Natwerk Designs

where can I find pictures or a gallery of.....? A gallery of bathrooms, luxery bathrroms, beautiful bathrooms, mostly of bathtubs...we are putting in a new bathroom and we want it fancy. Its a master bathroom. Thanks!

the famous 'bathroom picture' of everybody on the net? I see ALOT of people sending pictures of themselves taken in the bathroom mirror holding the camera. Wouldn't it be better to use the timer on the camera? instead of extending your hand to take a close up or take a pic through a camera? It kinda shines to me 'loneliness' cause i rarely see people, beautiful people, posting a picture where they are outside with friends or just outside. Is the internet making us lonely? What is your opinion?

Torn About a Destination Wedding? I'm really traditional when it comes to my view of weddings. I have to be married in a church, that's not up for discussion (Fi feels the same) and I want my family and friends there. I'm prepared to pay a good chunk of change for a traditional wedding at home. As I look around for ideas online, I always see the most beautiful pictures of destination weddings. I would love to be married in Key West and I even found a beautiful church for the ceremony. It's only a $500 deposit. I've found several nice wedding packages for about $5,000 which include food, drinks, music and pictures. As much as I am deadest on having a traditional church wedding at home, my mind keeps wandering back to the beautiful scenery of Key West and the gorgeous church I found. I know that many of my family and friends, as well as my fiance's family and friends do not have the means to travel. We can pay for 1-2 nights of accommodations. I found a few vacation condos with 2 bedrooms/2 bathrooms that sleep up to 6 people. We could rent out 4 of those for maybe 2 nights, but everyone is coming from such a far distance (New York), that I couldn't see people traveling all that way and leaving after 2 days. Plus, we would be unable to pay for airfare to Miami and then the car rentals for people to drive to Key West. So, part of me is thinking my idea it too far-fetched and I'm better of just going with my original idea. But, I'm totally in love with Key West right now. Anyone been in a similar situation? What did you end up deciding to do?

how do u like it? -Prologue- -Dreams- “For in dreams we enter a world that’s entirely our own, let them swim in the deepest ocean, or glide over the highest cloud” -Dumledore- Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban What are dreams? Are they a reminisce from a previous life, or simply De ja vu. They can have us enter into the unimaginable and impossible. Yet it all seems so real. We do the most amazing things in dreams, but cannot remember any bit of it when you wake up. That is why the dream world is so amazing; it is where we can achieve our most desired whim. Still, very few dreams come true, yet those spare few are able to paint our lives with the colors of adventure, or tragedy. Dare to step into the Dream World? Chapter 1 It was a glorious day like no other, and 14-year-old Caity Craft was enjoying every bit of it. In a couple of minutes David West, the handsome and charming young man that Caity has had a crush on for years, would be picking her up for their date that afternoon. She had been getting ready for hours, choosing her outfit carefully, taking care not to look too over the top, and yet to make an everlasting impression on him. Just as she finished she heard the doorbell ring, she put one last streak of lip gloss on her already over-shined lips, and went to go answer it. Of course, it was David, he held his arm out, she responded with a smile and grabbed his hand. Together they made their way down the road towards the local coffee shop and settled in a table near a beautiful picture window and ordered their choice of drinks. They sat and chatted politely, and eventually came into a very intensive conversation about nothing in particular, and yet meant everything that mattered in the world. They went for a very long walk, around the town, in the park, everywhere. It became very late though, and their parents would be concerned, so they decided to go their separate ways after agreeing to a second date sometime. When Caity said goodbye, she looked up, he was looking away, she blushed and looked down again, he lifted her chin and stared at her with the most penetrating stare that she could not pry her eyes away, they both smiled, the space between their faces was shrinking rapidly, she could smell the cologne that lost its original strength long ago, their lips were only centimeters away from each other… “CAITY, WAKE UP!!!” “Mom, just five more minutes, please!” why must she awake her at such an invigorating part of her glorious dream? “But honey you have to wake up or you’ll be late for school, it’s already 7:30!” “WHAT?!?!?! Make me some breakfast while I get dressed, please and thank you.” Caity grabbed the first thing she could find, groaning at the big stain on the front of her favorite sweater. She took a look in the mirror, fixed her hair, and ran downstairs, not bothering to try and impress David, for she had given it up and was in a hurry. Gulping down breakfast she ran outside into the car, hoping her mom would write a tardy admit for her. When Mrs. Craft pulled into the parking lot of the school, Caity asked her to write an admit but she had no time. “Love you honey!” “Bye mom” she said hopelessly as she entered school, dreading what Mr. Jerrald, her terribly strict geometry teacher, would say… Chapter 2 “DETENTION CRAFT!” Mr. Jerrald hissed, “This Wednesday after school, be there!” he handed her a detention slip. “That’s your ninth tardy, one more and there will be suspension! What is it you do instead of being in class?” Honestly, Caity and her friends had skipped the first half hour of class a couple times. Eight times actually, but Caity never thought she would, God forbid, get suspended! Not really, its just that she never really thought of consequences while having fun, playing hookie at the drugstore or in the school bathrooms. “Nothing” she said with the most innocent voice she could muster But she knew now that it was time to pay. She took her seat in the back of the class with her friends; they gave her grave looks of sympathy and said they would totally serve detention with her, if it weren’t for “soccer practice” or some other lame excuse. When school was finally over, Caity showed her mom the detention slip and said she was going to have to miss her dance lesson that week. The next morning she ran into David on her way to class, he looked anxious for some reason, and he kept looking over his shoulder. “Hi Caity, hey, have you seen Mr. Smith anywhere?” he asked “Um, no I haven’t” she said nervously. “Ok, but will you tell me if you do? That would be great, see ya” “Bye” What was that all about? “Oh my gosh!” Caity thought as she went down the stairs to her English class “I can’t believe I actually talked to David West! I hope I didn’t act too excited, or, oh no! Did I sound nervous?!?!?! I HAVE to know!” But what was also on her mind - why was he in such a hurry and why was he so nervous? Was he in trouble or something? Was David West – THE David West – the boy that shy Caity Crest had a crush on, a criminal? No, in fact he was not in trouble with the law or anything scandalous, he just needed to tell Mr. Smith something, but is that the message that got him in so much trouble? Who knows, only him. Chapter 3 Wednesday’s detention, as Caity had dreaded, had finally come. She made her way down to the detention room, and froze… Much to her delight, David West was in the detention room, but it also added to the anxiety of it all. What’s even worse is that the teacher leading the detention that day put them in groups of two, and guess who got put together. Caity just sat there avoiding eye contact, when the awkward silence was too much. “So, what are you in for?” she asked, trying to smile “Remember when you saw me yesterday? Well, I had to tell Mr. Smith something and he got all angry about it for some reason, then he gave me a detention, you?” It sounded innocent enough, but still a little fishy, however, Caity decided not to delve deeper in case of offending him. “That’s weird, yeah, I was tardy… for the ninth time.” They went on talking, Caity getting more confident with every word, when suddenly, David asked a question that stopped the confidence boost altogether. “Hey Caity, are you doing anything this Saturday?” he sounded anxious when he said it. “Uh, let me check my calendar” she looked at the paper they were supposed to be working on. “No, I’m not doing anything, what did you have in mind?” she laughed nervously “Well, I was just wondering if—‘’ “NO TALKING!” snapped the teacher, so David wrote it down on a piece of paper— Caity- since you’re free on Saturday, I was just wondering if you would like to go to a movie with me, I’ll pay for you, and we could go to dinner before it Sounds great! When can you pick me up? Or can you pick me up? That would be awesome because my mom has somewhere else to go to. Yeah, I can pick you up around six. We’ll be back around ten, is that ok? Yeah, see you then. Chapter 4 Caity was so excited about her date on Saturday that she couldn’t concentrate on her world history homework. “David West, a Spanish Conquistador, took over the whole cinema to go on a date with his new girlfriend, Caity Craft. Charming Craft and handsome West together set out to conquer the world, but died from a cruel gunshot from Lisa Smith, West’s former companion, and their world history teacher, Mr. Smith’s daughter…” Caity couldn’t stand it; she called up David, not knowing how she got his number stuck in the pocket of her jacket, when a thought came to her mind — what did David say to Mr. Smith that made him so angry— “Hello, this is David speaking” “Hey David, just wondering, what was it you said to Mr. Smith that made him so angry? “I just asked him about his daughter, Lisa, because she, uh, left her jacket at my house, she’s my ex.” He said, though not with much confidence. “Oh. Hmm, I wonder why he got so mad about it.” “Yeah, he was all red in the face and yelled ‘Detention! And don’t ever speak to me about my daughter ever again!!!’” “Seems like he overreacted a little… but maybe it was just problems between them.” “Yeah, I guess. But he sounded really angry, with a crazed look in his eye. Well, I godda go, my mom’s calling me for dinner, see you tomorrow!” He said, sounding troubled “Bye” She said as she hung up the phone, deciding that she would think about it more tomorrow, besides, she had homework, and tomorrow was Friday. Chapter 5 By the end of the day, Caity had found out nothing on the subject of, well, all her subjects; and still nothing on the subject of Lisa Smith. Which is what she had been concentrating on instead of her studies. But she was still very excited for Saturday, when they (David and Caity) could discuss it more. She felt like Nancy Drew, though it was not much of a mystery (so far). When all of a sudden, she heard her name being called. “Wha— she had been daydreaming. “I think I asked you a question.” Mrs. Tap said firmly “what is the theory of relativity, very easy, and what does it have to do with how energy is made? “Oh, yeah. E=mc2, which is pretty much energy equals mass times the speed of light squared. So energy is made from, uh, mass times the speed of light to the second?” “Correct, but for your homework tonight, everybody must write at least a paragraph about the speed of light, to touch further on the subject. It will be due on Monday.” Great, Caity might have time to write up a short paragraph on Sunday night, but it will be difficult so she started it that night. It was a lot harder than she thought, and she was up almost all night working on it. Caity just couldn’t explain it in one paragraph, so at 11:30, she had already had two pages on it. By the time it was 1:00, and she had four pages, Caity figured it was enough (perhaps a bit more than enough), so she finished it up and tried to get some sleep, she knew it would be good, but she was too excited. When she finally did get some shut-eye, it was 4:30, and she would have to sleep in, very late, she set her alarm for 3:00 p.m., hopefully it would wake her up in time to get ready. Chapter 6 Saturday had come at last, and Caity had woken up, refreshed exactly at… what? 5:30?!?!?!? This couldn’t be happening, surely her mom would have woken her up by now. She went into the bathroom; she couldn’t believe what she saw… There she was, drenched in blood, Caity couldn’t even scream. Her own mother, but why? From the looks of it, she was tortured to death. The crude details are too sickening explain. Her body was twisted in an unnatural way, with many bruises and burns, Caity didn’t hear the horrific, blood curdling screams, that escaped from her tender motherly lips, that fixed all her “boo-boos” when she was a young child, because she was gagged. What a terrible fate for such a caring person. What callous, sick person would do this? But Caity noticed another thing, a tag, no, a note, written in blood- Your next, Caity Craft. Chapter 7 Suddenly she blacked out, she was so afraid. Wait no, she didn’t black out, something, a pillow, was covering her face, she was getting lightheaded, she couldn’t scream, couldn’t feel sweet air filling her lungs. A bag was put over her head. Caity started to panic, she couldn’t breathe, her mother was dead. How could this all be happening? Who was the person behind this terrible act? She was being kicked, urged to get up and walk, she got up, having no choice. She was getting beaten around like a soccer ball in an intense game. Caity tried to calm down but it was too much. She was thrown into a vehicle and driven somewhere. Unexpectedly she felt icy cold, she was drowning! Unable to untie her hands, she gave up hope, destroyed. Why must it end like this? When she thought all hope was lost, she gave what would have been her last, shuddering breath, when all of a sudden… A pair of muscular arms, far from the ones that had damaged her, were holding her around the waist while strong legs pumped underneath them. They were strong yet comforting, then she thought— “DAVID!” and she fell to sleep, adrenaline rushing away, what kept her alive was leaving her, and a more reliable source was taking over, her true hero. Chapter 8 She woke up but a moment later it seemed. She was in a hospital bed with balloons, flowers and get-well cards all around her. The nurse said she had been out for two days. Caity looked down, there were bruises all down her arms and IV in her wrist. She was more relieved than she had ever been in her life, when panic came over her again. She now had no parents (her father died in a war), not enough money to live, and she almost died for God’s sake. A nurse came up to her to give her some medicine, Caity refused it and started to get nervous and uncomfortable, why was everyone bothering her, she was terrified, nurses were starting to surround her, she started having a nervous breakdown, her breaths became short and quick, they were all trying to stick needles in her, she didn’t want them to do that, they would hurt her, put her in more pain than she already was. She was screaming her head off and nobody was paying her any attention. She wanted her mother, her mom was dead, she started screaming more, crying out for help. Then she saw it, a faint glowing at first, it started to get brighter and everything else was blocked out. Now the only thing that she wanted was to reach that light. She knew that it would end her suffering and pain. She would see her mom and dad again, and be able to be with them forever, she knew it. Suddenly she felt a sharp pain in her arm and the light disappeared. She was coming back, no, she didn’t want to come back; she didn’t want to live her life in misery. But when she came back, all the nurses had disappeared, she was in a different room, she saw David there, standing, her hero, come back to see how she was. Caity could see that his eyes were bloodshot, he had obviously been crying… for her. He did care about her. Chapter 9 “How did you find me?” was the first thing that came from her. “I came to pick you up a little early, and something didn’t feel right. I was going to go check on you, but I saw the door opening, so I hid. I saw a person whose face was masked kicking and hitting you to walk, then the person threw you into the back of the van. I followed it, staying behind so the person wouldn’t suspect anything, but not far enough to lose you. I stopped when it pulled over at the end of a bridge, then it just, well” his voice faltered, tears started streaming down his face. “I know you probably don’t want to see me like this, I’m sorry, but, well, it, that, thing, threw you into the lake, I knew I had to do something, when it drove away I went and dived in, I just couldn’t let you die. And, well, you know what happened next. I thought you died, I was so scared it’s not even funny. I’m just glad to see your ok now.” “And I thank you, you are my hero mister David West. I owe you my life.” She said, mesmerized and truthfully. “I just wonder who did this, kind of scary y’know? Like a demented serial stalker. What do they want from me?” “Yeah, what do they have against you, and your mom I guess…” he said She started to cry. “Oh, I am so sorry, this is probably really hard for you and I just made it worse.” “No, its ok. I’m probably acting like a baby, crying all the time and having nervous breakdowns” “I don’t blame you, you almost died, anyone would act like that. I just wonder why she wants to kill you.” He said “She? How do you know it’s a girl?” She said, sudden accusation in her tone “What? Did I say she? I mean, it’s just so awkward calling it a, well, “it” I g—” “Are you not telling me something that could very well save my life some day?” “No, I’m telling you everything I know” he said defensively. “Are you sure? Is there anything you’ve been hiding from me for a while?” she gave him a threatening look “ok FINE! I, might kinda, like know who possibly tried to kill you, I may not be right though. Her name is Lisa Smith, I’m sure I might have mentioned her once. Anyway, she was the one that killed my mom. That’s what I was talking to Mr. Smith about, I told him that his daughter was a murderer, but he didn’t believe me, obviously.” “Oh really, so she wasn’t your ex. But why did she kill your mom?” “Yes, actually, she was my ex, and my mom didn’t like her. So she made me break with her. She was using me to get drugs or something, so she got really angry, and killed her.” He said with a sigh. “That’s so sad, sorry for snapping at you, it must be hard enough, talking freely about your mom’s death.” “I guess so…” he said uncertainly, there was an awkward silence for a while, broken eagerly by David. “Hey, we never really did have that date, how about tomorrow night at six?” “But the nurses probably won’t let me out of the hospital.” Caity said “Well then I guess we’ll just have to have it in your room, with romantic music, reading the cafeteria menus by candlelight, whaddaya say?” “Sure” she said laughing. Chapter 10 Caity was recovering quickly, and would be going back to school soon, on crutches because she had broken her leg. She and David had been having “dates” together in her hospital room, now decorated with posters of her favorite bands, and gifts from her visitors. She was still devastated about what happened, but she had company almost all day. David came and visited every day after school. He even missed football practice to just hang out with Caity. He loved her and she loved him, they hadn’t had anything tragic happen lately. They both went on with their daily lives, hanging out. Caity joined her school track team after she got her crutches off. All was well till one day when Caity was walking home from school; she was walking alone because David was sick that day. Even though the street around her was empty, Caity was aware of a presence behind her. She turned around and was immediately knocked out of consciousness. When she awoke, she realized that she was wet with sweat. Caity found she was tied up to a wooden pole, she looked down and saw a fire beneath her, she was being burned alive! She heard malicious laughing in the distance, and none other than Lisa Smith emerged from the shadows. “So…” she laughed “Little Caity is scared without her ‘boyfriend’ to come and save her… like last time.” She finished the sentence quite bitterly. “But this time he WON’T come, this time I will KILL YOU!” her voice much resembling the burning flames reflected in her crazed eyes. “It was you.” “No it wasn’t, it was my dear father. “And he covered for you, when David talked to him.” Caity said with realization, while attempting to loosen her bindings. “Yes, and he cut it mighty close if you ask me, had to knock him out, then make him swear not to tell anyone about it, or he would lose his life.” “But David will come and save me, I know that.” Lisa laughed again “Ha! He’s tied up with my father, waiting for my signal.” She held up her walkie-talkie “Once you are screaming your poor wittle head off when you catch fire…” she said in a mock babying voice. “I will tell him to blast the little traitor’s head to smithereens. The two of you will die together, how romantic.” She said with a smile. “You sick person, what did you do to my mother?” “Oh, I had fun with her. First I gagged her, to keep her unworthy mouth from screeching. Then I thoroughly enjoyed peeling the skin clean off her face, played around with a lighter— “STOP IT!” Caity screamed, blood and tears streaming down her face. “STOP! I meant, why did you do it, why you crazed madman, why?” she wailed. “To get to you.” Lisa said simply. “You see, with her out of the way, I had a clear shot to you.” “But what about David?” “No, he was working for me, but I did get a little worried about him when he fell in love with you and ruined my first plan. But I encouraged him to join me back with a little, shall we say, ‘persuasion’, I took him back to lure you closer.” “WHAT?!?!?! YOU MEAN HE LIED TO MY FACE?!?!?!? So, all those times he said he would love me forever, were lies?” “That’s right sweetie, all lies… welcome to the real world, where you can’t just trust everyone. Even people you love, and dream about.” How she knew about her dream, she didn’t know, all she was thinking about was how David betrayed her, and the growing fire, licking her burnt ankles. “Then why did you tie him up?” Caity spat, tears still running down her face. “Because, he’s a traitor, that’s that, and he still loves you.” Caity thought about what Lisa said for a while, when she finally realized the burning pain, well, all over her. She started screaming out all the air her lungs held; she screamed in agony, the pain was unbelievable. She started seeing the light again, but she also saw through it, into the real world. Her mother and father were running up to her, going to give her a hug, but she then realized, it was the dream world, then, breaking through the unreal barrier. She saw a Lisa Smith, talking on her walkie-talkie. She had to stop her! Somehow, anyhow. She was helpless, then she thought of something she did with her parents when she was little… she prayed. “God, please, just help me out of this.” Chapter 11 It all happened so fast, a flash that lighted the night sky, a loud crack, and a chilling scream, not from Caity’s own lips, but from another’s. Then a miracle happened, I started to rain, and rain, and rain. When the last flames of the fire below Caity had vanished in a wisp of smoke, she saw the dead body of Lisa lying in the pouring rain. Then, through the mist, Caity saw something limping her way. “Oh no” she thought “It’s Mr. Smith come to see my remains” But she was wrong. Through the thick black smoke came the voice of a hero, her hero. David West. “Are you ok Caity?” Caity felt more relieved then ever in her whole life. But how was David still alive? Hadn’t Mr. Smith finished him off? “Come on, we have to get you down from there.” “David, I love you. I love you so much, more than the stars in the sky. You have saved my life twice and I’ve never repaid you” “Well, I thi— Then, without warning, Caity kissed him, right in the rain, under the stars. She kissed him, her burned body being soothed by the droplets from heaven. Chapter 12 The two fell in love, true love. Not just an act he put on to kill her. “How did you escape?” she whispered in his ear. “I had untied, and when he turned away I knocked him out. I followed the smoke, and the screaming to you. When I was almost there, it started to rain. I prayed you were still alive, and you were, thank goodness.” “You betrayed me.” She yelled “But you betrayed them, for me.” She said in a much more gentle tone. He started blushing “Well, you must think I’m just about the most terrible guy in the world, so I would understand if you left me.” “I wouldn’t leave you for the world.” She said gratefully. So, as time went on, Caity Craft became Caity West. They had 3 beautiful daughters, and a son on the way, that they loved more than love itself. But during their time together in that fateful 9th grade year, they found that even through the toughest of times, when you think you are all alone, there is a person that will always love you. When you feel the most alone, where everyone in your life is gone… you can always go back to the dream world.

