, published by Jehovah's Witnesses. SOURCE: http://www.watchtower.org/e/20020601a/article_01.htm
What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you? Aries Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses. Taurus You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God. Gemini Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses. Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius. Cancer You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation. A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans Leo You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos. A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls. Virgo You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor. Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo. Libra You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards. The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all. Scorpio You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt. Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it. Sagittarius Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip. Capricorn Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard. In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's cockeyed system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns Aquarius The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do. Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians. Pisces Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want. I am Aries, I must say I do resemble some of these remarks. I'm always bumping my head & I can relate to Hard Headed Women by Cat Stevens and I won't bring a knife to a gun fight :) ENJOY!
does anyone want to read this ( i know its so wierd but maybe any yahooligans here wanted to see it ) caution! The Basics Where does fart gas come from? The gas in our intestines comes from several sources: air we swallow, gas seeping into our intestines from our blood, gas produced by chemical reactions in our guts, and gas produced by bacteria living in our guts. What is fart gas made of? The composition of fart gas is highly variable. Most of the air we swallow, especially the oxygen component, is absorbed by the body before the gas gets into the intestines. By the time the air reaches the large intestine, most of what is left is nitrogen. Chemical reactions between stomach acid and intestinal fluids may produce carbon dioxide, which is also a component of air and a product of bacterial action. Bacteria also produce hydrogen and methane. But the relative proportions of these gases that emerge from our anal opening depend on several factors: what we ate, how much air we swallowed, what kinds of bacteria we have in our intestines, and how long we hold in the fart. The longer a fart is held in, the larger the proportion of boring, inert nitrogen it contains, because the other gases tend to be absorbed into the bloodstream through the walls of the intestine. A nervous person who swallows a lot of air and who moves stuff through his digestive system rapidly may have a lot of oxygen in his farts, because his body didn't have time to absorb the oxygen. Encyclopaedia Britannica offers the intriguing statement that some people's farts contain no methane. The reason for this is apparently unknown. Some researchers suspect a genetic influence, whereas others think the anomaly is due to environmental factors. However, all methane in any farts comes from bacterial action and not from human cells. What makes farts stink? The odor of farts comes from small amounts of hydrogen sulfide gas and mercaptans in the mixture. These compounds contain sulfur. The more sulfur-rich your diet, the more sulfides and mercaptans will be produced by the bacteria in your guts, and the more your farts will stink. Foods such as cauliflower, eggs and meat are notorious for producing smelly farts, whereas beans produce large amounts of not particularly stinky farts. Why do farts make noise? The sounds are produced by vibrations of the anal opening. Sounds depend on the velocity of expulsion of the gas and the tightness of the sphincter muscles of the anus. How much gas does a normal person pass per day? On average, a person produces about half a liter of fart gas per day, distributed over an average of about fourteen daily farts. Whereas it may be difficult for you to determine your daily flatus volume, you can certainly keep track of your daily numerical fart count. You might try this as a science fair project: Keep a journal of everything you eat and a count of your farts. You might make a note of the potency of their odor as well. See if you can discover a relationship between what you eat, how much you fart, and how much they smell. How does a fart travel to the anus? One may wonder why fart gas travels downward toward the anus when gas has a lower density than liquids and solids, and should therefore travel upwards. The intestine squeezes its contents toward the anus in a series of contractions, a process called peristalsis. The process is stimulated by eating, which is why we often need to poop and fart right after a meal. Peristalsis creates a zone of high pressure, forcing all intestinal contents, gas included, to move towards a region of lower pressure, which is toward the anus. Gas is more mobile than other components, and small bubbles coalesce to from larger bubbles en route to the exit. When peristalsis is not active, gas bubbles may begin to percolate upwards again, but they won't get very far due to the complicated and convoluted shape of the intestine. Furthermore, the anus is neither up nor down when a person is lying down. How long does it take fart gas to travel to someone else's nose? Fart travel time depends on atmospheric conditions such as humidity, temperature and wind speed and direction, the molecular weight of the fart particles, and the distance between the fart transmitter and the fart receiver. Farts also disperse (spread out) as they leave the source, and their potency diminishes with dilution. Generally, if the fart is not detected within a few seconds, it will be too dilute for perception and will be lost into the atmosphere forever. Exceptional conditions exist when the fart is released into a small enclosed area such as an elevator, a small room, or a car. These conditions limit the amount of dilution possible, and the fart may remain in a smellable concentration for a long period of time, until it condenses on the walls. Why is there a 13 to 20 second delay between farting and the time it starts to smell? Actually, the fart stinks immediately upon emergence, but it takes several seconds for the odor to travel to the farter's nostrils. If farts could travel at the speed of sound, we would smell them almost instantly, at the same time we hear them. Is it true that some people never fart? No, not if they're alive. People even fart shortly after death. Do even movie stars fart? Yes, of course. So do grandmothers, priests, kings, presidents, opera singers, beauty queens, and nuns. Even Yoda farts. Do men fart more than women? No, women fart just as much as men. It's just that most men take more pride in it than most women. There is a large variation among individuals in the amount of fart gas produced per day, but the variation does not correlate with gender. I have read that men fart more often than women. If this is true, then women must be saving it up and expelling more gas per fart than men do. Do men's farts smell worse than women's farts? Based on what I have experienced of women's farts, all I can say is that I hope not. At what time of day is a gentleman most likely to fart? A gentleman is mostly likely to fart first thing in the morning, while in the bathroom. This is known as "morning thunder," and if the gentleman gets good resonance, it can be heard throughout the household. Why are beans so notorious for making people fart? Beans contain sugars that we humans cannot digest. When these sugars reach our intestines, the bacteria go wild, have a big feast, and make lots of gas! Other notorious fart-producing foods include corn, bell peppers, cabbage, milk, and raisins. A friend of mine had a dog who was exceptionally fond of apples and turnips. The dog would eat these things and then get prodigious gas. A dog's digestive system is not equipped to handle such vegetable matter, so the dog's bacteria worked overtime to produce remarkable flatulence. What things other than diet can make a person fart more than usual? People who swallow a lot of air fart more than people who don't. This can be cured somewhat by chewing with your mouth closed. Nervous people with fast moving bowels will fart more because less air is absorbed out of the intestines. Some disease conditions can cause excess flatulence. And going up in an airplane or other low-pressure environment can cause the gas inside you to expand and emerge as flatulence. Is a fart really just a burp that comes out the wrong end? No, a burp emerges from the stomach and has a different chemical composition from a fart. Farts have less atmospheric gas content and more bacterial gas content than burps. Is it harmful to hold in farts? There are differences in opinion on this one. Certainly, people have believed for centuries that retaining flatulence is bad for the health. Emperor Claudius even passed a law legalizing farting at banquets out of concern for people's health. There was a widespread belief that a person could be poisoned or catch a disease by retaining farts. Doctors I have spoken to recently have told me that there is no particular harm in holding in farts. Farts will not poison you; they are a natural component of your intestinal contents. The worst thing that can happen is that you may get a stomach ache from the gas pressure. But one doctor suggested that pathological distention of the bowel could result if a person holds in farts too much. How long would it be possible to not fart? As I understand it, a captive fart can escape as soon as the person relaxes. This means that a lot of people who assiduously refrain from farting during the day do so at great length as soon as they fall asleep. Having been on a great many overnight field trips, long bus trips, and trans-Pacific flights, I can personally vouch for the fact that lots of people do fart voluminously as they doze off. So the answer to the question would be, you can refrain from farting as long as you can stay awake! Do all people fart in their sleep? I have not made a scientific study of this, but I don't think all people fart in their sleep. I think mainly those who refuse to fart when they're awake do so when dozing off. For other people, toilet training takes such a strong hold that they let nothing pass their sphincters in sleep. For these people, the gas accumlates in the night and they vent it upon awakening. Where do farts go when you hold them in? How often have you held in a fart, intending to release it at the first appropriate opportunity, only to find that the fart has disappeared when you are ready for it? I asked several doctors where the fart goes. Does it leak out slowly without the person knowing it? Is it absorbed into the bloodstream? What happens to it? The doctors agree that the fart is neither released nor absorbed. It simply migrates back upward into the intestine and comes out later. It is reassuring to know that such farts aren't really lost, just delayed. How can one cover up a fart? There is a company called Fartypants that sells underwear designed to absorb the odor of farts. If you should be caught without your Fartypants, another ploy is to blame the dog or cat, if one should be present, or complain about how the wind must be blowing from the direction of the paper mill. As for the sound... if you are in a large group of people, act oblivious and innocent, or glance quickly at the person next to you, as if you think he/she did it. Other strategies include coughing or suddenly moving your chair so that people think that they misheard the fart. If you are with one other person, you can act as if nothing happened, and the other person may believe he was mistaken in thinking he heard a fart. CJT addresses the problem of farting loudly in a public restroom as follows: "My solution: use a handful of loose toilet paper, cover your butt hole and it will muffle the farting; my friends and I call it the 'Buff Muff'!" Depending upon the company, another strategy is not to cover it up, but to proudly proclaim the fart as your own grand accomplishment and to issue a challenge to the others to outdo that one if they think they can. Is it really possible to ignite farts? The answer to that is yes! However, you should be aware that people get injured igniting flatulence. Not only can the flame back up into your colon, but your clothing or other surroundings may catch on fire. A survey done by Fartcloud (the site, alas! is not more) indicates that about a quarter of the people who ignited their farts got burned doing it. Ignition of flatulence is a hazardous practice. However, if you want to try it, and you don't have a friend to light your fart for you, you might find it easier to accomplish the job using the Fartlighter. There have also been cases in which intestinal gases with a higher than normal oxygen content have exploded during surgery when electric cautery was used by the surgeon. Why is it possible to burn farts? Farts burn because they contain methane (usually) and hydrogen, both of which are flammable gases. (Hydrogen was the same gas that was used in the ill fated Hindenburg dirigible.) Farts tend to burn with a blue or yellow flame. Is it possible to light a match with a fart? No, even strike-anywhere matches have their limits, unless the fart has the consistency of sandpaper! Any fart that rough I would hesitate to call a fart. Also, farts have the same temperature as the body from which they emerge, and aren't hot enough to initiate combustion. Are there any books about farting? There are several! My favorite is the new book, Who Cut the Cheese: A Cultural History of the Fart by Jim Dawson. This book provides an entertaining and thought-provoking history of the fart in literature, language and society. It is very informative and very funny! Ben Franklin's classic Fart Proudly is still in print. There is a collection of suggestive photographs called Who Farted Now by St. Martin's Press. Most of the photos come from old movies and political shots. For children, we have the famous The Gas We Pass : The Story of Farts by Shinta Cho, and Amanda Mayer Stinchecum (Translator), and the Canadian picture book, Good Families Don't, by Alan Daniel and Robert N. Munsch, about a highly visible fart infesting a proper middle class family. Is it possible for a talented person to earn a living through flatulence? Few people earn their living directly via flatulence. But a friend of mine says that he saw a carnival act in which the performer whistled tunes with his farts, blew out candles on the opposite side of the stage, and sent flames all the way across the stage. A famous performer who earned his living this way was Le Petomane, who performed in France at the beginning of the 20th Century. However, my friend isn't old enough to have seen Le Petomane, so maybe he had a chance to see Mr. Methane. Mr. Methane lays claim to the distinction of being the world's only performing flatulist. His CD can be purchased at the FartMart. However, people may also earn a living through the prevention of flatulence (as do the manufacturers and sellers of Beano and other products), through the practice of medicine specializing in the treatment of flatulence and other gastrointestinal problems, by writing books about flatulence (see the question before this one), and through the production and sales of various fart gags such as whoopee cushions and farts in a can. Fartypants sells a fart filter and a number of other fart-related products. Ultratech Products, Inc., sells the Flatulence Filter, "an activated carbon air filter disguised as a seat cushion." (This link was discovered by Steve of Boulder, CO.) Maybe, if you're lucky, you'll be able to find a copy of Le Petomane's biography by searching at alibris.com. Last time I checked, they had two copies available! What other fart products are available? You can visit the FartMart to obtain an astounding number of wonderful fart products, including the famous Crepitation Contest CD, and several other recordings, Pull-My-Finger Fred (a doll that responds with farts and wisecracks), whoopie cushions and a variety of other fart-noise generating products (some of which are quite high tech), some products which produce a fart-like odor, prosthetic poop, fart sludge, and the famous Fart Machine. Why do dog and cat farts smell so bad? A carnivore's protein-rich diet produces relatively small amounts of intensely stinky gas because proteins contain lots of sulfur. A dog's or cat's farts are rarely audible, but the odor is overwhelming. I have asked biologists why dogs and cats generally fart silently, and their theories include: (1) the amount of gas produced is small, but potent, (2) the horizontal orientation of their gastrointestinal system puts less pressure on the anal opening, so the gas is expelled more slowly, (3) their anal sphincters don't close as tightly as humans' because it takes less force to hold in the contents of the colon -- again because of the horizontal orientation of the gastrointestinal system -- and a loose anus makes less sound, and, my favorite (4) dogs and cats don't feel embarrassed about farting, so their sphincters are more relaxed, leading to less noisy flatulence. Mike F. points out that many dog foods are soy-based, so on top of all the above factors, add beans and stand back! Large herbivorous animals such as cows, horses and elephants, on the other hand, produce vast quantities of relatively non-stinky fart gas. The farts of these animals are noisy and can go on for astoundingly long periods of time. Cows in particular are productive, in part because they swallow huge amounts of air. They need oxygen in their guts for the various protozoa employed there as digestive aids. Is it normal for dogs to like the smell of human farts? Yes, any odor that we find disgusting smells delicious to a dog. Dogs respond to the smell of farts, rotting fish, and carrion the same way we respond to the smell of bacon frying or cookies baking. A dog will often sniff the butt of the farter in order to inhale as much of the odor as possible. I have heard only one story about a dog being disconcerted by a fart. According to a friend, her brother once delivered a fart so evil that it made the dog sneeze, shake his head, and paw at his nose. That was either an unusual fart or an unusual dog. Do fish fart? According to our ichthyologist at the University of Guam, fish flatulence per se has not been studied, although people have investigated fish digestion. They find that although most fish have alkaline intestinal environments like our own, coral-eating fish have acidic intestinal contents. The acid serves to dissolve coral skeletal material. Coral has the same composition as Tums (calcium carbonate). One product of the reaction between acid and calcium carbonate is carbon dioxide gas. Therefore, it is logical to assume that coral-eating fish fart a lot. The other fish probably fart also, for the same reasons that we do. However, Mike Pulte, a great fish enthusiast, said that he has never seen a fish do it. I asked our ichthyologist if it were possible that fish gas would go into the swim bladder instead of out the anal opening. He said that modern fish have an air bladder that is independent of the gastrointestinal tract. The gas comes from enzymatic activity and not from the intestine. Older models of fish have their swim bladder connected to the gastrointestinal tract, but it is attached high up, closer to the mouth than to the other end, and these fish come to the surface and gulp air to fill the bladder. Therefore, we can assume that intestinal gas leaves the fish through the anal opening. We also pondered the possibility of fish making noise via flatulence, but apparently most fish noises are made through belching rather than farting. Lisa P., an aquarium enthusiast, reports that she has seen her fish fart: "I have four aquariums and many fish, and I have personally witnessed fish farting! My goldfish used to do it all the time! You'd see a little bubble come out of his anus and stay there, trapped in the mucus of a long string of poop. (Ugh!) And my opaline gourami does it too. Neither of these are coral-eating fish. I have only owned two coral-eating fish so far, but I have never seen either of them fart. It seems most likely to me that much of this gas comes from air swallowed during eating. Also, goldfish have a very simple digestive system and their food is absorbed inefficiently, so possibly the bacteria have more to feed on" Do turtles fart? Yes, turtles do fart, and their farts smell incredibly bad, as do the farts of snakes. In fact, it is my opinion, based on personal experience with reptiles and not on any formal research, that many reptiles use farts as a weapon. Reptile farts smell so bad that sometimes you can tell that one is nearby in the woods, even on a windy day, before you can see the animal. One day I was hiking through the woods in Arkansas with a friend and I told my friend, "I smell a snake fart." A second later, the snake crawled across the path. Astounding but true! In an article published in the December 2000 issue of Discover, "the world's leading expert on snake sounds," Bruce Young of LaFayette College in Easton, Pennsylvania, affirmed that snakes do fart. The sonoran coral snake and the western hook-nosed snake fart with an audible popping sound when disturbed. Why do horse farts smell worse than people's farts? I'm not sure that horse