need help on my essay? I need help putting this in order. I'm having so much trouble getting it organize. It's just an example of how it goes. Its about my visit to florida I love the beach and nature's beauty and fortunately I experienced so many great moments there. Well as you know life is not all perfect. I have also experienced the worst times of my life there, and I believe it's what made me grow, mature and love myself and others more. This experience has truly changed my life completely. This all began on a beautiful summer afternoon never expected to go to Miami ever in my life, being from Oklahoma were nothing really goes on. My aunt (a Miami resident for 14 years) invited me when she came to visit us. She painted a very beautiful picture in my mind, she said that she will provide for me, take me to school, and get me a job. I got very excited and packed my bags right away since she was leaving the same day. My parents weren’t too convinced and were a little worried about me, I had just turned 17 and school was starting in a week. Finally they let me go which made me so happy. We traveled by land, on a bus which took 3 days to get there. The service was horrible(Grey hound) and I would never traveled with them again. We we're waiting for another bus back in Little Rock, Arkansas, and my aunt was changing in the bathroom and forgot my backpack that had my birth certificate, ID, shot record's, social security card, money, and many pictures. Well this was in Little rock, Arkansas, and I came to realize it when we finally came to Miami. I had to report it, what else could I do. I

I had a dream and couldn't wake up, any ideas? It was so weird, I fell asleep in real life around ten, ten thirty, and I remember it was like watching a movie. I walked into someones house with a couple of friends and some lady gave us papers to fill out. Well once that was over everyone crowded into one bed and we all fell asleep. Well I had a dream while I was in that dream(I hope you know what I mean), and while I was in that dream, I realized I was dreaming(Lucid dreaming) because I saw two sinks and then there was one. So I was pinching myself trying to wake myself up but I didn't work, I was stuck. And so this girl realized i was trying to wake myself up when I started slapping my face(Which btw, I was almost awake then) so she attacked me. I spent awhile fighting her off and then I ran to a fimiliar bathroom and locked the door. I could hear her trying to break through so I remembered in a lucid dream, I could close my eyes and imagine somewhere else. So I closed my eyes and pictured a beautiful beach and opened my eyes back up. I was there, and by then I was fully aware that I was dreaming, almost as aware as I would be awake. So I walked the beach and there was a party. I closed my eyes and changed my appearance and body type and my cousin found me. Then we walked to where the people who I fell asleep next to in my base dream and I went to go talk to them, although they didn't realize they were dreaming and soon enough they faded away because they woke up in the base dream. I once again tried to wake myself up but failed so I just walked down the beach til some guy stopped me and told me to go to the opera with him. So since I couldn't really think of anywhere else to go I just went. Well we were at the very top of the theater in the balcony and the girl who tried to stop me from waking up was playing a bird in the play and saw me. Looked me dead in the eye and grinned, and then she landed on the balcony where i just flicked her off(Not in the middle finger way) and then she came back so I took the rope that was holding her up and began to twirl it over and over until she fell out of the harness and onto the floor. I knew she was going to come get me so I closed my eyes and once again imagined myself somewhere else. I made myself go to Germany and walked around this quiet neighborhood until I walked into this large house. A lot of drunks were in there but they were dressed well. I didn't want to be there so I closed my eyes and put myself in a very nice hotel, where I became frustrated and started to try anything to wake up. I began to bang my body everywhere I could because when I felt my shoulder it felt as though there was a bruise there and I was getting worried about what was happening in real life. When I didn't wake up, I pictured an open window, and ran and dove out of it. While I was free falling, the song Running up that hill by Placebo began playing and right when I was going to hit the ground, I finally woke up in the main dream. I was still lucid so I made sure everyone else was up, and I pinched myself about eighteen times before I shot my eyes open in real life. I know this is a lot, but I've had double dreams countless times before, it's just never had I had one where I couldn't get out of it. Is there some kind of meaning? I mean I remember a lot of it perfectly. It's just so weird and I kind of got freaked out. So can you please help with any ideas? I would be extremely greatful!

I need help with my friend.? My friend is so rude and mean to me. She has made fun of my mom and dad, she said my mom had a funny name and her accent was stupid. I told her to shut up and she just laughed in my face. I told my mother about this and she just said to treat her the way I would want to be treated. So I followed her advice. She just took advantage of me. I emailed her telling her she is always hurting my feelings and her reply was this, LOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLLOLLOLLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLLL.LLL.LOL.LOLO!!! LOLOLLOLOLOLOLOOLL I HURT YOUR FEELINGS?! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL SORRY BUT I JUST KIND OF FIND THAT FUNNY LOLOLOLOLOOLOLLL OH SORRY IF I HURT YOUR FEELINGS AGAIN! LOLOLOL! Well of course I started crying because, here I am telling this bitch how I feel and she just insults me. She gives everyone disrespectful looks and looks everyone up and down. She thinks we're poor, even though she is living in some shack behind Target. So, here is my problem, I am stuck with her. STUCK. Her mom picks me up in the morning, and she never says hello to me or anything, I say hey and she just ignores me and looks out the window. WE have to pick her up from school everyday and bring her to our house for a couple hours. We own a truck so she automatically sits in the front passenger seat, the best seat. I sit in the back squished. My mom and dad don't like her. Basically my whole family. Shes a vacuum that sucks all the happiness and joy out of everyone. Here's another problem. There is no way out of picking her up. We are obligated to feed her whatever she wants too. And she looks at our house with disgust! Her house is pig sty! Our house is big and orderly. Yeah it may not be a straight up picture of beautiful homes magazine or whatever, but it isn't disgusting. Here is another problem: All my other friends adore her. They follow her, and practically oey her evry command. She even tells them to tie her shoes. She is so uncaring. I was very very very sick this one weekend and I was very weak. I had this project due and I couldn't do it. so the next day at school she calls me an idiot and starts arguing that I could have done it in bed. And I couldn't. I start crying again and I'm about to throw up and she looks at me with disgust and then at her other friend. They start laughing and I run in the bathroom to throw up and I stay there for hours. When I come out and bump into them, she laughs at me, which is a cue for everyone else to laugh at me too. Shes a huge problem in my life, and I can't stand her any longer. Can anyone please please help me? Thank for taking the time to read too. PLEASE ANY HELP IS GREATLY APPRECIATED. PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ. I NEED YOUR HELP. I have talked to my parents and they have talked to her mom. Her mom is exactly like her so it wasn't much help.

Do you think you're beautiful? Too many girls are hurting themselves to look pretty. We all feel self conscious at times so we try to compensate for it by making ourselves look beautiful. There is nothing wrong with beauty, but our idea of beauty is smudged by the women we see in magazines and in the media because they are advertised as appealing. Symmetry is a main component in what the human body naturally thinks is beautiful. We try to achieve symmetry and beauty by drastically changing the body we were born with. Some girls go on diets and become anorexic and some girls eat too much because they think they are too skinny. No matter how hard girls try to stay above the influence of beauty, you'll see them in the bathrooms, fixing their hair. Mirrors and pictures are here to remind us what we look like and who we are. Women need to learn to love themselves, because however hard you attempt to change yourself, you will always be you.

Is masturbation considered a sin or taboo in the secular world? I guess that I am an old romantic but I have been doing this for the last 15 years since I was in college in my 20's. I like to have a romantic bubble bath where I light candles and let them melt on the roman tub while I watch a Playboy porno from my collection. I used to collect Playboy magazine when I was living with my folks and has the money but now I have pulled out all of the pictures of the beautiful women and framed them for my bathroom. I like to talk to the girls in the video like they are really there. I always set aside time after work on Saturday night for this. It's my special time. I always thought of this as my "special time" but some Catholics and Mormons say that "pleasure" or "sex" is a sin unless you are making a child.

can any one tell me IF the essay i wrote is descriptive??? please help ASAP! PLEASE ;D? My best friend It was back in my old school. The February air held its warmth as I looked toward years of school to begin. I was impatient for it to start over again. Because I had everything ready including new books and all the needed school utensils. Almost every kids were returning back from their vacation with their parents and expressed sadden look in each faces when kids departed form their parents. Some were every crying. My old school is boarding school were strictly followed by rules and regulation. Looking around the school’s surrounding, it is surrounded by mountains and fields in every corner. In a soccer field, I saw a group of little boys fighting over a ball. Several kids were chitchatting with newcomers and enjoying. The view of the school reminds me of a beautiful scenery picture that seen on mostly many frame. I left my heavy suitcase near my assigned bed and wandered through the dorm room. As I looked out from the window, I deliberately counted the dorm rooms. There were dozens of dorm room. Each has two floor, 1 warden and about 40 kids shared each dorm room. The lower floor has kitchen, several bathroom, big dinning room and most importantly a little praying room. The upper floor just has 4 bedrooms. As that day almost ended, my warden gathered all the roommates and assigned our bed. That was the day I first met my best friend. We were similar in many ways. My warden put us together in same bedroom with other several girls. That night strange feeling overcome in all around us. We do not tend to talk at first. But as the next days came, my warden divided chores for each and everyone. Anyone i appreciate if u help! :D thank you... thank you...> and please! please don't make fun of my writing because i know i suck at writing and any grammer errors i made.

Removal of company paint from plastic and glass? I have all of these beautiful high school dances favors such as picture frames, champagne glasses, and etc. with the themes printed on them such as "A Night in Paris," "Winter Wonderland," and ect. I have been in college for a while now , and high school really does not matter much to me anymore. I still, however, want to use these favors as dorm decorations, but I do not want the printed themes on there. I have tried all different products to remove them. I have used bleach, different kinds of bathroom cleaners, glass cleaners, etc. I really want to just take a pot scrubber and scrape them off, but I don't want to scratch my stuff. These favors are made of plastic and glass. Any tips for me?

♥♥♥♥♥♥Anything Else For My Mall Scavenger Hunt List? So me and my friend are going to go to the mall and have a photo scavenger hunt =D Its where you take photos of the items that are listed on the list, and at the end, we're going to meet up in the food court and share our pictures and our stories (: RULES- 2-3 people per team, each photo must include you in it, you can't buy ANYTHING until its over here is the list: Take pictures of your team .... 1. with a salesman named Bob 2. wearing a hat with a feather 3. wearing a feather boa 4. trying on an orange necktie 5. wearing a tiara 6. with a bunny (or other live small animal) 7. covered in stuffed animals at the Disney store 8. riding the escalator 9. riding the elevator 10. in a bathroom stall 11. singing “Mary had a little Lamb” to a child under 6 12. laying on a bench 13. helping someone with their packages 14. washing hands in a bathroom using the same sink 15. looking and pointing at a mall information map 16. 1 person sitting in a highchair - 1 bonus point for each additional person 17. playing a video game 18. riding a skateboard 19. 1 person trying on the ugliest prom dress - 5 point bonus for the worst one! 20. wearing blue eyeshadow 21. getting ketchup and napkins for a stranger in the food court 22. wearing 1 high heel red shoe 23. on a kiddie ride 24. holding helium balloons 25. wearing sunglasses 26. walking up the stairs backwards 27. opening the door for 4 people 28. trying to hide behind a tree or bush inside the mall 29. doing the "wave" 30. asking someone for the time 31. sitting at a booth in a restaurant - 3 point bonus 32. giving play dolls piggy back rides 33. looking in a mirror 34. standing on the second floor waving to people on the first floor 35. holding hands with a cute guy 36. wearing cowboy hats 37. playing follow the leader 38. saluting people as they come out of Old Navy 39. riding something motorized 40. asking for an employment application 41. 1 team member getting a makeover - 7 bonus points 42. eating a food sample 43. buying gumballs 44. holding hands walking through the mall 45. 1 dressed as a mannequin - 5 bonus points if they are in the window of a store 46. Spelling out YMCA with someone at a store 47. Shaking hands with a person going up and down the escalators 48. Somebody with the same first name 49. Kissing a mannequin on the cheek 50. Walking up the stairs backwards 51. With a random persons shirt ON =) 52. with a guy showing off his biceps 53. With the closest look-a-like you can find 53. Of three girls dressed alike 54. with a person wearing too much jewelry 55. wearing green lipstick 56. playing a piano 57. wearing an oversized dress 58. proposing to a random person 59. a coin with the year you were born 60. with a person autographing your arm 61. signature from a security guard 62. with a store who’s name is not capitalized 63. with a straw wrapper that’s not white 64. with a role of toilet paper 65. a guy wearing a feather boa and heels (extra points for this >:) 66. picture of another team taking a picture 67. of a gothic hello kitty 68. making a human pyramid 69. of somebody scratching your back (not a team member) 70. sitting in an occupied table 71. picture of your group wearing beautiful dresses 72. picture of 5 neon nail polishes 73. with a price tag of something that’s 19.99 74. with a stuffed penguin 75. with a guys phone number ON YOUR HAND 76. with you and your team doing Michael Jackson thriller dance 77. with big ugly sunglasses 78. with polka dot under wear (doesn’t need to be on xD) 79. with fake vampire teeth 80. posing with a cardboard cutout 81. with a price tag with the most expensive item you can find 82. asking somebody to take a photo of your team 83. with a verizon/time warner cable info packet 84. with the cutest smallest shoes you can find 85. with a team member sitting on a massage chair 86. with a take out menu 87. with a hall mark card 88. with 5 business cards 89. with a tiny sample ice-cream spoon 90. with a spork (have spoon half fork) 91. with bendy straws 92. with a 50 percent sign 93. poking a random person 94. with somebody with abnormal hair 95. with an elderly couple 96. picture of shoes of a group of people 97. with a pregnant lady 98. with random people making a human pyramid 99. with somebody who’s hair is up to their hips 100. somebody with a weird hair color 101. posing with a guy your age with blonde hair 102. with a Nike shoe 103. with an Abercrombie/aero model 104. with a donut (can’t pay for it) 105. with two team members wearing ONE shirt =D 106. with you and your team in a photo booth (extra points if strangers take it with you) 107. pretending you’re a phone model at a cell phone place 108. with a magazine with a picture of the Jonas brothers =P 109. with a perfume sample paper 110. with a twilight accessory (not a shirt) 11