farts smell worse than our farts, but they do smell different. Horses have a different diet from us and different gut microbes, so their farts have a different composition. They also fart more voluminously than humans, and the volume of the gas can be overwhelming if one is unfortunate enough to be near a farting horse indoors. What kind of animal has the highest worldwide output of flatulence? Believe it or not, the animal that wins this honor is the humble termite. Because of their diet and digestive processes (with more than the usual microbial assistance), they produce as much methane as human industry. Termite farts are believed to be a major contributor towards global warming. Is it true that cow farts contribute to global warming? Recent research has shown that most methane produced by cows and sheep emerges from the mouth rather than the anus. So one could more accurately say that cow and sheep belches are contributing to global warming. New Zealand researchers are investigating methods of breeding methane-free sheep. Is there any kind of animal that doesn't fart? If we define a fart to be an anal escape of intestinal gas, then it follows that animals that lack intestines or an anus cannot fart. Most animals possess intestines and an anus, but there are some that don't. These include: Sponges: These organisms lack true tissues and organs. They have just a few types of cells organized into a bag with holes in it. Water flows into some holes and out other holes. Sponges are so different from other animals that some biologists think we shouldn't even call them animals. Cnidaria: This phylum includes the jellyfish, corals, sea anemones and hydra. Their tissues are organized into a bag with a mouth surrounded by stinging tentacles. Food enters the mouth and is digested inside the bag, after which the leftovers are expelled via the same opening. In effect, the same hole serves as both a mouth and an anus. Any gas expelled by a cnidarian would be more appropriately termed a belch rather than a fart, since the animal lacks intestines and separate anus. Pogonophoran worms: These remarkable animals, who dwell on the sea floor near active volcanic regions associated with mid-ocean ridges, possess no mouth, no stomach, no intestines, and no anus. Apparently they retain their svelte, worm-shaped figures by giving up on eating completely! They survive by means of a mutualistic relationship with chemosynthetic bacteria that live in their flesh. Anyway, these animals cannot possibly fart. A second category of animals that probably don't fart are animals that live very deep underwater. At high pressures, gas remains in solution rather than forming bubbles. So there is a good chance that all those clams, echinoderms, fish and other animals living near the seafloor don't fart because their farts stay in solution and never emerge as bubbles, even though the animals possess perfectly good intestines and anuses. Is it possible to leave a brown spot on your pants because of a fart, and if so, what causes it? Judging from what I see when I do the laundry, I'd say that the answer to the first question is definitely yes. As for the causes, we must remember that what we call "fart" and what we call "poop" are just end-members of a continuum. That is, we can have a pure fart, or a pure poop, or anything in-between, depending upon the admixture of the two. If a sample consists mostly of poop with only a small fart component, you get such things as jet-propelled bowel movements and spongy, floating fecal masses (you know, the ones that refuse to be flushed down the toilet -- they keep popping back up). If the sample consists mostly of fart with only a small poop component, you get what is known as "skid marks" or "fart art." These can also result from inadequate wiping, but the shape of the stain is different in the two cases. Inadequate wiping leads to elongate marks parallel to one's crack, usually with well-defined edges, whereas fart art is generally more circular and has an air-brushed look. Fart art is most likely to occur if (1) a person is suffering from diarrhea, (2) the person is trying too hard to fart, and (3) the person mistakenly perceives the pressure against his sphincter to be gas pressure rather than liquid pressure. Again, that last situation is most likely to occur if the person is afflicted with diarrhea. How can we tell when it's only gas needing to come out, rather than something more serious? Our ability to distinguish between the need to fart and the need to poop is something that we learn gradually in the process of toilet training and early childhood. With the tactile nerve endings in the rectal area, we can actually feel different sensations depending upon what is waiting by the exit. Of course, sometimes we are fooled, especially if the substance at hand is extremely fluid in nature, and that is when we have the unfortunate accident of venting a squirt of diarrhea rather than an innocent fart. What is the best position for farting? That depends on what you are trying to achieve. Years and years ago, I read a novel (can't remember which) that had a character in it who was plagued with intestinal gas pain. The character would coax farts out by getting down on all fours with her butt in the air, pressing her thighs against her belly. So perhaps this is the best position for farting if you are having difficulty getting them to come out. Back when I was in geology field camp, we would sit around the campfire in the evening and ignite our flatulence. It was a ritual. When a fart was ready to emerge, the farter would announce, "I have one." And everyone else would intone, "Assume the proper position." The farter would lie back on his or her shoulders with back propped up, head between the knees, and posterior in the air. The purpose was to give the person with the match easy access to the critical vent. Expert farters of my acquaintance often shift their weight onto one leg and lift the other slightly when farting. I assume that this position is adopted less to aid in the farting process than to signal that a fart is imminent. Why do chicks always deny farting? I suppose I should start by saying that only some chicks deny farting. The rest of us acknowledge our gaseous accomplishments with pride. However, a great many sisters do deny farting. The reason is that they have been misled into thinking that farts are not ladylike. It is a great mistake to say that farting is not ladylike. The reason is that all people fart, including ladies. Anything that ladies do is by definition ladylike, and that includes the emission of anal gases. Is it possible that, by inhaling other people's farts all day long, my own farts will smell more? No, inhaled farts would go into the lungs rather than into the digestive system, and would simply be exhaled again, although it might be possible that some of the fart components might be absorbed into the blood. If you wanted to benefit from other people's farts in the way you describe, you would have to swallow them somehow. Is it possible to get stoned after inhaling two or three farts in a row? I am not aware of any intoxicating agents in flatulence. However, most farts contain very little oxygen, and you may experience dizziness if you are inhaling overly concentrated fart essence, simply from lack of oxygen. On the other hand, if you are inhaling farts in the open air and are breathing rapidly in order to inhale as much fart as possible, you may be hyperventilating, which also induces dizziness. Then there is the intrinsic hilarity factor: farts are so funny in both sound and odor that you might feel high just from the basic entertainment value of farts. Is it possible for a fart to kill you? A great many of you have asked if farts can be fatal, or if you can die from smelling a particularly bad fart. My initial response to this question was "no," but I thought I'd better ask a doctor. So now it is official, the medical opinion I received is no, a fart can't kill you. However, if you really work hard at it, you can manage to kill yourself with just about anything. I recently read of a man who hooked up his nose to his anus with a system involving a gas mask, rubber tubing and a hollow wooden post. He died of suffocation. This story comes from the Darwin Awards, and I personally cannot attest to the overall veracity of their stories. The story of the bed-bound obese man who died from inhaling his own flatulence (and whose farts almost killed the paramedics) is an urban legend that has been in circulation for some time. But according to Buzzbomb43, whom I quote: "In World War Two, the Air Force estimates that around 1000 to 2000 airmen were killed because of flatulence. The reason is B-17 bombers were not pressurized, so when bomber crews operated around 20,000 feet, the gas would expand and rupture their intestines." Now, that is a nasty way to go! There are also, of course, (in)famous stories about excessive farters that bio-hazard small toilet rooms, and when they try to light a cigarette the flame ignites the gas-rich-environment causing an explosion. My personal view about such stories is one of doubt. When you smoke and you fart does it make it smell any worse? (Brittney) Only if you swallow the cigarettes after smoking Brittney. If you settle for traditional smoking (inhaling) - the smoke will travel to your respiratory system and not to your digestive system and hence will have little-to-no effect on the odour of your farts. Of course, a minute mass of smoked Nicotine can (and does) migrate from the respiratory system into blood vessels and downstream to the digestive system (Nicotine is actually a known laxative), but the proportions are too small to contribute dearly to the odours you contribute. However, if you do swallow your cigarettes after smoking - its a different ball game. Cigarettes are produced with measures of Ammonia which certainly intensify gaseous odours. My advise for you therefore is not to swallow. I am guessing the reason why certain people think cigarettes might intensify the bad smell of a fart has to do with the fact both farts and cigarettes produce bad odours. I don't think however that this is a case of competing bad odours that in blend will create a third - even worst odour. Last, while I do not advise you to ever quit farting - I do strongly advise to quit smoking. Can excessive farting cause impotence? That depends on the tolerance level of the person with whom one is trying to be potent! Fortunately for humans, farting doesn't cause tissue damage. Other animals aren't so lucky. Soldier termites can actually turn themselves into bombs by detonating themselves via the explosive release of gas and feces, a process called "autothysis." Is it possible to inhale (suck in air) via one's anal opening? Yes, but it's a rare talent. The great early 20th Century French flatulist, Le Petomane, was able to do this, and in fact was able to suck up an entire bowlful of water (just the water, not the bowl) into his colon and expel it again with considerable force. By sucking in large quantities of air, he was able to perform lengthy shows on stage, and could imitate musical instruments, farm animals, and bird songs, whistle melodies, and play the ocarina. His productions were said to be virtually odorless, which is to be expected from air obtained directly from the outside. Here is a message I received recently (November, 1999) regarding the skill of inhaling via the anus: "i would just like you to know that i am part of a trio, who can suck in air in our anal openings. we are somewhat air-bandits. we can let the longest farts you have ever heard. our record holder, chad, stands at 24 sec. the record for most farts in a row is derek, at 492. and i, robert, have earned such nicknames as: Mad Crapper, gurglemeister, and old wetful. We have followed Le Petomane example, and have mastered the art of farting." Jason W. says, "I am a 16 year old guy that is a part of a 3-man fart on command group. We get together every Saturday night andpractice our talent to songs with a good beat. We accomplish this by getting on our hands and knees, completely relaxing, and our butt hole just opens up and air just seeps into our colons. We then get into position and let them rip. We can so far play a song called "THE EYE OF THE TIGER" (Rocky 3 theme song). We came across another group of 4 guys that can do this during the winter of 2001. We started to get together with them more frequently, and now we have a full fledged band going all on farting...We are going to try to make a CD on some songs we know, but no one wants to let us...I personally have let a fart go for about 75 seconds. On average each Saturday night we let off about 1000 farts EACH! The only problem with flatulating when we want is that now 2 of us can't help but sucking in air through our anus when we sit down." Jason has also provided the following instructions for people who would like to acquire this skill: 1) Get a pillow and a soft surface. 2) Place your ear on the pillow with your head turned sideways. 3) Put your butt up in the air, bringing your knees as close up to your head as possible. This relaxes your anal opening. 4) Once you're relaxed enough, you should feel a strange sensation...this is air traveling into your colon. 5) Through practice you will be able to do this by just sitting down. Adam reports that a student at his high school, known as "The King" could fart "God Save the Queen" by alternately inhaling and exhaling through his anus. The students refered to the inhaling process as "input." Is it possible to swallow smoke and then fart it out your anus? No, smoke consists of solid particles suspended in air. When such a mixture enters the digestive system, the solids condense on the walls and other objects in the gut, or go into suspension in liquids in the system. However, for people capable of inhaling through the anus, it is possible to smoke a cigarette with the anal opening and then blow the smoke back out. What causes the burning sensation that sometimes accompanies a fart? This is generally caused by a recent meal of hot peppers or related spices. The oils associated with these foods remain intact and active all the way through one's gastrointestinal system. If you fart in the bathtub, is the water polluted and should you refill the tub? As long as what comes out is only fart and no poop, your bath water should not be significantly polluted. Most of the gas just bubbles up and contaminates the air rather than the water. Is it true that a woman can fart out of her, shall we say, frontal opening, and if so, where does the gas come from? Yes, it is true! The gas that emerges is simply trapped air, for there is no gas production in the genitalia of a woman. The air can enter because the system is open to the outside. This highly specialized kind of fart is sometimes called a queef. This occurs especially frequently during the sex act, when air in the genitalia gets compressed and is forced out at high pressure. Can a man fart out of his genital opening? I have asked various men this question and they all deny it emphatically. However, elrondh contributed the information that under certain rare and artificially-induced circumstances, a man might pass gas through his penis. In this case, the man's bladder had been inflated for a medical procedure, the air introduced via catheter inserted through the urethra. This gas escaped during later attempts to urinate, "accompanied by a brief but sharp burning sensation." Is it possible to capture a fart in a jar and save it for later use? It should be theoretically possible to do this, but there would be lots of logistical problems. I would suggest using a plastic bag instead of a jar. You might try the following as a science fair experiment: Fart into several plastic bags and seal them carefully. Then fill several other plastic bags with ordinary air. Wait 24 hours. Then get volunteers to smell the contents of the bags to see if they can correctly identify which ones contain the farts. This should tell you if it is possible to store a fart in any useful way. Malachi and Megaera have come up with a way to capture a fart in a jar. They say to do it in the bathtub while bathing. Fill the jar with bath water and then hold it with the open end downward. Lean back in the bathtub so that your fart bubbles will emerge in front of you rather than behind you where you can't see them. Catch the bubbles in the jar, and put the lid on the jar while it's still underwater. This way, you capture a fairly pure fart uncontaminated by atmospheric air. To enjoy your captured fart to the fullest extent, make sure that your jar does not already smell like whatever was it it before, like pickles or peanut butter. Meep wrote to say that her fiancé was an expert fart collector at the age of ten. He used Kodak film canisters, and kept them on a shelf in his room. Experiments on his mother proved the efficacy of his method. Is it weird to enjoy farting? It is not unusual to enjoy farting. I believe that enjoyment of farting is a healthy attitude, since everyone has to fart. If a person is farting to the extent that it creates problems and unhappiness, then a visit to a doctor is in order. Is it common for people to enjoy smelling their own farts? I believe that it is not only common, it is universal. A person farts and then thinks, at least subconsciously, "Wow, I made that!" Can farting be considered sexy? Everything imaginable, and many things not imaginable, can be considered sexy by humans. However, the female southern pine beetle exudes a pheromone called frontalin in her flatulence that not only serves to attract males but acts as a general gathering call to both males and females of her species. Her farts are an invitation to an orgy. Unfortunately for her, her frontalin-laden farts also attract predators. What color is a fart? Farts are, alas, colorless. All of the gases that make up farts have no inherent color. But just think of how interesting it would be if farts were bright orange like nitrogen dioxide gas! It would certainly take the mystery out of who farted. Never-the-less, a high-personality gas like fart gas suggests color to people. Some people envision farts as brown, others as green or yellow. I have always thought of farts as brown, presumably because poop is brown. When someone farts in our car, that person might say, "You better not breathe through your mouth for awhile, or your teeth will turn brown." I knew a toddler who used to draw pictures of farts as yellow rectangles full of holes, like a slice of Swiss cheese. She thought of farts as yellow, and said that she knew they were rectangular because she could feel the sharp corners scraping against her on the way out! Ernie C. suggests that if farts were visible, they would look like pork rinds. Helen says, "It always seemed to me like farts were lumps of coal, black in color and irregularly spherical in shape." Do other people smell a fart better than the farter? The fart should smell just as much for the person who created it as it does for other people. However, the farter is somewhat protected by having the fart propelled away from his body in a direction opposite to his nose. Farting upwind nullifies this advantage. Why is it that when you scratch your *** through two layers of clothing (your underwear and your jeans) your fingers still stink? As pointed out by Barb F., who contributed the term to the fart thesaurus, a fart can be regarded as "aerosolized poop," which means that microscopic fragments and droplets of poop are actually distributed throughout the gaseous matrix of the fart. When delivered from the anus with some force, the components of the fart can penetrate one's clothing and these tiny particles can be trapped in the fibers of the cloth. The particles are transferred to your fingers and then your nose when you scratch and sniff. Why is it sometimes possible to taste farts? The sense of taste detects substances that are either liquid or dissolved in liquid. You can taste a fart when the fart's constituent molecules go into solution in your saliva. Do fart particles disperse in the air and float around until they hit something and then stick to it? The ultimate fate of fart particles depends on the nature of the particles. Gas molecules mostly mix into the atmosphere, although some may react chemically to form new substances. Aerosolized particles of liquid and solid poop probably do condense on surfaces. Most of these particles are polar (with a positively charged end and a negatively charged end) and are attracted to other polar substances or charged surfaces like a monitor screen. Other fart particles condense on microscopic water droplets in the air if the humidity is very high (as in a bathroom), and some particles go into solution in water. Is it possible to have bloody farts? Yes, this can happen if you are suffering from an anal fissure, a split in the wall of the colon. It can also happen to a woman who experiences a queef during her period. Why do farts seem to follow the farter? I'm sure that everyone has experienced this phenomenon, in which one delivers oneself forth of a silent but potent gaseous emission and then steps rapidly away, only to have the fart cling to one's person. Part of the reason for this annoying characteristic of farts is the turbulence that follows in the wake of a moving person. The fart "slip streams" or is actually pulled along in the farter's direction by the air currents behind the person. Another factor is that part of the fart is caught in the farter's clothing, and diffuses out slowly after the main part of the emission has dispersed. Why do farts smell so much worse in a shower than anywhere else? There are several factors. First of all, a shower is a small, enclosed space, so the fart gas is more concentrated, and the high turbidity of the air in the shower circulates the gas through the space effectively. Secondly, the high humidity and high temperature conditions in the shower enhance a person's sense of smell and taste. The farts don't actually smell worse, it's just that we can smell them better than usual. Similar conditions prevail in the bathtub. What would happen if someone farted on Venus? If Venus's surface temperature were a mere 200 to 300 degrees Fahrenheit, liquid water could exist there because of Venus's extremely high atmospheric pressure. But the temperature on Venus is almost 900 degrees Fahrenheit. Because humans are mostly water, a person would not simply emit gas on Venus, but would become gas, a whole-body fart. Venus already has a lot of sulfur compounds in its atmosphere, so a fart on Venus probably wouldn't even produce much of a smell. If you were in space without a suit, would a fart have the energy to propel you forward? Yes, a fart should propel you forward, since there is virtually no opposing force in the form of friction or gravity to counteract the force of the fart. Is it possible to freeze farts, and would they still be smelly after they are defrosted? The water vapor component of farts would freeze quite readily, but to freeze the entire fart would require high pressure and low temperature conditions such as that used to produce dry ice. The fart's composition would be unchanged by the process, and hence would still be smelly upon reversion to the gaseous state. Is it possible for a fart to rip your underwear? This is unlikely, because most underwear is made of material with a fairly high tensile strength, meaning that it can endure a certain level of extensional stress without brittle failure. Furthermore, the porous nature of underwear fabrics allows much of the fart's force to pass through the spaces rather than to stress the fabric. Where does the word "fart" come from? According to Eric Partridge in his excellent book of word origins (Origins: A Short Etymological Dictionary of Modern English), our word fart comes from the Old English word feortan, presumably of echoic origin, meaning that the word was chosen to sound like the object named. When it is cold outside and you fart, can you see it like you can see your breath? Now, that's an interesting idea! My guess would be yes, since farts are nice and moist like our breath, but this is one question that I'm not in a position to answer. I live in the tropics, and it never gets cold here. Several people have tried the experiment and have written to tell me the results. Most people said that they could indeed see their farts, but one person said that he couldn't see it even with his pants off. Here is what anywhere32 reported: "In the boys' locker room after morning water polo practice it was cold out and one of the players only had on his speedo and let out a fart. About four of us saw it and couldn't contain our laughter for the rest of the day." John of the UK said, "Farts expelled in cold air leave what can only be described as a long bushy tail. This is quite funny waiting on a train station platform on a cold dark frosty morning. A person will move away from everyone to a safe distance, and then release a long quiet fart, only to have a sudden and dramatic long bushy white tail coming from their anus; it goes down a little way and slowly curves up ending in a point, just like a dogs tail!" What are some other words for fart? The word "fart" is both a noun (referring to the substance and the sound), and a verb (referring to the act of farting). i seriously have no idea how this was posted as r & s!!!! but i hope u enjoy it as wierd as it is! i just copied and pasted it!! i thought it was funny
videogame question please help! i want to know which one of these laptops will play videogames better number 1 or number 2? number 1.The Basics Processor: Experience improved energy efficiency, expanded wireless connectivity, and amazing battery life with the 45nm Penryn series Intel Core 2 Duo T9300 processor, which has a 2.50 GHz processor speed, super-fast 800 MHz front-side bus (FSB), and a super-sized 6 MB L2 cache. (An L2, or secondary, cache temporarily stores data; and a larger L2 cache can help speed up your system's performance. The FSB carries data between the CPU and RAM, and a faster front-side bus will deliver better overall performance.) The new hafnium-infused circuitry--which reduces electrical current leakage in transistors--conserves even more energy, giving you more time away from the wall outlet. And you'll be able to encode video on-the-go and watch HD movies with Intel HD Boost. The Intel Core 2 Duo processor has two computational execution cores in a single processor, providing greater system response when running multi-threaded applications simultaneously with no significant increase in power consumption. It's optimized for multitasking and is ready to support the Microsoft Windows Vista operating system. It can simultaneously run multiple demanding applications--such as graphics-intensive games or serious number-crunching business productivity applications--while downloading music or running virus-scanning security programs in the background. Some of the advanced Intel innovations of the Core 2 Duo processor include: Smart Memory Access: Improves system performance by hiding memory latency, thus optimizing the use of available computer data bandwidth to provide data to the processor when and where it is needed. Advanced Digital Media Boost: Effectively doubles the execution speed for instructions used widely in multimedia and graphics applications. Dynamic Power Coordination: Coordinates Enhanced Intel SpeedStep Technology and idle power-management state (C-states) transitions independently per core to help save power. Deeper Sleep with Dynamic Cache Sizing: Saves power by flushing cache data to system memory during periods of inactivity to lower CPU voltage. Hard Drive: This notebook provides a stunning 400 GB of storage, spread across two 200 GB Serial ATA hard drives (5400 RPM), offering one of the largest capacities you'll currently find in a laptop You'll enjoy the space for storing your entire music collection as well as your DVDs and downloaded TV shows and movies. This SATA hard drive also quickens the pace with a higher speed transfer of data--akin to Firewire and USB 2.0. Memory: The 3 GB of installed RAM (PC5300, 1 x 2 GB, 2 x 1 GB) helps boost the amount of available video RAM that's shared with this notebook's video card. It also offers a top-of-class 667 MHz speed. This notebook has a 4 GB maximum RAM capacity (2 x 2 GB). To receive the faster data transfer benefits of the dual-channel DDR2 RAM, any RAM additions require memory modules of same capacity and clockspeed. DVD/CD Drive: The dual-layer Labelflash DVD drive is compatible with a wide range of formats, including both DVD RW and DVD-RW discs, CD-RW discs, and dual-layer (DL) DVD /-R discs, which can hold up to 8.5 GB of data--great for backing up your MP3 collection or your most important documents. It features the following speeds: 4x DVD R DL, 4x DVD-R DL, 8x for both single-layer DVD R/-R, 8x DVD RW, 6x DVD-RW, 5x DVD-RAM, and 24x/16x for CD-R/RW. It reads DVD-ROM discs at 8x and CD-ROMs at 24x. With the Labelflash functionality, you can burn high-resolution, high-contrast pictures on the label side of DVD discs using the same laser used for data recording. Enjoy transparency and high-quality not found in traditional printable media. All you need is a Labelflash DVD disc to start labeling without a printer. Keyboard & Mouse: This notebook has a 104-key keyboard--with 10-keypad on the side--and electro-static two-button touchpad. It also offers CD/DVD media player and control buttons (play, stop, next, previous) as well as a volume control dial. Screen, Video & Audio This notebook has a 17-inch TFT display with a resolution of 1680 x 1050 pixels (native 720p for high-definition viewing). It also provides TruBrite technology, which makes images brighter and more vivid thanks to its anti-glare feature. Video is powered by the Nvidia SLI Dual GeForce 8600M graphics card, which provides up to 767 MB of available RAM/video memory (512 MB dedicated DDR3 RAM) for unmatched HD video performance on a notebook PC. (GDDR3, short for Graphics Double Data Rate, version 3, is a graphics card-specific memory technology that's better able to deliver fluid frame rates for even the most advanced games and applications.) With support for Microsoft DirectX 10 Shader Model 4.0 and High Dynamic-Range Lighting (HDR), it lets you rip through all of today's most advanced and cutting-edge games and applications. Experience real-time photo editing, or immerse yourself in the most complex, true-to-life gaming environments. It includes the Dolby Home Theater set of features, which provide up to 5.1 discrete channels of crystal-clear digital surround sound as well as virtual 5.1-channel surround sound experience from any pair of stereo speakers. It also features four stylishly incorporated Harman Kardon stereo speakers with a built-in subwoofer. Networking, Connectivity & Expansion Be ready for the next platform in wireless connectivity with this notebook's integrated quad-mode Wi-Fi chip. Based on the draft 802.11n Wi-Fi specification, it offers up to five times the performance and twice the wireless range as existing 802.11g wireless. It's also backward compatible with 802.11b/g networks (commonly found in home routers and wi-fi hotspots) as well as 802.11a networks (which has a higher throughput, but more limited range--great for closed office environments). You also get super-fast wired connectivity, with a Gigabit Ethernet port (10/100/1000). You'll enjoy wireless connectivity to a wide range of peripherals with the built-in Bluetooth 2.0 with EDR (enhanced data rate), which offers up to three times the bandwidth of standard Bluetooth. It also includes a next-generation ExpressCard 54/34 card slot (as well as a standard PCMCIA slot), which lets you take advantage of thinner, faster, and lighter expansion cards for even more advanced wireless, networking, storage, and security features. You get a good offering of connectivity options: 6 USB 2.0 ports for connecting a wide range of peripherals--from digital cameras to MP3 players 1 FireWire (also known as IEEE 1394 or i.Link) port for connecting digital video camcorders and other peripherals 1 HDMI output (for connecting to a compatible HDTV or home theater receiver for uncompressed digital audio and video via a single cable) Standard video output: VGA and S-Video 1 ExpressCard 54/34 1 headphone jack (with S/PDIF digital audio compatibility) and 1 microphone jack 5-in-1 memory card reader (Secure Digital, MultiMedia, Memory Stick, Memory Stick PRO, xD Picture Card) 10/100/1000 Gigabit Ethernet 56K modem (V.90) Operating System The Windows Vista Ultimate operating system (32-bit version) has it all--an advanced, business-focused infrastructure, mobile productivity, and premium home digital entertainment features. It offers all of the features found in Windows Vista Home Premium, including Windows Media Center, Windows Movie Maker with high-definition support, and Windows DVD Maker. It also provides all of the features found in Windows Vista Business, including business networking, centralized management tools, and advanced system backup features. In addition, Windows Vista Ultimate includes Extras such as: Windows Hold'em, a poker game for players of all skill levels Language packs for Windows multi-language interface, where users can install and use multiple languages on a single PC. Great for multi-lingual households or if you are learning a new language. Secure Online Key Backup, where Ultimate users can store their BitLocker recovery password and Encrypting File System certificate on Windows Marketplace's Digital Locker website for access to the key anytime, anyplace, and from any computer that has an Internet connection BitLocker Drive Preparation Tool, an automated tool which removes the complexity of setting up your PC to use this exclusive data security feature. Every edition of Windows Vista provides the essential tools and technologies to help protect you whether you are browsing the Internet, connecting to a wireless network, or just reading e-mail. All editions of Windows Vista include new tools that can warn you of impending hardware failures long before you have lost any important personal data. And, all Windows Vista editions include parental control features that allow you to manage and monitor your family's use of games, the Internet, instant messaging, and other activities. Preloaded Software Microsoft Works 9.0, Google Desktop and Picasa, Ulead DVD MovieFactory 5, Norton 360 All-in-One Security (30-day trial), and Microsoft Office 2007 Home and Student Edition (60-day trial). Dimensions & Weight This notebook measures 15.7 x 11.3 x 2.05 inches and weighs 9.37 pounds. Power It comes with a 6000 mAH lithium-ion battery pack for extra-long battery life. What's in the Box This package contains the X205-SLI6 notebook PC, rechargeable lithium-ion battery, AC adapter, remote control, and operating instructions. It is backed by a one-year limited hardware warranty. Product Description The Satellite X205-SLi6 is action at your fingertips for hard-core gaming or heavy-duty video editing in one sleek designed notebook, with eye-popping views from the brilliant 17-inch diagonal WSXGA TruBrite widescreen display. One-touch launch of the Dual Mode Pad and you face off in full throttle mode with the newest Intel Core 2 Duo T9300 processor with 6MB L2 Cache. Top gamers will appreciate the top-of-the-line NVIDIA SLI Dual GeForce 8600M GT graphics card with 512MB dedicated video RAM, for uncompromising gaming stamina for mind over muscle defeat of your opponent. Dual 200GB (7200rpm) hard drives, 3GB RAM as well as upgraded 1GB LAN connectivity for faster transfer rates provide an uninterrupted thrill-packed adventure. Burn, rip and store more multimedia files with the DVD SuperMulti drive and with the TV Tuner watch and record live TV programs. Amp up the audio with four built-in Harman Kardon speakers and subwoofer. Connect to LCD or Plasma TV in HD, courtesy of the HDMI connector with support for up to 1080i and 5.1-surround sound. 17.0 diagonal WSXGA (1680 x 1050) TruBrite TFT LCD display PCI-E x16 NVIDIA SLI Dual GeForce 8600M GT, 512MB GDDR3 discrete graphics memory, plus up to 255MB dynamically allocated shared graphics memory Built-in Webcam and microphone Toshiba USB HDTV 1080i Tuner (External) Labelflash DVD -R/RW SuperMulti Drive with Double Layer 4 Built-in Harman/Kardon Stereo speakers with 1 subwoofer Intel Wireless WiFi Link 4965 802.11A/B/G/N 10/100/1000 Ethernet LAN Bluetooth v2.0 (EDR) Fingerprint reader 5-in-1 Bridge Media Adapter - MMC, SD, MS, MS Pro, xD ExpressCard 54/34 Slot 6 x USB 2.0, Headphone out; Microphone-in, VGA, S-Video, HDMI, IEEE-1394, RJ-11(Modem), RJ-45 Approximate Unit Dimensions - 15.7 (W) x 11.3 (D) x 2.05 (H) Approximate Unit Weight - 9.37 pounds or number 2.Intel Core 2 Duo T8300 2.4GHz Processor 3MB L2 Cache 800MHz Bus speed 3072MB DDR2 (PC2-5300) RAM Max: 4GB 320GB (2 x 160GB, 7200RPM) SATA Hard Drive 17.0" diagonal WSXGA (1440 x 900) TruBrite TFT LCD display PCI-E x16 NVIDIA SLI Dual GeForce 8600M GT, 512MB GDDR3 Discrete graphics memory, plus up to 255MB dynamically allocated shared graphics memory Built-in Webcam and microphone Labelflash DVD±R/RW SuperMulti Drive with Double Layer 4 Built-in Harman/Kardon Stereo speakers with 1 subwoofer Intel Wireless WiFi Link 4965 802.11A/B/G/N 10/100/1000 Ethernet LAN Bluetooth v2.0 (EDR) Fingerprint reader 5-in-1 Bridge Media Adapter: MMC, SD, MS, MS Pro, xD ExpressCard 54/34 Slot 6 x USB 2.0, Headphone out; Microphone-in, VGA, S-Video, HDMI, IEEE-1394, RJ-11(Modem), RJ-45 Approximate Unit Dimensions: 15.7" (W) x 11.3" (D) x 2.05" (H) Approximate Unit Weight: 9.37lbs i want to know which one can play games like crysis and wow and assassins creed please help!
an anime show like tenchi muyo??? looking for a show that like tenchi muyo can some help me?? 38,341 have donated. You can help Wikipedia change the world! » Donate now! From the fundraising blog – Wikibooks and the Future of Free Education "Probably the best thing modern world has ever achieved." — Frei Klaus [Hide this message] [Show more] Tenchi Muyo! From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Jump to: navigation, search Tenchi Muyo! 天地無用! (No Need for Tenchi!) Demographic Shōnen Genre Adventure, fantasy, harem OVA: Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-Ohki Director Masaki Kajishima (original creator) Hiroki Hayashi (OVA 1) Kenichi Yatani (OVA 2) Kenichi Yatagai (OVA 2-3) Studio AIC Licensor Geneon (OVA 1 and 2) VAP (OVA 3) Geneon (OVA 1 and 2) FUNimation Entertainment (OVA 3) Episodes 20 Released 25 September 1992 - 14 September 2005 OVA: Tenchi Muyo! Mihoshi Special Director Kazuhiro Ozawa Studio AIC Licensor Geneon Geneon Episodes 1 Released 25 March 1994 TV anime: Tenchi Universe Director Hiroshi Negishi Studio AIC Licensor Geneon Geneon Network TV Tokyo [show]Other networks: Cartoon Network, International Channel (AZN Television) Cartoon Network ABS-CBN Original run 2 April 1995 – 24 December 1995 Episodes 26 TV anime: Tenchi in Tokyo Director Yoshihiro Takamoto Studio AIC Licensor Geneon Geneon Network TV Tokyo [show]Other networks: Cartoon Network, International Channel (AZN Television) Cartoon Network Original run 1 April 1997 – 23 December 1997 Episodes 26 TV anime: Tenchi Muyo! GXP Director Shinichi Watanabe Studio AIC Licensor VAP FUNimation Entertainment Network NTV [show]Other networks: FUNimation Channel Original run 3 April 2002 – 25 September 2002 Episodes 26 Movie: Tenchi Muyo! in Love Director Hiroshi Negishi Studio AIC Licensor Geneon Geneon Released 20 April 1996 16 August 1996 Runtime 95 min. Movie: Tenchi Muyo! Daughter of Darkness Director Satoshi Kimura Studio AIC Licensor Geneon Geneon Released 8 August 1997 31 March 1998 Runtime 60 min. Movie: Tenchi Forever! Director Hiroshi Negishi Studio AIC Licensor Geneon Geneon Released 24 April 1999 10 October 1999 Runtime 95 min. Manga: No Need For Tenchi! Author Hitoshi Okuda Publisher Kadokawa Shoten VIZ Media Chuang Yi Serialized in Comic Dragon Jr VIZ Media Original run 16 December 1994 – 9 June 2000 Volumes 12 Manga: The All-New Tenchi Muyo! Author Hitoshi Okuda Publisher Kadokawa Shoten VIZ Media Serialized in Comic Dragon AGE Original run 26 July 2000 – 9 December 2005 Volumes 10 Related works Magical Girl Pretty Sammy (1995-97) Magical Project S (1996-97) Dual! Parallel Trouble Adventure (1999) Sasami: Mahō Shōjo Club (2006) Tenchi Muyo! (天地無用!, Tenchi Muyō!?), is an anime, light novel, and manga series about a boy named Tenchi Masaki and the alien women who loved him. The original series, Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-Ohki, is a six episode OVA (Original Video Animation or Direct-to-Home Video) series; released in Japan in 1992–93. As its popularity grew, it spurred a seventh episode (also known as the Tenchi Special) and the stand alone Mihoshi Special. In 1994-95, the second OVA series was created and released, featuring episodes 8–13. From 2003 to 2005, a third OVA series was released, with episodes 14–19, centering around the three goddesses introduced in the second OVA series. This is then followed by a special twentieth episode which centered around some of the remaining plot threads towards Tenchi's mother, as well as Noike, who was introduced in episode 15. The series can be somewhat confusing too, due to it having several continuities. The Tenchi Muyo franchise has a manga series developed after an animated version was released, when typically the reverse is true. Tenchi Muyo! was one of the early successes for AIC, the animation company behind it, which went on to create El-Hazard, Battle Athletes, Oh My Goddess!, Dual! Parallel Trouble Adventure and many other anime series. The main artist for the series is Masaki Kajishima. The name of the manga is a play on words. Tenchi muyō (天地無用, Tenchi muyō?) in Japanese means "This way up", a phrase written, for example, on boxes to show they should not be upturned. 無用 muyō also means "unnecessary", thus with a lead character "Tenchi" this name could also mean "unnecessary Tenchi", more often translated to "No need for Tenchi" (even so far as the episode titles for the first TV series to have the running gag of having the titles start with "No need for...") The name 'Tenchi' also means 'Heaven (or the sky) and Earth' so one could also take the title to mean "No Need for Heaven and Earth." Contents [hide] 1 Canon 1.1 Series 1.1.1 Summary 1.1.2 Tenchi Muyo! OVA series, Kajishima canon 1.1.3 Tenchi Muyo! OVA series, Hasegawa canon 1.1.4 Tenchi Universe, a.k.a. the Negishi canon 1.1.5 Tenchi in Tokyo 1.1.6 Movies 1.2 Manga 1.3 Spin-offs 2 English adaptations distributor history 3 Locations 4 Trivia 5 External links [edit] Canon [edit] Series [edit] Summary The three major series continuities are Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-Ohki, Tenchi TV/Universe, and Tenchi in Tokyo. The first series, TM!R, is the original OVA (Original Video Animation) which introduces the core characters. Tenchi TV/Universe and Tenchi in Tokyo are spin-offs that utilize the same characters, with the addition of Kiyone Makibi, though the back story is quite different from the original OVAs. The first of the spin-offs was Tenchi Muyo! TV (also known as Tenchi Universe), in 1995; it is a twenty-six episode TV series that retells the original series differently. This anime was one of a few anime to be broadcast on PBS member station KTEH in San Jose, California.