Anything else to add in my mall scavenger hunt list? me and my friends are going scavenger hunting in the mall =D so there are going to be like 2-3 people on one team we need to take pictures of all of these things: THEY DON'T COST MONEY Take pictures of your team .... 1. with a salesman named Bob 2. wearing a hat with a feather 3. wearing a feather boa 4. trying on an orange necktie 5. wearing a tiara 6. with a bunny (or other live small animal) 7. covered in stuffed animals at the Disney store 8. riding the escalator 9. riding the elevator 10. in a bathroom stall 11. singing “Mary had a little Lamb” to a child under 6 12. laying on a bench 13. helping someone with their packages 14. washing hands in a bathroom using the same sink 15. looking and pointing at a mall information map 16. 1 person sitting in a highchair - 1 bonus point for each additional person 17. playing a video game 18. riding a skateboard 19. 1 person trying on the ugliest prom dress - 5 point bonus for the worst one! 20. wearing blue eyeshadow 21. getting ketchup and napkins for a stranger in the food court 22. wearing 1 high heel red shoe 23. on a kiddie ride 24. holding helium balloons 25. wearing sunglasses 26. walking up the stairs backwards 27. opening the door for 4 people 28. trying to hide behind a tree or bush inside the mall 29. doing the "wave" 30. asking someone for the time 31. sitting at a booth in a restaurant - 3 point bonus 32. giving play dolls piggy back rides 33. looking in a mirror 34. standing on the second floor waving to people on the first floor 35. holding hands with a cute guy 36. wearing cowboy hats 37. playing follow the leader 38. saluting people as they come out of Old Navy 39. riding something motorized 40. asking for an employment application 41. 1 team member getting a makeover - 7 bonus points 42. eating a food sample 43. buying gumballs 44. holding hands walking through the mall 45. 1 dressed as a mannequin - 5 bonus points if they are in the window of a store 46. Spelling out YMCA with someone at a store 47. Shaking hands with a person going up and down the escalators 48. Somebody with the same first name 49. Kissing a mannequin on the cheek 50. Walking up the stairs backwards 51. With a random persons shirt ON =) 52. with a guy showing off his biceps 53. With the closest look-a-like you can find 53. Of three girls dressed alike 54. with a person wearing too much jewelry 55. wearing green lipstick 56. playing a piano 57. wearing an oversized dress 58. proposing to a random person 59. a coin with the year you were born 60. with a person autographing your arm 61. signature from a security guard 62. with a store who’s name is not capitalized 63. with a straw wrapper that’s not white 64. with a role of toilet paper 65. a guy wearing a feather boa and heels (extra points for this >:) 66. picture of another team taking a picture 67. of a gothic hello kitty 68. making a human pyramid 69. of somebody scratching your back (not a team member) 70. sitting in an occupied table 71. picture of your group wearing beautiful dresses 72. picture of 5 neon nail polishes 73. with a price tag of something that’s 19.99 74. with a stuffed penguin 75. with a guys phone number ON YOUR HAND 76. with you and your team doing Michael Jackson thriller dance 77. with big ugly sunglasses 78. with polka dot under wear (doesn’t need to be on xD) 79. with fake vampire teeth 80. posing with a cardboard cutout 81. with a price tag with the most expensive item you can find 82. asking somebody to take a photo of your team 83. with a verizon/time warner cable info packet 84. with the cutest smallest shoes you can find 85. with a team member sitting on a massage chair 86. with a take out menu 87. with a hall mark card 88. with 5 business cards 89. with a tiny sample ice-cream spoon 90. with a spork (have spoon half fork) 91. with bendy straws 92. with a 50 percent sign 93. poking a random person 94. with somebody with abnormal hair 95. with an elderly couple 96. picture of shoes of a group of people 97. with a pregnant lady 98. with random people making a human pyramid 99. with somebody who’s hair is up to their hips 100. somebody with a weird hair color 101. posing with a guy your age with blonde hair 102. with a Nike shoe 103. with an Abercrombie/aero model 104. with a donut (can’t pay for it) 105. with two team members wearing ONE shirt =D 106. with you and your team in a photo booth (extra points if strangers take it with you) 107. pretending you’re a phone model at a cell phone place 108. with a magazine with a picture of the Jonas brothers =P 109. with a perfume sample paper 110. with a twilight accessory (not a shirt) 111. on a kiddy ride 112. sitting IN a shopping cart 113. thumb wrestling a security guard 114. picture with an entire restaurant or fast food place where everybody’s hands are raised 115.

MJ Fans,What did you have of MJ before he dead? and what have you bought of him since he dead? I'm an MJ fanatic. I used to collect a lot of things of him,but as i got older and had kids i could no longer afford too, so i slowed down and in time i stopped collecting anything on MJ. I had a lot of things of him like;records,tapes,a triller jacket,posters,pictures,keys chains,button pins,etc,but in time all that got lost or stolen, because i moved quite a few times. When he died i was so sad that i wanted something of him like; a tee shirt and some magazines then it started from there. I have bought some CDS,DVDS,3 WALL CLOCKS(one in my room,one in my bathroom and one in my living room),3 MJ WATCHES,MJ STICKERS,3 MJ BOOKS,2 MJ PICTURE NOOTEBOOK,an MJ BRACELET, 5 NECKLACES,a nice MJ PILLOW CASE WITH HIS PICTURE,a KICHEN HAND TOWEL with MJ's image on it, a beautiful MJ FRAMED PICTURE,BUTTON PINS,KEY CHAINS,an MJ NOVALTY DOLLAR,MJ REAL PLAYING CARDS,A CELLPHONR SKIN,and so on and so on. Oh,i also have over 60 songs of his and THE JACKSON 5 on my MP3 player music phone. I think that i'm addicted to buying everything of him that i'm even wondering if it's the way i have been grieving him, because i do feel like if i stop buying anything of his i don't love him anymore.I know it doesn't make sence,but that's how i feel. Anyways,does anyone feel the same? and what have you got? PLEASE NO MEAN ANSWERS and don't report me because i am just asking what have you bought of MJ.... some people on here just love going around reporting people for no reason,like;the haters on here! P.S---- Love all my MJ family and thank you for all your support.You're all the best!

Baby name pictures [with pictures]? This is just a little bit of fun, and I thought I would include some pictures to make it a bit more fun. Here goes.. You are nineteen years old and your name is Bethany May Smith. You are currently studying photography at one of the countries most prestigious art school, having been offered a full scholarship. One day your teacher introduces you to his nephew Alexander who is studying portraiture. Instantly you hit off, and soon the two of you start dating. Here is a picture of him, tell us his middle names and surname and a little about his personality. http://www.albertreed.net/images/gallery/website/people_albert_reed_2.jpg You are now 21 and have left your college. You and Alexander are still together and are very much in love. You wake up one morning feeling very sick, and have to rush to the bathroom to throw up. After this happens a few times in a week, you begin to think you might be pregnant. A test reveals that you are indeed expecting a baby. You and Alexander are shocked, but you decide that you want to get married and have your own family, even if you are young. Tell us all about your wedding! You had a lovely wedding, and the pregnancy is going really well. A few months later you give birth to a beautiful baby girl. Her first name must begin with R, and her middle name has to be a combination of your name, Bethany and Alexander's name. http://www.jennahollingerphotography.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/mariana.jpg Two years down the line and you're family of three are happy and healthy. Alexander has his own studio and he has lots of clients wanting him to paint them. You do a bit of photography as well, which works really well because it means you can both be at home to look after your daughter. When you discover you are pregnant again, you are more prepared. You move into a bigger house, as you and Alex feel you may like a big family. Shortly after, you give birth to identical twin boys! Their initials have to be reverse, so for example one twin's initials are B T, the other twin's initials must be T B. http://www.kiddymania.co.uk/images/Baby%20Boy%20clip.jpg http://www.alienskin.com/bokeh/images/examples/vignette/Baby-Boy-Blue---After.jpg Your daughter is now four, and the twins are two. You really want another baby, but you just cant seem to conceive. You and Alex are really upset, and after trying for two years you decide it might be best to adopt a child. The agency thinks you would be ideal parents, and soon you are matched with a African baby girl. Her first name can be anything you want, and one of her middle names must be an African name. Her other middle name has to start with E. http://farm1.static.flickr.com/219/480500077_dc8c2224ce.jpg Your eldest daughter is now eight, the twins are six and your adopted daughter is two. You know you really want another baby, but knowing you have fertility issues, you decide to adopt again. You are matched with a cheeky seven year old Hungarian boy. His first name is László (LARZ-lo) but you want to give him a middle name that is combined of you and Alexander's fathers. Your father's name is Marcus, and Alexander's father's name is Sullivan. http://www.homeaidhouston.org/images/young_boy_smiling.jpg What a happy family!! Your eldest daughter is eleven, László is ten, the twins are nine and your adopted daughter is five. One day you hear the tragic news that your mother has passed away very young. Her name was Caitlin Josephine Smith. The same week you find out that you are pregnant, and although it is a very dark time for you, you know your mother would have wanted you to be strong. When your baby is born you instantly feel your mother's presence in your new born daughter. Your new babies name must be similar to Caitlin Josephine. http://pro.corbis.com/images/42-19161379.jpg?size=572&uid={47847DBC-9AF0-44DE-90BF-ADB1B66976D8} Three years later and you are just about done with having children. Your eldest daughter is fourteen, László is thirteen, the twins are twelve, your adopted daughter is eight and your youngest is three. Your old adoption agency call you out of the blue and ask if you could adopt a four year old Indian girl. After discussing it for a long time you and Alexander agree that you really want to adopt this girl. Her first name is Hannah, and you want her to have two middle names. One must be an Indian name and the other must be a combination of all your other children's names. http://www.micheletaras.com/Early%20Years/Young%20Girl.jpg So your beautiful family is complete! Hope you enjoyed :)

What Style of house would this be called? (:? Hi everyonee! (: there is this type of house/apartment that i really like, but i'm not sure what the "style" is called. It has a lot of white and black in it and has a very "minimalist" theme to it. Lots of glass usually too. Here are some pictures: http://www.newluxuryitems.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/studiobecker-kitchen.jpg http://www.sfnewdevelopments.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/480_14th_1.jpg http://www.underanolivetree.com/BeoVision%207-32.jpg http://www.kabmurungraya.net/2010/04/03/beautiful-bathroom-design-and-decorating-from-pearl-baths/beautiful-bathroom-lighting-kl41/ http://www.kabmurungraya.net/2010/04/03/beautiful-bathroom-design-and-decorating-from-pearl-baths/beautiful-bathroom-lighting-kl42/ Thanks! (:

Have You Ever Noticed This Before About Some Girls...? Have you ever noticed like on myspace and facebook, the girls who go to the bars all of the time and get all fancy to get drunk and take pictures in the bathroom with their friends. They do their hair, makeup and buy new dresses to go out to a place where it's dark and they get drunk. Anyways I've noticed that they are all seriously butterfaces. Has anybody else noticed that? Butterface = she looks good everywhere else but her face, hence butterface. Guys, would you rather date a girl who had a banging body but an ugly face or would you rather date a girl who had an average/ok body and a beautiful face? Be honest.

anything else for my mall scavenger hunt list? 2-3 ppl per team, must take photos of the following:? 1. with a salesman named Bob 2. wearing a hat with a feather 3. wearing a feather boa 4. trying on an orange necktie 5. wearing a tiara 6. with a bunny (or other live small animal) 7. covered in stuffed animals at the Disney store 8. riding the escalator 9. riding the elevator 10. in a bathroom stall 11. singing “Mary had a little Lamb” to a child under 6 12. laying on a bench 13. helping someone with their packages 14. washing hands in a bathroom using the same sink 15. looking and pointing at a mall information map 16. 1 person sitting in a highchair - 1 bonus point for each additional person 17. playing a video game 18. riding a skateboard 19. 1 person trying on the ugliest prom dress - 5 point bonus for the worst one! 20. wearing blue eyeshadow 21. getting ketchup and napkins for a stranger in the food court 22. wearing 1 high heel red shoe 23. on a kiddie ride 24. holding helium balloons 25. wearing sunglasses 26. walking up the stairs backwards 27. opening the door for 4 people 28. trying to hide behind a tree or bush inside the mall 29. doing the "wave" 30. asking someone for the time 31. sitting at a booth in a restaurant - 3 point bonus 32. giving play dolls piggy back rides 33. looking in a mirror 34. standing on the second floor waving to people on the first floor 35. holding hands with a cute guy 36. wearing cowboy hats 37. playing follow the leader 38. saluting people as they come out of Old Navy 39. riding something motorized 40. asking for an employment application 41. 1 team member getting a makeover - 7 bonus points 42. eating a food sample 43. buying gumballs 44. holding hands walking through the mall 45. 1 dressed as a mannequin - 5 bonus points if they are in the window of a store 46. Spelling out YMCA with someone at a store 47. Shaking hands with a person going up and down the escalators 48. Somebody with the same first name 49. Kissing a mannequin on the cheek 50. Walking up the stairs backwards 51. With a random persons shirt ON =) 52. with a guy showing off his biceps 53. With the closest look-a-like you can find 53. Of three girls dressed alike 54. with a person wearing too much jewelry 55. wearing green lipstick 56. playing a piano 57. wearing an oversized dress 58. proposing to a random person 59. a coin with the year you were born 60. with a person autographing your arm 61. signature from a security guard 62. with a store who’s name is not capitalized 63. with a straw wrapper that’s not white 64. with a role of toilet paper 65. a guy wearing a feather boa and heels (extra points for this >:) 66. picture of another team taking a picture 67. of a gothic hello kitty 68. making a human pyramid 69. of somebody scratching your back (not a team member) 70. sitting in an occupied table 71. picture of your group wearing beautiful dresses 72. picture of 5 neon nail polishes 73. with a price tag of something that’s 19.99 74. with a stuffed penguin 75. with a guys phone number ON YOUR HAND 76. with you and your team doing Michael Jackson thriller dance 77. with big ugly sunglasses 78. with polka dot under wear (doesn’t need to be on xD) 79. with fake vampire teeth 80. posing with a cardboard cutout 81. with a price tag with the most expensive item you can find 82. asking somebody to take a photo of your team 83. with a verizon/time warner cable info packet 84. with the cutest smallest shoes you can find 85. with a team member sitting on a massage chair 86. with a take out menu 87. with a hall mark card 88. with 5 business cards 89. with a tiny sample ice-cream spoon 90. with a spork (have spoon half fork) 91. with bendy straws 92. with a 50 percent sign 93. poking a random person 94. with somebody with abnormal hair 95. with an elderly couple 96. picture of shoes of a group of people 97. with a pregnant lady 98. with random people making a human pyramid 99. with somebody who’s hair is up to their hips 100. somebody with a weird hair color 101. posing with a guy your age with blonde hair 102. with a Nike shoe 103. with an Abercrombie/aero model 104. with a donut (can’t pay for it) 105. with two team members wearing ONE shirt =D 106. with you and your team in a photo booth (extra points if strangers take it with you) 107. pretending you’re a phone model at a cell phone place 108. with a magazine with a picture of the Jonas brothers =P 109. with a perfume sample paper 110. with a twilight accessory (not a shirt) 111. on a kiddy ride 112. sitting IN a shopping cart 113. thumb wrestling a security guard 114. picture with an entire restaurant or fast food place where everybody’s hands are raised 115. picture of somebody giving you a kiss on the cheek (not team members) 116. with somebody in a hair salon with crazy hair 117. team member coming out of the bathroom with toilet paper coming out of their pants 118. with a tutu

morning folks hope these make up for last one yesterday xxxx funny or not xxx? A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!" The copper said, "What's he like?" The little boy replied, "Beer and women!" On their first night to be together, the newlywed couple go to get changed. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My word, you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled, she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever." She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "Oh, oh, oh my, let me get a picture." He beams and asks, "Why?" She answers, "So I can get it enlarged."

Why do I feel ugly 24/7?):? So I'm 15 and I live with two older sisters Im the one that came out ugly my two sisters are so beautiful they have cute little button noses they tell everything to eachotherthey always talk about how hot they look thier just perfect and me I came out with a big ugly nose and with the crooked teeth and no boobs it just sucks and I feel guilty that I'm very ugly I cry every night after my sisters leave together to the movies or to a party cos I really feel bad about myself and I tried telling them the way I feel they just tell me that I just wasn't lucky many people tell my parents oh your daughters pretty but my parents just say ohh her sisters are beautiful and they keep pictures of them up and they don't have any of me I just truley hate myself with passion I wish that I could be someone else sometimes I can't sleep because I feel lonley and I lock myself in the bathroom where no one can see me and I try to make myself pretty but I end up crying and falling asleep in the bathroom floor I sumtimes wish I weren't born I ignore my reflection know every time I see myself I feel disgusted with myself and when we go out to places I try to cover myself up so no sees me and I feel that when people laugh there really making fun of me and I just wann go home and sleep my day awAy I also drink my dads painkillers so that I can stop thinking these thougts I cnt even concentrate in school so I ditch...and I feel ugly in the inside to so there's never winning for me..is there anyone with this problem??what should I do?

Here is a bit of a naughty joke, see if you like it :)? On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

why do they need photos? On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

why are woman so nasty..On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple? go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "my picture?" He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever." She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaimes, "oh, oh, my, let me get a picture." He beams and asks, "why?" She answers, "so I can get it enlarged!"

Newlyweds Joke? On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

Naughty stuff here "The enlargment" rate this joke pls.? On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

star if this one is funny too!!!!!!? On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

Ouch! That hurts? On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

Enlarged.....funny ? On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh, " he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

What do you think? Funny? A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

Extra large hopes?? On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

another 4 yas? On their first nite together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe. "The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My god you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so i can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So i can get it enlarged!"

heres one for us girls? On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE Funniest one????? If U like it rate it with stars? On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

I am looking for a wall color that goes well with black and white tile that is in my bathroom.? The rest of the house is painted in fall earthy colors (green, orange, maroon, tan) that match the beautiful wooden floors. I'm stuck at the bathroom because of the black and white tile that is on the floor and bottom half of the wall. I really wanted a color on the wall and not just white, but this black and white tile is throwing me off! I'm thinking of trying a purple?!? If anyone can relate or has any pictures that would be great!!!

Joke , star/comment ( : worth the read.? On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

funny or nt? On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

do you remember your first night together? On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

Rate my joke nowitself@? On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

Just got married - joke.? On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

Rude jokes -- Adults Only --- stars?? A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a camp fire one night. The dog says, "My life sucks, my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrent!". The cat says, "I don't think so, my master makes me do my business in a box of cat litter." The penis outraged, says "At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up!" -------------------------------------------------------- On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

Adult joke - The bridal suite - funny or not? On their first night to be together, the newlywed couple go to get changed. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My word, you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled, she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever." She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "Oh, oh, oh my, let me get a picture." He beams and asks, "Why?" She answers, "So I can get it enlarged."

hahahaha very funny joke? On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "my dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "MY picture?" He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "why do you wear a robe? We are married now." at that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks, "why?" She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED"!

the married couple? On their first night to be together, the newlywed couple go to get changed. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My word, you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled, she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever." She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "Oh, oh, oh my, let me get a picture." He beams and asks, "Why?" She answers, "So I can get it enlarged."

Wedding night or divorce court? On their first night to be together, the newlywed couple go to get changed. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My word, you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled, she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever." She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "Oh, oh, oh my, let me get a picture." He beams and asks, "Why?" She answers, "So I can get it enlarged."

please read and tell me what you think. you dnt have to read it all.? The movie ends, it’s typical, girl falls in love with boy, girl gets boy and girl stays with boy happily and forever. I don’t see why this can’t happen to me. I mean I make friends easy; can’t someone just love me and care for me like in a love story movie? The movie ends with them kissing and then has a heart around their faces together. I zone out thinking. I want to be loved, I want to be wanted, and I want to be the last thing going through someone’s mind before they fall asleep. I want someone to call me randomly just to say I love you. I’ve been single for so long and I’m tired of it. I feel like shit, I feel uncared for, though I know many love me, but just because I’m a great friend, I’m tired of that kind of love. I’m going to a game with Megan in tomorrow and maybe I’ll actually find someone, maybe someone will look at me and think I’m pretty, and perfect for them. No one else, and when they see me they’ll fall in love. They’ll try to talk to me but get to nervous that nothing comes out right; they’ll look at me and get a tingly feeling then I‘ll look back and get the same feeling and we just look in each others eyes and know that we belong. They’ll see me and picture me as the most beautiful person they’ve ever seen. They’ll be so hooked that they won’t hurt me, ever. I’m tired of being unwanted. I’m tired of not having someone to love me. I’m tired of not having someone call me theirs. I’m tired of not having someone to call mine. I’m determined to find someone, find someone that will see me and not think about any other girls that are near or that have been stuck in their head. I’m going to look cute when I go to that game and I’m going to be perfect for who ever meets my eyes, hopefully. I yawn then turn the 120 minute sleep timer on my TV to fall asleep to and then turn out my light. I think more about wanting a boyfriend as I stare at the TV and begin falling asleep. I wake up to my mom yelling at me to get my ass up and get breakfast. I smell freshly cooked bacon as I felt alive and standing up. I took off my hoodie and got a tank top on because it was burning up in my room. I learned that it will help me lose weight. I’ve been around 127 after being 130 for like ever. I need to check my weight I do every morning and then after every time I eat a big meal or get home from eating out or just gay school lunches. I make my way to the bathroom, I’ve stopped drinking soda, that’s helped a lot, and I’ve stopped eating late and now its time to start eating some fruit at least everyday and veggies everyday. I open the door to the bathroom and find the scale under some dirty clothes. The bathrooms a mess just like usual but it gets cleaned every now and then. Sometimes I have to do it but luckily I can avoid not cleaning the toilet and all that dirty work. I walk into the kitchen and avoid all the greasy cooked bacon and eggs and god, it smells so damn good. I grab me a box or Cheerios and get me a bowl and then the milk and then some sugar just to sweeten it up a bit I don’t really like the regular taste and my mom never buys the really yummy kind I always ask her to. But of course Gabriella, no, nobody cares what I think or like, except Meg, she’s a great friend. She actually listens to me and is helping me find a boyfriend. I think it’ll be easy for her she has a lot of guy friends and especially because her boyfriends on the football team. “Why aren’t you eating my breakfast that I just went through the trouble to make you kids?” She asks me as I’m the milk into my bowl of cereal. “Because mom, I told you I’m losing weight and I don’t want to eat that greasy food until I’m down to 120, or would you like me to be fat and unhealthy forever?” I’m not fat, I’m pretty average but I am unhealthy, well was but this is the new me. Also, if I’m skinnier maybe I could actually find me a boyfriend; maybe someone will look at me and love me one day. “Gabby! You’re not fat, but okay what ever you want to do. At least you’re not starving yourself. You’re not right? You’re going to eat later to right?” I don’t really like the nick name. She always thinks that I will do something horrible though I haven’t. I’m like a perfect child that just might get in trouble sometimes. But compared to my brother I’m perfect. I laugh inside my head. “Yes mom, I eat enough, don’t worry.” I get a spoon to go with my bowl of cereal and then make my way to my room and turn on the TV to music videos. Its funny watching a skank shake her ass to songs that don’t even sound good and no body likes, but then the good song comes on and has this suckish video that ruins all the love for the song. Commercials come on, it’s a cave man one its pretty funny. I remember my dad used to try to keep up with them all, then they made a show and it became lame and now its back to commercials. I listen to a commercial about some singer and a ring tone for her song and I look at my window to ddnt get it all into there because it wouldnt lett me fit it but yeah what you think?

here comes another joke ......dont you just love em? On their first night to be together, the newlywed couple go to get changed. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My word, you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled, she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever." She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "Oh, oh, oh my, let me get a picture." He beams and asks, "Why?" She answers, "So I can get it enlarged."

one more for you? On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "my picture?" He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever." She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaimes, "oh, oh, my, let me get a picture." He beams and asks, "why?" She answers, "so I can get it enlarged!"

joke!!!!!!!!!!!? On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "my dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "MY picture?" He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "why do you wear a robe? We are married now." at that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks, "why?" She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED"! Lunching with English friends at the time of her husbands reverement, Madame de Gaulle was asked what she was looking forward to in the years ahead. "A penis." she replied without hesitation. The embarrassed silence that followed was broken by the former President. "My dear, I don't think that the English pronounce the word like that, it is 'appiness'"

joke: newlyweds? On their first night to be together, the newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaah," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes, my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever." She smiles and he takes her picture, and he then heads into the bathroom to take a shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "OH, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture." He beams and asks, "Why?" She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED!" please go to my profile bandit midget joke not been posted neeeeeeeeeeeeds to be seen

A Quick Chuckle? This is not a hard laughing joke. Hope you like it though. Poor Husband. On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks, "why?" She answers, "So I can get it enlarged"!

Why do girls with the ugliest face but nice bodies get the most 'pretty' comments on their pictures?!? Like im not trying to be rude but like the foulest people post pictures of them self like in the bathroom mirror with no shirt on just because they have a good bod but like they get beautiful! hmu!. like wtf? they have the worst bags under their eyes and like the worst weave!! Like what's that about?

Would you call this love? He started off as my enemie..He was 15 and i was 12. I always used to follow him around,and he used to tell me to leave him alone.But then one day,he just got used to it and didn't mind me any more.This was summer 09. When the school year came,we were friends.I helped him out through a couple of girlfriends he had,but all the relationships ended by summer.When summer came (this one 2010)At the end of everyday i would give him a hug.We both worked at the same camp.Then these hugs by the end of the summer,the hugs turned into holding hands.But at the end of july,somthing happend..It was a hot day,and he had a shot of vodka,someone baught it in,and he took it or whatever.He went into the bathroom,and start hilusinating.He saw him dead mom(who's been dead for about 8 years now)and she with her finger drew him a picture of us together,in the future.)after that,he always had dreams about it too.He told me what happend,and i was kinda in shock at first..Then the last day of work,He kissed me on the cheek & i kissed him on the cheek back. Through the end of august up until the begining of october,we didn't see eachother.We talked all the time though,everday.He wrote me songs,and stayed true to me.He never got intrested in someone else,and neither did I.We started saying,the full word,"I love you"by september. No one ever loved me.No one,boys looked at me but i was always shy and wasnt intrested.I didnt wanna fall in love,or have a bf because of all the stuff that i hear happens with kids my age.But,for him,there was somthing that i loved,somthing that made me want to be with him forever. We started seeing eachother much more in october through now,and started getting closer.One day it was pouring rain,i had my natural,wet,frizzy hair,and sweatpants on,and he said "you look so beautiful".I think im so fat,but he says anyone girl would go lesbian after seeing your body.He calls me perfect.He says it doesnt matter what we do,we could sit in a room staring at eachother for an hour and he will still feel a certin vibe.He says he'll never leave me,and he never did.He says he'll be there like herpies.Even if i don't want him,he'll always stay there.He says ever since we got close,i'll look at girls,and none of them will come close to the way you look or make me feel.I feel the same way. We never fight,ever.We never have.He's always there for me,and never has let me down once.I'll explain these feeling to my friends,and they'll just think i'm nuts and say that's such a weird feeling. We've never cheated either.None of us.We see eachother alot,and he always makes me laugh too.Lots of people call my name,but when he calls it..theres somthing about it,that i just love. I'm gonna be 14,and he's 17.I understand there's a gap,and you may not think i know what im talking about but my parents met when they were 13 and there still together till this day,there gonna be 50.I don't need you too tell me what this is either,cause i know..I just wanna know your opinon,that's all.. He tells his friends about me too,and he talks about me alot to other people.On facebook,if i add one of his friends they will be all like "your that girl ______ always talks about rite?!"and i'll gladly say yes:) my family loves him too..Honestly what we have is so perfect,and no one in my grade has ever felt this way..He also says i don't need makeup,or need to straighten my hair,or need anything like that.He says im naturally fine.He says he likes me better just naturally. HONESTLY,DONT TELL ME IM TOO YOUNG , BECAUSE MY PARENTS MET WHEN THEY WERE LET ME CORRECT THAT 12,AND ARE 50 NOW AND HAVE BEEN TOGETHER SINCE THEN SO DONT GO TELL SH!T UNLESS YOU KNOW ME PERSONALLY,I ASKED FOR YOUR OPINON NOT HOW OLD I AM,I ALREADY KNOW.

Can you tell me what you think of the beginning of this story?   It's funny how you don't believe someone is actually dead until they're being buried. Palma Voorhees died suddenly, the kind of death where people who loved you dearly still can't believe it. Savannah Ripley kept waiting for Palma to pop out of her casket to say she was okay. She kept waiting for the police to say they made a mistake. She kept waiting for the nightmare to end. But she wouldn't wake up. No more buttery-blond hair and grayish-green eyes to look at. No more bright smiles to take pictures with. Most importantly no more singing from a beautiful angel. That night, Savannah laid curled up in a ball in her canopy bed, clinging to Tippet. Tears decorated her face as she stared at a picture of her and Palma from September. The weather was beautiful on that day. Palma clinged to a stop sign next to a green willow while Savannah hung upside down from a tree branch.  This isn't fair. She thought Palma was supposed to be okay. She wasn't supposed to die. She was going to get her tumor removed. Not have her eyes gouged out by a windshield. They were supposed to have a celebration party after Palma got the operation.  No one even got to say goodbye.   Palma's favorite song played from her Ipod docking station. The song had been Palma's favorite song. Everyday when Savannah got home from school, she would take Palma's school picture, play the song, and look at the picture. Her friendship bracelet was permanently attached to her hand. Now all was left of Palma were pictures, music, and the video of her and Palma from the talent show.   Tippet whimpered, nudging his nose against Savannah's body. Savannah didn't budge as Tippet tried to lick her. He always sensed when something was wrong with Savannah. And like a dutiful dog, he made sure to give her his full undivided attention. She patted the dog's soft fur as she listened intently to Palma's favorite part in the song. Old memories came back as the song increased its counterpoint. From the first football game to New York, all those memories came back with full force. Her eyes stung from the sadness that hit her. It had been five long days since Palma's death. The news was still new to her. She couldn't seem to believe that Palma was dead. Every time she saw a picture of Palma, she would smile and think she couldn't wait to see her again. But then she would have to wait. Because Palma was dead.   A soft sob came up her throat. Leaning over her bed, she grabbed the tissue from the box on her nightstand and blew into it. Her friend had just died. The third person she knew who had died tragically. Her friends from elementary school had both committed suicide in middle school. One was by accident. She only hoped that Palma was in a better place. She hoped Palma was enjoying it there. Not wanting to come back down to Earth. "Pumpkin," her mother called from downstairs, "get read for school." Her mother had been gentle with her ever since the car accident last Friday. She had been taking her to Palma's grave and running her by the church nearly everyday. She couldn't help but feel grateful for that. "Kay," she sniffed, getting out of her bed and heading towards her bathroom. Tears blended in with the shower water as she washed herself with her tangerine scented soap. The kind Palma had given her for Christmas. Everything around her reminded her of Palma. Pictures, gifts, songs, and videos. After the agonizing shower was over with, she put over a gray Colts hoodie and stepped into her skinny jeans. Her dark-brown hair was put back into a curly ponytail because she didn't feel like doing much to it. Downstairs in the kitchen her mother was preparing her lunch for work. She was stirring her tuna when Savannah reached the second floor. Marjorie turned around and smiled kindly at her daughter. Her face so much like her daughters that it amazed people how uncanny their resemblance were. "Are you okay, sweetie?" she asked concernedly, putting a hand on her forehead. Savannah nodded. "Yes, ma'am. I just lost a little bit of sleep." "Oh, honey..." Marjorie coaxed, wrapping her into a hug. "I'm so sorry what happened to your friend Palma. I know how much you cared about her. But look at it this way, at least she's in a better place." That made Savannah angry. Why must everyone say that? Yes, she was a better place, but that didn't mean she should have died early. That didn't mean to just forget about it and say "Oh, well. Life goes on." Palma was more than some person who just spontaneously died in a hit-and-run accident. "I gotta go, mom." she said shortly. "Love you, have a nice day." And with that she was heading downstairs to the front door. When she got to the front door Davey Smith, her step-brother, was already standing there with an understanding e

Need help with hardwood floor.? Well for years my family has had tons of cats. The laundry room is where their litterbox is. So many years of it turned the hardwood floors in there dusty white. Even mopping several times with several different things it looked good wet but it went back to the dusty white when it dried. Well I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered we had some of this real good pledge by Dad uses on his whole cabinets then makes it shine so nice and revitalizing. So I did it in a small spot in the laundry room and mopped it and wow it looked better then brand new. So I did it on the rest of the house. Well yesterday my sister slipped and cracked her fibula because of how slippery the floor is all the time now. Yes, it's really slippery but it doesn't matter when your floor looks this great. Before anybody gets on my case about my sister I don't want to hear it. I sent out an email to the whole family the day before. She had plenty of time to go on and check it. My question is for next time I want to "revitalize" the floor what should I use so it won't be as slippery. Yes I know you were going to ask for it, so I uploaded some pictures of the finished result. Beautiful. Misty enjoying the new floor http://img504.imageshack.us/img504/7281/picture001iu5.jpg Hallway http://img408.imageshack.us/img408/294/picture002cd5.jpg Bathroom http://img504.imageshack.us/img504/9687/picture005sg9.jpg Kitchen http://img504.imageshack.us/img504/8462/picture004uq5.jpg

hows this one is it funny ? On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "my dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "MY picture?" He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "why do you wear a robe? We are married now." at that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks, "why?" She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED"!