[citation needed] [edit] Tenchi Muyo! OVA series, Kajishima canon Main article: Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-Ohki The canon accepted by series creator Kajishima is as follows: Animation Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-Ohki OVA 1 (episodes 1-6) Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-Ohki OVA 1 Special, The Night Before the Carnival (episode 7) Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-Ohki OVA 2 (episodes 8-13 + the bonus episode 13.5) Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-ohki OVA 3 (episodes 14-19) Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-ohki OVA 3 Special (episode 20) Tenchi Muyo! GXP: Galaxy Police Transporter Other Materials Shin Tenchi Muyo! Jurai (novel, tells of Azusa's life from a boy to the events in episode 13) Shin Tenchi Muyo! Yosho (novel, tells of Yosho's life from a boy until he defeats Ryoko on Earth) Shin Tenchi Muyo! Washu (novel, tells of Washu's life from when she was found 20,000 years ago through the loss of her child to politics. The death of her friend Naja is not discussed.) Tenchi Muyo! GXP 01 (novel, novel form of the TV series with very little NB) Tenchi Muyo! GXP 02 (novel, 2006 release) Tenchi Muyo! GXP 03 (novel, 2006 release; contains lots of stuff not seen in the anime) Various dōjinshi from Kajishima Various interviews with Kajishima The book 101 Questions and Answers of Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-Oh-Ki (also titled 101 Secrets) [edit] Tenchi Muyo! OVA series, Hasegawa canon Naoko Hasegawa, writer of episodes 3 and 5 the first OVA series, uses a different continuity, which includes the following: Animation Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-ohki OVA 1 (episodes 1-6) Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-ohki Galaxy Police Mihoshi's Space Adventure (also known as the Mihoshi Special), though except for the framing sequence, much of the story is as an exaggeration by Mihoshi and is not considered canon. Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-ohki Manatsu no Eve (Tenchi Muyo! Daughter of Darkness) (movie 2) Other Materials Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-ohki Manatsu no Carnival (radio drama) A series of 13 novels by Hasegawa, including the Manatsu no Eve book upon which the movie was based upon. A few characters from OVA 2 (episodes 8-13.5), such as Tokimi, Emperor Azusa, and Empress Misaki, make appearances in Hasegawa's novels. However, the episodes and events from OVA 2, as well as episode 7, do not take place in Hasegawa's canon. Hasegawa also worked on the TV series, which includes her characters Kiyone and (in the movies) Achika, but the TV series is not considered to be in the same continuity. [edit] Tenchi Universe, a.k.a. the Negishi canon Main article: Tenchi Universe Called the "Negishi canon", after Hiroshi Negishi, the director who was the main creative force behind the series and connecting movies, Tenchi Universe (known as Tenchi Muyo! TV in Japan) has no sentient Jurai trees, Ayeka is not closely related to Katsuhito, and Washu is the person sealed in the cave. Kiyone has a major role in this series. Also, this series has a stronger emphasis on Ryoko, as shown in the show's opening credits and in some episodes, as well as Tenchi Forever. Animation Tenchi Muyo! TV (Tenchi Universe), 26 episodes Tenchi Muyo! in Love (movie 1) Tenchi Muyo! in Love 2: Haruka Naru Omoi (Tenchi Forever!) (movie 3) Other Material A manga, also written by Negishi, was produced as a tie in to TMiL2, though it is uncertain if this manga is part of established Negishi canon: Tenchi Muyo! In Love 2: Eternal Memory (manga) [edit] Tenchi in Tokyo Main article: Tenchi in Tokyo Shin Tenchi Muyo! (known as Tenchi in Tokyo in English), in 1997, is a third version of the story, centered on Tenchi's high school adventures in Tokyo. It is also a twenty-six episode TV series and many of the returning main characters have been portrayed differently with some slight personality changes. Animation Shin Tenchi Muyo! (26 episodes) [edit] Movies There are also three movies: Tenchi Muyo! in Love, Tenchi Muyo! Manatsu no Eve (The Daughter of Darkness) (1997), and Tenchi Muyo! in Love 2: Haruka Naru Omoi (Tenchi Forever!), 1999. Movies 1 and 3 are intended to be in, and match with, the Tenchi Universe continuity. Movie 3 concludes the Tenchi Muyo! TV (Universe) series. The continuity of movie 2 is more complicated. It is written by Naoko Hasegawa, who co-wrote the first OVA series and wrote several Tenchi novels in Japanese; the movie is based on one of her novels. Movie 2 is sometimes believed to be in Tenchi Universe continuity because of the presence of Kiyone and because Ayeka refers to my brother's tree instead of your tree while speaking to Katsuhito. Neither of these are related to Tenchi Universe; Kiyone is present because she originated from Hasegawa's OVA-based novels, and the Ayeka line is a misleading translation. In reality, the movie is an animated version of the Hasegawa novel of the same name, and is part of her continuity. In Japanese, a name or title may be used in some circumstances where English would require a pronoun; saying "brother's tree" to Katsuhito does not mean that her brother is someone other than him. Furthermore, in the Universe series it is never demonstrated that she has a brother. Tenchi Muyo! in Love (1996) Tenchi Muyo! in Love was the first of the Tenchi films, taking place within the Universe timeline. The movie is about how the gang must save Tenchi from utter disappearance by capturing a criminal named Kain, which had traveled back in time to destroy Tenchi's mother, Achika so that Tenchi isn't born to threaten his conquest of Jurai. In order to save Achika and Tenchi, Tenchi and crew travel back in time to the year of 1970 to protect Achika. Tenchi Muyo! Daughter of Darkness (1997) Tenchi the Movie 2: The Daughter of Darkness (Manatsu no Eve) is the second Tenchi movie. The movie is about a girl named Mayuka who appears out of nowhere claiming to be Tenchi's daughter. Ryoko and Ayeka are jealous and/or suspicious, Sasami befriends her, Kiyone and Mihoshi are the same, and Washu suspects something. Mayuka turns out to have been created by the demonic villain Yuzuha, who wanted revenge on Yosho because after befriending Yosho as a child she was banished by Jurai. Tenchi Forever! (1999) Tenchi Forever! (Tenchi Muyo! in Love 2) is a continuation of the first TV series (Tenchi Universe) and sequel to the original film. After a fight between Ryoko and Ayeka, Tenchi runs into the mountains to be seduced by a beautiful woman and disappears. Six months later, he is found with a woman named Haruna and he has forgotten his previous life. [edit] Manga The Tenchi manga consists of two series, Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-oh-ki and Shin Tenchi Muyo! (the shin here means new and has no connection to the second television series, Shin Tenchi Muyo) are written by Hitoshi Okuda. They have been released in America as No Need for Tenchi and The All-New Tenchi Muyo!. Unlike most anime/manga combinations, for Tenchi the anime came first, and the manga is considered non-canon. It is based on OVA series 1 and 2. Since the manga originally began in Japan before the release of OVA 2, the OVA 2 elements are not introduced immediately at the beginning. Because the manga is non-canon, new elements introduced in the manga do not carry over to the anime. Manga series released in the US: "No Need for Tenchi" series! (Volumes 1-2, earlier half of volume 3, 4-6, first half of 7, and 8-12.) "No Need for Tenchi: Magical Girl Pretty Sammy" (Later half of Volume 3, based on the "Pretty Sammy" OVAs. Not thought of as part of the manga storyline) "No Need for Tenchi: Tenchi in Love" (Second half of Volume 7, based on the first Tenchi movie. Has characters from the Tenchi Universe timeline. Not thought of as part of the manga storyline) "Tenchi Muyō: Sasami Stories" (A collection or reprint of several of the Sasami related events that happened in the No Need for Tenchi! manga series. However, the book itself is in the new smaller format, and also features bonus comics in the back that were printed over the years. The bonus comics are not thought of as part of the overall manga story.) "The All-New Tenchi Muyō!" (Volumes 1-10; It continues the No Need for Tenchi! manga, but with a smaller page format. Introduces several new characters that weren't in the original manga.) [edit] Spin-offs The first Tenchi spinoff is the Pretty Sammy, the Magical Girl series, a magical girl series where Sasami is the lead character. The first use of Pretty Sammy was in the Tenchi Muyo! Sound File, a Japanese-only music video release. The same animation was used in the ending of the Mihoshi Special. In 1995, a three episode Pretty Sammy OVA series began, where Sasami, who is known as Sasami Kawai, magically becomes Pretty Sammy. The second Pretty Sammy is a TV series (titled in America as Magical Project S), which came out in 1996. This series is a separate continuity from the OVA series. Pretty Sammy also appears in the Mihoshi Special and in an alternate reality sequence in the Tenchi Universe series. The second is Tenchi Muyo! GXP, which was released in Japan in 2001. The series takes place during the Kajishima version of the OVA continuity, and is set a year after the events of the third OVA series despite being released first chronologically. The main character of this twenty-six episode TV series is Seina Yamada, a friend of Tenchi Masaki who accidentally joined the Galaxy Police. Many characters from Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-ohki make appearances in this series, including the use of Seiryo as a major character and a full-fledged Tenchi Muyo! crossover in episode 17. Sasami: Mahou Shoujo Club, currently shown in Japan as 2006, is recognized as the third spin-off with Sasami, known here as Sasami Iwakura, as the main character. The animation style here is saccharine compared to the other titles, but the hold over characters from the franchise (particularly Misao of Pretty Sammy) are still fairly recognizable. Other versions of Tenchi Muyo! are also available as graphic novels, video games and radio dramas. The series Dual! Parallel Trouble Adventure is also thought to be related to the Tenchi Muyo universe, due to the blatant use of the "Lighthawk Wings" associated with the Jurai dynasty in Tenchi Muyo. Mecha Jinv from Dual! appear in Tenchi Muyo! GXP, Kiyone, Ramia, and Misao appear in a brief easter egg cameo in the series' OVA special, and there is much speculation concerning the ancient civilization that the character "D" is from. Kajishima has hinted that Dual! does, in fact, relate to Tenchi Muyo!. The creator of both DUAL! and Tenchi Muyo!, Masaki Kajishima, confirmed that DUAL! is in fact an alternate version of the Tenchi Muyo! universe. [edit] English adaptations distributor history The manga is published in English in North America by Viz Communications. In Singapore it is published in English by Chuang Yi as No Need for Tenchi! Pioneer USA (now Geneon Entertainment) has brought out most of the releases in the USA up to 2002. They released the Tenchi OVA series, the Mihoshi Special episode, both of the Tenchi Muyo! television series, and all three of the Tenchi Muyo! movies. Pioneer USA has also distributed the Pretty Sammy spinoff, with both the Pretty Sammy OVAs and Magical Project S TV series. On DVD the Mihoshi Special is released with Pretty Sammy, not with the rest of the Tenchi series. OVA1 and OVA2 were released on DVD in the UK in 2004. A single boxset was released in the UK which includes OVA1, OVA2 and the Mihoshi Special. When first aired in 2000 on Cartoon Network's Toonami in America, Cartoon Network did some editing to the character's lines. The girls (mostly Ryoko) often drink 'tea' throughout the series. However, their 'tea' is often poured and distributed like sake, a Japanese rice wine. Characters often begin to blush, slur their words together, hiccup, and slowly decline in their mannerisms as they chugged down their 'tea.' This was done to prevent backlash from the more conservative American audiences. The delivery of lines from the characters, however, implies that the characters are aware of the double entendre (ex.: "You can't drink THAT kind of 'tea' at school!") In addition to substituting 'tea' for sake, Cartoon Network also digitally painted swimsuits on several female character to cover up nudity during bathhouse scenes, and carried out extensive edits for language and other adult content, including references to sex, masturbation, and 'peeping'. FUNimation Productions licensed the second Tenchi Muyo! spinoff series Tenchi Muyo! GXP for distribution in the United States in 2003, and released it in 2004. FUNimation also licensed the third OVA series and released it on DVD starting July 2005. FUNimation has kept most of the original dub voice cast except for Petrea Burchard, who dubbed Ryoko's voice in the Pioneer/Geneon releases. She is replaced by Mona Marshall in the GXP and OVA 3 series. [edit] Locations Alpha – A planet from the Tenchi Muyo! OVA series, ruins on the planet were attacked by Kagato but otherwise nothing else has been seen or said of it. Balta- an autonomous planet within the Juraian territories, named after and ruled by the Balta family, which were also the rulers of the old Balta pirate guild. Beta – a planet from the Tenchi Muyo! OVA series. The only mention in the series is that several people disappeared in the planet's mystery spot once. Chobimaru – in the Tenchi Muyo! OVA series and GXP, it is a planet-sized spaceship belonging to the Kuramitsu family and operated by the Galaxy Police. Inside it has oceans, plants, and animal life along with the artificial structures. The ship also has firepower capable of destroying an entire planet. Earth - Also known as "Terra", home of the human race-and Tenchi Masaki's house is located here. Galaxy Police Headquarters - A giant space station shaped like an arc. It houses many Galaxy Police officers and acts much like a massive police station. Galaxy Academy - Three massive ring worlds together that are the size of a solar system. Many cultures and races co-inhabit this place, which houses both scientific and military schools as well as many civilian merchant areas. Jurai — The seat of the powerful Juraian Empire, the homeworld of First Princess Ayeka, and the abode of intelligent trees descended from a goddess in the anime Tenchi Muyo!. Raynza Republic - A unknown number of worlds that borders with the Juraien empire's territory, but not with the rest of the Galactic Union. Are now allies with Jurai thanks to a political marriage. Ryuten - One of Jurai's "sister planets" within the No Need For Tenchi! Manga. Aside from being a luxurious planetary resort, Ryuten is the sole proprietor of the giant trees used by Jurai's royal family. Craftspeople of the planet shape and carve the wood for use as prodigious spacecraft, with the master sculptor given the highest seat of authority. Seniwa - Home planet of the Kuramitsu family and one-time rival of Jurai. The two planets once were involved in a bitter Cold War, but have since became close allies. Tolane - A planet administered by the Galactic Science Academy, where Kagato had kidnapped Washu and taken Ryoko and Ryo-Ohki as slaves. Tokimi's Temple- Actually the home realm of the Chousin, this place is a massive area of altered space and time where all three - Tokimi, Washu and Tsunami - resided at one time. The area is made of many worlds with chaotic geometries. [edit] Trivia Trivia sections are discouraged under Wikipedia guidelines. The article could be improved by integrating relevant items and removing inappropriate ones. The creator of Tenchi Muyo!, Masaki Kajishima, named several of the characters after locations in his Okayama Prefecture hometown. [1] Guardians of Order published an English-language role-playing game based on OVA Episodes 1-13. The game, now out of print due to the expiring of the license, was moderately successful but is mainly of interest for combining many of the design elements that would be incorporated a few months later into the second edition of Big Eyes, Small Mouth and for the insights its writers gave on Tenchi's dilemma. The Japanese title logo of Tenchi Muyo! makes a cameo appearance as graffiti in issue 1 of the Mark Waid / Alex Ross graphic novel series Kingdom Come, right after Norman McCay leaves Wesley Dodds's funeral and starts walking through the streets. [edit] External links FUNimation's Official Tenchi Muyo! Site AIC's Official Tenchi Muyo! Site Formerly the Unofficial AIC BBS FAQ and now the Tenchi Muyo! FAQ Tenchi Muyo Another Universe — Very Useful Resource Site covering all of the Tenchi Series, Movies, and Spin-Offs as well as the latest news. It's famous for hosting an expansive family tree, which details the complex relations between all OAV characters. Tenchi in Tokyo — Wiki dedicated to the Tenchi anime series. 101 Tenchi Muyo Facts — Masaki Kajishima himself answers 101 of the most important and frequent fan-submitted questions about his story. h2g2 article on Tenchi Muyo Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-Ohki (anime) at Anime News Network's Encyclopedia Tenchi Muyo Papercraft Okayama Tenchi Muyō! map [show]v • d • eTenchi Muyo! Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-Ohki series Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-Ohki (1992–2005) • Tenchi Muyo! GXP (2002) Tenchi Universe series Tenchi Universe (1995) • Tenchi Muyo! in Love (1996) • Tenchi Forever! (1999) Pretty Sammy series Magical Girl Pretty Sammy (1995–1997) • Magical Project S (1996–1997) • Sasami: Mahou Shoujo Club (2006) Other series Tenchi Muyo! Mihoshi Special (1994) • Tenchi in Tokyo (1997) • Tenchi Muyo! Daughter of Darkness (1997) Manga No Need For Tenchi! (1994–2000) • The All-New Tenchi Muyo! (2000–2005) People Masaki Kajishima (creator) • Yōsuke Kuroda • Hitoshi Okuda • Sharyn Scott • List of Tenchi Muyo! cast members Studios / Distributors AIC • Pioneer / Geneon • VAP • FUNimation Entertainment [show]v • d • eTenchi Muyo! characters Main Characters Tenchi • Ryoko • Ayeka • Sasami • Mihoshi • Washu • Noike • Kiyone • Ryo-Ohki The Chousin Washu • Tsunami • Tokimi Villains Kagato • Dr. Clay • Z • Yugi • Kain • Yuzuha • Haruna • Seiryo • Tarant • Yakage • Shima Brothers • Yume • Mikamo & Yataka • Garyu • Dark Washu Masaki Family Katsuhito • Nobuyuki • Achika • Tennyo • Airi • Rea Guardians & Royalty of Jurai Azaka & Kamidake • Azusa • Funaho • Misaki • Seto Galaxy Police Mihoshi • Kiyone • Noike • Seina • Amane • Kiriko • Ryoko Balta • Neju • Minami • Misao • Sabato • Mashisu Pretty Sammy Sasami Kawai • Pixy Misa • Ramia • Rumiya • Chief Pretty Sammy characters • Chief Magical Project S characters Others Nagi • Sakuya • Mayuka • Zero • Fuku • Minagi • Hiwa • Asahi • Kazuma • Tama • Chief GXP characters • Gohgei • Ibara • Noike Miscellaneous Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-ohki • Tenchi Universe • Tenchi in Tokyo • Tenchi Muyo! GXP • Pretty Sammy • Sasami: Mahou Shoujo Club Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tenchi_Muyo%21" Categories: Anime OVAs | Anime series | Anime films | Manga series | All articles with unsourced statements | Articles with unsourced statements since October 2007 | Articles with trivia sections from June 2007 | Adventure anime and manga | Anime of the 1990s | Anime of the 2000s | Anime with original screenplays | Fantasy anime and manga | Harem anime and manga | Romance anime and manga | Shōnen | Tenchi Muyo! | Viz Media manga ViewsArticle Discussion Edit this page History Personal toolsSign in / create account Navigation Main Page Contents Featured content Current events Random article interaction About Wikipedia Community portal Recent changes Contact Wikipedia Donate to Wikipedia Help Search Toolbox What links here Related changes Upload file Special pages Printable version Permanent link Cite this article Languages العربية Deutsch Español Français 日本語 Português Suomi Svenska 中文 This page was last modified 19:45, 9 November 2007. All text is available under the terms of the GNU Free Documentation License. (See Copyrights for details.) Wikipedia® is a registered trademark of the Wikimedia Foundation, Inc., a U.S. registered 501(c)(3) tax-deductible nonprofit charity. Privacy policy About Wikipedia Disclaimers
What is your horoscope sign...? Do any of these characteristics apply to you? Aries Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses. Taurus You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God. Gemini Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses. Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius. Cancer You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation. A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans Leo You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos. A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls. Virgo You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor. Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo. Libra You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards. The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all. Scorpio You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt. Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it. Sagittarius Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip. Capricorn Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard. In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns Aquarius The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do. Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians. Pisces Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want. I am a Leo. I love automated opening doors and nothing would give me more pleasure than to have Clappers applaud me when I enter a room. I must admit I am an attention seeking person. ENJOY!