That is one small...............[joke]....… wont regret..? this is a dirty joke so please dont read if not allowed. On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "my dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "MY picture?" He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "why do you wear a robe? We are married now." at that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks, "why?" She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED"! star if you like it I can't give thumbs up or down yet..im a newbie..not rlly just a new account..

A joke to start off your Sunday morning? On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "my dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "MY picture?" He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "why do you wear a robe? We are married now." at that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks, "why?" She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED"!

Newly married couple? Newly married couple? On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "my picture?" He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever." She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaimes, "oh, oh, my, let me get a picture." He beams and asks, "why?" She answers, "so I can get it enlarged!"

Pictures for the bathroom? I just found some beautiful pictures online I want to hang up in my bathroom. I printed them out already. What can I do so that they dont get all messed up from the steam in the shower? I was thinking actuall frames, but at the same time, wont the steam still get to the pictures? Any help would be greatly appreciated. And thank you in advance.

How do you keep guys from proposing too soon? I am 25, first off and know this is a weird problem but guys seem to 'pop the question' way too fast and without discussing it or even asking if I am ready. Also, they have all proposed WITHOUT a ring? Why do men do this? Especially why do men do this when they don't have a great job, can't afford a ring or wedding and are still not settled in thier life? All three times I made it CLEAR that 1) I wasn't ready for marriage 2) I still have a lot of things I want to do in my life (finish school etc). 3) we had not been together very long. The most recent guy, I have only been with 6 months, he's a few years younger than me and I really do love him. He asked me to marry him a few days ago and I personally feel like it really messed up our relationship. I did NOT want things to get this serious this quickly and again made this CLEAR from the beggining. The way he did it was also weird. He has given me a 'promise ring' a few months back...he asked if he could see it, then went into the bathroom (acting all nervous and bizzare) came back out, got down on his knees and RE-GAVE me the SAME RING put it on my finger and asked me to marry him. The whole time I was acting really annoyed and embarassed, thinking "Please god let him not ask" and he still asked. I said yes, but then a few days later said "I don't really want to be engaged why can't we just get to know eachother and be bf and gf?" Then I let him know in a nice way, that most girls expect AN ENGAGEMENT RING, not a cheap "promise" ring! WTF is a 'promise ring' anyway? I would just rather be with someone a year or 2 and get a real ring! Seriously guys, promise rings are stupid, wait and get her a real one. It's really awful for a girl to get all excited then get a cheap 'promise ring' when they expected the real deal. It's especially bad if you have not been together long. It comes off as being really cheap and manipulative, IMHO. I am getting really annoyed now and seriously want to break up with him. I had asked him not to tell anyone the night he 'poped the question" and he went and told like 8 of his friends and people at work. THANK GOD he didn't tell his family but I am really embarassed because we are both in school and people all telling him "Dude, it's way too soon." Also, all three guys who have asked me, did it in really "geeky" ways. I am not saying I need a "chick flick" fantasy engagement BUT seriously do I just attract pathetic guys? All popped the question without a ring (aside from the indian-given promise ring he ALREADY gave me then used to propose after asking to 'see' it, is this tacky?) and all of them got all tongue tied, stupid and stuttering like "Uh...um...I want to um...ask um..." and ALWAYS had to say "You look so beautiful" over and over and OVER! I appriciate that these guys like me so much but HOW can I explain to guys and make it sink in that I want to GET TO KNOW SOMEONE WELL before they pop the question? Why do they always have to add "you look beautiful" to a proposal. I am not kidding BTW...does anyone else find "You're sooo beautiful...will you marry me?" a little shallow? Why can't they just keep my looks out of the picture when they propose? How also can these think they want to marry me when 1) They aren't willing to put in time to get to know me as a person. 2) They haven't been with me that long 2) They know I don't want to get married right now? It's almost like I feel that all of them have been like "You are hot, I like you, you like me, lets get married." without putting 'work' into a relationship first. I am so sick of this! One guys popped the question 2 weeks into a relationship, one guy popped the question a month after dating, this one just 6 months? Can't I just have a 'normal' boyfriend for year or so? Can't we just get to know eachother without him getting all hung up over my looks? And how to I explain without sounding like a shallow person that I DON'T want another stupid 'promise' ring? Why do they all have to get so clingy and obsessed with me so fast? I might be pretty but that doesn't mean I want a guy taking over my life. It seems like I can't just "see" someone casually, they all get obsessed and try to take control and define our relationship before I am ready. I have had to dump SO many guys just because they were "Ooooh you're so beautiful" all the time almost to the psycotic point or because they started getting jealous and clingy after just a few dates. Are they falling in love with ME or the fact that I am blonde, tall, thin etc? Someone help! I don't know what to do I am so confused! Sorry about my long rant...if anyone can help though, they get 10 points!

In a dream, what does it mean to give birth to a baby? I'm a young male, 17 years old to be exact. I woke up from a dream where I was giving birth to a baby. Her name was Crissy and she was a beautiful little girl. But when I named her, the thought of my ex's sister came into my mind. She was light and I had attention every where I went. i was at my grammas house and it was getting dark, around 7:30 I think when I saw the clock...I would tickle her and this beautiful little smile came on to her face and the cuttest little laugh would sound. And everytime I ask her to give me a little kiss, she would. I remember when we both went into the bathroom, where there was a mirrow and I was still holding her, and I wanted to take our picture together using the mirrow and my camera phone. I took 2, and then I woke up. What does this mean!? I'm so confussed! Help!

The pope is giving his speech when he sees a beautiful woman topless in the crowd. After his speech he is so? worked up he goes to the bathroom to masturbate. While he is rubbing one off a visitor walks in, sees what the pope is doing and takes a picture. The pope knows he must have that camera. He agrees to pay the guy $5000 for it. Later the pope is walking and a cardinal comes up to him. "Nice camera." The cardinal says. "What did it cost?" "$5000." The pope answers. "Really?" The cardinal says. "It's not even worth $100. That guy must have seen you coming."

Why do I look horrible on my cell camera? Ok, I have asked this question before BUT I just wanted to add something, and I cannot edit my previous question. I look soooooo much different on camera then in the mirror. BUT, when I am in one room with amazing sunlight I take a picture and look beautiful, when I go into the bathroom and take a pic I look but ugly, like my skin is flushed out and greyish looking, my eyes are all small and crooked, my nose is huge and its just ew. But when I look up in the mirror I look pretty, like how I usually think I look. It's scaring me, I was like am I going crazy? Does this happen to anyone else??? OH and this is my CELL PHONE camera. Ok, I have asked this question before BUT I just wanted to add something, and I cannot edit my previous question. I look soooooo much different on camera then in the mirror. BUT, when I am in one room with amazing sunlight I take a picture and look beautiful, when I go into the bathroom and take a pic I look but ugly, like my skin is flushed out and greyish looking, my eyes are all small and crooked, my nose is huge and its just ew. But when I look up in the mirror I look pretty, like how I usually think I look. It's scaring me, I was like am I going crazy? Does this happen to anyone else??? OH and this is my CELL PHONE camera. Which do I believe? The mirror or the camera?

Want to hear a tidbit from a book im playing around with? okay! so im not that serious about this because i know i have no skills, maybe some day but for now im just writting for fun.... so heres a tidbit, please comment Maybe something in me snapped at that point but I just started enjoying what was going on, I was in a place so different than anything I had known, I smiled for the first time in awhile. The leaves were so beautiful, black, just like my captures eyes. The sky was crimson and here I was in an old Victorian style room, granted I was locked in. I decided to have a look around, under the bed I found a few boxes, I went through them and saw pictures of Haru, smiling with all sorts of different people, it was like a surreal feeling. I found jewelry and dolls and little objects that I could only assume were sentimental to someone. One picture I found was of Yakedo, she was smiling that sweet smile, but I could sense that she never really smiled truly, then again what is a “true smile”? Something pure, it was long before then that I got the idea that nothing is or was pure in the world. As I continued to go through the things in that room I could not help but think back to that old picture that Haru was holding, a picture that showed my face, maybe I was mistaken, maybe it was just because I was weak and I was imagining things, it was difficult to believe to people could look so much alike. The next thing that could come to my mind was “do I have an evil twin?”. I burst out laughing loudly, then I coughed a bit. I realized I was really dehydrated, and that I needed to use the bathroom pretty soon before I wet myself. Upon further inspection of the room I found a secret door that led to, much to my happiness, a bathroom. After finishing my business I hear a knocking on the door. I could hear a sweet gentle voice “may I come in?” it was Haru, I never thought he could have such a gentle voice.

The funniest joke ever! (kinda dirty) star if its funny? On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "my dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "MY picture?" He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "why do you wear a robe? We are married now." at that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks, "why?" She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED"!

That is one small...[joke] won't regret..? On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "my dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "MY picture?" He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "why do you wear a robe? We are married now." at that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks, "why?" She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED"! star if you like it

That is one small...............[joke]....you wont regret..? star if you like it On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "my dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "MY picture?" He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "why do you wear a robe? We are married now." at that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks, "why?" She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED"! star if you like it

First Night Together? On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "my dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "MY picture?" He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "why do you wear a robe? We are married now." at that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks, "why?" She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED"!

A naughty joke here? On their first night to be together, the newlywed couple go to get changed. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe,” she opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My word, you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled, she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever." She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "Oh, oh, oh my, let me get a picture." He beams and asks, "Why?" She answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

That is one small...............[joke]....… wont regret..? this is a dirty joke so please dont read if not allowed. star if you like it! On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "my dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "MY picture?" He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "why do you wear a robe? We are married now." at that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks, "why?" She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED"! star if you like it

I have lyrics to this song, but dont know what the sing is :(? Ok... lyrics go like this... Come Around on the Floor Clear the haze the night before Kick my shoes, kick my clothes Paint myself a toothpaste smile It’s a bathroom ritual & making myself beautiful But it never goes to plan Spill my Tea & burn my hand. Take a leak, sneak a peak Through the window at next doors Mrs. Hanging washing on the line And her legs are looking fine Hope I find the same delight It’s my mission Friday Night All aboard on the floor, All aboard on the floor, All aboard on the floor, On the floor, And my brain owes to the memory Of the evening goes away And then the smile Find a Girl, Take her Home Tell her lies; fill her mind with dirty pictures But she knows just what you’re thinking Feel your chances quickly sinking, do I blame it on the drinking? Another door slammed in my face, better get back in the race. Thx anyone who can help me! xoxoxox

What song is this? Come Around on the Floor Clear the haze the night before Kick my shoes, kick my clothes Paint myself a toothpaste smile It’s a bathroom ritual & making myself beautiful But it never goes to plan Spill my Tea & burn my hand. Take a leak, sneak a peak Through the window at next doors Mrs. Hanging washing on the line And her legs are looking fine Hope I find the same delight It’s my mission Friday Night All aboard on the floor, All aboard on the floor, All aboard on the floor, On the floor, And my brain owes to the memory Of the evening goes away And then the smile Find a Girl, Take her Home Tell her lies; fill her mind with dirty pictures But she knows just what you’re thinking Feel your chances quickly sinking, do I blame it on the drinking? Another door slammed in my face, better get back in the race.

Where can I get this song? What's the title and artist for this song? Where can I get the song? Here are the lyrics: Come Around on the Floor Clear the haze the night before Kick my shoes, kick my clothes Paint myself a toothpaste smile It’s a bathroom ritual & making myself beautiful But it never goes to plan Spill my Tea & burn my hand. Take a leak, sneak a peak Through the window at next doors Mrs. Hanging washing on the line And her legs are looking fine Hope I find the same delight It’s my mission Friday Night All aboard on the floor, All aboard on the floor, All aboard on the floor, On the floor, And my brain owes to the memory Of the evening goes away And then the smile Find a Girl, Take her Home Tell her lies; fill her mind with dirty pictures But she knows just what you’re thinking Feel your chances quickly sinking, do I blame it on the drinking? Another door slammed in my face, better get back in the race. I obviously can't search any of the places without knowing the artist or title of the song. I have invested time in looking up this information and had no results. I know places to get the song, but I need the song information first. Thanks.

I laughed when I saw this and I wanted to share it.? On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

Newly married couple? On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "my picture?" He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever." She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaimes, "oh, oh, my, let me get a picture." He beams and asks, "why?" She answers, "so I can get it enlarged!"

Jokes for Women and some other gender jokes? before the jokes just won't to let you know I'm not trying to offend anyone I'm good person don't judge me by jokes please here are my blonde jokes they are really funny. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjppTMi1qB0caFMi2wSRAl_WxQt.;_ylv=3?qid=20071106151918AAx7Pto Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator. Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized. Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there? RELATIONSHIPS: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled 'All Men Are Idiots' Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the breakup, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, 'I just called to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But, I want you to know that there's always a chance for us.' This is known as the 'I Hate You I Love You' drunken phone call, and 99% of all men have made it at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need. LOCKER ROOMS: In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker: sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie. MATURITY: Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults. Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out. MAGAZINES: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and shouldn't be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Most naked men elicit laughter from women. BATHROOMS: A man has five items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of the items. GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or- less lane. CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old American sitcoms. MIRRORS: Men are vain; they will check themselves out in a mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, Joe Garagiola's head. MENOPAUSE: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction...he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche. TOYS: Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TV's. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least six 'D' batteries to operate. MOVIES: Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man. Men will only show their butts, because butt size doesn't really matter. JEWELRY: Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Ramone. TIME: When a woman says she'll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she's using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football game just has five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs, commercials, or replays. FRIENDS: Women on a girl's night out talk the whole time. Men on a boy's night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are 'Pass the Doritos' or Got anymore beer?' RESTROOMS: Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Women use restrooms as social lounges. Men in a restroom will never speak a word to each other. Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, 'Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?' Sorry it is so long star if you like the jokes

Relationships, yes or no lol? Relationships: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled 'All Men Are Idiots.' Then she will get on with her life. A mail has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3 am on a Sunday morning, he will call and say, 'I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us.' This is known as the 'I Hate You, I Love You' drunken phone call and 99 percent of all men have made it at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need. Sex: Women prefer 30 to 40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 to 40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay. Maturity: Women mature much faster than men do. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out. Magazines: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Most naked men elicit laughter from women. Bathrooms: A man has five items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. Groceries: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampetts' car on The Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10?items?or?less lane. Cats: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. Offspring: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. Dressing Up: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. Laundry: Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a van and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old American sitcoms. Eating Out: When the bill comes, Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. Mirrors: Men are vain; they will check themselves out in a mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any, shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, bald boyfriend's/father's heads. Menopause: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, biological Changes. Nature provokes a uniform reaction in men. He buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche. Richard Gere: Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way. Men hate Richard Gere because lie reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women. Madonna: Same as above, but reversed. Same reason. Toys: Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TVs. Cell phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least six big batteries to operate. Locker Rooms: In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker room: sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie. Movies: Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man. Men will only show their arse, because arse size doesn't really matter. Jewelry: Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Ramone. Time: When a woman says she'll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she's using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football game just has five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs, commercials, or replays. Friends: Women on a 'girls' night out' talk the whole time. Men on a 'boys' night out' say about 20 words all night, most of which are 'Pass the chips' or 'Got am more beer?' Toilets: Men use toilets for purely biological reasons. Women use toilets as social lounges. Men in toilets will never speak a word to each other. Women who've never met will leave a toilet giggling together like old friends. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, 'Hey Tom, I, was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me Yes, I know, it is verrryyyyy long lol.

difference between men and women (fairly long)? Handwriting: Men: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women: Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot the "i" with circles or hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in the "b" and "g". It is a pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she will put a smiley face at the end of the note. Groceries: Women: A woman makes a list of things she needs, then goes out to the store and buys those things. Men: A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the express lane. Relationships: Women: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life. Men: A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need. Sex: Women: They prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay. Men: They prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place part of the foreplay. Maturity: Women: They mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults. Men: Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out. Magazines: Men: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Women: Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Most naked men elicit laughter from women. Bathrooms: Men: A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. Women: The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man cannot identify most of these items. Shoes: Women: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. Men: A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. Let's not talk about how many days he'll wear the same socks. Cats: Women: Women love cats. Men: Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. Children: Women: A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. Men: A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. Dressing Up: Women: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. Men: A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals. Laundry: Women: Women do laundry every couple of days. Men: A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants (the ones that were hip about eight years ago) before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old episodes of "Love American Style." Eating Out: Men: When the check comes, each man will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. Women: When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators. Mirrors: Men: Men are vain and will check themselves out in a mirror. Women: They are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, bald guys' heads. Menopause: Women: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual. Men: Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction - he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche. The Phone: Men: Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. Women: A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours. Richard Gere: Women: Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way. Men: Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women. Madonna: Same as above, but reversed. Same reason. Toys: Women: Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men: Men never grow out of their toy obsession. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive, silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TVs. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate. Cameras: Men: Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes. Women: Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures. Locker Rooms: Men: In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women: They talk about one thing in the locker room - sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie. Movies: Women: Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man. Men: The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him. Jewelry: Women: Women look nice when they wear jewelry. Men: A man can get away with wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic. Conversation: Men: Men need a good disagreement to get talking. For instance, "Wow, great movie." or "What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size." Women: Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men by saying something agreeable: "That garden by the roadside looks lovely." "Mm hmm." Pause. "That was a good restaurant last night, wasn't it?" "Yeah." Pause. And so on. Leg Warmers: Women: Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants. Men: A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the "Gimme the Ball" number in "A Chorus Line." Friends: Women: Women on a girls' night out talk the whole time. Men: Men on a boy's night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are "Pass the Doritos" or "got any more beer?" Restrooms: Women: Women use restrooms as social lounges. Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. Women also go to the restroom in packs, at least two women at a time excuse themselves to use the restroom. Men: Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Men in a restrooms will never speak a word to each other. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?"

wot do u think? Relationships When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled “All Men Are Idiots”. Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, “I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I’ll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you’re a total floozy. But I want you to know that there’s always a chance for us”. This is known as the “I Hate You / I Love You” drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need; alas, these classes rarely prove effective. Maturity Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out. Handwriting To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken- scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their “i’s” with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their “p’s” and “g’s”. It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she’s dumping you, she’ll put a smiley face at the end of the note. Bathrooms A man has six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. Groceries A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reached the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter that the Clampett’s car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane. Shoes When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. Leg Warmers A woman, even if she’s walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants. A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the “Gimme the Ball” number in “A Chorus Line.” Going Out When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her earring, finishes putting on her makeup… Cats Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats. Offspring Ah!, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. Dressing Up A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail etc. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals. Laundry Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of “Love, American Style.” Socks Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks. Women wear strange socks. Socks that are cut way below the ankles, that have pictures of clouds on them, that have a big fuzzy ball on the back. Nicknames If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut-Brain and Useless. Eating Out … and when the check comes, Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it’s only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators. Mirrors Men are vain; they will always check themselves out in a mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, car windows, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola’s head. The Telephone Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours. Directions If a woman is out driving, and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, “Looks like I’ve found a new way to get there.” and, “I know I’m in the general neighborhood. I recognize that 7-11 store.” Admitting Mistakes Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who admitted he was wrong was General George Custer. Toys Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and silly and impractical. Examples of men’s toys: little miniature TV’s. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 “D” batteries to operate. Plants A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five or six days later to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens. Cameras Men take photography very seriously. They’ll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes. Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course women always end up taking better pictures. Jewelry Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring and that’s it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer.

Is this a good book? I'm currently writing this book. Is this good? The hallway buzzed with noise as Mabel tried to squish through the crowd. “ Oh my gosh! Isn’t this cool?!”, Noah grabbed Mabel’s shoulders and screamed. Noah cleared her throat. “I mean, it’s the first day of middle school and…” She stopped and stared at the group of football players as if they were rock stars. Mabel stared at the group. Noah pulled out her vanilla Lip Smacker and smiled. “Look, there’s Robert!”, she said smacking her glossy lips and smiling. Mabel sighed. Robert has been her only crush since second grade and during the summer, she promised herself that this year, in seventh grade, she would make him hers. She just wondered why he never hung out with her or even said a word to her. Is it because she wasn’t pretty enough? Or was it because he didn’t like girls who stuck their noses in books and paid attention in class like Mabel. As a straight-A student, she only cared about education. If she got a C or lower, he he hallway buzzed with noise as Mabel tried to squish through the crowd. “ Oh my gosh! Isn’t this cool?!”, Noah grabbed Mabel’s shoulders and screamed. Noah cleared her throat. “I mean, it’s the first day of middle school and…” She stopped and stared at the group of football players as if they were rock stars. Mabel stared at the group. Noah pulled out her vanilla Lip Smacker and smiled. “Look, there’s Robert!”, she said smacking her glossy lips and smiling. Mabel sighed. Robert has been her only crush since second grade and during the summer, she promised herself that this year, in seventh grade, she would make him hers. She just wondered why he never hung out with her or even said a word to her. Is it because she wasn’t pretty enough? Or was it because he didn’t like girls who stuck their noses in books and paid attention in class like Mabel. As a straight-A student, she only cared about education. If she got a C or lower, her mom would start a long conversation about “if you don’t have the grades, Mabel, you may never get into Harvard. You need to take education seriously. Now go study and promise me a better test next time.” Mabel would nod her head and run off to her room. Mabel knew it was because of that. Noah, Mabel’s best friend since kindergarten, was cool and never shy. In be fact, Mabel would be totally jealous of her because on top of being a straight-B student, she was cute, friendly, funny, and had adorable style. Hmm…what if Robert likes Noah? Mable wondered to herself. She was stunned. “Noah, do you think that I’m…you know, geeky?” Noah looked down at the floor. “Um…well, you’re not that geeky, you’re just…” Mabel interrupted, “Nerdy?” Noah nearly yelled out “Yes!” Mabel stared her. She was right. The two headed to the girls bathroom. “Are you sad?” asked Noah as she applied mascara and pink eye shadow. Mabel finished tying her shoes and let out a calm “No.” Noah smiled and said, “Perfect! My make up is so perfect. No smudges, no colors getting mixed up!” Mabel giggled, “Your pink eye shadow doesn’t match your dark red lips”. Noah grinned and started to sing “Ain’t no other man”. “You look and sing just like a miniature Christina Aguilera!” Mabel said while putting on nail polish. There was no one else in the bathroom and they felt relaxed. Rrrrring! “Oh my gosh! We’re gonna be late!” Noah struggled to pack up her cosmetics in her purple pouch. “Wait!”, screamed Noah, “my lips got smudged!” Mabel sighed. Why was it that Mabel only needed nail polish to feel beautiful while Noah needed the whole enchilada? Noah finally found a light shade of lavender and wiped it all over her lips. She put on a coat of her signature vanilla Lip Smacker. They rushed out of the bathroom and into the classroom. The teacher stared at them. He was a bald man with round, black glasses and he had on a button-down shirt, a tie with prancing elves, and tuxedo pants. “You girls got lucky. Class starts in one more minute but everyone else came early. Guess they’re all excited about stepping up and becoming seventh graders.” They took the seats in the front next to each other. A couple seconds later, the teacher announced “Five, four, three…” Amber, Raquel, Ashley, and Anna rushed in right when he was going to say “two”. Mabel and Noah looked at each other and mouthed the words “popular girls”. This group is even worse than all the bullies. These girls were so preppy and girly and Amber was the head of them. It was her who said what do and what not to do and everyone else in her crew did exactly what she said and she treated them like servants. They even wore matching clothes and today, it was plaid Bermuda shorts, sparkly tank tops, and ballet flats. The group took the seats right next to Robert. Amber worked up her charm and flirted with Robert. Mabel grunted and played around with the key chain in the pocket of her hoodie. “No more being a nerd,” she whispered to herself. Apparently, Noah heard and winked. She then whispered, “Good idea, Mabel!” The teacher cleared his voice and in a soft therapist voice said, “Hello students. My name is Mr. Smith and I’m going to be your history teacher.” Everyone stared at him as if he was speaking another language. As always, Mabel knew that Mr. Smith would be a great teacher. Mr. Smith pulled out a box of textbooks and passed them out. “Everyone, please to turn to page 6. Please silently read this section on ancient Egypt.” Everyone got right to work and started reading while Mr. Smith sat down at his desk. He jotted down things on a notebook. Half an hour later, when everyone was finished reading, he passed out slips of paper to everyone. “Please put your slip into the hat on my desk”, he pointed to his desk “we will be starting our ancient Egypt projects and now we are picking partners.” Mabel’s heart started pounding. The only way that Robert could notice me is if I worked with him on a project, she thought. “The first pair is Rachel and Chris.” Mable was shocked. Who knew Rachel, the sophisticated wannabe-lawyer would wound up with the kid who did arm farts in front of the teacher? “The next pair is Noah and Robert.” Mabel almost cried. How could this be? But then she calmed down. What if she used Noah to ask Robert some questions about what kind of girl he was into? Hmmm…maybe Noah was more useful than giving bad makeovers. Mr. Smith glanced up at the clock. “Whoops! Time is running out! I better assign partners and fast!”, he said in a cartoon voice. “Harold and Mabel. Thomas and Amber. Tiffany and Raquel. Anna and Mohammed. Ashley and David.” Mabel felt like dying. How could she possibly be stuck with Harold, the boy who picks his nose and eats a plain sandwich with a massive dallop of mayonnaise and a pickle or two to top it off. Mabel never forgot the time when he shoved one of his icky sandwiches up her throat. She barfed and had to go home early. After history class, Mabel went to the bathroom while Noah went to ask Mr. Smith some questions about the project. Mabel was upset that Noah got to be Robert’s partner. Noah barged into the girl’s bathroom. “Why didn’t you wait for me?” groaned Noah. Mabel just applied some lip-gloss and looked the other way. Noah frowned. Mabel then smacked her lips and blew her nails. “Mabel, you can’t give me the silent treatment forever. Now, tell me why you’re so mad.” Mabel cleared her throat, “Why do you get to be Robert’s partner and I don’t?” Noah looked at Mabel as if she was stupid. “Mabel, the whole partner-picking thing was random, so I didn’t get to choose.” Mabel rolled her yes, “So what? I’m still mad.” Noah started to get angry and shouted, “Its not my fault!” Mabel stared at her. Mabel had never seen Noah erupt before. She must have really pressed Noah’s buttons, but she didn’t care, or at least pretended not to care. Mabel finally got the message: Noah might actually like Robert. “Wait a minute,” said Mabel “you like Robert.” Noah was silent. “Do you like Robert?” Mabel demanded. Noah nodded her head. Mabel started crying. Noah approached Mabel and hugged her. Noah whispered, “Are we still friends?” Mabel wiped her tears and said, “I don’t know.” Mabel left the bathroom, slamming the door, and went off to English class. Luckily, Mabel didn’t have English class with Noah so she would have to deal with Noah passing notes asking, “Are we still friends?” Mabel knew this because this happened last year. English class was pretty quiet without Noah yelling out answers and whispering jokes about Mrs. Renoldi. Mrs. Renoldi was an old-fashioned lady who probably still believed it was the 1900’s. In a turtleneck sweater, shiny silver pants, loafers, poofy hair, a red and green headband, and novelty earrings, she was the nerdiest teacher in the whole school. After English class, Mabel went over to get her science book from her locker to study at lunch. Noah had slipped a note into Mabel’s locker: Dear Mabel, I’m really sorry. Please forgive me. I mean, it’s not my fault that I have a crush on Robert. Besides, its not like I’m going to flirt with him or something. -Noah Mabel carefully studied the note. Wow…Noah even used the blue gel pen I gave her last year , thought Mabel. She did feel bad about being mad at Noah for no reason. She wanted to forgive her, but she wasn’t sure yet. She pulled out her science book and her wrinkled up paper bag and headed over to the cafeteria. Lunch just wasn’t the same without Noah. Mabel had a peanut butter sandwich, homemade brownies, orange juice, and an apple. She glumly ate lunch. She wondered where Noah was sitting. She glanced through the whole cafeteria until finally she spotted Noah. Mabel gasped and choked on a chunk of the apple. There was Noah sitting with Amber, Ashley, Raquel, and Anna laughing it up right in front of Mabel. Mabel felt gullible to even want to forgive Noah. Noah was trying to make Mabel jealous and it worked. Mabel thought of a plan to embarrass Noah for life. The next day, Mabel completely ignored Noah and Noah ignored her back. Mabel was lonely while Noah flaunted herself with the “popular girls”. During history class, Mabel watched as Noah smiled and blushed right in front of Robert. That’s when Mabel realized that he really did like Noah. “Want to eat lunch with me?” he said to Noah. The whole class gasped. The star of the football team and the preppy, happy girl…eating lunch…together? Mabel watched as Noah and Robert giggled at lunch. They seemed as though they’ve known each other forever. Mabel couldn’t stand it. She walked over to where Noah was sitting and dumped milk all over her head. Noah screamed. Noah went running like a dog with a tail on fire. And Robert frowned. “What the heck, you geek?!” he shouted. Mabel stared at him, feeling the tears slipping out of her eyes. A geek? Great, now I know he thinks I’m a geek, she thought. Mabel took her wrinkled up paper bag with an apple core and half of the sandwich and walked out of the cafeteria. She went to her locker and stared at herself in the mirror of her locker. She checked herself. What was so geeky about her? Moments later, she realized what was nerdy. Square black glasses that were so big that they took up half of her face. A piggy nose. Red and blue braces. A button down cotton shirt. Plaid trousers. Socks up to the knee. Maybe if she stretched them, they’d cover her whole leg. And red low top Converse. She felt the word in her mind. That word. Geek. Its time to stop being a geek once and for all, she thought. Chapter 2 Mabel looked at herself in the mirror in the morning and smiled. “No more being a geek!” she screamed in delight. As she walked through the hallway at school, she finally knew that being a geek was over for her. “Ooh hot!” screeched the boys. And that one sound that made it feel worth it. Gasp. Gasp. Mabel was wearing a red tube top with the word “baby” written in fold foil. She wore an incredibly mini mini-skirt. She had strappy red sandals and she dyed her hair cherry chocolate with red and black streaks. She wore a chain necklace, earrings, and a tattoo. She went to class. History class, she sighed. Mr. Smith looked at her. The teacher’s pet has gone wrong. “Um, Mabel, would you like to read page 12, paragraph 2?” Mabel stared at him. Look, I’m not a kiss-up teacher’s pet girl anymore. I’m a hot, bad girl, she thought. “No.” she said in a snobby tone. She knew how to do this voice perfectly because the popular crew practically created that voice. Mr. Smith looked at her. “Please read the paragraph, Mabel.” Mabel then said, in a snobbier tone, “No.” Mr. Smith turned red. “READ THE PARAGRAPH!” he screamed. “No.” Mabel said like she was tring to be annoying. Mr. Smith then said, “Mabel read the paragraph or else.” Mabel stood up and walked toward him, “Are you threatening me?” she screamed. “Get your backpack and head to the principal’s office. You’re in big trouble, ma’am!” The class roared with “Ooooh!” and “Uh oh!” And what Mabel was waiting for. Gasp. Gasp. “So, why didn’t you read the paragraph?” asked the principal. Mrs. Harper was sitting at her desk in a light blue business suit, high heels to match, and a messy bun. Mabel stared at her wrinkles. Um…there’s something called Botox, thought Mabel. “I’m waiting to know.” The principal added. The office was so depressing. The desk Mrs. Harper was sitting at was flowing with tattered papers. Pens and pencils were all over the floor. Mabel was sitting on a little pink stool. There was a countertop with coffee mugs and file folders. The carpet looked as though there was a wild party in there. Gum on the floor. “Mabel, are you going to talk or not,” asked the principal. Mabel sighed. “I just didn’t feel like reading.” Mabel put on her puppy dog hoodie. If Mrs. Harper saw Mabel with a tube top, the trouble she was already was in would be doubled. “Tube tops aren’t allowed”, Mrs. Harper would say over and over again. Mrs. Harper rose her eyebrows, “So, why didn’t you feel like reading.” Mabel decided to lie. It was the only way to get out of all this trouble. “Well, I didn’t feel like reading because I was in a bad mood. I felt like crying.” Mrs. Harper suddenly switched from principal mode to therapist mode. “Oh, dear! What happened, Mabel?” Mabel replied as glumly as she can, “Well, I like Robert and now Robert likes Noah and I want him to like me.” Mabel then stated crying for real. By trying to lie, she ended up telling the truth. Mrs. Harper nodded her head, “It’ll be okay, dear. Boys are mysterious people, really they are. Don’t cry please.” Mabel cried and cried. Mrs. Harper reached into the desk drawer and pulled out a mango-flavored lollypop. Mabel took it even though strawberry-flavored lollypops were her favorite. She wiped her tears and left the office. She went to bathroom to wash her face. Noah walked into the bathroom too. “So, what happened in the office?” asked Noah. Mabel replied, “Nothing. I didn’t get in trouble.” Noah smiled. “That’s good,” Noah giggled. “The whole class was talking about it while we were supposed to be working on our Egypt projects. Everyone thought you got suspended or something.” Noah added. Mabel sighed. She really did miss Noah. Mabel asked, “So, how is it going with Robert?’ Noah shook her head. “All he ever talks about is Amber. I found out he’s using me to get to Amber. So I dumped him during history class.” Mabel felt so bad. “How could we have let one boy ruin our friendship?” Mabel asked sadly. “I missed you so much. There was no one to dip Oreos into chocolate milk with while watching cartoons, no one to play soccer with, no one to watch movies with, no one to bake cookies with, no one to play “hair salon” with. No one to do anything with. Please, please, please, please be my best friend again.” Noah cried. Noah was sobbing. Mabel yelled happily, “Of course I’ll be your friend again!” They hugged and cried. “Everyone was talking about your geek to chic makeover today,” Noah said. Mabel smiled, “My days as Geek Girl are over!” Noah then added, “The football team was even talking about how hot you looked. And Robert!” Mabel leaped with excitement. She ran over to Robert. “Hey, Robert!” she said in that total flirt tone. Robert looked at her. “You look really hot.!” Mabel giggled. “Wanna go out to the movies this Friday night?” she asked. Robery smiled, “Yeah, sure.” Friday came and Mabel was throwing clothes out of her closet. Her room was a little small. Her bed, with her pink and lime green bedding, was in the middle, magazines with cut out pictures of celebrities were all over the carpet, and one pink dresser and a desk with a laptop. Her closet was small, which is why most of her clothes were all over the floor. Where is that pink tube top? she wondered. She found her tube top under her bed and pulled it on. She grabbed her high heels and skinny jeans. She put glittery pink eye shadow and sparkly pink lipstick. She headed over to the theatre and walked up to Robert, who waiting inside near the snack area. “Want popcorn?” asked Robert. Mabel blushed as pink as her lipstick and said, “Yes, please” in her most innocent little girl voice. She has used this voice to get herself out of trouble with her mom. He paid for popcorn and purchased a drink and escorted Mabel to a seat way in the back. Robert sat down and put the popcorn in Mabel’s lap. Mabel smiled weakly. This was her first date ever and she felt so awkward. The movie started and Robert smiled at her. She wasn’t interested in watching ‘Superman strikes again’, but she pretended to be completely interested in it. She sighed and daydreamed about getting married to Robert. She smiled and dozed off. Before she knew it, the dream became beautiful the more she imagined. “Mabel”, Robert said while shaking her. He cleared his throat, “Wake up, Mabel!” Mabel woke up, still sleepy. “What happened?” she asked, feeling drowsy. Robert frowned. “You missed the whole movie because you fell asleep”, he replied. Mabel widened her eyes. What a jerk I am. The one and only hottie who I loved for so long finally went on a date with me and I fell asleep. Poor guy paid for tickets and snacks and I wasted it all and fell asleep. Fell asleep, she thought. “I’m sorry.” Mabel said. Robert got up and said, “Come on, lets go.” Mabel sighed. The one and only boy she really loved is going to dump her after one date. Just one date! No, she was not going to let him dump her. They went outside and sat at the bench. Robert was waiting for a taxi to pick them up. Mabel grabbed his arm, “Are you still mad at me?! All I did was fall asleep during the movie! You can’t blame me for being a bit tired. You’re not the one who has to study, play the violin, play the piano, go to soccer practices every day, and still have time to do homework! And then I still have chores and you in my life! So, why are you mad if you can’t understand what I go through every freaking day of my life!” Mabel had yelled this out so loud that everyone waiting for the bus and exiting and entering the theatre could hear. She sounded like a crazy woman who wanted to break up with her husband. Robert stood there, embarrassed as everyone stared at Mabel and Robert. Robert just glared at her and looked down. “I wasn’t mad at you, just a little annoyed. That’s all. But you had to embarrass me in front of all these people.” Mabel shrugged. “I’m really, really sorry, Robert. Please forgive me.” Mable said. Robert hugged her and replied, “Just don’t let it happen again.” They let go and Mabel quietly sad, “Ok.” Noah called Mabel two hours after she got back from the date with Robert. Noah seemed pretty excited. “So, how did the date go with Robert?” Mabel sighed, “I fell asleep during the movie and he seemed pretty upset and I yelled at him in public like a mad woman with no therapist who wanted to divorce her husband and live alone in a mountaintop in Oregon or something.” Noah giggled, “Don’t tell me you brought up the fact that you practice piano and stuff. And why Oregon? I heard that Wisconsin has pretty nice mountaintops perfect for mad women with no therapist who want to divorce their husband.” Mabel laughed, “This is probably the last time me and Robert will ever go out on a date.”