i need help in computers? help please =/? i got some of these questions but im not forsure so can you please help 1. Which of the following is not an Operating System? (1 point) Windows Mac XP Linux Mac OS 2. Windows XP ________and Windows XP Home Edition have the same interface design. (1 point) 2000 Professional 98 OS 3. Which of the following operating systems is considered to be open source? (1 point) Mac OS Windows XP Windows 98 Linux 4. Which operating system is considered to be the most popular with graphic and multimedia designers? (1 point) Linux Mac OS Unix Windows 98 5. The software _______is the number and variety of programs available for a particular operating system. (1 point) base top center none of the above 6. Which of the following is not an example of a Windows default folder? (1 point) My Documents My Music My Introduction to Computers Course My Pictures 7. The address of a files location on your computer is the ________path. (1 point) data source central none of the above 8. In the data path: C:\My Documents\Intro_to_Computers\Unit 1\assignment1.doc , which section of the following data path represents the hard drive? (1 point) My Documents C: assignment1.doc Unit1 9. In the data path: C:\My Documents\Intro_to_Computers\Unit 1\assignment1.doc , which section of the following data path represents the Word document? (1 point) Unit1 assignment1.doc C: My Documents 10. In the data path: C:\My Documents\Intro_to_Computers\Unit 1\assignment1.doc , which section of the following data path is a default folder in Windows? (1 point) assignment1.doc Unit1 My Documents Intro_to_Computers 11. The _________folder button allows you to navigate to the folder that is directly above the current folder you are in. (1 point) up down left none of the above 12. Which section of figure 1 allows you to view the contents of a drive or folder? (1 point) Section A Section B Section C Section D 13. Which section of figure 1 allows you to navigate easily to a certain folder on your hard drive? (1 point) Section A Section B Section C Section D 14. Which section of figure 2 allows you to navigate to the very last folder you visited? (1 point) Section A Section B Section C Section D 15. Which section of figure 2 allows you to navigate to the folder directly above the current folder you are in? (1 point) Section A Section B Section C Section D 16. Which section of figure 2 allows you to search for particular files or folders on your computer? (1 point) Section A Section B Section C Section D 17. The Start button is found in the lower _______corner of the screen. (1 point) left right center none of the above 18. To add a program to the top left portion of the Start Menu, right-click on the program and select ________. (1 point) Send To Pin to Start Menu Create Shortcut Copy 19. The ____________gives you many options for changing various settings on your computer. (1 point) Accessories feature Disk cleanup Start menu Control panel 20. In___________, you can view the contents of your hard drive(s), floppy drives, removable storage devices, and network drives. (1 point) My Computer My Documents the Control panel My Music 21. What is the default music and video player in Windows? (1 point) Real Player Quicktime Player Windows Media Player Itunes player 22. The disk defragmenter is found in what section of the Accessories feature? (1 point) System Tools Accessibility Communications Entertainment 29. Which of the following is NOT an example of what a Peripheral Component Interconnect (PCI) slot would be used for? (1 point) Video card Sound card Modem Mouse 30. What choice below would be the best reason that form factors come in many different shapes and sizes? (1 point) People like variety in looks and models of computers. Computer systems vary in the different components within the system, therefore the shape and size will vary. Computer manufacturers want to separate the computers look from their competitors None of the above 31. Which of the following is not a characteristic of a LCD monitor? (1 point) They are more energy friendly then the CRT monitor. They are easier on the eye then the CRT monitor. They are bulkier then the CRT monitor. They have been in existence longer then the CRT monitor. 32. VGA connections use what type of signals to communicate from the video card to the monitor? (1 point) Digital signals Analog signals Light signals Traffic signals 33. A resolution setting of 800 x 600 means that the screen is set to which of the following choices? (1 point) The display is 800 pixels wide by 600 pixels high. The display is 600 pixels wide by 800 pixels high. The display is 800 inches wide by 600 inches high. The display is 800 mm wide by 600 mm high. 34. The inkjet printer works by using a tiny ___
16. In measuring and sketching a client's room, which of these should you always be sure to include? 1. Your client wants his dining room to be a cozy, dark nighttime room where he can entertain just one or two people for casual, intimate dinners. The room won't be used during the day. The unfurnished room has a low seven-foot ceiling, two small windows facing north, one doorway, and is 10 feet (2.9 meters) by 12 feet (3.6 meters) with no other distinguishing features. To create the mood your client wants, you'll need to A. counteract the conflicting moods in the unfurnished room. B. emphasize existing qualities of the room since they suit the decorating requirements. C. put up a false wall to shorten the room. D. have the ceiling raised if the budget allows. 2. Your client has two pieces in his living room that he wants to keep. One is a favorite chair that would need re-covering to go with the new decor, and the other is a large enameled cabinet whose color is wrong for the new decor. Which of these would be your best course of action? A. Try to convince him that both pieces should be disposed of, since it will be easier to decorate without them. B. Plan to re-cover the chair. Ask if the client will consider repainting the cabinet or putting it in another room. C. Dispose of the chair and repaint the cabinet. D. Try to place both pieces in other rooms. 3. Which of these client factors will generally have the greatest influence on your decorating plan? A. Age B. Lifestyle C. Occupation D. Color preference 4. Your client has said that he likes French Provincial furniture. What should you do before continuing to develop a decorating plan in that style for him? A. Show him examples of French Provincial and other styles to check on whether he knows styles and has expressed what he really wants. B. Let him know that you could give him a special discount on some Oriental furniture you have left over from another job. C. Decide whether you think the style is right for him and tell him which style you prefer. D. Check his color and fabric preferences to see if they allow you to use French Provincial. 5. Because of your client's job, he must live in a city apartment. He is increasingly tired of city life, however, and daydreams about living on a peaceful tropical island. He does no business entertaining at his apartment but occasionally brings other visitors there. Which one of these decorating plans will probably be best for him? A. Sophisticated city look which reflects his business life B. Barefoot and serene tropical decor to reflect the lifestyle he wishes he had C. Plain, nonstylized environment, neither city nor tropical, so that he won't be reminded of his conflicts D. Refined traditional look with one or two large tropical accessories 6. Your clients are Mr. and Mrs. Jones. Mrs. Jones has told you that she would like to see her living room done with lots of blues and greens against white walls. The only color she doesn't care for is pink. Mr. Jones likes tan, gray, and blue. He dislikes all shades of green and any color in strong bold tones. Which of these would be the best color scheme for you to suggest for meeting your clients' needs? A. Blue and green and white B. Pale blue and very pale lime green and white C. Pale blue, pale green, and tan D. Pale blue, tan, and white 7. You're meeting with your new clients, Mr. and Mrs. Godfrey regarding decorating their living room. Mr. Godfrey has said that he definitely wants a clean, uncluttered look in his home. Mrs. Godfrey says wistfully that she likes Victorian style, but Mr. Godfrey has always cringed at what he calls that fussy-looking stuff. Which of these would be your best course of action? A. Develop a clean, uncluttered modern decor to please Mr. Godfrey. B. Develop a Victorian style room for Mrs. Godfrey. C. Keep peace by introducing a totally separate decor suggestion that doesn't include either of their specifications. D. Show them how it's possible to combine a Victorian flavor with the uncluttered look Mr. Godfrey likes. 8. Which of these is generally the strongest single element in creating the mood of a room? A. Furniture style B. Color C. Accessories D. Its bare-wall structure 9. The most effective approach to redecorating your client's rooms is to A. determine the client's particular needs and meet them. B. replace the client's furnishings with the newest styles available. C. design a decorating scheme based on your own favorite decor elements. D. educate the client to appreciate and desire the finest period decor. 10. Your client is a petite, pale, blue-eyed, and very soft-spoken woman. Which one of the following color schemes would provide the most flattering environment for her? A. Strong colors, such as bright red and hot pinks B. Her favorite pastel colors, such as a delicate pink and subdued, light greens C. Earth tones, such as reddish browns and rich, dark golds D. Dark Victorian colors that enhance the woodwork, such as muddy browns, reds, and greens 11. Which of the following factors determines the directional exposure of a room? A. The direction each window faces B. The direction the seating faces C. The direction you face as you enter D. The direction the doorway faces (outward) 12. If you had to choose only from the following, which of these would be the best lounge chair to select for your client's room? (Remember the client's basic needs.) A. The most comfortable B. The one which best matches the style of the room, whatever it is C. The costliest he or she can afford D. The best-looking chair 13. Your client wants to redecorate his entire home and to have only the finest quality of each item he selects. He has a limited amount to spend, and the job will need to be completed in stages over three years. Which is probably the best method of budgeting for this particular project, according to this study unit? A. Budget a percentage for furniture, percentage for floor covering, percentage for walls, etc. B. Budget a percentage for each room. C. Budget according to priorities. D. It's not possible to establish a budget in this case. 14. Your client has lived in her modest apartment for several years. The bedroom is small and cluttered. A sewing machine and straight chair are placed in front of the room's only window. She says she sews a lot, usually in the mornings. She has found this room the best place to work because of the morning sun. Which of these is your best approach to this decorating challenge? A. Explain that the room is too cluttered and the sewing machine will have to be kept in a closet and brought out only for use. B. In developing a decorating plan, put the sewing machine into an unobtrusive corner in the large living room and disguise it. C. Unclutter the bedroom in other ways. Leave the sewing machine where it is. D. Refuse the job since there's little hope of success. 15. The total cost to decorate your client's bedroom is over her budget. On which of these items should you make the final cost cuts? A. Bed B. Carpeting C. Lamps D. Chest of drawers 16. In measuring and sketching a client's room, which of these should you always be sure to include? A. Colors of the walls B. Planned positions of new furnishings C. Positions of electrical outlets and permanent fixtures D. Positions of present furnishings 17. Your client has seen a very costly brass bed that she is determined to have. It appears to you to be a good item for her room and worth its price. Unfortunately, its cost exceeds the entire amount planned for redecorating her bedroom. The living room is to be redecorated, too. What should you do? A. Convince her to forget about the bed until some future time when she can afford it. Stick to the original budget. B. Get the bed for her. Postpone the rest of the bedroom and living room redecorating until she can afford it. C. See what can be eliminated from the client's budget to pay for the balance of the bed. Then reassess the remaining budget for priorities. D. Redecorate only the living room at this time. Redecorate the bedroom when she can afford what she wants. Refer to Examination Figures 1 and 2 on page 52 of your study unit to answer questions 18–20. 18. In Examination Figure 1, the room includes a sofa, two armchairs, and a secretary. How appropriate is this seating for the sort of entertainment the Guilfords will do in the room? A. Adequate B. Uncomfortable C. Not sufficient D. Suitable for three, not for five 19. How well have the Guilfords' pattern and style preferences been met in this decor? A. Suitable to Mrs. Guilford's tastes; not to Dr. Guilford's B. Very well, for both C. Quite well, except for the rug D. Not at all 20. What one factor most makes the room meet the requirement of being both a nighttime room and a pleasant daytime retreat on weekends? A. The combination of casual and sophisticated furnishings B. The plain style of the upholstered pieces C. The many lamps in the room D. The window treatment, with draperies ready to be pulled at night
Which of these client factors will generally have the greatest influence on your decorating plan? 1. Your client wants his dining room to be a cozy, dark nighttime room where he can entertain just one or two people for casual, intimate dinners. The room won't be used during the day. The unfurnished room has a low seven-foot ceiling, two small windows facing north, one doorway, and is 10 feet (2.9 meters) by 12 feet (3.6 meters) with no other distinguishing features. To create the mood your client wants, you'll need to A. counteract the conflicting moods in the unfurnished room. B. emphasize existing qualities of the room since they suit the decorating requirements. C. put up a false wall to shorten the room. D. have the ceiling raised if the budget allows. 2. Your client has two pieces in his living room that he wants to keep. One is a favorite chair that would need re-covering to go with the new decor, and the other is a large enameled cabinet whose color is wrong for the new decor. Which of these would be your best course of action? A. Try to convince him that both pieces should be disposed of, since it will be easier to decorate without them. B. Plan to re-cover the chair. Ask if the client will consider repainting the cabinet or putting it in another room. C. Dispose of the chair and repaint the cabinet. D. Try to place both pieces in other rooms. 3. Which of these client factors will generally have the greatest influence on your decorating plan? A. Age B. Lifestyle C. Occupation D. Color preference 4. Your client has said that he likes French Provincial furniture. What should you do before continuing to develop a decorating plan in that style for him? A. Show him examples of French Provincial and other styles to check on whether he knows styles and has expressed what he really wants. B. Let him know that you could give him a special discount on some Oriental furniture you have left over from another job. C. Decide whether you think the style is right for him and tell him which style you prefer. D. Check his color and fabric preferences to see if they allow you to use French Provincial. 5. Because of your client's job, he must live in a city apartment. He is increasingly tired of city life, however, and daydreams about living on a peaceful tropical island. He does no business entertaining at his apartment but occasionally brings other visitors there. Which one of these decorating plans will probably be best for him? A. Sophisticated city look which reflects his business life B. Barefoot and serene tropical decor to reflect the lifestyle he wishes he had C. Plain, nonstylized environment, neither city nor tropical, so that he won't be reminded of his conflicts D. Refined traditional look with one or two large tropical accessories 6. Your clients are Mr. and Mrs. Jones. Mrs. Jones has told you that she would like to see her living room done with lots of blues and greens against white walls. The only color she doesn't care for is pink. Mr. Jones likes tan, gray, and blue. He dislikes all shades of green and any color in strong bold tones. Which of these would be the best color scheme for you to suggest for meeting your clients' needs? A. Blue and green and white B. Pale blue and very pale lime green and white C. Pale blue, pale green, and tan D. Pale blue, tan, and white 7. You're meeting with your new clients, Mr. and Mrs. Godfrey regarding decorating their living room. Mr. Godfrey has said that he definitely wants a clean, uncluttered look in his home. Mrs. Godfrey says wistfully that she likes Victorian style, but Mr. Godfrey has always cringed at what he calls that fussy-looking stuff. Which of these would be your best course of action? A. Develop a clean, uncluttered modern decor to please Mr. Godfrey. B. Develop a Victorian style room for Mrs. Godfrey. C. Keep peace by introducing a totally separate decor suggestion that doesn't include either of their specifications. D. Show them how it's possible to combine a Victorian flavor with the uncluttered look Mr. Godfrey likes. 8. Which of these is generally the strongest single element in creating the mood of a room? A. Furniture style B. Color C. Accessories D. Its bare-wall structure 9. The most effective approach to redecorating your client's rooms is to A. determine the client's particular needs and meet them. B. replace the client's furnishings with the newest styles available. C. design a decorating scheme based on your own favorite decor elements. D. educate the client to appreciate and desire the finest period decor. 10. Your client is a petite, pale, blue-eyed, and very soft-spoken woman. Which one of the following color schemes would provide the most flattering environment for her? A. Strong colors, such as bright red and hot pinks B. Her favorite pastel colors, such as a delicate pink and subdued, light greens C. Earth tones, such as reddish browns and rich, dark golds D. Dark Victorian colors that enhance the woodwork, such as muddy browns, reds, and greens 11. Which of the following factors determines the directional exposure of a room? A. The direction each window faces B. The direction the seating faces C. The direction you face as you enter D. The direction the doorway faces (outward) 12. If you had to choose only from the following, which of these would be the best lounge chair to select for your client's room? (Remember the client's basic needs.) A. The most comfortable B. The one which best matches the style of the room, whatever it is C. The costliest he or she can afford D. The best-looking chair 13. Your client wants to redecorate his entire home and to have only the finest quality of each item he selects. He has a limited amount to spend, and the job will need to be completed in stages over three years. Which is probably the best method of budgeting for this particular project, according to this study unit? A. Budget a percentage for furniture, percentage for floor covering, percentage for walls, etc. B. Budget a percentage for each room. C. Budget according to priorities. D. It's not possible to establish a budget in this case. 14. Your client has lived in her modest apartment for several years. The bedroom is small and cluttered. A sewing machine and straight chair are placed in front of the room's only window. She says she sews a lot, usually in the mornings. She has found this room the best place to work because of the morning sun. Which of these is your best approach to this decorating challenge? A. Explain that the room is too cluttered and the sewing machine will have to be kept in a closet and brought out only for use. B. In developing a decorating plan, put the sewing machine into an unobtrusive corner in the large living room and disguise it. C. Unclutter the bedroom in other ways. Leave the sewing machine where it is. D. Refuse the job since there's little hope of success. 15. The total cost to decorate your client's bedroom is over her budget. On which of these items should you make the final cost cuts? A. Bed B. Carpeting C. Lamps D. Chest of drawers 16. In measuring and sketching a client's room, which of these should you always be sure to include? A. Colors of the walls B. Planned positions of new furnishings C. Positions of electrical outlets and permanent fixtures D. Positions of present furnishings 17. Your client has seen a very costly brass bed that she is determined to have. It appears to you to be a good item for her room and worth its price. Unfortunately, its cost exceeds the entire amount planned for redecorating her bedroom. The living room is to be redecorated, too. What should you do? A. Convince her to forget about the bed until some future time when she can afford it. Stick to the original budget. B. Get the bed for her. Postpone the rest of the bedroom and living room redecorating until she can afford it. C. See what can be eliminated from the client's budget to pay for the balance of the bed. Then reassess the remaining budget for priorities. D. Redecorate only the living room at this time. Redecorate the bedroom when she can afford what she wants. Refer to Examination Figures 1 and 2 on page 52 of your study unit to answer questions 18–20. 18. In Examination Figure 1, the room includes a sofa, two armchairs, and a secretary. How appropriate is this seating for the sort of entertainment the Guilfords will do in the room? A. Adequate B. Uncomfortable C. Not sufficient D. Suitable for three, not for five 19. How well have the Guilfords' pattern and style preferences been met in this decor? A. Suitable to Mrs. Guilford's tastes; not to Dr. Guilford's B. Very well, for both C. Quite well, except for the rug D. Not at all 20. What one factor most makes the room meet the requirement of being both a nighttime room and a pleasant daytime retreat on weekends? A. The combination of casual and sophisticated furnishings B. The plain style of the upholstered pieces C. The many lamps in the room D. The window treatment, with draperies ready to be pulled at night