For Indians (and desis and the diaspora, if you wish): To you, what is a comfortable Indian house? Without even thinking of how much it might cost, just let your wishes control your dreams What things make it especially Indian .... not just the building itself, but the interiors also ... Is there a front lawn? What does the entrance door look like and the entrance hall itself? Any pictures of God? Others? And the living room? a dining room, too? Do you want one, two, or three bedrooms ... and one on the ground floor? Where are the bathrooms (and how many?) And the kitchen: what should that be like ... Puja? Store room? Is there a back court with a garden? A little pool with water .... and beautiful plants around it? A mango tree or two? Play yard? Flowers? A veranda? Do you have any extra buildings on the property? Maybe a guest house? What sort of colors, designs, furniture, light come into your house? Comfortable for guests? Do you like any Vaastu Shastra plans: having a back door opposite the front door? Anything else?

Ugliest bathroom ever. What to do? My bathroom is so tiny and boring. Its completely white, with a freestanding sink, ugly and discoloured white bath tub, and a white toilet. Its pretty limited for space, but I have seen smaller. Its 7x4 of useable space(minus the bathtub and linen closet, which take up half the room), and the sink and toilet occupy some of that space. I'm renting so I'm not allowed to paint the walls or put a new light fixture, so I'm sort of stuck with the white. Right now I have an extra black framed mirror and a black shower curtain and a black stand to put things in because we have no cupboards or anything. Someone help, I'm so sick of this bathroom, all the other rooms in my apartment are beautiful but it seems like I can never do anything with the bedroom it make it look better! I've taken some pictures so you can get a better idea of the room. http://raelene05.piczo.com/?g=10909126&preview=y&cr=3

i know its very long but it was allllllll good, so what do you think? Men vs. Women Men and women are not alike. Sure, you thought you already knew that. But now we have conculsive proof! After countless hours of surveys and studies on the following topics, these facts have emerged: RELATIONSHIPS: First, a man does not call a relationshipo a relationship - he refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie were boinking on a semi-regular basis." When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots." Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the breakup - at 3 am early on a Sunday morning - he will call and say "I just wanted you to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need; alas these classes rarely prove effective. SEX: Women prefer 30-45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30-45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay. MATURITY: Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out. HATS: Women look good in hats; men look like dinks. HANDWRITING: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's." It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note. BATHROOMS: A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving crewam, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. MAGAZINES: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is hairy and lumpy and should not be seen by the light of day. GOING OUT: When a man says he's ready to go out, it means he's ready to go out. When a woman says she's ready to go out, it means that she WILL be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup... LEG WARMERS: Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants. A man can only ear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the "Gimme the Ball" number in "A Chorus Line." CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. MIRRORS: Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface - mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola's head... GARAGES: Women use garages to parke their cars and to store their lawnmowers. Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, they watch TV in garages, and they build useless wooden things in garages. MOVIES: For women, their favorite movie scene is when Clark Gable kisses Vivien Leigh for the first time in "Gone With The Wind." For men, it's when Jimmy Cagney shoves a grapefruit in Mae Clark's face in "Public Enemy." JEWELRY: Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic. MENOPAUSE: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of the changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction. He buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for an expensive foreign sports car. LOW BLOWS: Let's say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television, and one of the fighters is felled by a low blow. The woman says "Oh, gee, that must hurt." The man doubles over and actually feels pain. ADMITTING MISTAKES: Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who admitted that he was wrong was Gen. George Custer. RICHARD GERE: Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way. Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works out at the health club and dates only married women. NUDITY IN MOVIES: Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by men. The only actor who has ever appeard nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him. DAVID LETTERMAN: Men think David Letterman is the funniest man on the face of the earth. Women think he is a mean, semi-dorky guy who always has a bad haircut. LOCKER ROOMS: In the locker room, men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker room - sex. Not in abstract terms, either. They're graphic and technical, and they *never* lie. LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat, and expect to meet a beautiful woman while he is there. WEDDINGS: When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about the "ceremony." Men talk about "the bachelor party." SOCKS: Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks. Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have pictures of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back. PLANTS: A woman will ask a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man will water the plants. The woman returns five days later, to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens. MUSTACHES: Some men look good with mustaches: Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds. There are no women who look good with mustaches. NICKNAMES: With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names like "Ultimate Pecs" and "Big Turk," women eschew the use of nicknames. If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave and Jack go out for a brewski, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Peanut-Brain, and Useless.

What do you think of my story? My heart felt like it would beat right out of my chest. My breathing was heavy, each breath taken for granted. Tears streamed down my dirty, bloody face. I could barley fit the key into the lock my hands were shaking so badly. I could hear the engine as my father’s battered truck drove up behind me. The door wouldn’t open. I pounded on the sides of the door, hoping, praying it would open. The rain poured so hard I couldn’t hear myself cry, but I could clearly hear my father’s heels against the pavement and the roughness of his voice saying, “Tonight is the night you die.” I let out a piercing scream that could reach the heavens. Then as if God had heard me himself, the door swung open. I ran inside, securely locking the door – locking my father out of his own home. I sunk to the floor, still crying, and let the darkness swallow me up. …………. Sunlight streamed in from the open doorway. I tried to lift myself off the floor but dizziness set on me and I fell back down. The events from last night came rushing back to me; me at the school dance, Lucas dancing with me, my drunken father rushing in and hitting me over and over again, me running away, and him trying to kill me. I tried to get up again and this time succeeded. I managed to get myself to the bathroom before collapsing against the sink. I turned on the hot water for the bath and added a bit of relaxing, oatmeal bubble bath. Then I surveyed myself in the mirror. My auburn hair was a tangled mess. A black eye had begun to form, my arms were bruised and sore, scrapes covered my chest, and a long cut measured from my eye to my ear. I was soaked with rain and mud. I looked better than I thought I would; better than last time this happened. I climbed into the tub and began to try and wash away the memories of last night… I pulled on an old pair of jeans and a big, comfy, dark purple sweater that covered my arms. I brushed my hair and pulled it back into a ponytail. I crept downstairs and into the kitchen. My father sat at the table. His eyes were like blank spaces, staring at nothing. He looked up as I walked in. “Autumn.” He muttered softly, “I think it’s best we forget about what happened last night.” I went to the refrigerator, “What would you like for breakfast? Pancakes?” He leapt up from his chair and grabbed my arm, “You do understand what I mean, don’t you? If you tell anyone…Accidents happen.” He snarled in my face. “What kind of accidents?” I challenged. He raised his eyebrow, “Oh, I think you know.” I did know. I knew eventually he would kill me. He would finish what he had set out to do since my mother died. …………. My mother had been a beautiful woman – long red hair and sparkling blue eyes. She had told me my dad used to me a wonderful man who was kind and generous. Then alcohol took him. It made him a horrible person who would beat her for no reason. When he would finish with her, he would feel guilty and blame it on me. Then he would beat me. She swore that one day he would become the man she had met so long ago again. One night he took her out to a restaurant for dinner, on the way back he flipped the car. She died instantly. She deserved such a better life than what she had and she should have left. I picked up her picture that lay on my night table. I held it to my heart and whispered, “I’m going to do what you couldn’t. I’m going to get out of here before it’s too late.” And I knew I would. …………. Any comments on the story would be a HUGE help. Any things I should change? add? delete?

Here is the next installment for your critque pleasure!? If you could read the first part in books and authors called"If you would be so kind as to" that would be great please and thank you!-*It felt as if I had slept for centuries and when I woke up I looked around and listened but it was still and quiet. After getting out from underneath the bed I looked out the window saw the sun creeping around behind the grey shifting clouds. Still feeling groggy I sat down on the bed not a single noise, that's new my bed always creaks. Resting my hands in my lap I looked down and saw my cut, ha it was nothing but a mere scratch but it sure hurt when that book hit it. The window, the glass, the book, the trap door, the chain, the hallway, what happened last night? The air had a dense smell to it, the room smelled; I know that smell, where have I smelt that ALICE, that is her perfume. Where is my best friend when I need her? She is always here when I need her! Focus where am I? There aren't any spider webs, layers of dust, or markings of any kind in the room; someone must have recently left or escaped I want to escape from this place as well. Standing up made me feel as my knees were going to buckle but that feeling left as soon as I looked in the mirror and saw the blood spot on my cheek. Looking closer I realized it was as if someone had kissed me with blood as lipstick and it smeared. Looking at the mirror once more I turned away, Needing to get out of the room and wash my face I got the courage to walk to the door, took a deep breathe and turned the handle, opened the door and shut it quietly as not to be heard by anyone listening. Bathroom, I need a bathroom where is the bathroom? Walking with grace I went to the door at the end of the hallway and with out listening opened the door to find a bathroom. What a messy bathroom you could hardly find the toilet let alone the sink, the counter was underneath a plethora of women's products ranging from make-up to a cute pink soap dispenser. The sound of the water running, why am I in a bath tub, that was so weird why did I just see myself in a bathtub with running water flowing down over the sides. After washing my face I washed my hands and right next the soap was a clock that read 12:35 Sunday. It's noon on Sunday that is a start. Stepping back out into the hallway she looked straight and saw windows, floor to ceiling windows. It was as if time stood still except for her nothing in the house moved or made a single noise. No one is home if someone does live here maybe I should take a look around in case there is something that will tell me where I am at or more importantly how I got here. Grumble Grumble Grumble there must be a volcano in my stomach or I am really hungry, maybe I should start with the kitchen. Standing at the end of the hallway past all the doors and the sight I saw was so beautiful but so familiar. Out past the large windows was a lake. Watching the ripples reach the end of the lake made me cry, it was like a deja vu I couldn't see but I could still feel. There was a dock but no boat. The great majestic trees swayed with the wind towards the house. I looked to my right and saw a few couches and a small coffee table. Shifting my eyes to the left I saw stairs. I was upstairs maybe there is someone down stairs I should be careful. Lightly stepping from step to step down the stairs that go straight down I get to the bottom and peer out into, once again, an empty space but there was something different about this kind of empty. It was an empty that wasn't perfectly untouched empty. The down stairs was one room divided into sections, the kitchen which had and empty pizza box on the counter, a living room with couches, a recliner, coffee tables, an open book, floor lamps, a fire place made out of red bricks, carpet that was off-white with a rug in the middle. The RUG, I am still in someone else's house. I ran into the kitchen to grab something to eat out of the refrigerator, that...that...that's me, why am I on the fridge and who on earth am I with. How creepy is this, I wake up in some persons house that I somewhat remember not only that but my picture is on the refrigerator. N'Cole was written across the fridge door in magnet letters, I wonder who N'Cole is. Opening the refrigerator door revealed empty shelves with only two pop cans and string cheese. Well string cheese and pop will have to do; I do like to peel the string cheese. No T.V. how odd every house has a television. Resting my rump sure did feel good, but when I went to put my feet on the table, shame shame mother always told me it wasn't polite, I saw a letter, a letter addressed to YOU. Who was you? Maybe YOU was a him or a her, wait I am a YOU, it couldn't hurt to take a peek. I have always been skilled at the art of snooping, back in the day when I was younger mom and dad would try to hide things from me like a surprise birthday but the surprise was always on them. I remember one time when I was turning sixteen and way caught up in the having to look pretty all the time, they thought it would be funny to throw me a surprise birthday party so I would be unprepared and finally prove to me that my friends don't care what I look like, ha! I showed up in a new outfit, hair done, and looking radiant. I mean if you are going to throw me a party don't discuss it anywhere near me or my house, and be on watch at all times. Sometimes my parents would ask me if I had another set of eyes and hears hidden somewhere, it was always so funny to me. After shortly finishing my snack I shoved my wrapper into my empty pop can wiped my hands on my pants and snatched the letter from the table and held it in my hands for a couple minutes. Time may be slipping away faster than I want until someone comes home. I need to read the letter. Turning the white envelope over I begin to get ready to slide my finger under the flap to open it but it was already open, well they will never know I read it then, huh! After pulling the paper out ever so gently I looked at the folded sheet of paper as if I was holding a secret to life. Opening the letter I stared at it blankly for a few moments before remembering what I was doing, but the paper was so captivating and elegant. It was if the paper was a scroll that had been folded, the edge of the paper had a thin gold trim, and towards the end there was a tiny gold star with a tattered cross next to it.

10 Reasons to stay at work all night? 1. Act out your version of a company takeover. 2. Find a way to change everyone's password to "chrysanthemum". 3. Around 3:20am, play connect-the-dots with lights still on in other office buildings. Keep going until you see a small woodland creature. 4. Sneaking in the boss's desk could land you an unexpected promotion. 5. Draw stick people in all the landscape pictures on the walls, and in the morning, be the first to point out "what a terrible thing that someone did this to such beautiful works of art". 6. Go into the other gender's bathroom without fear of being caught. 7. Run up and down the hallways screaming, hoping security will come so you can have someone to talk to. 8. Leave prank messages on the CEO's voice mail. 9. Finally, a chance to live out a dream and pretend to be your boss. 10. Elevator surfing!

Just How Gay is the GOP? Sen. Larry 'Wide Stance' Craig, just another in a long daisy chain of happy homoevidence By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist Friday, September 7, 2007 Here is the sticky, irresistible question, hovering like some sort of perky rainbow-colored cloud over anyone who reads the news or pays attention to the scandals or the nifty bathroom hand signals or the various semen stains covering the pages of the Official GOP Handbook like some sort of wretched, skanky Kandinsky painting: Really, just how many closeted, self-hating, violently repressed "I-am-not-gay" totally gay hypocrites are there in the Republican Party? Or for that matter, in your average born-again Christian megachurch? Or in the U.S. military? Or in (your morally righteous group's name here)? Ten percent of them? Fifty? A hundred and four? Because baby, it just keeps popping up, scandal after scandal, homophobic lawmaker after anti-gay preacher after gay marriage attacker after hooker-loving "family values" adulterer, Bob Allen to Ted Haggard to Jim West to Glenn Murphy Jr. to David "Diaperman" Vitter, so many examples of a militant loudmouthed Christian Republican suddenly caught with his pants down around his boyfriend's ankles that, after so many headlines, the notion that these cases might be rare or exceptional simply vanishes and you are left only with the undeniable fact that, oh my God, the American right is simply teeming with so much murky, pressure-cooked homoeroticism it might as well be a Young Republicans kegger at Mark Foley's pink Miami Beach condo. Not exactly a revelation, I admit. As you already know and as any D.C. therapist or male prostitute or honest historian will happily remind you, this is the way it's always been; incidents like Idaho Sen. Larry Craig's toe-tapping in the tearoom merely reinforce the great Rule of Conservative Hypocrisy -- the louder and more self-righteous the indignation over a given "moral" issue, the more sure you can be that the screamer in question is simply oozing with repressed fantasy/lust regarding that very issue -- and what's more, is very likely acting on it, right now, in a fetish dungeon, brothel or bathroom stall near you. Same as it ever was? Absolutely. Maybe this, then, is the more interesting question: How far back does it go? How deep can you trace it? To the very roots of humanity itself? Indeed, you need no microscope, no copy of "The Agony and the Ecstasy" to see the ocean of homoerotic sexual repression surrounding the very foundations of the conservative fundamentalist worldview, or the church itself, hearkening back to all those early, nasty popes (secretly married, secret adulterers, secret flocks of nubile boys at their disposal). You need no "Da Vinci Code" to tell you of the religious right's eternal repression of the feminine divine, its deep fear of sex, its eternal fascination with the supple flesh of young males. Hell, show me a vociferous anti-sex fundamentalist of any religious or political bent -- be he Muslim, Christian, Jew, Mormon, Republican or other -- and I'll show you a slideshow of his secret nighttime fantasies so kinky and dark it would make Jenna Jameson shudder. And not in a good way. In this light, Larry Craig is merely carrying on a proud, rather disgusting tradition among the morally rigid and the sexually turgid. He is but one in a long, long line of dangerous, duplicitous cretins who stab madly at the world and work like fervent demons to demean others because they cannot stand their own repulsive reflection in the mirror. It's as if all the pedophilic priests and all the gay evangelists and the hooker-loving, cocaine-snorting family values GOP crusaders really want us to know that there exists no bastion of stiff, sanctimonious "moral" values that is not, at its core, corrupt and messy and wrongheaded as the Taliban at a nudist colony. Not our military, a massively warped organization apparently far more terrified of gays than of dropping its entrance barrier so dangerously low it makes good soldiers nervous, not the seminary with the pitter-patter of young men's feet from bunk to bunk after light's out, not the megachurches with their deep, eternal, fetishistic fascination with all things anal and perverted and hookeriffic and yummy. And for the record, no, liberals and Dems are far from immune to this timeless rule (though the self-hating hypocrisy part is largely muted, by default). It's equally true for any hardcore PETA activist or Earth Firster. The more intolerant you become and the more fixed your ideas of how it's all supposed to work, the more likely the universe will simply laugh, and smack you upside the head, and secretly take your picture licking your new leather boots or applauding the bombing of Afghanistan or eating that endangered baby seal burger. In your Hummer. With a rifle. On top of Bill O'Reilly. (Shudder.) But one vital aspect of this otherwise rather typical gay-Republican scandal must be repeated, merely for the record: Truly, no one would give much of a damn that Craig's as gay as a three-dollar bill and probably has been for oh, about 40 years now -- in fact, it might have even been applauded, had he come out with anything resembling dignity or honesty -- were the man not a raging, deceitful, duplicitous fraud, one who's intentionally and maliciously damaged lives, restricted sexual progress and, with his fellow homophobes in Congress, taken a rusty, serrated knife the very fabric of human love. Oh yes he has. After all, this is the same sniveling Larry Craig who snickered that Bill Clinton was a "bad, nasty, naughty boy" during Lewinskygate, the same Craig who helped to enact the military's brutal, failed "don't ask, don't tell" policy (which, as Slate's William Saletan points out, is a complete and degrading sham -- if you don't tell, they make you tell), the same senator who voted for the Defense of Marriage Act and against adding sexual orientation to the list of punishable hate crimes. In fact, Craig's classic case of GOP hypocrisy, of the chasm between his homophobic public persona and his homosexual personal lusts is simply so blatant, so undeniably grotesque, he becomes a bizarre case study, a cultural curio, a deeply fascinating -- albeit largely nauseating -- archetype, full of obvious but still mandatory lessons for us all. But let us look, just for now, at the biggest one of all. This particular lesson comes straight from the universe itself. It flows and ebbs and floods over all of time, it reeks of blood and sex and huge explosions of exotic flowers, tells tales of history and warped leaders and sexual mayhem going back millennia. In other words, this lesson, as they say, has seen it all. It goes something like this: Dear eternally baffled, terminally horny humans: You can only poison your own soul for so long. You can only lie to yourself, your wife, your children, the nation, your own miserable and intolerant genitalia before the backlash, the recoil, the nasty acid reflux comes right back up to bite your ass in the cold, cold bathroom stall of life. Do you understand? Do you not yet see? Do not, at the peril of your very spirit, at the risk of all that is beautiful and good and fluid and sexual and wet and sticky and right, hold so tightly, so violently to your narrow views of sex and love and human behavior that, when you are caught naked and shivering and salivating on your bed of nails doing exactly the thing your beliefs profess to hate, that your very soul explodes, the flowers wilt, the gods laugh and you are handed a tiny yellow ticket guaranteeing your return in the next life as a small, black, cancerous lesion on the underbelly of a hyena. OK? Thus endeth the lesson. Thoughts for the author? E-mail him. His email: mmorford@sfgate.com

Is it book quality? Would you read it? Hello My name is Taylor and I am 18 and was wondering if you would read my story and tell me if you think it is book worthy! And if you would read a book that started with this?Oh yes it does have paragraphs it was pasted and wouldnt show them sorry! Please and Thank you for your time- It was as if I was watching pieces of my soul hit the window, each thud leaving a permanent scar on my heart. Feeling my heart disintegrate watching I focus on something else, the room. Eyes still full of tears and the fact that my head was filled with mixed thoughts made it almost impossible to concentrate. Wait I was on the floor the cold hard... wet floor, why was the floor wet? Feeling around on the ground, ouch I had cut my hand on a broken glass that apparently was full of water hmm must have knocked it over. Turning back to the window I looked up and down and realized this was a floor to ceiling window. Not sure if I could stand up I put a little pressure on the window to help. My legs were a little shaky but it was okay. Glancing down I noticed that I was wearing my night clothes. How odd. There wasn't enough light coming through the storm in fact the entire night sky was black except when a few stars shone through out the room to see where I was. Glancing out the window again I looked down and to my surprise it looked like I was miles above ground in reality it was probably only forty-five to fifty feet. There... There... There are only two floors in my house this can't be my house. Wait why was I crying, why do I feel so empty, where am I at? Breathe, inhale exhale, in through the nose out through the mouth I have to focus and be on guard. Not being able to really see I took two steps to the left and gently felt the floor to make sure there wasn't any glass before I got on all fours. I figured crawling would be the safest way to move around in my condition. Slowly moving farther to the left staying close to the wall which was oddly soft I his another wall or what I thought to be a wall. When all of the sudden a large object landed on my already cut hand. Yelping quietly to myself I tried to focus on something other then the pain, what dad hit me? Feeling it carefully I knew this object. It was a book, why was a book on a wall? Then it clicked and I looked up and saw this book shelf that stretched to what I assumed was the ceiling. Bewildered I continued to crawl leaving the book behind. After hitting a chair, then later a desk, and crawling for what seemed like days I went to put my hand forward but the floor was soft and...Unstable! Pushing the floor down a couple inches it hit something hard. I felt around on the hard floor and felt what seemed like a chain and, and a knob a door knob. This must be some sort of secret trap. I've got to get to that knob. Pushing the soft floor made it move, what kind of soft floor moves, carpet, no... no a RUG, a rug moves! Feeling around the rug I push it to the right until I could touch the reach down and touch the knob. In fear I looked around still incapable of seeing, I gently twisted the knob, pushed, and held on until it hung down. I found it I found the exit. There was a dim light underneath me in what looked like the end of a hallway. Moving quickly I put my ear down towards the hallway as if I were expecting to hear voices. Maybe this is a dream, or an abandoned house, or a joke my friends are playing. That's right I have friends, I wonder if they know where I am. Listening again it was dead silent except for the rapid thuds on the window. Maybe it's not the safest idea but I need to get down and the chain seems securely in place and I am not that heavy. If it doesn't reach all the way down it can't be too far of a drop. I could feel the pounding of my heart all over my body and adrenaline kicked in. Letting myself down was more difficult than I had imagined seeing as my arm strength ranged from zero to none. I reached the end of the shorter than I wished chain and my palms were wet with sweat causing me to fall with a thud. Immediately standing up and pushing myself up against the wall allowed me to calm down to an extent. Looking left, right, and left again as if I were about to cross a street it became obvious I was in a hallway, a very dim lit one at that. There were two doors on each side of the hallway and one at the end of the hallway to the right but I couldn't see anything to the right. It all looked vaguely familiar. Sliding to the left I had reached a door, but passed by to the next one and listened carefully for any noise but there wasn't a sound. I gently turned the knob and slightly opened the door peeking my head around as if I were some sort of top secret agent. My heart sink it was as if I was expecting some glorious room but form what I could see with such little night sky coming in was an almost barren room. The floor was soft it was like stepping on a cloud. Shutting myself in I glanced around and on the wall under the window was a bed. This wasn't a usual bed something was different it had a beautiful dust ruffle that resembled a silky dress. No blankets, that's strange, and then it hit me like a wave. I could barely keep my eyes open. So I grabbed the smallest pillow on the bed, hoping no one would notice it being gone if they were to look in, lifted up the dust ruffle and scooted my body under the bed. Before putting the ruffle down I took one last look at the room if it could even be called a room. Aside from the bed all that was there was a white dresser by the door and an open closet door revealing a dark empty space and a full length mirror. Staring at the face looking back at me I noticed something; I have a blood spot on my left cheek. I tried to move but my body was too drained to move. Lying there immobilized all I could do was think, Thinking how can I sleep when I don't even know where I am, how I got here, heck I don't even know my own name! My eyes eventually gave up and I drifted into a deep slumber. *It felt as if I had slept for centuries and when I woke up I looked around and listened but it was still and quiet. After getting out from underneath the bed I looked out the window saw the sun creeping around behind the grey shifting clouds. Still feeling groggy I sat down on the bed not a single noise, that's new my bed always creaks. Resting my hands in my lap I looked down and saw my cut, ha it was nothing but a mere scratch but it sure hurt when that book hit it. The window, the glass, the book, the trap door, the chain, the hallway, what happened last night? The air had a dense smell to it, the room smelled; I know that smell, where have I smelt that ALICE, that is her perfume. Where is my best friend when I need her? She is always here when I need her! Focus where am I? There aren't any spider webs, layers of dust, or markings of any kind in the room; someone must have recently left or escaped I want to escape from this place as well. Standing up made me feel as my knees were going to buckle but that feeling left as soon as I looked in the mirror and saw the blood spot on my cheek. Looking closer I realized it was as if someone had kissed me with blood as lipstick and it smeared. Looking at the mirror once more I turned away, Needing to get out of the room and wash my face I got the courage to walk to the door, took a deep breathe and turned the handle, opened the door and shut it quietly as not to be heard by anyone listening. Bathroom, I need a bathroom where is the bathroom? Walking with grace I went to the door at the end of the hallway and with out listening opened the door to find a bathroom. What a messy bathroom you could hardly find the toilet let alone the sink, the counter was underneath a plethora of women's products ranging from make-up to a cute pink soap dispenser. The sound of the water running, why am I in a bath tub, that was so weird why did I just see myself in a bathtub with running water flowing down over the sides. After washing my face I washed my hands and right next the soap was a clock that read 12:35 Sunday. It's noon on Sunday that is a start. Stepping back out into the hallway she looked straight and saw windows, floor to ceiling windows. It was as if time stood still except for her nothing in the house moved or made a single noise. No one is home if someone does live here maybe I should take a look around in case there is something that will tell me where I am at or more importantly how I got here. Grumble Grumble Grumble there must be a volcano in my stomach or I am really hungry, maybe I should start with the kitchen. Standing at the end of the hallway past all the doors and the sight I saw was so beautiful but so familiar. Out past the large windows was a lake. Watching the ripples reach the end of the lake made me cry, it was like a deja vu I couldn't see but I could still feel. There was a dock but no boat. The great majestic trees swayed with the wind towards the house. I looked to my right and saw a few couches and a small coffee table. Shifting my eyes to the left I saw stairs. I was upstairs maybe there is someone down stairs I should be careful. Lightly stepping from step to step down the stairs that go straight down I get to the bottom and peer out into, once again, an empty space but there was something different about this kind of empty. It was an empty that wasn't perfectly untouched empty. The down stairs was one room divided into sections, the kitchen which had and empty pizza box on the counter, a living room with couches, a recliner, coffee tables, an open book, floor lamps, a fire place made out of red bricks, carpet that was off-white with a rug in the middle. The RUG, I am still in someone else's house. I ran into the kitchen to grab something to eat out of the refrigerator, that...that...that's me, why am I on the fridge and who on earth am I with. How creepy is this, I wake up in some persons house that I somewhat remember not only that but my picture is on the refrigerator. N'Cole was written across the fridge door in magnet letters, I wonder who N'Cole is. Opening the refrigerator door revealed empty shelves with only two pop cans and string cheese. Well string cheese and pop will have to do; I do like to peel the string cheese. No T.V. how odd every house has a television. Resting my rump sure did feel good, but when I went to put my feet on the table, shame shame mother always told me it wasn't polite, I saw a letter, a letter addressed to YOU. Who was you? Maybe YOU was a him or a her, wait I am a YOU, it couldn't hurt to take a peek. I have always been skilled at the art of snooping, back in the day when I was younger mom and dad would try to hide things from me like a surprise birthday but the surprise was always on them. I remember one time when I was turning sixteen and way caught up in the having to look pretty all the time, they thought it would be funny to throw me a surprise birthday party so I would be unprepared and finally prove to me that my friends don't care what I look like, ha! I showed up in a new outfit, hair done, and looking radiant. I mean if you are going to throw me a party don't discuss it anywhere near me or my house, and be on watch at all times. Sometimes my parents would ask me if I had another set of eyes and hears hidden somewhere, it was always so funny to me. After shortly finishing my snack I shoved my wrapper into my empty pop can wiped my hands on my pants and snatched the letter from the table and held it in my hands for a couple minutes. Time may be slipping away faster than I want until someone comes home. I need to read the letter. Turning the white envelope over I begin to get ready to slide my finger under the flap to open it but it was already open, well they will never know I read it then, huh! After pulling the paper out ever so gently I looked at the folded sheet of paper as if I was holding a secret to life. Opening the letter I stared at it blankly for a few moments before remembering what I was doing, but the paper was so captivating and elegant. It was if the paper was a scroll that had been folded, the edge of the paper had a thin gold trim, and towards the end there was a tiny gold star with a tattered cross next to it.