I'm trying to name all the nes games, do i have them all? Name Publisher Year Size A Ressha De Ikou Pony Canyon 1991 144K Aa Yakyuu Jinsei Icchokusen Sammy 1992 512K Abadox - The Deadly Inner War Milton Bradley 1990 256K Abadox Natsume 1989 256K Abarenbou Tengu Meldac 1990 256K Action in New York Infogrames 1991 256K Addams Family, The Ocean 1992 256K Addams Family, The - Uncle Fester's Quest Sunsoft 1989 256K Addams Family, The - Pugsley's Scavenger Hunt Ocean 1993 256K Advanced Dungeons & Dragons - Dragon Strike FCI 1992 512K Advanced Dungeons & Dragons - Dragons of Flame Pony Canyon 1992 256K Advanced Dungeons & Dragons - Heroes of the Lance FCI 1991 256K Advanced Dungeons & Dragons - Heroes of the Lance Pony Canyon 1991 256K Advanced Dungeons & Dragons - Pool Of Radiance FCI 1992 640K Advanced Dungeons & Dragons - Pool of Radiance Pony Canyon 1991 640K Adventures in the Magic Kingdom Capcom 1990 128K Adventure Island Hudson Soft 1988 64K Adv R.B.I. Baseball Tengen 1988 96K R.B.I. Baseball 2 Tengen 1990 192K R.B.I. Baseball 3 Tengen 1991 192K R.C. Pro-Am Nintendo 1988 64K Race America Absolute Entertainment 1992 256K Racket Attack Jaleco 1988 384K Rackets & Rivals Palcom 1993 256K Rad Racer Nintendo 1987 128K Raid 2020 Color Dreams 1989 96K Raid on Bungeling Bay Brøderbund 1987 24K Rainbow Islands Taito 1991 128K Rally Bike Romstar 1990 128K Rambo Acclaim 1988 128K Rampage Data East 1988 192K Ren & Stimpy Show, The THQ 1993 256K Rescue - Embassy Mission Kemco 1990 256K Ring King Data East 1987 128K Road Fighter Konami 1991 24K Robin Hood - Prince of Thieves Virgin Interactive 1991 256K RoboCop Data East 1989 256K RoboCop 2 Data East 1991 256K Robodemons Color Dreams 1990 128K Robo Warrior Jaleco 1988 128K Rocketeer NTVIC 1990 128K Rock 'n' Ball Bandai 1991 192K Rockin' Kats Atlus 1991 256K Rod Land Jaleco 1991 128K Roger Clemens MVP Baseball LJN 1991 384K Rollerball HAL Laboratory 1990 160K Rollerblade Racer Hi Tech Expressions 1993 256K Rollergames Ultra 1990 256K Romance Of The Three Kingdoms Koei 1989 256K Roundball - 2-on-2 Challenge Mindscape 1992 256K Rush'n Attack Konami 1987 128K Rygar S.C.A.T. - Special Cybernetic Attack Team Natsume 1991 256K Secret Scout in the Temple of Demise Color Dreams 1991 128K Section Z Capcom 1987 128K Sesame Street - Big Bird's Hide & Speak Hi Tech Expressions 1990 384K Sesame Street Countdown Hi Tech Expressions 1992 256K Seicross FCI 1988 40K Shadow of the Ninja Natsume 1990 256K Shadow Warriors Tecmo 1991 256K Shadow Warriors 2 Tecmo 1994 256K Shadowgate Kemco 1989 256K Shatterhand Jaleco 1991 256K Shingen The Ruler Hot-B 1990 256K Shockwave AGC 1990 64K Side Pocket Data East 1987 128K Silent Service Ultra 1989 128K Silkworm Sammy 1990 256K Silver Surfer Arcadia 1990 384K Simpsons, The - Bart Vs. The Space Mutants Acclaim 1991 256K Simpsons, The - Bart Vs. The World Acclaim 1991 384K Simpsons, The - Bartman Meets Radioactive Man Acclaim 1992 384K Skate or Die Ultra 1988 128K Skate or Die 2 Electronic Arts 1990 384K Sky Kid Sunsoft 1987 96K Sky Shark Taito 1989 192K Slalom Nintendo 1987 40K Smurfs, The Infogrames 1994 128K Snake Rattle 'n Roll Nintendo 1990 64K Snake's Revenge Ultra 1990 256K Snoopy's Silly Sports Spectacular Kemco 1990 256K Snow Bros. Capcom 1991 256K Soccer Nintendo 1987 40K Solar Jetman - Hunt for the Golden Warpship Tradewest 1990 256K Solomon's Key Tecmo 1987 64K Solomon's Key 2 Tecmo 1992 256K Solstice - Quest for the Staff of Demnos, The CSG Imagesoft 1990 128K Spider-Man - Return of the Sinister Six LJN 1992 384K Spiritual Warfare Wisdom Tree 1992 256K Spelunker Brøderbund 1987 40K Spot Virgin Interactive 1990 128K Spy Hunter Sunsoft 1987 64K Spy Vs. Spy Kemco 1988 40K Sqoon Irem 1987 40K Stack Up (R.O.B.) Nintendo 1985 40K Stanley & The Search for Dr. Livingston Electro Brain 1992 256K Star Soldier Taxan 1989 64K Star Trek - 25th Anniversary Ultra 1992 512K Star Trek - The Next Generation Absolute Entertainment 1993 128K Starship Hector Hudson Soft 1987 128K StarTropics Nintendo 1990 512K Stealth ATF Activision 1989 256K Stinger Konami 1987 128K Street Fighter 2010 - The Final Fight Capcom 1990 256K Strider Capcom 1989 256K Stunt Kids Camerica 1992 128K Sunday Funday Wisdom Tree 1995 256K Super C Konami 1990 256K Super Dodge Ball Sony Imagesoft 1989 256K Super Jeopardy! Gametek 1991 256K Super Mario Brothers Nintendo 1985 40K Super Mario Brothers 2 Nintendo 1988 256K Super Mario Brothers 3 Nintendo 1990 384K Super Spike V'Ball Nintendo 1990 256K Super Sprint Tengen 1989 128K Superman Kemco 1988 256K Swamp Thing THQ 1992 256K Sword Master Activision 1992 256K Swords and Serpents T&C Surf Designs: Wood & Water Rage LJN 1988 64K T&C Surf Designs 2: Thrilla's Surfari LJN 1992 256K Tag Team Pro-Wrestling Namco 1986 40K Tag Team Wresting Data East 1986 40K Tagin' Dragon Bunch Games 1990 48K Target Renegade Taito 1990 256K Taito Chase H.Q. Taito 1989 256K Taiyou no Shinden Tokyo Shoseki 1988 256K Taiyou no Yuusha Firebird Irem 1992 256K Takahashi Meijin no Bouken Shima Hudson Soft 1986 64K Takahashi Meijin no Bouken Shima II Hudson Soft 1991 256K Takahashi Meijin no Bouken Shima III Hudson Soft 1992 256K Takahashi Meijin no Bouken Shima IV Hudson Soft 1994 384K Takahashi Meijin no Bugutte Honey Hudson Soft 1987 160K Takeda Shingen Hot-B 1986 128K Takeda Shingen 2 Hot-B 1990 256K Takeshi no Chousenjou Taito 1986 128K TaleSpin Capcom 1990 256K Tantei Jinguuji Saburou - Toki no Sugiyuku Mama ni Data East 1990 128K Tantei Jinguuji Saburou - Yokohamakou Renzoku Satsujin Jiken Data East 1988 256K Tao Vap 1989 256K Tashiro Masashi no Princess ga Ippai Epic Sony Record 1989 256K Tatakae!! Ramen Man - Sakuretsu Choujin 102 Gei Bandai 1988 256K Tatakai no Banka Capcom 1986 128K Tecmo Baseball Tecmo 1989 128K Tecmo Bowl Tecmo 1989 256K Tecmo Bowl Tecmo 1990 256K Tecmo NBA Basketball Tecmo 1992 384K Tecmo Super Bowl Tecmo 1991 384K Tecmo Super Bowl Tecmo 1991 384K Tecmo Cup - Soccer Game Tecmo 1992 256K Tecmo World Wresting Tecmo 1990 256K Temco World Cup Soccer Tecmo 1990 128K Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Konami 1989 256K Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 Konami 1990 512K Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Tournament Fighters Konami 1994 256K Tenchi wo Kurau Capcom 1989 256K Tenchi wo Kurau II - Shokatsu Koumei Den Capcom 1991 512K Tenkaichi Bushi - Keru Naguuru Namco 1989 192K Tennis Nintendo 1985 24K Terminator, The Mindscape 1992 256K Terminator 2 - Judgment Day Acclaim 1992 256K Terminator 2 - Judgment Day Pack-In-Video 1992 256K Terra Cresta Vic Tokai 1990 128K Terra Cresta Nihon Bussan 1986 128K Tetrastar - The Fighter Taito 1991 512K Tetris BPS 1988 64K Tetris 2 Nintendo 1993 256K Tetris 2 & Bombliss BPS 1991 128K Tetris Flash Nintendo 1993 256K Tetsudou Ou - Famicom Boardgame DB-Soft 1991 64K Thexder Squaresoft 1985 40K Three Stooges, The Activision 1989 256K Thunder & Lightning Romstar 1990 160K Thunderbirds Activision 1990 256K Thunderbirds Pack-In-Video 1989 128K Thundercade Sammy 1989 128K Tiger-Heli Acclaim 1987 64K Tiger-Heli Pony Canyon 1986 64K Time Lord Milton Bradley 1990 128K Time Zone Sigma Entertainment 1990 256K Times of Lore Toho 1991 128K Times of Lore Toho 1990 128K Tiny Toon Adventures Konami 1991 256K Titan SOFEL 1990 128K Toki no Tabibito Kemco 1986 128K Tokkyuu Shirei - Solbrain Angel Studios 1991 256K Tokoro-San no Mamoru mo Semeru mo Epic Sony Record 1987 64K Tombs & Treasure Infocom 1991 256K Tonjan! NMK 1989 256K Top Gun Konami 1987 128K Top Gun Konami 1987 128K Top Gun - Dual Fighters Konami 1989 256K Top Gun - Second Mission Konami 1990 256K Top Players' Tennis Featuring Chris Evert & Ivan Lendl Asmik 1990 256K Total Recall Acclaim 1990 128K Totsuzen! Machoman Vic Tokai 1988 128K Touch Down Fever SNK 1991 160K Touch Down Fever SNK 1989 160K Touhou Kenbun Roku Natsume 1988 256K Tower of Druaga, The Namco 1985 40K Toxic Crusaders Bandai 1992 256K Track & Field Konami 1987 64K Track & Field 2 Konami 1990 256K Transformers - Comvoy no Nazo Takara 1986 64K Treasure Master American Softworks 1991 256K Trog Acclaim 1991 128K Trojan Capcom 1987 128K Tsuppari Oozumou Tecmo 1987 64K Tsuri Kichi Sanpei - Blue Marlin Hen Victor Interactive 1988 128K Twin Cobra Sammy 1990 256K Twin Eagle - Revenge Joe's Brother Romstar 1989 128K Twin Eagle - Revenge Joe's Brother Romstar 1991 128K Twinbee Ufouria Sunsoft 1991 256K Ultima - Exodus FCI 1989 256K Ultima - Kyoufu no Exodus Pony Canyon 1987 256K Ultima - Quest of The Avatar FCI 1990 256K Ultima - Seisha heno Michi Pony Canyon 1989 256K Ultima - Warriors of Destiny FCI 1993 256K Ultimate Basketball Sammy 1990 256K Ultimate Stuntman Camerica 1990 256K Ultraman Club - Kaijuu Dai Kessen!! Angel Studios 1992 384K Ultraman Club 2 - Kaettekita Ultraman Club Bandai 1990 256K Ultraman Club 3 Bandai 1991 384K Uninvited Kemco 1991 256K Untouchables, The Ocean 1991 256K Untouchables, The Altron 1991 256K Urban Champion Nintendo 1986 24K US Championship V'Ball Jaleco 1989 256K Utsurun Desu Yutaka 1993 256K Valis - The Fantastic Soldier Telenet Japan 1987 128K Valkyrie no Bouken - Toki no Kagi Densetsu Namco 1986 64K Vegas Connection - Casino Kara Ai wo Komete Sigma Entertainment 1989 256K Vegas Dream HAL Laboratory 1990 256K Venus Senki - Back the City Vaire 1989 256K Vice - Project Doom Sammy 1991 256K Vindicators Tengen 1988 96K Viva! Las Vegas Epic Sony Record 1988 256K Volleyball Nintendo 1987 40K Volguard II DB-Soft 1985 40K Ufouria Sunsoft 1991 256K Ultima - Exodus FCI 1989 256K Ultima - Kyoufu no Exodus Pony Canyon 1987 256K Ultima - Quest of The Avatar FCI 1990 256K Ultima - Seisha heno Michi Pony Canyon 1989 256K Ultima - Warriors of Destiny FCI 1993 256K Ultimate Basketball Sammy 1990 256K Ultimate Stuntman Camerica 1990 256K Ultraman Club - Kaijuu Dai Kessen!! Angel Studios 1992 384K Ultraman Club 2 - Kaettekita Ultraman Club Bandai 1990 256K Ultraman Club 3 Bandai 1991 384K Uninvited Kemco 1991 256K Untouchables, The Ocean 1991 256K Untouchables, The Altron 1991 256K Urban Champion Nintendo 1986 24K US Championship V'Ball Jaleco 1989 256K Utsurun Desu Valis - The Fantastic Soldier Telenet Japan 1987 128K Valkyrie no Bouken - Toki no Kagi Densetsu Namco 1986 64K Vegas Connection - Casino Kara Ai wo Komete Sigma Entertainment 1989 256K Vegas Dream HAL Laboratory 1990 256K Venus Senki - Back the City Vaire 1989 256K Vice - Project Doom Sammy 1991 256K Vindicators Tengen 1988 96K Viva! Las Vegas Epic Sony Record 1988 256K Volleyball Nintendo 1987 40K Volguard II Wacky Races Atlus 1992 256K Wall Street Kid SOFEL 1990 128K Wanpaku Duck Yume Bouken Capcom 1990 128K Wanpaku Kokkun no Gourmet World Taito 1992 256K Wario no Mori Nintendo 1994 512K Wario's Woods Nintendo 1994 512K Warpman Namco 1985 24K Wayne Gretzky Hockey THQ 1991 128K Wayne's World THQ 1993 256K Werewolf - The Last Warrior Data East 1990 256K Wheel of Fortune - Starring Vanna White Gametek 1992 128K Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego? Konami 1991 384K Where's Waldo? THQ 1991 256K White Lion Densetsu Kemco 1989 256K Who Framed Roger Rabbit? LJN 1989 128K Whomp'Em Jaleco 1991 256K Widget Atlus 1992 256K Willow Capcom 1989 256K Willow Capcom 1989 256K Wily & Light no Rockboard - That's Paradise Capcom 1993 256K Win, Lose, or Draw Hi Tech Expressions 1990 128K Winter Games Acclaim 1987 128K Wit's Athena 1990 128K Wizardry - Legacy of Llylgamyn ASCII 1990 256K Wizardry - Knight Of Diamonds ASCII 1992 256K Wizardry - Knight Of Diamonds ASCII 1989 256K Wizardry - Proving Grounds of the Mad Overlord ASCII 1990 256K Wizardry - Proving Grounds of the Mad Overlord ASCII 1987 256K Wizards & Warriors Acclaim 1987 128K Wizards & Warriors 2 - Ironsword Acclaim 1988 256K Wizards & Warriors 3 Acclaim 1992 256K Wolverine LJN 1991 256K Woody Poko DB-Soft 1987 128K World Boxing T.S.S. 1990 256K World Champ Romstar 1990 256K World Games Milton Bradley 1989 128K World Grand-Prix - Pole to Finish Data East 1989 256K World Super Tennis Asmik 1989 256K Wrecking Crew Nintendo 1985 40K Wurm - Journey to the Center of the Earth Asmik 1991 256K WWF - King of The Ring LJN 1993 384K WWF - Wrestlemania Acclaim 1989 128K WWF - Wrestlemania Challenge LJN 1990 128K WWF - Wrestlemania Challenge Xenophobe Sunsoft 1988 160K Xevious Bandai 1988 40K Xevious Bandai 1984 40K Yie Ar Kung Fu Konami 1985 24K Yo! Noid Capcom 1990 256K Yoshi Nintendo 1992 160K Yoshi's Cookie Nintendo 1993 192K Yoshi no Cookie Nintendo 1992 192K Yoshi no Tamago Nintendo 1991 160K Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, The Jaleco 1992 256K Yousei Monogatari RodLand Jaleco 1992 128K Ys II - Ancient Ys Vanished - The Final Chapter Victor Interactive 1990 384K Yume Penguin Monogatari Konami 1991 256K Zanac FCI 1987 128K Zippy Race Irem 1985 24K Zoids - Chuuou Tairiku no Tatakai Toshiba EMI 1987 128K Zoids 2 - Zenebasu no Gyakushuu Toshiba EMI 1989 256K Zoids Mokushiroku Tomy 1990 256K Zombie Nation Meldac 1991 256K
What is your zodiac sign...? Does any of this describe you? Aries Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses. Taurus You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God. Gemini Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses. Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius. Cancer You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation. A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans Leo You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos. A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls. Virgo You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor. Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo. Libra You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards. The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all. Scorpio You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt. Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it. Sagittarius Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip. Capricorn Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard. In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's cockeyed system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns Aquarius The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do. Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians. Pisces Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
What's your zodiac sign? (Is this true about you)? I’m a Sagittarius!! Damn fucking TRUE! Aries Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses. Taurus You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God. Gemini Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses. Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius. Cancer You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation. A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans Leo You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos. A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls. Virgo You are a pain in the ass. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor. Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ass. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo. Libra You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards. The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all. Scorpio You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt. Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it. Sagittarius Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip. Capricorn Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ass. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard. In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's cockeyed system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns Aquarius The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do. Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians. Pisces Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your ass and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
Who Is to Blame - You or Your Genes? SCIENTISTS are hard at work to try to find genetic causes for alcoholism, homosexuality, promiscuity, violence, other aberrant behavior, and even for death itself. Would it not be a relief to find that we are not responsible for our actions but are merely victims of biology? It is human nature to blame someone or something else for our errors. If the genes are to blame, scientists hold out the possibility of changing them, eliminating undesirable traits through genetic engineering. The recent success in mapping the entire human genome has given such aspirations new impetus. This scenario, however, is based on the premise that our genetic endowment is, indeed, the villain responsible for all our sins and errors. Have the scientific detectives found enough evidence to make a case against our genes? Obviously, the answer will profoundly affect how we see ourselves and our future. Before examining the evidence, though, a look at mankind's origin will prove enlightening. How It All Started-- Were Adam and Eve predisposed to sin by some defect in their genes? Most people are familiar with, or at least have heard of, the account about the fall of the first human pair, Adam and Eve, in the garden of Eden. Were they made with some intrinsic defect in the genes right from the start, a sort of design flaw that predisposed them to sin and disobedience? Their Creator, Jehovah God, whose works are all perfect, proclaimed that his crowning earthly creation was "very good." (Genesis 1:31; Deuteronomy 32:4) As further evidence of his satisfaction with his work, he gave the first couple his blessing and instructed them to be fruitful, to fill the earth with human creatures, and to take charge of his earthly creation—hardly the actions of someone uncertain of his handiwork.—Genesis 1:28. Regarding the creation of the first human pair, the Bible tells us: "God proceeded to create the man in his image, in God's image he created him; male and female he created them." (Genesis 1:27) This does not mean that humans were made to resemble God in physical appearance, for "God is a Spirit." (John 4:24) Rather, it means that human creatures were endowed with godly qualities and a sense of morality, a conscience. (Romans 2:14, 15) They were also free moral agents, capable of weighing a matter and deciding on the action to take. However, our first parents were not left without guidelines. Rather, they were warned of the consequences of wrongdoing. (Genesis 2:17) So the evidence indicates that when Adam was faced with a moral decision, he chose to do what to him seemed expedient or advantageous at the time. He followed his wife in her wrongdoing instead of considering his relationship with his Creator or the long-term effects of his action. He also tried later to shift the blame to Jehovah, saying that the wife He had provided misled him.—Genesis 3:6, 12; 1 Timothy 2:14. God's response to the sin of Adam and Eve is revealing. He did not try to correct some 'design flaw' in their genes. Rather, he carried out what he told them would be the consequences of their actions, which led to their eventual death. (Genesis 3:17-19) This early history sheds much light on the nature of human behavior.* Should each person accept responsibility for his decisions? The Evidence Against Biology-- For a long time, scientists have been tackling the monumental task of finding genetic causes and cures for human pathology and behavior. After ten years of work by six teams of researchers, the gene linked to Huntington's disease was isolated, although the researchers have no idea how the gene causes the disease. However, reporting on this research, Scientific American quoted Harvard biologist Evan Balaban, who said that it would be "almost infinitely harder to discover genes for behavioral disorders." In fact, research attempting to link specific genes to human behavior has been unsuccessful. For instance, in Psychology Today, a report on efforts to find genetic causes for depression states: "Epidemiologic data on the major mental illnesses make it clear that they can't be reduced to purely genetic causes." The report gives an example: "Americans born before 1905 had a 1 percent rate of depression by age 75. Among Americans born a half century later, 6 percent become depressed by age 24!" It thus concludes that only external or social factors can bring about such dramatic changes in such a short time. What do these and numerous other studies tell us? While genes may play a role in shaping our personalities, there clearly are other influences. A major factor is our environment, which has undergone radical changes in modern times. Concerning what today's youth are exposed to in popular entertainment, the book Boys Will Be Boys observes that it is unlikely that children will develop sound moral principles when they "grow up watching tens of thousands of hours of TV shows and films in which people are assaulted, shot, stabbed, disem
What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you? Aries Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses. Taurus You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God. Gemini Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses. Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius. Cancer You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation. A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans Leo You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos. A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls. Virgo You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor. Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo. Libra You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards. The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all. Scorpio You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt. Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it. Sagittarius Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip. Capricorn Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard. In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's cockeyed system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns Aquarius The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do. Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians. Pisces Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want. rach2305: i just c + v from another website :) oops i mean copy + paste
What's your zodiac sign? (Is this true about you)? Aries Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses. Taurus You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God. Gemini Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses. Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius. Cancer You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation. A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans Leo You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos. A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls. Virgo You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor. Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo. Libra You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards. The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all. Scorpio You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt. Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it. Sagittarius Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip. Capricorn Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard. In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's cockeyed system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns Aquarius The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do. Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians. Pisces Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you? Aries Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses. Taurus You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God. Gemini Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses. Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius. Cancer You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation. A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans Leo You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos. A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls. Virgo You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor. Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo. Libra You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards. The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all. Scorpio You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt. Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it. Sagittarius Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip. Capricorn Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard. In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's cockeyed system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns Aquarius The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do. Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians. Pisces Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you? Aries Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses. Taurus You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God. Gemini Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses. Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius. Cancer You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation. A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans Leo You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos. A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls. Virgo You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor. Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo. Libra You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards. The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all. Scorpio You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt. Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it. Sagittarius Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip. Capricorn Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard. In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's cockeyed system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns Aquarius The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do. Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians. Pisces Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
Do you wanna hear a long joke? A joke is a short story or series of words spoken or communicated with the intent of being laughed at or found humorous by either listener/reader or performer/writer. A practical joke differs in that the humor is not verbal, but mainly physical (e.g. throwing a custard pie in the direction of somebody's face). Some jokes are not funny. Jokes are performed either in a staged situation, such as a comedy in front of an audience, or informally for the entertainment of participants and onlookers. The desired response is generally laughter, although loud groans are also a common response to some forms of jokes, such as puns and shaggy dog stories. Why we laugh has been the subject of serious academic study, examples being: Immanuel Kant, in Critique of Judgement (1790) states that "Laughter is an effect that arises if a tense expectation is transformed into nothing." Here is Kant's two hundred and seventeen year old joke and his analysis: "An Indian at an Englishman's table in Surat saw a bottle of ale being opened, and all the beer, turned to froth, rushed out. The Indian, by repeated exclamations, showed his great amazement. - Well, what's so amazing in that? asked the Englishman. - Oh, but I'm not amazed at its coming out, replied the Indian, but how you managed to get it all in. - This makes us laugh, and it gives us a hearty pleasure. This is not because, say, we think we are smarter than this ignorant man, nor are we laughing at anything else here that it is our liking and that we noticed through our understanding. It is rather that we had a tense expectation that suddenly vanished..." Henri Bergson, in his book Le rire (Laughter, 1901), suggests that laughter evolved to make social life possible for human beings. Sigmund Freud's "Jokes and their Relation to the Unconscious". Arthur Koestler, in The Act of Creation (1964), analyzes humor and compares it to other creative activities, such as literature and science. Marvin Minsky in Society of Mind (1986). Marvin Minsky suggests that laughter has a specific function related to the human brain. In his opinion jokes and laughter are mechanisms for the brain to learn nonsense. For that reason, he argues, jokes are usually not as funny when you hear them repeatedly. Edward de Bono in "The Mechanism of the Mind" (1969) and "I am Right, You are Wrong" (1990). Edward de Bono suggests that the mind is a pattern-matching machine, and that it works by recognizing stories and behavior and putting them into familiar patterns. When a familiar connection is disrupted and an alternative unexpected new link is made in the brain via a different route than expected, then laughter occurs as the new connection is made. This theory explains a lot about jokes. For example: Why jokes are only funny the first time they are told: once they are told the pattern is already there, so there can be no new connections, and so no laughter. Why jokes have an elaborate and often repetitive set up: The repetition establishes the familiar pattern in the brain. A common method used in jokes is to tell almost the same story twice and then deliver the punch line the third time the story is told. The first two tellings of the story evoke a familiar pattern in the brain, thus priming the brain for the punch line. Why jokes often rely on stereotypes: the use of a stereotype links to familiar expected behavior, thus saving time in the set-up. Why jokes are variants on well-known stories (eg the genie and a lamp): This again saves time in the set up and establishes a familiar pattern. In 2002, Richard Wiseman conducted a study intended to discover the world's funniest joke [1]. Laughter, the intended human reaction to jokes, is healthful in moderation, uses the stomach muscles, and releases endorphins, natural happiness-inducing chemicals, into the bloodstream. One of the most complete and informative books on different types of jokes and how to tell them is Isaac Asimov's Treasury of Humor (1971), which encompasses several broad categories of humor, and gives useful tips on how to tell them, whom to tell them to, and ways to change the joke to fit one's audience. [edit] Rules The rules of humor are analogous to those of poetry, as said the French philosopher Henri Bergson: "In every wit there is something of a poet"[1](In this essay Bergson viewed the essence of humour as the encrustation of the mechanical upon the living. He used as an instance a book by an English humorist, in which an elderly woman who desired a reputation as a philanthropist provided "homes within easy hail of her mansion for the conversion of atheists who have been specially manufactured for her, so to speak, and for a number of honest folk who have been made into drunkards so that she may cure them of their failing, etc." This idea seems funny because a genuine impulse of charity as a living, vital impulse has become encrusted by a mechanical conception of how it should manifest itself.) These common rules are mainly: precision, synthesis and rhythm. Speed also plays a role, such as enhancing the laugh effect. As Mack Sennett showed in his works, the more frantic the funnier. [edit] Exactness To reach exactness, the comedian must choose the words in order to obtain a vivid, perfectly in focus image, and to avoid being generic (that drives the audience confused, and results in no laugh); to properly arrange the words in the sentence is also crucial to get exactness. An example by Woody Allen (from Side Effects, "A Giant Step for Mankind" story [2]): “ Grasping the mouse firmly by the tail, I snapped it like a small whip, and the morsel of cheese came loose. ” [edit] Synthesis As Shakespeare said in Hamlet, "Brevity is the soul of wit"[2]. That means that a joke is best when it expresses the maximum meaning with a minimal number of words; this is today considered one of the key technical elements of a joke. An example from Woody Allen: “ I took a speed reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. ” Though, the familiarity of the pattern of "brevity" has lead to numerous examples of jokes where the very length is itself the pattern breaking "punchline". Numerous examples from Monty Python exist, for instance, the song "I Like Traffic Lights", and more modernly, Family Guy contains numerous such examples, most notably, in the episode Wasted Talent where Peter Griffin bangs his shin, a classic slapstick trope, and holds his shin whilst exhaling and inhaling to quiet the pain. This goes on for considerably longer than expected. This joke is repeated again in the fourth season in the episode Brian Goes Back to College when Peter is dressed as John "Hannibal" Smith from The A-Team. [edit] Rhythm Main articles: Timing (linguistics) and Comic timing The joke content (meaning) is not what provokes the laugh, it just makes the salience of the joke and provokes a smile. What makes us laugh is the joke mechanism. Milton Berle demonstrated this with a classic theatre experiment in the 1950s: if during a series of jokes you insert phrases that are not jokes, but with the same rhythm, the audience laughs anyway. A classic is the ternary rhythm, with three beats: introduction, premise, antithesis (with the antithesis being the punch line). In regards to the Milton Berle experiment, they can be taken to demonstrate the concept of "breaking context" or "breaking the pattern". It isn't necessarily the Rhythm that caused the audience to laugh, but the disparity between the expectation of a "joke" and being instead given a non-sequitur "normal phrase." This normal phrase is, itself, unexpected, and is a kind of punchline. [edit] Conclusions When a technically-good joke is referred changing it with paraphrasing, it is not laughable anymore; this is because the paraphrase, changing some term or moving it within the sentence, breaks the joke mechanism (its vividness, brevity and rhythm), and its power and effectiveness are lost. Douglas Adams described sentences where the joke word is the final word as "comically weighted." This saves the "payoff" until the last possible moment, allowing the expectation for surprise to reach its highest point, while the mind is more firmly rooted in the pattern established by the rest of the sentence. [citation needed] [edit] Why do we laugh (model of appreciation) No satisfactory theory of laughter that explains why humans laugh has yet gained wide acceptance. Some of the prominent explanations (that is a humor appreciation model) comes from part of the ideas contained in the psychology essay Jokes and their Relation to the Unconscious, by Sigmund Freud (1905) [3]. According to Freud's operational description, we laugh when the unconscious energy emerges to reach the conscious mind; and it reaches it unexpectedly thanks to the techniques used by the comedian. This exceeding energy is rapidly discharged in the form of laughter. Freud distinguishes three fields: the comic, the wit, and the humor. [edit] Comic In the comic field plays the 'economy of ideative expenditure'; in other words excessive energy is wasted or action-essential energy is saved. The profound meaning of a comic gag or a comic joke is "I'm a child"; the comic deals with the clumsy body of the child. Laurel and Hardy are a classic example. An individual laughs because he recognizes the child that is in himself. In clowns stumbling is a childish tempo. In the comic, the visual gags may be translated into a joke. For example in Side Effects (By Destiny Denied story) by Woody Allen: “ "My father used to wear loafers," she confessed. "Both on the same foot". ” The typical comic technique is the disproportion. [edit] Wit In the wit field plays the "economy of censorship expenditure"[3](Freud literally calls it "the economy of psychic expenditure".); usually censorship prevents some 'dangerous ideas' from reaching the conscious mind, or helps us avoid saying everything that comes to mind; adversely, the wit circumvents the censorship and brings up those ideas. Different wit techniques allow one to express them in a funny way. The profound meaning behind a wit joke is "I have dangerous ideas". An example from Woody Allen: “ I contemplated suicide again - this time by inhaling next to an insurance salesman. ” Wit is a branch of rhetoric, and there are about 200 techniques (technically they are called tropes, a particular kind of figure of speech) that can be used to make jokes[4]. Irony can be seen as belonging to this field. [edit] Humor In the comedy field, humor induces an "economized expenditure of emotion" (Freud literally calls it "economy of affect" or "economy of sympathy". Freud produced this final part of his interpretation many years later, in a paper later supplemented to the book.).[3][5] In other words, the joke erases an emotion that should be felt about an event, making us insensitive to it. The profound meaning of the void feel of a humor joke is "I'm a cynic". An example from Woody Allen: “ Three times I've been mistaken for Robert Redford. Each time by a blind person. ” This field of jokes is still a grey area, being mostly unexplored. Extensive use of this kind of humor can be found in the work of British satirist Chris Morris, like the sketches of the Jam television program. Black humor and sarcasm belong to this field. [edit] Cycles Folklorists, in particular (but not exclusively) those who study the folklore of the United States, collect jokes into joke cycles. A cycle is a collection of jokes with a particular theme or a particular "script". (That is, it is a literature cycle.)[6] Folklorists have identified several such cycles: the elephant joke cycle that began in 1962 the Helen Keller Joke Cycle that comprises jokes about Helen Keller[7] viola jokes[8] the NASA, Challenger, or Space Shuttle Joke Cycle that comprises jokes relating to the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster[9][10][11] the Chernobyl Joke Cycle that comprises jokes relating to the Chernobyl disaster[12] the Polish Pope Joke Cycle that comprises jokes relating to Pope John Paul II[13] the Essex girl and the Stupid Irish joke cycles in the United Kingdom[14] the Dead Baby Joke Cycle[15] the Newfie Joke Cycle that comprises jokes made by Canadians about Newfoundlanders[16] the Little Willie Joke Cycle, and the Quadriplegic Joke Cycle[17] the Jew Joke Cycle and the Polack Joke Cycle[18] the Rastus and Liza Joke Cycle, which Dundes describes as "the most vicious and widespread white anti-Negro joke cycle"[19] the Radio Erevan (or Yerevan) Joke Cycle, which satirizes Radio Yerevan as offering naive or stupid answers to questions from its listeners, answers that often satirize Communism, Marxism, Socialism, Russian society, or Russian institutions[20] the Jewish American Princess (or JAP) Joke Cycle that appeared in the late 1970s, comprising jokes about a JAP who is "vain, pampered, spoiled, sexually manipulative, materialistic, bossy, uncultured, loud, overdressed and bedecked with jewels, a bubble-head, a younger version of the Jewish wife, and spoiled by a doting father"[21] Gruner discusses several "sick joke" cycles that occurred upon events surrounding Gary Hart, Natalie Wood, Vic Morrow, Jim Bakker, Richard Pryor, and Michael Jackson, noting how several jokes were recycled from one cycle to the next. For example: A joke about Vic Morrow ("We now know that Vic Morrow had dandruff: they found his head and shoulders in the bushes") was subsequently recycled and applied to the crew of the Challenger space shuttle ("How do we know that Christa McAuliffe had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders on the beach.").[22] Berger asserts that "whenever there is a popular joke cycle, there generally is some widespread kind of social and cultural anxiety, lingering below the surface, that the joke cycle helps people deal with".[23] [edit] Types of jokes Jokes often depend on the humor of the unexpected, the mildly taboo (which can include the distasteful or socially improper), or playing off stereotypes and other cultural beliefs. Many jokes fit into more than one category. [edit] Subjects Political jokes are usually a form of satire. They generally concern politicians and heads of state, but may also cover the absurdities of a country's political situation. Two large categories of this type of jokes exist. The first one makes fun of a negative attitude to political opponents or to politicians in general. The second one makes fun of political clichés, mottos, catch phrases or simply blunders of politicians. Some, especially the you have two cows genre, derive humor from comparing different political systems. Professional humor includes caricatured portrayals of certain professions such as lawyers, and in-jokes told by professionals to each other. Mathematical jokes are a form of in-joke, generally designed to be understandable only by insiders. Ethnic jokes exploit ethnic stereotypes. They are often racist and frequently considered offensive. For example, the British tell jokes starting "An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman..." which exploit the supposed parsimony of the Scot, stupidity of the Irish, or some combination. The British find humor in poking fun at any race, including their own, although this statement is a gross generalisation. Such jokes exist among numerous peoples. Additionally, many cultures have Black jokes, which exploit the supposed stupidity and/or supposed incompetence of people of African descent. Racially offensive humor is increasingly unacceptable, but there are similar jokes based on other stereotypes such as blonde jokes. Religious jokes fall into several categories: Jokes based on stereotypes associated with people of religion (e.g. nun jokes, priest jokes, or rabbi jokes) Jokes on classical religious subjects: crucifixion, Adam and Eve, St. Peter at The Gates, etc. Jokes that collide different religious denominations: "A rabbi, a medicine man, and a pastor went fishing..." Letters and addresses to God. Self-deprecating or self-effacing humor is superficially similar to racial and stereotype jokes, but involves the targets laughing at themselves. It is said to maintain a sense of perspective and to be powerful in defusing confrontations. Probably the best-known and most common example is Jewish humor. The egalitarian tradition was strong among the Jewish communities of Eastern Europe in which the powerful were often mocked subtly. Prominent members of the community were kidded during social gatherings, part a good-natured tradition of humor as a leveling device. A similar situation exists in the Scandinavian "Ole and Lena" joke. Self-deprecating humor has also been used by politicians, who recognize its ability to acknowledge controversial issues and steal the punch of criticism - for example, when Abraham Lincoln was accused of being two-faced he replied, "If I had two faces, do you think this is the one I’d be wearing?". Dirty jokes are based on taboo, often sexual, content or vocabulary. Many dirty jokes are also sexist. Other taboos are challenged by sick jokes and gallows humor; to joke about disability is considered in this group. Surrealist or minimalist jokes exploit semantic inconsistency, for example: Q: What's red and invisible? A: No tomatoes.. Anti Jokes are jokes that aren't funny in normal sense, and often can be decidedly unfunny, but rely on absurdity, surrealism and abstractness of the joke or situation to provide entertainment. An elephant joke is a joke, almost always a riddle or conundrum and often a sequence of connected riddles, that involves an elephant. [edit] Styles The question / answer joke, sometimes posed as a common riddle, has a supposedly straight question and an answer which is twisted for humorous effect; puns are often employed. Of this type are knock-knock joke, lightbulb joke, the many variations on "why did the chicken cross the road?", and the class of "What's the difference between..." joke, where the punch line is often a pun or a spoonerism linking two apparently entirely unconnected concepts. Some jokes require a double act, where one respondent (usually the straight man) can be relied on to give the correct response to the person telling the joke. This is more common in performance than informal joke-telling. A shaggy dog story is an extremely long and involved joke with a weak or completely nonexistent punchline. The humor lies in building up the audience's anticipation and then letting them down completely. The longer the story can continue without the audience realising it is a joke, and not a serious anecdote, the more successful it is. Shaggy jokes appear to date from the 1930s, although there are several competing variants for the "original" shaggy dog story. According to one, an advertisement is placed in a newspaper, searching for the shaggiest dog in the world. The teller of the joke then relates the story of the search for the shaggiest dog in extreme and exaggerated detail (flying around the world, climbing mountains, fending off sabre-toothed tigers, etc); a good teller will be able to stretch the story out to over half an hour. When the winning dog is finally presented, the advertiser takes a look at the dog and states: "I don't think he's so shaggy"Comedy has a classical meaning (comical theatre) and a popular one (the use of humour with an intent to provoke laughter in general). In the theater, its Western origins are in ancient Greece, like tragedy, a genre characterised by a grave fall from grace by a protagonist having high social standing. Comedy, in contrast, portrays a conflict or agon (Classical Greek ἀγών) between a young hero and an older authority, a confrontation described by Northrop Frye as a struggle between a "society of youth" and a "society of the old". A more recent development is to regard this struggle as a mere pretext for disguise, a comical device centered on uncertainties regarding the meaning of social identity. The basis of comedy would then be a plot mechanism conceived to engender misunderstandings either about a hero's identity or about social being in general. [1] Returning to the popular term comedy, it is known to be difficult to describe. Humor being subjective, one may or may not find something humorous because it is either too offensive or not offensive enough. Comedy is judged according to a person’s taste. Some enjoy cerebral fare such as irony or black comedy; others may prefer scatological humor (e.g. the "fart joke") or slapstick. A common gender stereotype that plays on this convention is that men love the comedy of The Three Stooges, while women do not.[citation needed] While hard to pin down, it can safely be said that most good comedy, as with a good joke, contains within it variations on the elements of surprise, incongruity, conflict, and the effect of opposite expectations. The audience becomes a part of the experience, if it is to be successful. Sometimes, it is the fulfillment of the expectation which is part of the experience, such as the long "take" of a Jack Benny, resolved, paradoxically, when the expected happens. Comedy is a serious business, and one only knows it when one sees it or hears it. Comedy is the term applied to theatrical dramas, the chief object of which are to amuse. It is contrasted on the one hand with tragedy and on the other with farce, burlesque, and so on. As compared with tragedy, it is distinguished by having a (the comedies). [edit] Derivation The word "comedy" is derived from the Classical Greek κωμῳδία, which is a compound either of κῶμος (revel) or κώμη (village) and ᾠδή (singing): it is possible that κῶμος itself is derived from κώμη, and originally meant a village revel. In ancient Greece, comedy seems to have originated in bawdy and ribald songs or recitations apropos of fertility festivals or gatherings, or also in poking fun at other people or stereotypes.[2] Aristotle, in his Poetics, tells us the same: that comedy originated in Phallic songs and the light treatment of the otherwise base and ugly. He also adds that the origins of comedy are obscure because it was not treated seriously.[3] P.W. Buckham writes that "the lighter sort of Iambic became Comic poets, the graver became Tragic instead of Heroic".[4] The word comes into modern usage through the Latin comoedia and Italian commedia. It has passed through various shades of meaning. In the middle ages it meant simply a story with a happy ending. Thus some of Chaucer's tales are called comedies, and in this sense Dante used the term in the title of his poem, La Commedia (cf. his Epistola X., in which he speaks of the comic style as "loqutio vulgaris, in qua et mulierculae communicant"; again "comoedia vero remisse et humiliter"; "differt a tragoedia per hoc, quod t. in principio est admirabilis et quieta, in fine sive exitu est foetida et horribilis"). Subsequently the term is applied to mystery plays with a happy ending. The modern usage combines this sense with that in which Renaissance scholars applied it to the ancient comedies. The adjective "comic" (Greek κωμικός), which strictly means that which relates to comedy, is in modern usage generally confined to the sense of "laughter-provoking": it is distinguished from "humorous" or "witty" inasmuch as it is applied to an incident or remark which provokes spontaneous laughter without a special mental effort. The phenomena connected with laughter and that which provokes it, the comic, have been carefully investigated by psychologists, in contrast with other phenomena connected with the emotions. It is very generally agreed that the predominating characteristics are incongruity or contrast in the object, and shock or emotional seizure on the part of the subject. It has also been held that the feeling of superiority is an essential, if not the essential, factor: thus Hobbes speaks of laughter as a "sudden glory." Physiological explanations have been given by Kant, Spencer and Darwin. Modern investigators have paid much attention to the origin both of laughter and of smiling, the development of the "play instinct" and its emotional expression. Comedy has a classical meaning (comical theatre) and a popular one (the use of humour with an intent to provoke laughter in general). In the theater, its Western origins are in ancient Greece, like tragedy, a genre characterised by a grave fall from grace by a protagonist having high social standing. Humour (also spelled humor) is the ability or quality of people, objects, or situations to evoke feelings of amusement in other people. The term encompasses a form of entertainment or human communication which evokes such feelings, or which makes people laugh or feel happy. The origin of the term derives from the humoral medicine of the ancient Greeks, which stated that a mix of fluids known as humours (Greek: χυμός, chymos, literally: juice or sap, metaphorically: flavour) controlled human health and emotion. A sense of humour is the ability to experience humour, a quality which all people share, although the extent to which an individual will personally find something humorous depends on a host of absolute and relative variables, including geographical location, culture, maturity, level of education, and context. For example, young children (of any background) particularly favour slapstick, such as Punch and Judy puppet shows. Satire may rely more on understanding the target of the humour, and thus tends to appeal to more mature audiences. Figure of speech Humorous triple and paraprosdokian Enthymeme Syllepsis (zeugma) Hyperbole Understatement Inherently funny words with sounds that make them amusing in the language of delivery Irony, where a statement or situation implies both a superficial and a concealed meaning which are at odds with each other. Joke Adages, often in the form of paradox "laws" of nature, such as Murphy's law or lemon law Stereotyping, such as blonde jokes, lawyer jokes, racial jokes, viola jokes. Sick Jokes, arousing humour through grotesque, violent or exceptionally cruel scenarios. Soldiers in the field of battle often use 'trench humour' to keep morale up in appalling circumstances. Riddle Word play Oxymoron Pun Non-verbal Bathos Exaggerated or unexpected gestures and movements Character driven, deriving humour from the way characters act in specific situations, without punchlines. Exemplified by The Larry Sanders Show and Curb Your Enthusiasm. Clash of context humour, such "fish out of water" Comic sounds Deliberate ambiguity and confusion with reality, often performed by Andy Kaufman Unintentional humour, that is, making people laugh without intending to (as with Ed Wood's Plan 9 From Outer Space) Funny pictures: Photos or drawings/caricatures that are intentionally or unintentionally humorous. Sight gags Visual humour[citation needed]: Similar to the sight gag, but encompassing narrative in theatre or comics, or on film or video. Understanding humour Some claim that humour cannot or should not be explained. Author E. B. White once said that "Humour can be dissected as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind." However, attempts to do just that have been made. The term "humour" as formerly applied in comedy, referred to the interpretation of the sublime and the ridiculous. In this context, humour is often a subjective experience as it depends on a special mood or perspective from its audience to be effective. Arthur Schopenhauer lamented the misuse of the term (the German loanword from English) to mean any type of comedy. Language is an approximation of thoughts through symbolic manipulation, and the gap between the expectations inherent in those symbols and the breaking of those expectations leads to laughter (This is true for many emotions, and is not limited to laughter)[citation needed]. Irony is explicitly this form of comedy, whereas slapstick takes more passive social norms relating to physicality and plays with them[citation needed]. In other words, comedy is a sign of a 'bug' in the symbolic make-up of language, as well as a self-correcting mechanism for such bugs[citation needed]. Once the problem in meaning has been described through a joke, people immediately begin correcting their impressions of the symbols that have been mocked. This is one explanation why jokes are often funny only when told the first time. Another explanation is that humour frequently contains an unexpected, often sudden, shift in perspective. Nearly anything can be the object of this perspective twist. This, however, does not explain why people being humiliated and verbally abused, without it being unexpected or a shift in perspective, is considered funny - ref. The Office. Another explanation is that the essence of humour lies in two ingredients; the relevance factor and the surprise factor. First, something familiar (or relevant) to the audience is presented. (However, the relevant situation may be so familiar to the audience that it doesn't always have to be presented, as occurs in absurd humour, for example). From there, they may think they know the natural follow-through thoughts or conclusion. The next principal ingredient is the presentation of something different from the audience's expectations, or else the natural result of interpreting the original situation in a different, less common way (see twist or surprise factor). For example: “ A man speaks to his doctor after an operation. He says, "Doc, now that the surgery is done, will I be able to play the piano?" The doctor replies, "Of course!" The man says, "Good, because I couldn't before!" ” The Simpsons is noted for using this technique many times to evoke humour. Former show runner David Mirkin often refers to it as the “screw-you-audience” joke. A prime example is in the episode "And Maggie Makes Three", wherein Patty and Selma are about to expose the secret of Marge's pregnancy: Selma: (Looking at the very beginning of the phonebook) "Hi Mr. Aaronson, I'd like to inform you that Marge Simpson is pregnant." Selma: (Looking exhausted at the very end of the phonebook) "Just thought you'd like to know, Mr. Zackowski. There! Aaronson and Zackowski are the town's biggest gossips. Within an hour, everyone will know. Both explanations can be put under the general heading of "failed expectations". In language, or a situation with a relevance factor, or even a sublime setting, an audience has a certain expectation. If these expectations fail in a way that has some credulity, humour results. It has been postulated that the laughter/feel good element of humour is a biological function that helps one deal with the new, expanded point of view: a lawyer thinks differently than a priest or rabbi (below), a banana peel on the floor could be dangerous. This is why some link of credulity is important rather than any random line being a punchline. For this reason, many jokes work in threes. For instance, a class of jokes exists beginning with the formulaic line "A priest, a rabbi, and a lawyer are sitting in a bar..." (or close variations on this). Typically, the priest will make a remark, the rabbi will continue in the same vein, and then the lawyer will make a third point that forms a sharp break from the established pattern, but nonetheless forms a logical (or at least stereotypical) response. Example of a variation: “ A gardener, an architect, and a lawyer are discussing which of their vocations is the most ancient. The gardener comments, "My vocation goes back to the Garden of Eden, when God told Adam to tend the garden." The architect comments, "My vocation goes back to the creation, when God created the world itself from primordial chaos." They both look curiously at the lawyer, who asks, "And who do you think created the primordial chaos?" ” In this vein of thought, knowing a punch line in advance, or some situation which would spoil the delivery of the punchline, can destroy the surprise factor, and in turn destroy the entertainment value or amusement the joke may have otherwise provided. Conversely, a person previously holding the same unexpected conclusions or secret perspectives as a comedian could derive amusement from hearing those same thoughts expressed and elaborated. That there is commonality, unity of thought, and an ability to openly analyse and express these (where secrecy and inhibited exploration was previously thought necessary) can be both the relevance and the surprise factors in these situations. This phenomenon explains much of the success of comedians who deal with same-gender and same-culture audiences on gender conflicts and cultural topics, respectively. Notable studies of humour have come from the pens of Aristotle in The Poetics (Part V) and of Schopenhauer. There also exist linguistic and psycholinguistic studies of humour, irony, parody and pretence. Prominent theoreticians in this field include Raymond Gibbs, Herbert Clark, Michael Billig, Willibald Ruch, Victor Raskin, Eliot Oring, and Salvatore Attardo. Although many writers have emphasised the positive or cathartic effects of humour some, notably Billig, have emphasised the potential of humour for cruelty and its involvement with social control and regulation. A number of science fiction writers have explored the theory of humour. In Stranger in a Strange Land, Robert A. Heinlein proposes that humour comes from pain, and that laughter is a mechanism to keep us from crying. Isaac Asimov, on the other hand, proposes (in his first jokebook, Treasury of Humor) that the essence of humour is anticlimax: an abrupt change in point of view, in which trivial matters are suddenly elevated in importance above those that would normally be far more important. Approaches to a general theory of humour have generally referred to analogy or some kind of analogical process of mapping structure from one domain of experience onto another. An early precursor of this approach would be Arthur Koestler, who identified humour as one of three areas of human creativity (science and art being the other two) that use structure mapping (then termed "bisociation" by Koestler) to create novel meanings[1]. Tony Veale, who is taking a more formalised computational approach than Koestler did, has written on the role of metaphor and metonymy in humour[2][3][4], using inspiration from Koestler as well as from Dedre Gentner´s theory of structure-mapping, George Lakoff´s and Mark Johnson´s theory of conceptual metaphor and Mark Turner´s and Gilles Fauconnier´s theory of conceptual blending. Humour evolution As any form of art, humour techniques evolve through time. Perception of humour varies greatly among social demographics and indeed from person to person. Throughout history comedy has been used as a form of entertainment all over the world, whether in the courts of the kings or the villages of the far east. Both a social etiquette and a certain intelligence can be displayed through forms of wit and sarcasm.18th-century German author Georg Lichtenberg said that "the more you know humour, the more you become demanding in fineness". Humour formula This article or section does not cite its references or sources. Please help improve this article by introducing appropriate citations. (help, get involved!) This article has been tagged since October 2006. Root components: some surprise/misdirection, contradiction, ambiguity or paradox. appealing to feelings or to emotions. similar to reality, but not real Methods: metaphor hyperbole reframing timing Rowan Atkinson explains in his lecture Funny Business, that an object or a person can become funny in three different ways. They are: By being in an unusual place By behaving in an unusual way By being the wrong size Most sight gags fit into one or more of these categories. Humour is also sometimes described as an ingredient in spiritual life. Some Masters have added it to their teachings in various forms. A famous figure in spiritual humour is the laughing Buddha, who would answer all questions with a laugh
Poll: Did you like The Oddysey or The Iliad better? I liked the Iliad better. This was my favorite part: Sing, O goddess, the anger of Achilles son of Peleus, that brought countless ills upon the Achaeans. Many a brave soul did it send hurrying down to Hades, and many a hero did it yield a prey to dogs and vultures, for so were the counsels of Jove fulfilled from the day on which the son of Atreus, king of men, and great Achilles, first fell out with one another. And which of the gods was it that set them on to quarrel? It was the son of Jove and Leto; for he was angry with the king and sent a pestilence upon the host to plague the people, because the son of Atreus had dishonoured Chryses his priest. Now Chryses had come to the ships of the Achaeans to free his daughter, and had brought with him a great ransom: moreover he bore in his hand the sceptre of Apollo wreathed with a suppliant's wreath and he besought the Achaeans, but most of all the two sons of Atreus, who were their chiefs. "Sons of Atreus," he cried, "and all other Achaeans, may the gods who dwell in Olympus grant you to sack the city of Priam, and to reach your homes in safety; but free my daughter, and accept a ransom for her, in reverence to Apollo, son of Jove." On this the rest of the Achaeans with one voice were for respecting the priest and taking the ransom that he offered; but not so Agamemnon, who spoke fiercely to him and sent him roughly away. "Old man," said he, "let me not find you tarrying about our ships, nor yet coming hereafter. Your sceptre of the god and your wreath shall profit you nothing. I will not free her. She shall grow old in my house at Argos far from her own home, busying herself with her loom and visiting my couch; so go, and do not provoke me or it shall be the worse for you." The old man feared him and obeyed. Not a word he spoke, but went by the shore of the sounding sea and prayed apart to King Apollo whom lovely Leto had borne. "Hear me," he cried, "O god of the silver bow, that protectest Chryse and holy Cilla and rulest Tenedos with thy might, hear me oh thou of Sminthe. If I have ever decked your temple with garlands, or burned your thigh-bones in fat of bulls or goats, grant my prayer, and let your arrows avenge these my tears upon the Danaans." Thus did he pray, and Apollo heard his prayer. He came down furious from the summits of Olympus, with his bow and his quiver upon his shoulder, and the arrows rattled on his back with the rage that trembled within him. He sat himself down away from the ships with a face as dark as night, and his silver bow rang death as he shot his arrow in the midst of them. First he smote their mules and their hounds, but presently he aimed his shafts at the people themselves, and all day long the pyres of the dead were burning. For nine whole days he shot his arrows among the people, but upon the tenth day Achilles called them in assembly- moved thereto by Juno, who saw the Achaeans in their death-throes and had compassion upon them. Then, when they were got together, he rose and spoke among them. "Son of Atreus," said he, "I deem that we should now turn roving home if we would escape destruction, for we are being cut down by war and pestilence at once. Let us ask some priest or prophet, or some reader of dreams (for dreams, too, are of Jove) who can tell us why Phoebus Apollo is so angry, and say whether it is for some vow that we have broken, or hecatomb that we have not offered, and whether he will accept the savour of lambs and goats without blemish, so as to take away the plague from us." With these words he sat down, and Calchas son of Thestor, wisest of augurs, who knew things past present and to come, rose to speak. He it was who had guided the Achaeans with their fleet to Ilius, through the prophesyings with which Phoebus Apollo had inspired him. With all sincerity and goodwill he addressed them thus:- "Achilles, loved of heaven, you bid me tell you about the anger of King Apollo, I will therefore do so; but consider first and swear that you will stand by me heartily in word and deed, for I know that I shall offend one who rules the Argives with might, to whom all the Achaeans are in subjection. A plain man cannot stand against the anger of a king, who if he swallow his displeasure now, will yet nurse revenge till he has wreaked it. Consider, therefore, whether or no you will protect me." And Achilles answered, "Fear not, but speak as it is borne in upon you from heaven, for by Apollo, Calchas, to whom you pray, and whose oracles you reveal to us, not a Danaan at our ships shall lay his hand upon you, while I yet live to look upon the face of the earth- no, not though you name Agamemnon himself, who is by far the foremost of the Achaeans." Thereon the seer spoke boldly. "The god," he said, "is angry neither about vow nor hecatomb, but for his priest's sake, whom Agamemnon has dishonoured, in that he would not free his daughter nor take a ransom for her; therefore has he sent these evils upon us, and will yet send others. He will not deliver the Danaans from this pestilence till Agamemnon has restored the girl without fee or ransom to her father, and has sent a holy hecatomb to Chryse. Thus we may perhaps appease him." With these words he sat down, and Agamemnon rose in anger. His heart was black with rage, and his eyes flashed fire as he scowled on Calchas and said, "Seer of evil, you never yet prophesied smooth things concerning me, but have ever loved to foretell that which was evil. You have brought me neither comfort nor performance; and now you come seeing among Danaans, and saying that Apollo has plagued us because I would not take a ransom for this girl, the daughter of Chryses. I have set my heart on keeping her in my own house, for I love her better even than my own wife Clytemnestra, whose peer she is alike in form and feature, in understanding and accomplishments. Still I will give her up if I must, for I would have the people live, not die; but you must find me a prize instead, or I alone among the Argives shall be without one. This is not well; for you behold, all of you, that my prize is to go elsewhither." And Achilles answered, "Most noble son of Atreus, covetous beyond all mankind, how shall the Achaeans find you another prize? We have no common store from which to take one. Those we took from the cities have been awarded; we cannot disallow the awards that have been made already. Give this girl, therefore, to the god, and if ever Jove grants us to sack the city of Troy we will requite you three and fourfold." Then Agamemnon said, "Achilles, valiant though you be, you shall not thus outwit me. You shall not overreach and you shall not persuade me. Are you to keep your own prize, while I sit tamely under my loss and give up the girl at your bidding? Let the Achaeans find me a prize in fair exchange to my liking, or I will come and take your own, or that of Ajax or of Ulysses; and he to whomsoever I may come shall rue my coming. But of this we will take thought hereafter; for the present, let us draw a ship into the sea, and find a crew for her expressly; let us put a hecatomb on board, and let us send Chryseis also; further, let some chief man among us be in command, either Ajax, or Idomeneus, or yourself, son of Peleus, mighty warrior that you are, that we may offer sacrifice and appease the the anger of the god." Achilles scowled at him and answered, "You are steeped in insolence and lust of gain. With what heart can any of the Achaeans do your bidding, either on foray or in open fighting? I came not warring here for any ill the Trojans had done me. I have no quarrel with them. They have not raided my cattle nor my horses, nor cut down my harvests on the rich plains of Phthia; for between me and them there is a great space, both mountain and sounding sea. We have followed you, Sir Insolence! for your pleasure, not ours- to gain satisfaction from the Trojans for your shameless self and for Menelaus. You forget this, and threaten to rob me of the prize for which I have toiled, and which the sons of the Achaeans have given me. Never when the Achaeans sack any rich city of the Trojans do I receive so good a prize as you do, though it is my hands that do the better part of the fighting. When the sharing comes, your share is far the largest, and I, forsooth, must go back to my ships, take what I can get and be thankful, when my labour of fighting is done. Now, therefore, I shall go back to Phthia; it will be much better for me to return home with my ships, for I will not stay here dishonoured to gather gold and substance for you." And Agamemnon answered, "Fly if you will, I shall make you no prayers to stay you. I have others here who will do me honour, and above all Jove, the lord of counsel. There is no king here so hateful to me as you are, for you are ever quarrelsome and ill affected. What though you be brave? Was it not heaven that made you so? Go home, then, with your ships and comrades to lord it over the Myrmidons. I care neither for you nor for your anger; and thus will I do: since Phoebus Apollo is taking Chryseis from me, I shall send her with my ship and my followers, but I shall come to your tent and take your own prize Briseis, that you may learn how much stronger I am than you are, and that another may fear to set himself up as equal or comparable with me." The son of Peleus was furious, and his heart within his shaggy breast was divided whether to draw his sword, push the others aside, and kill the son of Atreus, or to restrain himself and check his anger. While he was thus in two minds, and was drawing his mighty sword from its scabbard, Minerva came down from heaven (for Juno had sent her in the love she bore to them both), and seized the son of Peleus by his yellow hair, visible to him alone, for of the others no man could see her. Achilles turned in amaze, and by the fire that flashed from her eyes at once knew that she was Minerva. "Why are you here," said he, "daughter of aegis-bearing Jove? To see the pride of Agamemnon, son of Atreus? Let me tell you- and it shall surely be- he shall pay for this insolence with his life." And Minerva said, "I come from heaven, if you will hear me, to bid you stay your anger. Juno has sent me, who cares for both of you alike. Cease, then, this brawling, and do not draw your sword; rail at him if you will, and your railing will not be vain, for I tell you- and it shall surely be- that you shall hereafter receive gifts three times as splendid by reason of this present insult. Hold, therefore, and obey." "Goddess," answered Achilles, "however angry a man may be, he must do as you two command him. This will be best, for the gods ever hear the prayers of him who has obeyed them." He stayed his hand on the silver hilt of his sword, and thrust it back into the scabbard as Minerva bade him. Then she went back to Olympus among the other gods, and to the house of aegis-bearing Jove. But the son of Peleus again began railing at the son of Atreus, for he was still in a rage. "Wine-bibber," he cried, "with the face of a dog and the heart of a hind, you never dare to go out with the host in fight, nor yet with our chosen men in ambuscade. You shun this as you do death itself. You had rather go round and rob his prizes from any man who contradicts you. You devour your people, for you are king over a feeble folk; otherwise, son of Atreus, henceforward you would insult no man. Therefore I say, and swear it with a great oath- nay, by this my sceptre which shalt sprout neither leaf nor shoot, nor bud anew from the day on which it left its parent stem upon the mountains- for the axe stripped it of leaf and bark, and now the sons of the Achaeans bear it as judges and guardians of the decrees of heaven- so surely and solemnly do I swear that hereafter they shall look fondly for Achilles and shall not find him. In the day of your distress, when your men fall dying by the murderous hand of Hector, you shall not know how to help them, and shall rend your heart with rage for the hour when you offered insult to the bravest of the Achaeans." With this the son of Peleus dashed his gold-bestudded sceptre on the ground and took his seat, while the son of Atreus was beginning fiercely from his place upon the other side. Then uprose smooth-tongued Nestor, the facile speaker of the Pylians, and the words fell from his lips sweeter than honey. Two generations of men born and bred in Pylos had passed away under his rule, and he was now reigning over the third. With all sincerity and goodwill, therefore, he addressed them thus:- "Of a truth," he said, "a great sorrow has befallen the Achaean land. Surely Priam with his sons would rejoice, and the Trojans be glad at heart if they could hear this quarrel between you two, who are so excellent in fight and counsel. I am older than either of you; therefore be guided by me. Moreover I have been the familiar friend of men even greater than you are, and they did not disregard my counsels. Never again can I behold such men as Pirithous and Dryas shepherd of his people, or as Caeneus, Exadius, godlike Polyphemus, and Theseus son of Aegeus, peer of the immortals. These were the mightiest men ever born upon this earth: mightiest were they, and when they fought the fiercest tribes of mountain savages they utterly overthrew them. I came from distant Pylos, and went about among them, for they would have me come, and I fought as it was in me to do. Not a man now living could withstand them, but they heard my words, and were persuaded by them. So be it also with yourselves, for this is the more excellent way. Therefore, Agamemnon, though you be strong, take not this girl away, for the sons of the Achaeans have already given her to Achilles; and you, Achilles, strive not further with the king, for no man who by the grace of Jove wields a sceptre has like honour with Agamemnon. You are strong, and have a goddess for your mother; but Agamemnon is stronger than you, for he has more people under him. Son of Atreus, check your anger, I implore you; end this quarrel with Achilles, who in the day of battle is a tower of strength to the Achaeans." And Agamemnon answered, "Sir, all that you have said is true, but this fellow must needs become our lord and master: he must be lord of all, king of all, and captain of all, and this shall hardly be. Granted that the gods have made him a great warrior, have they also given him the right to speak with railing?" Achilles interrupted him. "I should be a mean coward," he cried, "were I to give in to you in all things. Order other people about, not me, for I shall obey no longer. Furthermore I say- and lay my saying to your heart- I shall fight neither you nor any man about this girl, for those that take were those also that gave. But of all else that is at my ship you shall carry away nothing by force. Try, that others may see; if you do, my spear shall be reddened with your blood." When they had quarrelled thus angrily, they rose, and broke up the assembly at the ships of the Achaeans. The son of Peleus went back to his tents and ships with the son of Menoetius and his company, while Agamemnon drew a vessel into the water and chose a crew of twenty oarsmen. He escorted Chryseis on board and sent moreover a hecatomb for the god. And Ulysses went as captain. These, then, went on board and sailed their ways over the sea. But the son of Atreus bade the people purify themselves; so they purified themselves and cast their filth into the sea. Then they offered hecatombs of bulls and goats without blemish on the sea-shore, and the smoke with the savour of their sacrifice rose curling up towards heaven. Thus did they busy themselves throughout the host. But Agamemnon did not forget the threat that he had made Achilles, and called his trusty messengers and squires Talthybius and Eurybates. "Go," said he, "to the tent of Achilles, son of Peleus; take Briseis by the hand and bring her hither; if he will not give her I shall come with others and take her- which will press him harder." He charged them straightly further and dismissed them, whereon they went their way sorrowfully by the seaside, till they came to the tents and ships of the Myrmidons. They found Achilles sitting by his tent and his ships, and ill-pleased he was when he beheld them. They stood fearfully and reverently before him, and never a word did they speak, but he knew them and said, "Welcome, heralds, messengers of gods and men; draw near; my quarrel is not with you but with Agamemnon who has sent you for the girl Briseis. Therefore, Patroclus, bring her and give her to them, but let them be witnesses by the blessed gods, by mortal men, and by the fierceness of Agamemnon's anger, that if ever again there be need of me to save the people from ruin, they shall seek and they shall not find. Agamemnon is mad with rage and knows not how to look before and after that the Achaeans may fight by their ships in safety." Patroclus did as his dear comrade had bidden him. He brought Briseis from the tent and gave her over to the heralds, who took her with them to the ships of the Achaeans- and the woman was loth to go. Then Achilles went all alone by the side of the hoar sea, weeping and looking out upon the boundless waste of waters. He raised his hands in prayer to his immortal mother, "Mother," he cried, "you bore me doomed to live but for a little season; surely Jove, who thunders from Olympus, might have made that little glorious. It is not so. Agamemnon, son of Atreus, has done me dishonour, and has robbed me of my prize by force." As he spoke he wept aloud, and his mother heard him where she was sitting in the depths of the sea hard by the old man her father. Forthwith she rose as it were a grey mist out of the waves, sat down before him as he stood weeping, caressed him with her hand, and said, "My son, why are you weeping? What is it that grieves you? Keep it